TFHS 2: The Two Front War
by Octo8
Summary: ME 2 sequel to The First Human Spectre. Shepard is resurrected by those he hates. While the threat of the Reapers still looms over the galaxy, his foremost thought is now how to free himself from Cerberus. It's two fronts he has to fight at. Shepard and Tali are the PoV characters, with established romance from the beginning. Heavy anti-Cerberus and anti-Alliance slant.
1. Foreword

Welcome to The Two Front War, the ME 2 sequel to The First Human Spectre, covering ME 1, and to the interlude story Reaping The Storm, which covered events after Shepard's death. This story will continue the adventure of a rather unique Shepard, who has made some decidedly non-canon choices and actions in TFHS. It's a Shepard who is much, much more sensible to injustices committed, who has acquired a notable anti-Alliance stance and who hates Cerberus almost more than the Reapers. (Though while the summary warns of a heavy anti-Alliance slant, that issue most likely will not come up all that much in this story.)

Now, naturally, I recommend reading The First Human Spectre to anybody who has not. Due to all the changes to canon, some parts of The Two Front War might not make sense otherwise. Reading Reaping The Storm, the interlude story between ME 1 and 2, is less necessary.

In any case, I can understand if people don't want to prowl through over 300,000 words of text. Thus, this foreword will also include a summary of just what has been changed compared to canon.

As part of this, let's look at TFHS' ME 1:

**Shepard's Background: **Earthborn, War Hero (past romantic relationship to this universe's 'Sole Survivor' of Akuze)

**Shepard's status at his death: **Council Spectre; left the Alliance in protest over BAaT, no longer Commander, actively refuses that address.

**Love Interest: **Tali

**Feros: **Colony is alive, ExoGeni has withdrawn from the planet and will most likely soon go down.

**Rachni Queen: **Alive (and the Council is left in the dark about that and the rachni presence on Noveria in general)

**Virmire Survivor: **Ashley (has resigned from the Alliance Navy in protest over Udina's schemes for galactic domination. Goyle has installed her as her own, personal Spectre only reporting to her.)

**Wrex: **Is alive (and Shepard has the cure for the Genophage, and will hand it to Wrex as soon as Wrex can pacify Tuchanka)

**Council: **Dead (though Councillor Sparatus survived the destruction of the _Destiny__'s Ascension_, just to make everything even worse)

**Human Councillor: **Anita Goyle (has promised to also work against the Alliance if necessary)

**Further Notes: **Ongoing Council crackdown on Cerberus in process. Navigator Pressly is still alive as he left the _Normandy_ after the Battle of the Citadel. Emily Wong, Kirrahe and Kai Leng are dead. 'Father' Kyle is free and his group intact, hidden from the Alliance. The Alliance has gone through severe tumult and unrest after the Battle of the Citadel due to Shepard's revelations, including its three largest colonies temporarily proclaiming a Declaration of Non-Compliance with the Alliance government and a failed coup attempt by elements of the Alliance Navy against the colonies. The 'Idenna Incident' happened on the _Neema_ instead and involved Tali. Mitra Hendel and Gillian are aboard the _Neema_.

Not quite the usual ME 1 summary, is it? There's a more detailed summary of what changed compared to canon below. But first, I need to explain some stuff:

As the name indicates, The Two Front War will be different in tone to most ME 2 fics. I mean, most of them are all about camaraderie, about disparate people coming together for a single goal and developing friendships on the way... and oh, totally ignoring things Cerberus has done, totally ignoring the role of some people aboard, totally ignoring what those people have done. So this story will be different. It won't be a heart warming tale of camaraderie, but rather the story of an out and out power struggle. There _will_ be a two front war; one front against the Collectors and one running right through the ship. And there will be genuine, unabating hate and resentfulness.

As part of this, Shepard will be particularly harsh to some characters. This includes some fan favourites. Just as a general warning. Shepard is 'one of the good guys', but not always particularly nice. I'll _try_ to be fair, though, in my depiction of characters. This won't be a bash-fic. So if you ever think I am unfair in my portrayal of characters, well, be sure to tell me so in the reviews! In fact, I think I might throw in two or three Miranda PoV sections in there, just to give a balanced account. (Then again, I really do think Miranda just doesn't _need_ to be vilified...)

Another point about Shepard will be that he will be more often recognised. It is IMO ridiculous that he has to introduce himself to everybody, and can even go on a covert mission plain-face (Kasumi's loyalty mission). He is the goddamn Hero of the Citadel! He is the reason the Alliance is either on the Council or even leading it! And of course, in this universe, he is even more famous, or infamous, depending on one's opinion, due to his political manoeuvres (see TFHS summary). But even in canon everybody should know him and how he looks. Thus, in this story just about everybody will recognise him; he's basically a celebrity.

Class-wise, Shepard was a vanguard in The First Human Spectre, but of course ME 1 vanguards are different from ME 2 vanguards. I like how Bioware made the classes more unique in 2, but for fanfics it does nothing good for consistency, heh. So Shepard will have about the same powers he had in TFHS and no charge, which by ME 2 class standards I guess would make him a sort of adept with shotgun proficiency. One rather unwilling to use his biotic powers, too, after having learned all about BAaT.

Just saying this all, because in fanfics people have certain expectations, so I think it makes sense to point out which expectations will not come to pass.

Nonetheless, In general, I'll actually try to stay close to canon background. All those canon changes are all about what Shepard did and how people react to that. However, there is one exception to that I should already mention: ME 3 canon will be generally ignored. The game was a catastrophe, and while everybody laments the ending, this really is the least of its problems. By far. So, should I ever get to ME 3, its entire story will have to be rewritten. However, this means ME 3 canon will also be ignored in matters already appearing before ME 3: E.g., what's on Kasumi's greybox, Cerberus' background, the details of the Geth War and so on. ME 1, ME 2 and Karpshyn's novels are canon in regards to this fic, everything afterward can die in a fire.

This also extends to how Tali looks. The usage of a poorly photoshopped free stock photo was bad enough, but most of all I don't like how human it makes quarians. That's silly. Asari are supposed to be the most human-like species; that's kind of their shtick. Also, I like if humans have one unique physical feature (i.e., hair), instead of all other races being derivatives of humans in one form or another, making humans for unexplained reason the golden mean. There were some descriptions of Tali without suit in The First Human Spectre, and I'll keep to that instead of ME 3 canon.

Speaking of Cerberus: You might notice I already gave this Shepard a strong hatred for that group even before ME 3 came out. So any opposition to Cerberus is not "Hah! Shepard won't let himself be fooled by those who'll eventually sell out humanity" or anything like that. Rather, it's all based on how they're already presented in ME 1/2, the atrocities they've done there. In fact, I'm annoyed how they're enemies in ME 3. I'd rather have liked the opportunity to attack _them_ first. So I'll even spell it out already here: Cerberus will not be indoctrinated, and never be in any way on the side of or be associated with the Reapers. And never suddenly grow into a mega-army, either. Basically, it will always be ME 2 Cerberus, fighting for humanity... or so they claim. Shepard won't be too convinced.

One note about chapter length: During TFHS, I tried to keep chapter length between 6000 and 12,000 words. Now, I'll aim for lengths between 4000 and 10,000 words. That doesn't mean I'll write less; it just means there will be more smaller chapters instead of less bigger chapters.

Oh, and while I have your attention, one more thing: I can understand that some people got kinda annoyed how all the politics stuff took over a big part of the plotline in The First Human Spectre. That's a reasonable criticism. However, what I find kinda disturbing is people who do try to justify the Alliance and what they did. I mean, yeah, it's all just fictional stuff, but opinions about that do reflect back on people and their attitudes. And seeing some of those opinions, that can be a depressing thought. The same can be said about people defending Cerberus, which might be called The Two Front War's 'equivalent issue'.

Yeah, I just wanted to have said that. Now, let us take a closer look at just what has changed compared to canon in The First Human Spectre and in Reaping The Storm:

**Shepard/Tali Romance**

The big change is that as of the beginning of the ME 2 story, Shepard and Tali _are already _in a relationship. Well, except for the fact that Tali thinks Shepard dead, of course. The whole romantic buildup already happened in The First Human Spectre. Basically, Tali takes over the 'LI role' in all aspects: The one bursting out at Ashley after Therum, the one talking to Shepard after the lockdown, the pre-Ilos scene, etc. It took a long development, at the end of which both knew how the other felt, and knew that the other knew and so on. But only before the battle on Virmire did they confess to each other. They managed to have their first kiss in a clean laboratory on Noveria, and seeing as the end of the Galaxy was possible soon, went further just before Illos.

Seeing how an unusual Shepard this story's one is, this also has its affect on her: At the end of the story, she probably is slightly more willing to confront authority than at the beginning. Having come to terms with Shepard's death, she is now willing to contribute to his ideals as much as possible.

**ExoGeni**

Shepard has Jeong and Dr Ross arrested, and gathers evidence for ExoGeni's crime: Abusing the population of Zhu's Hope as test group to see the effects of the Thorian, and then trying to kill them all, hundreds of people, to cover this up. Despite heavy resistance from the Alliance (who fears for ExoGeni's keystone role in its space colonization program) and the problems with corporate media, Shepard manages to publish his evidence with the help of Emily Wong and Anita Goyle (Udina's predecessor as Citadel ambassador, from the novel _Revelation_). In the ensuing trial, ExoGeni uses every trick to delay the process, but at the end of ME 1 its demise seems inevitable - either due to the trial or due to the horrible PR. However, this does not happen without casualties: Emily Wong is later assassinated while meeting with Shepard at Flux, and Tali is heavily injured.

**Cerberus**

Shepard's then girlfriend Sarah Schäfer committed suicide five years before ME 1 because she was this universe's 'Sole Survivor 'of Akuze and could not cope with the incident. Thus, when Shepard learns about Cerberus' role in this, he swears revenge, especially since by that time he already knows Cerberus is also responsible for the dead marine platoon on Edolus and the eradicated pioneer settlement on Chasca. Using Admiral Kahoku's data, he attacks the Cerberus bases on Binthu and Nepheron - and tells what he found to the Council. The Council is utterly shocked about the finding of live rachni, an enemy they had thought long dead, and hence does everything to come cracking down on Cerberus.

Shepard also sends the encrypted Cerberus data found on Nepheron not only to the Alliance and the Shadow Broker, but to every intelligence service in the galaxy, hoping to hasten Cerberus' demise that way. The revelations about Cerberus hurt the Alliance's image, since they have proven unable so far to reign them in, especially as later Shepard fully publishes his findings (except the rachni) in asari media, but the Spectre does not care much about this. Since Shepard also leaves the Council in the dark about the rachni queen on Noveria, they continue to assume Cerberus to be the source of the rachni. Hence their crackdown on Cerberus is ongoing at the end of ME 1.

Also, since Cerberus' crimes are now common knowledge (at least Akuze, Edolus and Chasca), nobody in Two Fronts War will be able to justify their Cerberus membership with ignorance about those events...

In Reaping the Storm, Tali and Tisiphone (see next section) stumble across Cerberus' exploitation of Gillian Grayson (see the _Ascension_ novel) when the child's adoptive father Paul and Kai Leng try to retrieve her from Grissom Academy. They can prevent that and capture their ship, which they use to flee to the Migrant Fleet, specifically to the _Neema._ Some days later the ship gets infiltrated and attacked by Cerberus troops. In the battle Tisiphone kills Paul Grayson, and Rael'Zorah kills Kai Leng. The attack is repelled, and the surviving Cerberus members are spaced. Most likely quarian-Cerberus relations in this story will never ever get better again.

**Biotics/BAaT**

When Shepard learns about BAaT from Kaidan, he reacts with an angry condemnation and says if this had happened to him, he would have joined one of the biotic terrorist cells. He is angry that this appears like an atrocity the Alliance has gotten away with, but that is not so: During his mission to Major Kyle, one of Kyle's followers, Tisiphone (a non-believer of his cult of personality, who is only there because it gives biotics a community and a sense of belonging) shows Shepard some victims of BAaT. They tell the Spectre their stories. He is deeply disturbed by the injustices done to them and their ongoing marginalization, especially as it is something that could have happened to him had his biotic potential been discovered earlier. As a result, not only does he not arrest Kyle (as that would destroy the group, robbing those desperate people of the only thing they have), but he also decides to give a new hide-out to the group in one of the bases he had cleared of criminal elements earlier.

Gratefully, Tisiphone informs him of the planned hostage taking of Burns, Chairman of the Alliance Parliament Subcommittee on Transhuman Studies, the man responsible for biotic affairs and for further denying reparations to the L2s. Shepard arrives at the hostage scene, where he is received peacefully due to Tisiphone vouching for him - and arrests Burns for obstruction of justice, as he has taken part in the classification of BAaT data. He gets Burns to give him all relevant data by threatening to fly him into a combat zone, and leaks those to asari media contacts given to him by Emily Wong. This causes a huge uproar in the Alliance. Most people condemn Shepard for the revelation of the crimes, rather than the Alliance for the crimes, but there is also much protest and outrage among humanity. More importantly, the asari condemn the crimes, and the turians join in for no other reason than to diplomatically harass the Alliance, so the Council begins to apply pressure on the Alliance over the matter.

Anita Goyle takes over both the legal battle against ExoGeni and the battle for justice of the BAaT survivors. While she had held no influence over BAaT as such, it was her advice as Citadel ambassador that Earth could not show weakness that led to the hiring of turian mercenaries, and their brutal methods to break the children, killing some and traumatizing the rest. Thus, while not guilty per se, she feels the need to atone and set things right. The Ascension Project, meanwhile, is falling down hard: Most parents have recalled their children, as they do not trust the Alliance anymore, most enrolments for the next years have been cancelled, and the facilities are occupied by protesting instructors (some of them themselves BAaT survivors) and some of the older students.

Eventually, the whole situation escalates into a full grown crisis for the Alliance (see point about that).

**Virmire and the Genophage**

Upon arriving on Virmire, Shepard's first instinct is to simply bomb away Saren's facility from orbit. However, he changes his mind when he hears that Saren has a cure for the genophage, and instead simply agrees with Kirrahe's plan. As this plan has him infiltrating the base, far away from the salarians, that gives him the opportunity to grab the cure and keep it secret from the salarians. With the aid of Rana Thanoptis' codes Tali can download all necessary data. Nonetheless, Rana is shot as a potential witness and for her crimes against the imprisoned salarians.

Shepard successfully manages to keep his possession of the cure a secret. He promises Wrex that he will give it to him, as soon as doing so will not risk immediately starting another round of the Krogan Rebellions, i.e. as soon as his race has settled down a bit. So after the Battle of the Citadel Wrex returns to Tuchanka to pacify his race under his rule. Sometime after Shepard's death he contacts Tali, who ensures him she has a copy of the cure.

**Shepard's relationship to the Alliance**

Due to his arrest of Burns and the leaking of classified Alliance data to the asari, Shepard gets a nasty surprise when he returns to the Citadel after Virmire: The _Normandy_ is grounded, Shepard recalled as her CO, and suspended from the Navy. Enraged, Shepard calls it quits on his part, and throws his Star of Terra and rank insignia to Udina's feet. With Anderson's help, he takes over the _Normandy_ and flees the Citadel. Since then, he does not wear the uniform or any Alliance insignia anymore at all, and also rejects being addressed as 'Commander' - he has completely broken with the Alliance. As a parting shot of sorts to the Alliance he leaks to his contacts in the asari media how the Alliance had tried to suppress the ExoGeni trial, how it had performed forbidden AI experiments on Luna, and the existence of Cerberus.

It is as mutineers that the _Normandy_ crew stumbles over the attempt by batarian terrorists to eradicate Terra Nova (Bring Down the Sky DLC). Hence, the Alliance has to deal with the embarrassing situation that they could not defend their largest (per ME 1 canon) colony, and that it in fact was a bunch of mutineers who saved their largest colony. Terra Nova is hugely grateful to Shepard, and the Spectre uses the spotlight for a public speech condemning, in detail, the various failings and atrocities of the Alliance.

**Ashley's Relationship to the Alliance**

Ashley, meanwhile, is very opposed to Shepard's course, but can also understand him and admits he is only telling the truth. Still, her loyalty to the Alliance holds - until the Battle of the Citadel. Shepard decides that that Fifth Fleet should concentrate its firepower on Sovereign, since he has no idea whether they can stand against both the Reaper and the geth, and would rather not risk it - Sovereign must be defeated at all costs. Thus, ironically after everything, Shepard hands the Citadel to the Alliance on a silver plate. Udina wants to establish sole human domination in the galaxy - but to Ashley, that merely confirms that whatever Shepard has said about the Alliance is true, that they are still willing to sacrifice everybody to gain power. This causes her to tell the ambassador she is leaving the Alliance, too.

While the Alliance does not dare touch her as long as she's part of Shepard's crew, they imprison her as soon as he's dead. Goyle (see below) gets her free, though, and since the Council still owes her a favour (since she conceded some points about C-Sec), Ashley is made a Spectre on her proposal. To be exact, she will act as Goyle's personal Spectre, only reporting to her personally, not to the Council in general. Her first job is to keep an eye on the escalating crisis in the Alliance; a further job will be to search for evidence of past Reaper activity.

**The New Council**

Despite Udina's initial schemes, in the end, Anderson and Hackett convince him that establishing a new, multi-racial if human-led Council is the better alternative to outright human rule. Shepard nominates Anita Goyle as Human councillor - a valid choice, as she was Udina's predecessor and hence has the necessary experience. And since Shepard's heroism is the only legitimization for the Alliance's restructuring of the Council, the Alliance has little choice than to accept her. At the end of ME 1, she promises to continue the fight for the BAaT survivors and the survivors of Zhu's Hope, if need be also against the Alliance despite being the Alliance's councillor.

**Crisis of the Alliance**

While the new Council is under heavy Alliance influence, under the leadership of Anita Goyle it continues its pressure on the human state regarding the BAaT scandal. At the same time, protests also continue on Earth, adding to the pressure. The Alliance government, meanwhile, would rather focus on fortifying its new dominant position in the galaxy than resolve such matters, leading to widespread frustration.

A majority of humans both on Earth and in the colonies support this course, but the three largest human colonies all owe much to Shepard: Elysium, Eden Prime and Terra Nova have all been once saved in part or completely by him. Thus, they now begin to fare a radical pro-Shepard course. Terra Nova even begins to arm up a quasi-military 'police' force. As Spectre Ashley discovers, it is actually the turians arming that unit up - but she also discovers the colonies actually need the weapons: She gets involved in the Special Police Force fighting down a secret mercenary camp in Terra Nova's desert. The mercenaries had most likely been preparing a coup d'état.

The Alliance government reacts with at best half-hearted measures. Instead of opening up trials and paying reparations, they only begin symbolic gestures, and even those not fully: For example, they promise to close and delete their database of biotics, but in truth it had been handed to a corporate consortium to maintain in secret. It takes a commando operation by Tali and Tisiphone to delete those files and to physically blow up its servers. Eventually, Terra Nova gets so sick of the Alliance's delaying tactics that they decide to up the ante. They issue a Declaration of Non-Compliance. While maintaining that it is not a secession, they refuse to listen to any orders and laws from the Alliance, will not pay taxes to the Alliance, and will issue their own laws. Soon afterwards, Elysium and Eden Prime follow suit.

The Alliance government tries to de-escalate the situation, but this policy is very unpopular among the right wing and in corporate circles, especially after the European Union, one of the independent, sovereign nation-states on Earth, announces troop movements to protect the dissident colonies. Thus, with corporate support, some Alliance Navy marine divisions mutiny and embark on a course for Terra Nova. They also appear to be supported by the Blue Suns, but during battle, the Blue Suns turn coat and, led by Spectre Ashley hijack the mutineers' flagship. It was her who had hired the Suns, with money from a mysterious source... which later turns out to be the Turian Hierarchy, who wants to further fester human disunity.

Shocked by this suppressed coup d'état, the Alliance government is finally willing to make concessions. Despite their state of non-compliance, the three dissident colonies are allowed to take part in the Alliance elections (as Terra Firma's campaigning in ME 1 shows, elections have to be near). Those elections happen peacefully, which is seen as a turning point. From now on it appears the crisis is finally slowly dying down.

_So this is the state of the galaxy in 2185. Shepard has effected many changes for the better, but has also created quite __a large amount of __instabilities. And now, he will return..._

_(and yes, most of this foreword is copied straight from the foreword to Reaping the Storm. It's an update, basically.)_


	2. Prologue

**In many ways, this prologue almost works more as a second epilogue to Reaping the Storm. Don't worry, it's only this prologue. In the first regular chapter, that is in the next update, Shepard will finally awake. I promise! It's even already in betareading. In the meanwhile, if you havent' read Reaping the Storm, best jump directly to the third part of this prologue... or wait entirely for the first chapter, heh.**

**000000**

_Heavy Cruiser _Neema_,_

_Quarian Migrant Fleet,_

_Circa seven months after the Battle of the Citadel_

Tali was slowly beginning to get a feel for the _Neema's _systems. She had learned the basics and the peculiarities of them months ago, but now she was starting to get an intuitive feel for them. It had been somewhat difficult to return from the cutting edge high-tech the _Normandy_ had represented to the usually overaged and half-broken down machinery quarian ships had to rely on, but by now she was actually enjoying it. Working on the most advanced systems out there had been something new and exciting, but it had not been half as much the challenge as it was to keep a ship like the _Neema_ up and running.

Originally a turian ship, the _Neema_ was now just slightly over a century old. About thirty years ago, as part of a deal the Migrant Fleet had done with several Terminus groups, she had been updated with batarian and Lystheni systems. So not only was the technology old, it was also a complicated mix of several different standards, which even after several decades were not always compatible. Maintaining her was a real test of Tali's skills, and the engineer liked that.

The crew was very friendly, too. Some members held some resentment due to her connection with Admiral Han'Gerrel, who had his flag on the ship and who was a close friend of her father, but most were genuinely respectful towards her due to the prestigious pilgrimage gift she had managed to bring home. Tali was glad things were turning out that well for her. She had been annoyed with her father when he had simply picked the ship for her, instead of letting her choose, but now it appeared that had been for the better. Some people Tali knew or had known, like Ashley, Tisiphone or Shepard, might nonetheless still have harboured resentments about that, but not Tali. That would simply have been irrational and impractical.

_Jon... _The thought of him still stung a bit, and she still wondered now and then which turn her life would have taken had he not been killed in that ambush assault. However, as she now had opened a new chapter in her life, Shepard became increasingly associated with her past. She would cherish his memory of him forever, but fortunately it seemed like she would not be forever heartbroken for him as she had been the first weeks after his death. Back then, she had felt like an automated robot. Robots simply went through its programmed motions instead of thinking for themselves. Tali had felt much the same way, but now it was different: Now she had a job to do, and a crew she was part of.

And as usual, she let that job take up a lot of her time. Currently she was going from section to section to get various readings of the machinery. She thought it important to have a good overview over the ship's 'health', and her pilgrimage gift had secured her a high enough position in Engineering that her proposals were nearly always followed.

"Didn't you already work last shift?"

Tali turned her head around. She saw somebody in a pale yellow-ish envirosuit walking up to her. It was Rekem'Midan, a young quarian who had joined the crew only some months before her.

"And aren't you supposed to work in the hospital?" she shot back humorously.

She had first met him there, when she had recovered from the wounds she had received in the battle against Cerberus on Grissom Station. His easy-going nature and humour had helped her pass many otherwise boring hours there.

"A bunch of people down in weapons bay two have complained about sudden spells of nausea," Rekem explained. "Looks like we have another virus on board, and as usual people are sloppy with their envirosuits." He shrugged and continued humorously: "Which at least means my post will never be not needed. I think I'd be utterly lost if I had to do engineering work."

"I don't think mechanical systems are quite as complicated as quarian bodies," Tali answered.

"Oh, what a cynical view you have, equating us to machines," Rekem complained in jest. "You should show, you know, a bit more passion."

Beneath her helmet, Tali grinned lopsidedly. Over the past weeks Rekem had dropped hints of interest now and then, and she assumed this would go in a similar vein. While rumours about her relationship with Shepard did float around in the fleet, those 'in the know' aboard the _Neema_ kept silent as good crew mates, so quite many people did not know about it. Thus Rekem could be forgiven for his attempts. He had never been pushy about it, and he seemed to get the hint that she was not interested. She knew he had a good sense of humour and that he showed genuine compassion for his patients at the hospital, and she did consider him one of her best friends on the ship. She just did not feel anything beyond that.

"This entire ship is held together by little more than the blessing of the ancestors and the passion of its engineers," she joked. "I'm sorry we can't spare any for our crewmates."

Rekem laughed. "Lucky ship then. How is she feeling?"

"Pretty good," Tali answered. "A bit loud as you can hear, but that's normal."

In fact, it was a bit funny. On the _Normandy_, she had at first been unable to sleep due to how silent the ship had run. On quarian ships total silence was a sure sign of machine failure, and that had kept her up for several ship 'nights'. She had gotten used to it... only to return to the Fleet and find out how uncomfortable she had become with noise. She had been unable to sleep the first nights aboard the _Neema._

Now, though, not only was Tali used to that noise again, she could even instantly hear when something was wrong. That was part of getting a feel for the ship.

"Loud means the machines run," Rekem summarized the quarian attitude. "Ah well, I should report back to the hospital. Maybe I'll see you around in the mess hall one of those days again."

"Hopefully," Tali agreed and went back to work.

Her shift was almost over in fact, and this section was one of the last for her to check. She did not relish that thought. Once it was over she would definitely need to have a talk with Hendel Mitra, and she already knew it would end in a confrontation. She did not look forward to that.

As so many times before, it would be about Gillian. The biotic girl had been a student on the Ascension Program, and had been secretly abused and exploited by Cerberus plants within the program for years. Through injections of pharmaceutical agents her biotic powers had been unbelievably strengthened, but at the same time either had caused symptoms of autism, or at least very much strengthened an already pre-existing autistic condition. For years, Cerberus had kept her basically an apathetic, fearful mental cripple, exploiting her for her biotic power.

This had been discovered just at the time when Tali, Tisiphone and a group of rogue biotics had found refuge on Grissom Station after a case of 'direct action' on Elysium. Cerberus had sent two commando teams to retrieve her, causing the 'direct action' team, the VI programmer Kahlee Sanders, the instructor Hendel Mitra and Gillian to flee to the Migrant Fleet. Cerberus had then even attacked the _Neema_, but had been beaten back. Since then, Hendel and Gillian had lived on the ship.

The girl was actually prospering here. Her body seemed to slowly rid itself of all the poison that had been pumped into it for years; at least Tali thought she could see Gillian slowly getting more attentive and active. And all the girl's fears of interacting with people that were still part of her mental condition were swept away by the quarians' envirosuits, which made both physical touch and mutual eye contact impossible. In fact, she had gotten her own envirosuit. This had been mostly so that no biomaterial emanating from her could contaminate the ship's environment, but it was also a social help for her of sorts.

Hendel did not actually like this; he thought Gillian should ideally learn to overcome her fears and blockades. He was one of the primary people looking out for Gillian... and Tali was the other person. Gillian had taken a liking to the quarian on Grissom Station, and Tali on her part had vowed to do everything to not let her fall into Cerberus hands. That connection had stayed even on the Neema. Both Hendel and Tali really cared greatly for Gillian's well-being.

It would be wrong to call them 'adoptive parents' or anything of that sort. The very thought of that was a bit silly; Tali was just 23 and only some months out of her pilgrimage. In a way, the entire _Neema_ crew, or at least those sections Tali and Hendel frequented, were responsible for Gillian and cared for her. That actually was not unusual on quarian ships. Since orphans were a sad fact of life in such a potentially deadly environment, where ship systems could break down any minute and the vacuum of space was just hull break away, quarian society had centuries of experience in dealing with them. It was just natural that the entire ship community would care for them.

So Gillian had an entire ship, or at least a good portion of it, looking out for her, and that was in fact one reason that seemed to help her prosper. Nonetheless, the primary people others would speak to concerning Gillian, and the primary people Gillian herself would speak to about her own problems, were Hendel and Tali. Unfortunately, they were often not of one opinion concerning the child.

The main point of contention was her biotic powers. After the girl had gotten abused to exploit them, Tali thought it would be best if they were not further advanced. Gillian did not like her biotic classes with Hendel at all, which had mostly to do with that she had to leave her envirosuit for them, though. Hendel on the other hand stressed what great potential the child had, and that they had a duty to help her develop it. Not for the sake of 'humanity' as Cerberus had claimed and not for Cerberus' sake, but for her own.

Tali's usual counter-argument was that Gillian could decide on her own whether to further that potential, or whether to choose alternate venues in life, once she would be old enough to decide for herself. That pretty much was the argument Shepard had always made, who had decried that human children with biotic potential were just _expected_ to get an implant and train them, even if maybe they would rather become an academician, a craftsman, an artist or follow one of countless other occupations.

The quarian had a hunch that this cycle of arguments would be repeated ad nauseam in the upcoming talk. What made this all even more uncomfortable was that Hendel was a BAaT survivor; he had been exploited and quite brutally abused for his biotic powers himself.

With a sigh, she stored away her tools, fetched a datapad she had prepared for the conversation and went to Hendel's and Gillian's cabin. Having a cabin for just two people was nearly a luxury on the Migrant Fleet, but housing the humans together with quarians would have posed too great health risks for the latter. Even though humans had a different amino chirality, given the way the over-adaptive quarian immune system worked, used to the symbiotic nature of Rannoch's biosphere and weakened by generations of sterility aboard space ships, they could still pose a risk. Tali did not begrudge Hendel and Gillian the extra space; they had had it bad enough getting used to living on the Migrant Fleet, crammed together with so many aliens.

She rang the bell. Even though in an ideal quarian ship community everybody knew everybody, most of the time doors to private quarters were locked. Since privacy was such a valuable good on the Fleet, every effort was done to maintain at least remnants of it. And Hendel in particular often felt the need to get away from all the quarians around him. Moments later, the door opened.

Neither Hendel nor Gillian were wearing their personal envirosuits. They did not need them for their sake, and every quarian entering their quarter basically did so at their own risk. This was a major reason why Hendel rarely ventured outside his cabin, as he hated his envirosuit. Gillian, though, looked somewhat uncomfortable outside it. A faint aura of blue energy was flickering around her hands.

"Hello Tali," Hendel greeted the quarian. He sounded a bit tense. He knew very well that she did not fully approve of the biotic training lessons for Gillian.

"Good you're here," Gillian said. To an outsider it would sound very monotone, but even in such minor matters such as the inflexion of her voice, the girl had come a long way. "Can we please end this for today now, Hendel?" Now she even sounded pleading.

"All right, all right," Hendel conceded. "I'm sure Tali is here for a reason anyway."

"It might be better if you go play outside," Tali said. Merely suggesting something like that to Gillian would not have been enough; the girl still did not get such hints or social cues easily.

However, she understood and went outside, and that too showed how far she had come.

When she was gone, Hendel asked wryly: "Here to lecture me again on her lessons?"

"I've done that often enough," Tali answered. "I disapprove, you defend yourself, and in the end the girl gets some lessons, but not as often as you'd like and none of us is satisfied. It's time we come to a solution on that."

"By which you mean you'll again propose that I drop the lessons for her," Hendel summarized dryly.

However, he was wrong. Tali tossed the datapad she held in her hands to him. "No. I propose ending her biotic powers."

Hendel looked astonished. Then he focused on the datapad and skimmed through the text on it. After some seconds he muttered: "You cannot be serious."

"Why shouldn't I?" Tali asked provocatively. "This would allow her a new life. A life of her own choosing."

"But... this..." Hendel stumbled. "I mean, I've heard the rumours. I even applauded when Armali entered the market...but this..."

The Armali Council was a conglomerate of several asari guilds producing biotic technology, medical technology and electronics. Its structure was similar to quarian guilds rather than human corporations, but in its size, influence, and at times also underhanded tactics, it was more like the latter. Not as large as the rival Serrice Council, it was known for the quality and exclusivity of its products. However, in recent decades it had fared an aggressive expansion course to also open up other niches. And part of that had recently been entering the human biotic market in force.

It had been the perfect opportunity: All human companies specializing in biotic products were ultimately descended from Conatix. They all had suffered an immense and permanent loss of trust after Shepard's revelations about the atrocities at BAaT and the cases of deliberate eezo contamination. An entire industry had been fully discredited. This even allowed Armali to get away with blatantly copying their implant and bio-amp models. After the Non-Compliance Crisis the last thing the Alliance government wanted was yet another crisis over biotic issues, certainly not for the sake of the disgraced human biotic products industry, so they did not prosecute Armali over it.

And in typical asari fashion, Armali played the long game. They offered their L1 knock-offs, which were weak but painless and easy to retrofit on L2s, to L2 biotics free of charge and had begun constructing their own biotic academy on Terra Nova, with the support of the local colonial government. All this was expensive, but it also led to human biotics _adoring_ Armali. It was not that the asari guilds were acting out of the good of their hearts; they were most likely just investing to eventually dominate the entire market. But the human biotics did not care: at least Armali was not Conatix, and they were people who _finally, finally_ took care of the biotic victims of abuse and exploitation. There was already no doubt that in a decade or two the guilds would have completely swept away the local human biotic products industry.

_Except if the Reapers arrive here before that. _Tali wiped away the thought. That was not currently the issue.

"_This,_" she replied to Hendel "is the perfect solution to Gillian's situation. I don't know how they managed it, but it looks quite ingenious to me."

"The A0. An implant that disperses dark energy build-ups," Hendel muttered. He still sounded unbelieving.

"An implant that basically transforms humans with biotic potential into non-biotics," Tali added, "And it's compatible with their A4 model, meaning anybody who gets it can get back their power with just one further surgery."

Like all non-asari biotics, human biotics could not actually control their powers without an implant, and without amplifiers, they could at best hope to raise a pencil, if that. However, uncontrolled flare-ups of dark energy, originating in the person's eezo nodules, could still be a problem for non-implanted people with biotic potential. The A0 (Armali had also blatantly copied the naming scheme of the human companies' implants) would constantly and harmlessly discharge any dark energy build-up in the wearers' eezo nodules. Basically, it was electrical earthing for human biotics, which made them lose their powers.

Hendel laughed sharply. It sounded somewhat bitter. "The ideal technological solution to Shepard's demands and to your stance."

That much was true. Already mere days after Armali's announcement of the product, many parents of children with biotic potential had shown interest in it. The implant would allow the kids to have a normal childhood, and later they could still decide whether to pursue their potential. Biotic training would be a sort of college course, like at the academy Armali was building in a lively city, taken by their own choosing, instead of spending a childhood at a far away boarding school on a sterile space station simply because it was expected by society. Just as Shepard had envisioned.

The second group of people who had shown interest were BAaT survivors. The "A1s" were good, but many of those people wanted to get rid of their biotic powers all together. After all they had suffered because of them it would basically be for psychological reasons. Tali wondered how this news would affect Hendel.

He shook his head. "If this goes through... in a generation humanity will have no biotics. Certainly fewer than now. And we'll be completely dependent on an asari company for our own biotic infrastructure."

Beneath her mask, Tali grimaced. As Hendel apparently had not kept himself updated on news from human space he could not know, and he could be forgiven due to his shock, but he basically reacted the exact same way Terra Firma and their ilk had to the news. They were all up in arms about 'human standing' and 'human economical power'. As far as Tali was concerned those people could go to hell. She cared about Gillian, not about 'humanity'. It was not even that humanity was an alien race; it was rather Shepard's and Tisiphone's philosophy showing through. The biotic terrorist once had formulated it thus: "Fuck humanity, only humans matter".

Not that Tali would say so to Hendel. She knew he disliked Tisiphone, and besides she felt she did not have the right, as an alien. She was glad she had not yet been forced to make this distinction between quarians and quarian race. She was unsure how she would react to that.

She tried to put the sentiment into more polite words. "This isn't about humanity. Let your Alliance Parliament decide about that. We're far away from human space. Here, this is only about Gillian."

"Right," Hendel agreed, "You're right." He seemed to calm down and be able to collect his thoughts. "This is about her. So you suggest she should get that surgery?"

"We'll soon come within two primary relay jumps of the Exodus Cluster," Tali explained. "It would be possible to use a shuttle to go to Terra Nova." Not only the academy in construction, but most of Armali's facilities for the human biotic market were located on the colony that had been most radical in the Non-Compliance Crisis, for obvious political reasons.

"This..." Hendel began, but then fell silent again. He looked brooding. After a while he started again: "This is actually monstrous. Your opposition to her lessons, okay, that I could understand. But now... now you're suggesting to completely take away her potential. Her _gift! _It's a gift that she has, and you want to force that away from her!"

"Her gift?" Tali asked. "It would be more accurate to describe it as her curse, after all that has happened to her. Her curse, due to which she has been abused and exploited."

"And so you suggest she should have all the bad of that, but none of the good?" Hendel argued.

"She can have the good," Tali countered, "if she so wants. Once she is old enough to actually choose."

"Yes, why not waste some years that could be spend on developing the potential?" Hendel asked sarcastically. "I mean, damn, it's not like we have much else to do here."

"That's still assuming Gillian actually _wants_ that potential," Tali reminded him.

"She's a child," Hendel argued. "She dislikes her lessons, but what child doesn't, regardless of the nature of them? Once she is grown up she'll be the better for it."

Tali slightly winced, but managed to conceal that from Hendel. It had been the same argument her father had used for his strictness and nearly impossible to meet demands on her during her childhood. The problem was, so far she had mostly agreed with that. Shepard had managed to sow some doubt, but she nonetheless still believed she had come out better due to her laborious childhood. So this argument was hitting close to home.

However, she definitely had come out changed from her relationship with Shepard. She had not taken over all of his views, but some of his idealism remained. Maybe it was possible to give Gillian a better childhood, and still have her grow up to be a resourceful woman. At the least it would be a noble attempt.

"Yes. Right now she doesn't have the capacity to decide," Tali agreed. "Which is exactly my point."

"But after all she has gone through..." Hendel almost pleaded now. "All she has gone through... and all that for nothing? Is that what you propose?"

This made Tali feel further uncomfortable. She wondered how much _that_ argument was about Gillian and how much about Hendel himself. However, she held her ground. "I propose that she can later decide about that herself. I don't think you can give any purpose or meaning to her suffering by in the end doing exactly what her tormentors would have wanted."

Now it was Hendel wincing. He most likely applied that argument to himself as well. "Humanity's most powerful biotic **[1]**... no longer a biotic," he mused. "I mean, it _is _about her, but there's also the larger picture to consider."

"No. There isn't," Tali disagreed firmly. That was a point not up to discussion for her. This would be about Gillian and only about her.

"Whatever," Hendel waved away the issue angrily. He got more agitated now. "It doesn't matter if we talk about humanity or Gillian. It would be a huge waste either way. An unacceptable waste."

"That's a risk," Tali conceded. "Maybe Gillian will eventually feel it would have been better if she had been trained earlier. But it's a worthwhile risk."

"So for years and years her exceptional biotic powers are to be dormant?" Hendel demanded to know. "Maybe forever? Unacceptable!"

"Yes. Forever. If she'll decide so." Tali repeated her main argument.

"That would be a waste. And you want to support that!" Hendel accused her.

Now Tali became somewhat angry herself. Hendel was not saying it openly, but it was quite clear that ideally he would simply not leave up the choice to Gillian at all. And that was unacceptable and even enraging to Tali. "Yes, I want to support her free choice!"

"Free choice..." Hendel repeated. It sounded half angry and half wistful. "And in the name of that we'll sacrifice the greatest biotic potential humanity has ever seen..."

Tali interrupted him angrily: "Tisiphone was actually right. What did she call you? Uncle Tom?"

"You would... you dare to... how can you..." Hendel stuttered enraged.

"Yes, I do dare say that," Tali answered. "If it's about Gillian. If it's for her sake, I won't hold back."

This stopped Hendel cold. "Yes. You really do care about her," he stated subdued.

"Did you doubt that?" Tali asked. She tried to calm herself down, too, but the question still came out a bit aggressively.

"I shouldn't," Hendel answered. "Not that I really have, it's just..." He paused. "It's just - all she went through... and yes, before you start, also all I went through... and now suddenly Tisiphone is right and it was all for nothing?"

"Whereas you try to find a sense and purpose," Tali stated.

"Of course! Because if there isn't..." Hendel almost complained.

"There isn't," Tali said bluntly. "Sometimes there is no deeper truth, no sense and no purpose. Sometimes the only truth is that there are evil and greedy people out there who will harm and even kill others for their gain. Sometimes that is all there is to it, and all that remains is to take revenge. Trying to construct sense and purpose to their deeds only helps those people."

Shepard's influence on her did not only consist of uplifting and positive ideals. The idea that the universe was cruel and uncaring had always been hers, though.

Hendel attributed this to another source. "You've spent too much time in Tisiphone's company." He paused. "But... to make sense out of it or to take revenge, maybe that is a choice Gillian will need to make for herself. I still think it would be a huge waste, but..." He paused again. "It's her waste to make."

That took Tali by surprise. "So, uh, I can schedule the flight? Not that I'm complaining, but..."

She trailed off, and Hendel answered: "My way of dealing with my past really hasn't worked out all that well for me now has it?" He sounded bitter. "Not that Tisiphone's way worked much better for her. We're all broken souls. Gillian needs to have it better. She'll have to go her own way. I tried to give every available tool for that to her, and that just is primarily her biotic potential. However, maybe that's already pre-ordaining a way for her." He shook his head. "No. The news of this... this 'A0' implant shocked me, but you were right. It's a possibility for her to go her own way."

000000

_A human colony in the Terminus Systems,_

_Three days later_

It had been a dozen times since she had woken up since the surgery, but it still felt great. It was like awakening from a dream only to find oneself in a dream come true. A painless awakening, and the certainty that it would stay so, that no crushing headaches and no disabling nausea would appear this day - or the next day, or the day afterwards or the day after that. There had been mornings, two or three, where Tisiphone actually had shed some tears of happiness realizing that. This to her was worth more than all the money she had gotten.

Not that the money was not helpful. It definitely was. Today, it would help her toward even more happiness. If a very dark and unpleasant sort of happiness.

Yes, she was finally rid of the L2 implant and yes, she had gotten the reparations. But the inner anger in her still gnawed at her. Money could not make up for the lost years, for the ruined youth and the various traumata. Not for fifteen years of pain and isolation, for a destroyed family and for many years of impotence to get any justice. In fact, the downside to the huge amount of money she had gotten was that the only reason the Alliance had been so 'generous' in the reparations was to pay its way out of the crisis without actually further dealing with it. There had been no further investigations and the few trials there had been had all been for designated scapegoats. Council Chairwoman Anita Goyle, unofficially leading the biotic rights' cause, had agreed to that compromise because it would help the BAaT survivors and L2 victims more than any amount of trials; the money received had made them all truly rich. But for Tisiphone, that just was not enough.

This was why she was meeting with the man in front of her. She had never seen his kind before in her entire life. Green and scaly he resembled a reptilian or amphibian. His race had been nearly exterminated by their own folly about two hundred years ago, and so they were not a common sight anywhere in the galaxy.

His presence made her a bit uncomfortable, but that was rather due to him than his race. During fifteen years of fighting and often taking refuge in the shadiest parts of human space, Tisiphone had developed certain instincts. She could _feel_ that the man was a killer. Then again, that was exactly why she had contacted him. Or maybe it had been him contacting her. She still was not sure about that.

The alien spoke up: "Your money has arrived in my accounts, and I have your information about the target. I'll soon start the hunt."

"Good. That man needs to die," Tisiphone replied.

"That's why I offered my help," her conversation partner answered. His calmness was one of the things that made him appear so eerie. "His death will leave the universe a better place."

"Most certainly," Tisiphone agreed aggressively.

"That's the task I've devoted myself to," the man explained. "Usually, a man like this would be out of my reach, but with your money... You know that it isn't for my sake. It will serve to pay for the right tools and bribes."

"Yes. I've made some inquiries about you, Thane Krios," Tisiphone said. "You still have quite a reputation in certain circles from your days as an assassin for hire. I certainly like your current work better."

"Maybe it will grant me some forgiveness from the gods," Krios stated. He paused. "I understand you have named yourself after a figure of human mythology. Do you see yourself as an avatar of a vengeful goddess?"

"As in actual, spiritual belief? No," Tisiphone answered. "Is this important to you? Mythology?"

"Faith is important," Krios corrected her . "Faith and tradition. Our gods define us. But few of my people still follow them. I suppose that has been inevitable."

Since Tisiphone liked to keep herself informed about just about everything, she knew of the drell. However, she realized now that she knew very few details. They were in some sort of bondage to the hanar, a state of affairs which they called the 'Compact'. That was pretty much all Tisiphone knew. From what few details she had read it sounded like another inequality, another injustice, on the other side of the galaxy. However, she had enough to do with the injustices in human space.

"My name was not chosen lightly, though," Tisiphone explained. " 'Revenging murder'. And I'll do just that. I don't believe there is an actual divine personification of that, but, well..." She grinned "That just means I'll have to play that role."

"I see," Krios just said. "Then I wish you much luck with that. As for me, my flight to Alliance space soon leaves the planet. You provided me amply with financial means. Any amount I won't need will of course..."

"Keep the change," Tisiphone interrupted him. "You're doing good work. I like it, and you need to support yourself somehow_._"

Krios hesitated, if only ever so slightly. "Thank you." And with that he turned and walked off.

Tisiphone suppressed a shudder. She was glad she was not the drell's target. A predatory sort of happiness spread in her. When she would hear about the sudden death of Conatix' former CEO she would celebrate, she knew that. The bastard had held too many political connections to not be cleared by the Alliance, but he would not be able to escape her justice. She thought she should stock up on expensive wine for that occasion, now that she had the money for it.

She stood up from her desk, straightened her jacket and looked outside the window. It was odd living in such a comfortable house and under a planetary atmosphere. No communal sleeping rooms and baths anymore, no bases filled with dozens of people. Her community had stayed together and had founded an own settlement on the planet, but now they all had their own houses, built by a small part of the reparations money they had gotten. In fact, they had become somewhat of an economical factor on the planet.

Outside the window, the sky was heavy with thick clouds, but that was normal on this planet, with its atmospheric pressure much higher than Earth's. It was not an ideal climate for her, as she had come to appreciate natural sunlight. It was still better than holding out on lifeless, airless and completely lightless rocks in space, or being imprisoned on a sterile space station far, far away from the sun. And most importantly, the planet was outside the Alliance. Those bastards had no say here.

A signal drew her attention to her computer terminal. Somebody was calling her. She looked on the holographic screen and saw that the call was from off-planet. In fact, it was routed through the cluster's primary relay, so it seemed to come from very far away indeed.

To her surprise, when she accepted the call, a holographic image of Tali'Zorah appeared.

"Hello, Tisiphone," the quarian greeted her. "I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time."

"Actually, you've shown an impeccable timing," Tisiphone responded. "How are you? How is Gillian doing?"

"We're all doing fine, don't worry," Tali replied. "In fact, Gillian is the reason for this call. But how are you?"

"Quite well actually," Tisiphone answered, "Unfortunately, I can't give any details."

"I understand," Tali said. Since she knew what sorts of activities Tisiphone did, she would.

"So, what's this about Gillian?" Tisiphone asked. "You know you just have to ask if you need anything."

"That's what I was about to do," Tali stated with some dry humour in her voice. "I take it you've heard about the A0 implants?"

"I have," Tisiphone confirmed. "Though I'm surprised you got Mitra to agree to it."

Many in her community had already applied for them. She herself wanted to retain her powers, to use them against those who had forced them on her, but she could understand why others would not. She had gotten an A3 implant. She could also have gotten the A4, with its VI support and more far ranging support options, but she had found that a bit gaudy. Both were knock-offs of the L3, and hence weaker than the L2 she had gotten rid of, but that had been an easy trade to make. Armali was in fact lagging behind a bit, as human companies already were producing the L4, which had the same strength as the L2 with none of the side effects – but it would be a cold day in hell before Tisiphone would ever set foot into a Conatix facility again, and many others human biotics also preferred Armali simply for reasons of trust. In any case, the A0 was the perfect solution for children with biotic potential, children like Gillian. So it had not been difficult to conclude why Tali had asked her about the implant.

"So am I," Tali agreed. "Though, if necessary, I'd simply have kidnapped Gillian." She sounded only half humorous.

"So where do I come in?" Tisiphone asked.

"There are some problems with getting an A0 for Gillian," Tali explained. "For one, she needs to be kept secure from Cerberus while in human space. Also, Mitra and I can't just appear at Armali's door and ask for the implant; legally we aren't her guardians. So what we need is protection, a safe and secret passage to Terra Nova and a contact to Chairwoman Goyle. I think a word from her would make Armali forget about legal details."

Tisiphone pondered this. "I can call the Chairwoman. She'll remember you, don't worry. And as for getting you safe to Terra Nova..." She grinned. "Don't worry about that, either. We still know all the tricks about getting cover identities, confusing the enemy and staying low profile. And if need be fighting, of course. We'll get Gillian safely to the Armali facilities and back."

000000

_Heavy Cruiser _Neema_,_

_Quarian Migrant Fleet_

_Two years and two months after the Battle of the Citadel_

No matter how she changed the data input, no matter how she worked on the variables and no matter how she modified the system's heuristic capabilities, Tali just could not manage to get a working, coherent simulation model out of it. Somewhere the data input still had to be contradictory, but she could not find where.

She had worked on this model for almost a month now. If she could get it to function properly it would offer an invaluable insight into how modern geth neural networks worked over larger distances. Unfortunately, so far the system was insisting that over such distances the neural networks should not work at all, nevermind what all observation data said. Somehow, the simulation was not quite right.

Tali had been working in research since about a year now. The change from her engineering duties had been gradual. The more new information could be gleaned from the geth data she had brought back to the fleet, the more she helped to analyze that information, until finally 'geth research' was her main occupation. While she did not have a scientific education as such, her skill with electronics and computer networks in general and the practical expertise with geth networks specifically that she had won while on her pilgrimage made her an obvious choice for the position. That and the fact that it had been her who had brought the data to the fleet.

She liked the job. She had also liked her engineering duties, but her current position offered more challenges, more puzzles and more opportunities to use her considerable skills. Besides, while maintaining ships was essential to quarian survival, most of the time it was just desperately holding onto what they had and praying it would work for as long as possible. Basically, it was clinging to the past, if only by necessity. This research, on the other hand, was geared towards the future. If it succeeded, if the geth's mysteries could be unravelled, then there would be whole new venues open to take for the quarian people.

_But nobody will be helped if I get stuck on this stupid simulation. _

She should just end the shift and return to her cabin. She was doing overtime again anyway. Maybe she would have a fresh perspective on the problem in the next shift. For now she could go see how Gillian was doing.

After the girl had received the A0 implant and had hence lost her biotic powers, there had been some uncertainty about what she could do now. However, as her body slowly rid itself more and more from the poisons Cerberus had pumped inside her she also shed more and more of her earlier apathy. She began to actually show interest in certain matters and fields. Drifting as she was between human and quarian society, sort of isolated from both, she had developed an early interest in both. She was devouring youth education texts on human and quarian history from the extranet, and she even had begun to learn Khellish. Human and quarian vocal chords were so very similar that they could speak each other's languages, unlike humans and turians or quarians and turians for example **[2]**. She still was a withdrawn and quiet girl, but it seemed she had found something productive to do, and with some luck something she could use later in life.

Tali saved her work and closed down the computer terminal. She was just about to turn and leave when she saw two men entering the room: Admiral Han'Gerrel and Admiral Rael'Zorah. Both were members of the Admiralty Board and hence very important people, and while Rael was also her father, he was not the sort of person to make private surprise visits. There had to be a reason two Admirals of the Board had come to see her.

"Tali," Rael greeted her.

"Hello, father," Tali greeted back. "It's a surprise to see you." She had not seen him for more than half a year, but then, they both had duties.

"I have heard good things about your work here," Rael said. "I hope your results are in a comprehensible state that it could be continued by others?"

That was a very odd question. Tali became suspicious. Still, her father was an admiral, so he deserved an answer to his question. "As much as is possible. Any interruptions in the middle of the work will of course still be noticeable."

"I see," Rael answered. "It might have to do."

"There are new opportunities for you, Tali," Han'Gerrel added. As always, he sounded friendlier than her own father.

"What do you mean?" Tali asked.

"Our astronomers have discovered that the star Dholen seems to suddenly turn nova," Rael explained. "There is no explanation for that according to the standard model on stars' life cycles. The only explanation our scientists could come up with involves a build-up of dark energy. A _massive_ build-up of dark energy, at a concentration we have never witnessed before."

Tali had no idea where Dholen was, but she understood the importance. Dark energy was the actual source of all mass effect physics. While usually people thought of element zero as the critical factor in it, in fact what element zero does is converting regular energy into dark energy. Basically, dark energy is at the core of _all_ modern physics and engineering. If the event was really that groundbreaking as her father had explained it, then it could potentially have a big impact on modern technology.

"As it so happens, Dholen is the site of one of our former colonies, Haestrom," Han'Gerrel went on. "We still have extensive data about it. This should make it possible to observe and study the event from there."

"Dholen is in geth space?" Tali asked shocked. "And you want to send scientists there?"

"As far as we can tell, no other species has discovered Dholen's transformation," Rael answered. "So if technologically useful data can be won from there, then this would give us a unique advantage we need."

"It's a long shot of course," Han'Gerrel admitted, "but our basically constantly desperate situation justifies it. You know what happened last time we tried to settle on a planet; the Citadel chased us off. Unless we can secure _some_ sort of advantage this will just happen again and again."

"Not to mention the advantage it would give us over the geth," Rael added.

In a stiff, neutral voice Tali asked: "And what has this to do with me?" She could figure it out, of course, but if her father wanted her cooperation, he would have to go all the way in asking for it.

"Sending a team into our former space is of course a risk," Rael explained. "So we need the best people we can muster for the mission. The best soldiers, the best scientists and the people who have most experience with the geth."

"Like me," Tali stated.

"Indeed," Rael confirmed. "So currently we're looking for volunteers for this dangerous mission."

He let the important part unspoken: He clearly _expected_ her to 'volunteer'. That was how it had always been with him: He had always decided where her life would go, and she had always just agreed. This had been so before her pilgrimage, when it had simply been normality to her and this had been so right after her pilgrimage, when she had been still too emotionally shaken due to Shepard's death to offer any resistance.

Now, though, was different. It was a terrifying prospect, but Tali realized that _now_ she might have the strength to resist him. She had an important job here, for which she was at least as qualified as she was for this mission, for exactly the same reason. There was also Gillian to consider, and the fact that she found the whole idea of the mission to be ludicrous. Han'Gerrel had called it a 'long shot', but Tali would rather call it a pipe dream. Certainly nothing to justify what could very easily become a suicide mission.

Still, in all her life, Tali had never spoken out against her father. She remained quiet, struggling with herself.

When her father realized she would not answer he added: "Due to your experience you would get command of the mission. This would be a prime opportunity for you to get some experience in field commands, and it would certainly add to your reputation."

_Of course. _It was not just that her father just expected her to volunteer. What was more was that he had already planned her career in advance. And that annoyed Tali enough to come to a decision: "I already have work to do here. I wish you good luck in your search for volunteers."

Rael and Han'Gerrel looked at each other, evidently surprised by her defiance. That only further raised Tali's annoyance. _They thought I'd just accept everything. Again. _

"This mission is of utmost importance to the Migrant Fleet," Rael stated stiffly. "As such, the Admiralty Board can also simply draft the necessary experts."

The threat was clear enough, but Tali was now in a defiant enough mood to force her father to go all the way. "I'm well aware of the Board's powers," Tali answered.

"I would prefer we could settle this another way," Rael said.

Tali remained silent, still struggling with herself. Yes, she had been defiant so far, but it was difficult to stay so. She had never imagined before that she could simply outright deny a 'request' by her father, and now things looked like they would escalate even further.

"Tali, do I have to make this an order?" Rael added. **[3]**

"Yes," Tali simply answer. That surprised herself. While her voice remained calm, psychologically it was nearly an outburst. For years she had bottled up all the resentment against her father's dictates. The latest episode had been that he had even chosen her new home ship after her pilgrimage, even though every normal quarian got to choose for themselves.

Shepard would not have approved. Not at all. It was time to change this.

Both admirals remained quiet, quite probably shocked by Tali's answer, so she pressed on: "Father, you know your 'request' was already an order in all but name. You thought you could keep this all under wraps, do this all very quietly. As you've always done. And now... now you want to send me into the death zone quietly so I can get 'command experience'." She paused and added more subdued: "But I'm not playing along. If you make it an order, I'll have to obey and I will. But you'll have to officially log this order."

Tali was a bit shocked herself by her rant against her father. _Bottled up emotions indeed. _

"That's those humans' influence on you, isn't it?" Rael asked. For the first time he showed some emotions: Annoyance and anger. "This Hendel Mitra..."

It was a ludicrous suggestion, but it made a certain amount of sense that her father would name him as the source for her behaviour. After all, how else could he explain it? It was the first time she had dared to resist him, and he could see no other explanation. And in the end, it probably was due to a human's influence on her. Of course, it was a very different human...

Before Rael could continue, Han'Gerrel interrupted him: "I understand you Tali, truly, I do. But the Fleet has need of you, and we can't afford to regard all individual sensibilities. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."

In an icy voice Rael declared: "As Admiral of the Board I hereby order you, Tali'Zorah vas Neema, to be deployed on the mission to Haestrom."

"Understood," Tali acknowledged, keeping fully to form, "And I hereby log my protest against that order." She knew it was a futile gesture, but it would in fact be a gesture.

"Do you want to make a scandal out of this?" Rael almost shouted now.

"No," Tali answered. She sounded quieter now, weaker. She did not know how much longer she would be able to flat out resist her father, how long her emotional reserves would last. She would not take back her decision, but she did not know how long she could stand up to her father's increasing agitation. So far, she never had. "I really don't. But you'll have to go the full official way to get me away from here."

"Then so be it," Rael stated. Enraged, he turned and left the room. Han'Gerrel looked at her, sighed, and followed his fellow admiral.

Tali remained alone in the room. She realized she would have to make preparations for the mission, and say goodbye to Gillian and Hendel.

**000000**

**[1] **This is an untrue statement, as the most powerful human biotic is most likely Jack. However, neither Hendel nor Tali know about her. As far as they know, Gillian is indeed the most powerful human biotic in terms of raw strength, and they are discussing removing those powers.

**[2]** That quarians physically can speak English is canon as per _Ascension_, so the similarity of vocal chords logically follows to a degree. Likewise, CDN seems to suggest in one article that turians actually, without translators, communicate in growls, so their vocal chords seem to be quite different.

**[3] **See it as an homage to Interstitium. If you haven't read it, you should. It's an awesome if at times depressing fic. And the comparison neatly shows the effect Shepard had had on Tali here...


	3. Ch1: Lazarus Station

There was something... _something_ piercing through the dark.

_Wait, what dark?_

He felt entirely disoriented. Too disoriented to even think of questions like 'Where am I?' or 'Who am I?'. It was like that just seconds ago he had not even known he even existed. It was like a fully developed mind had just come out of nothingness.

There it was again, the light. He could hear a voice, far away and distant. A female voice: "...ere... onitor. Something's wrong."

He could... see. This was unexpected. He could see a grey metal ceiling.

A male voice: "He's reacting to outside stimuli. Showing an awareness of his surroundings."

There was more light. Lights on the ceiling and all around him. He hastily looked around. He glimpsed the blurred image of a woman in a strange white outfit.

The male voice again: "My god, Miranda, he's waking up."

The woman - _Miranda?_ - came towards him. His view of her became clearer. She had unfashionably long black hair and a body full of curves. On the other side of him there was a bald man with a beard. They all seemed to be in some sort of medical facility.

The awakening was painful. Pain throbbed through his head, and he was breathing heavily. Even though he did little more than watch, that already seemed to strain his body. But at least he now knew who he was: Jonathan Shepard. Spectre. Former Commander in the Alliance Navy, before he had thrown the gauntlet to them. And... _something_ had happened to him. He was not quite sure what.

_Tali! Has it happened to her as well?_

"Damnit Wilson, he's not ready yet," Miranda complained. "Give him the sedative."

He tried to get up. _I have to know what has happened. _He raised his hand towards Miranda.

The woman leaned over him. "Shepard, don't try to move. Just lay still and try to stay calm."

Shepard noticed how his breathing became ever more haggard and rapid. _This isn't right at all_. He felt like... _Like dying actually_. His entire body seemed to rebel against him.

"Heart rate still climbing," Wilson announced. He sounded alarmed. "Brain activity is off the charts."

Miranda walked over to him, leaving Shepard's sight. Panicked he looked where she was going, but his vision began to blur again.

"Stats pushing into the red zone," Wilson continued. "It's not working!"

Shepard noticed Wilson was wearing a strange uniform, with a weird insignia on his shoulder. _I've seen this before but... oh god... air... can't breathe... my heart... _

"Another dose, now!" Miranda ordered.

Suddenly, an intense peace overcame Shepard. He finally got enough air again. His entire body seemed to calm down.

"Hearts rate dropping," Wilson announced. "Stats falling back into normal range." Miranda leaned over Shepard again, while Wilson commented: "That was too close. We almost lost him."

"I told you your estimates were off," Miranda chided Wilson. Her voice seemed to numb down. Shepard was losing his grasp on his perception again. "Run the numbers again." Shepard's vision began to blur again. He was surrounded by darkness again.

…...

"Wake up, Shepard!"

The voice sounded like it came through some synthetic channels and it barely reached Shepard. He still was sound asleep, with no perception of the outside world, his eyes closed.

"Shepard, do you hear me? Get out of that bed now - this facility is under attack!"

A rumble shook Shepard. Slowly, his eyes opened. He moved his arm, a surprisingly arduous task. It felt like all his joints had rusted in. He swept his hand over his face, only to discover what felt like minor but longdrawn wounds there.

The voice again. Shepard recognized it; it belonged to that woman he had seen... _Miranda. That was her name. _"Shepard. Your scars aren't healed, but I need you to get moving. This facility is under attack."

Slowly, what she said seeped into Shepard's mind. Battle instincts honed over several years took over. He tried to get up as quickly as possible, but it just did not work. His whole body seemed unresponsive. Only slowly he got a grasp over it and managed to at least sit upright. A sudden pain on his right side shook him.

Then he saw his surroundings clearly: There was a window into black space in front of him, and a fire was raging outside it. Which meant that, if this really was a spaceborne facility as the window suggested, oxygen was leaking. Miranda, whoever she was, seemed to be right: He had to get going.

He still felt groggy, though. He looked around the room. There was no doubt now it was a medical facility. Technology that was downright arcane to him surrounded him to all sides.

"There's a pistol in the locker on the other side of the room. Hurry!" Miranda announced. She seemed to speak over the facility's comm system, and she seemed to have a visual of him.

Shepard rolled off the bed. His right side still hurt. He noticed he had 'scars' which looked more like odd, thin, non-bleeding wounds on his arms, too, not only his face. He wondered what that was about. And he seemed to wear the same type of white-grey uniform he had seen on Wilson, with the same weird symbol on his shoulders in gold. _Where have I seen this before?_

Slowly, he stumbled towards the locker Miranda had indicated. He tried, he really tried to move quickly, but he felt like he was not used to his own body. Inside the locker he found a pistol and surprisingly also armour. Carefully, he took it out. It seemed to be all grey and with no insignia or logo on it. By the looks of it, it belonged to the heavier, bulkier style of armours.

"You don't have time to wait around, Shepard," Miranda commanded him. "Grab your weapon and armour!"

Shepard did just that. Carefully, as quickly as his body allowed it, he put on the armour. Even under normal circumstances that was a time consuming task and he apparently was in an emergency situation. On the other hand, Miranda had said the facility was under attack and she wanted him to put on the armour. For now, he just had to trust her, even if he did not know who she was or where they were. It was not like he had any other alternative.

Slowly, he got a feel again for his body. As he put on more and more parts of his armour, his body seemed to react better and better. Still, some things were odd. There seemed to be an extra 'oomph' to his movements, as if he suddenly had become stronger in a way. And indeed, while he so far had mostly preferred light and medium armours, he had no problems with this heavy one. Somehow his body had become stronger.

When he was finished with the armour he asked: "What now?"

"You need to..." Miranda started but then interrupted herself. "Damn it. Those canisters at the door are going to blow. Get behind cover, now!"

_Canisters? Door? _But Shepard's military instincts prevented him from wondering for too long. He located the door, and immediately slid behind a large piece of medical technology. He heard a detonation and glass splintering.

"Someone's hacking the security, trying to kill you," Miranda explained, "Security is compromised on all levels. Assume all drones and mechs are hostile."

_Mechs?_ In just what kind of facility had he woken up?

Carefully, Shepard made his way through the door that had been blown away. Several crates formed a semi-circle in front of it on the other side.

"Looks like they set up a barricade to try holding the mechs off," Miranda observed.

Shepard jumped over one of the crates - only to be only narrowly missed by a shot.

"Look out!" Miranda shouted.

A single mech came down some stairs. _Shouldn't be too difficult. _Shepard shot and shot again, yet the mech persisted. _How much armour does he have? And I've never seen such a type of mech before. _In fact as far as he knew such security measures were extremely rare and cost intensive in human space. The salarians were the best with robotics.

Shepard gave up trying to fire single well, aimed-shots at the mech. Instead he simply did not stop pumping bullets into it. _Let's see the cooldown times on this toy. _However, in fact the pistol did not seem to warm up at all, even after half a dozen further shots had downed the mech. _Very odd. _

He looked at the remains of the mech. _No good aim, slow movement, not very agile. _So maybe human mech production was still not all that good.

"Shepard, you need to be more careful with the pistol," Miranda said. "You need to conserve your heatsink capacity. You only have that one thermal clip."

_Thermal... clip? _There was something faintly in his memory. News, very shortly after the Battle of the Citadel. Independently of each other, turian and human weapon developers had used cues from geth tech to come up with guns with a much higher fire rate. Instead of cooling down, those new guns would simply store the excess heat in miniaturized heat sinks.

"Why do you use thermal clip guns here, instead of normal ones?" he asked Miranda.

"Normal ones?" Miranda asked back "Oh, right. No time to discuss this now, Shepard. Just don't overextend your thermal clip, and try to find a replacement one. Now get moving, we need to get you to the shuttles."

The problem with these new weapon systems was that they indeed had no way to cool down once the heatsink was filled. In fact that was why Shepard remembered the news: He remembered how he had found the whole idea silly. In a long drawn out firefight he would much rather prefer to have a reliable gun than a gun with a higher fire rate. With the new guns, once you ran out of thermal clips, you would be lost. This made it all the more curious why this facility used them instead of standard weapons.

But for now they would have to do. Shepard ran up the stairs the mech had come down from and entered another room. It looked like a laboratory, or maybe an office. A series of desks extended to the right side, while in the middle of the room the same sort of electronic device Shepard had already found in 'his' medbay was positioned.

"Security mechs are closing in on your position," Miranda announced. "Take cover."

From the door at the other end of the room there were indeed several mechs pouring forth.

"Don't take any chances," Miranda told him. "Stay in cover while you take out those mechs."

Shepard, who already was kneeling behind the apparatus in the middle of the room rolled his eyes. _No shit, woman. _Miranda might have his survival as aim, but that did not save her from being annoying.

Again, the mechs showed little concept of tactics and aiming. Safe in his cover, Shepard could take out one after the next. The only troubling thing was how rapidly he used up his thermal clip. _I need a replacement fast. _

He approached the door the mechs had come from and entered a corridor. He nearly panicked when he saw a mech, a type very much larger than the ones he had fought so far appeared at the opposite end of it, but then realized he was separated from it by a panel of glass and quite some distance. Behind the glass he could see how the mech was slaughtering down several people. They all wore the same white-black uniform with the weird golden insignia on the shoulders. _Wherever I am, this is not an Alliance facility. Despite everybody here being human as it seems. _

His mind raced how to help those people in front of him. It was a massacre: People were rapidly cut down to pieces by the mechs' bullets. _Think goddamn! Think!_ But he hardly seemed to have the capacity to. Having only just awakened from what seemed to have been a very, very long sleep he still felt a little numb.

"Don't waste time!" Miranda chided him. "I can't keep the mechs distracted for long."

_Distracted? Is... is she responsible for that? _It was a terrible thought, but Shepard felt too mentally tired to further pursue it. Besides, even in the corridor there were several corpses. Shepard realized that with just a single pistol he would have no chance against the large mech anyway. Reluctantly he turned away from the slaughter and continued on his way.

The corridor ended on a raised platform in a large room. Below him was a gangway, leading to a door in front of him. Above the door was the same logo he had seen on all the uniforms so far. _And before that, too... but where? There was a document I had unearthed somewhere... a conspiracy of sorts... _

"More reinforcements heading your way," Miranda announced. Her voice had lost some of her calm. "Shepard, that security officer's body in front of you. Is there a grenade launcher near it?"

"Affirmative," Shepard verified. The death of the person did not even register with his still sluggishly running mind. He only followed orders, and picked up the weapon. _A single purpose grenade launcher. Whoever runs this facility sure has strange weaponry. _

"That's what I figured," Miranda answered. The smallest amount of relief could be heard. "Use it to defend your position against the mechs. Here they come."

Shepard aimed at the door opposite to him, and once it opened a single shot made short work of the mechs who had assembled there. He took an elevator down to that level and entered the door.

"You're doing fine, Shepard," Miranda said, but then her voice became lost in static. "Head... next... oom... meet you..." And then: "Shepard? … read me? I've got... closing in... position." Gunfire could be heard in the background.

And then the comm system went silent.

_Shit. _Shepard had just lost his guide through the facility. All he had was a pistol with half-filled thermal clip and a grenade launcher with almost no grenades left. A bit belated, he also wondered about Miranda's situation. After all, without her assistance so far he might already have been killed. Again. And now it seemed her own position would be overrun.

With a sigh he entered another room. It looked like an office. Several datapads and papers were lying on desks. The computer terminals were still running. Hoping to find some clues where to go, he activated one of them and played the file onscreen.

A holographic image of Miranda's upper body appeared, and her voice sounded through the room. It appeared to be a journal entry: "Progress is slow, but subject shows signs of recovery. Major organs are functional and there are signs of rudimentary neurological activity. In an effort to accelerate the process, we've moved from single organic reconstruction of the subject to bio-synthetic fusion. Initial results show promise."

_The subject... me. _

Somewhat shocked, Shepard sat down on the desk's chair. _What happened to me? _In the chaos so far he had not been able to think about that. All he knew was that he had woken up here and had immediately been forced to fight.

_The Battle of the Citadel... _he remembered that. How he had defeated Saren. Tali, Ashley, Liara and Wrex had been with him on the team. And then... _There was an argument with Udina. As usual. I think... I think I prevailed. I kept control of the _Normandy. He then had taken the _Normandy_ to... _somewhere. _He did not quite remember. _There was an ambush. We were attacked by an unknown ship. The _Normandy... _she got destroyed. My god, what happened to everybody? Ashley, Liara, Garrus, Adams... Tali! What has happened to Tali? And how the hell did I get from there to here?_

Dazed, he stood up from the chair and tested the other electronics in the room. One displayed Wilson's voice: "Log update: The cost of this project is astronomical - over four billion credits so far. But nobody seems to care that we've gone over budget. I don't know where the boss gets all the money... maybe it's better not to know. I just wish he'd kick a little more in my direction once in a while."

_Four billion credits? For my... my medical reconstruction? Four billion? _That was enough to equip a small army. _Somebody_ had invested a ludicrous sum into him. He was not sure whether to like that thought or not. It stood to reason this 'somebody' would expect some gratitude.

Unsure where exactly to go, he left the office again and walked along a corridor. He went up a case of stairs and along another corridor. _Shit. I'm lost. _At least no mechs seemed to be nearby. However, he heard noises from not too far away. Walking towards them he entered what appeared to be a lounge or recreation area - and right into a battlefield. A single security officer was battling it out with several mechs on a gangway opposite to him.

Shepard immediately intervened. He opened fire on the mechs while running towards the security officer. For a while they stood side by side firing at the robots. When said officer took a glimpse at him he exclaimed: "Shepard, what the hell?" The two went into cover behind a glass wall, and the officer continued: "What are you doing here? I thought you were still a work in progress."

"You tell me," Shepard answered, slightly annoyed by that description of him. "I just woke up and found myself in the middle of a firefight!"

"Right, sorry about that," the man apologized. "I'm Jacob Taylor. I've been stationed here for... Damnit!"

In a quick movement he stood up, turned around and fired. One of the mechs opposite to him went down, his 'head' cleanly shot off. _Nice work. _

"Things must be worse than I thought if Miranda's got you running around," Taylor said, again ducking into cover. "I'll fill you in, but we better get you to the shuttle first."

"Let's make scrap metal out of those mechs," Shepard answered. "But then I want some answers. Nothing personal, but this is all very confusing."

"I can imagine," Taylor agreed. "Right. You're a biotic, aren't you? We're low on thermal clips, so maybe you should hit'em with the good stuff. **[1]**"

Shepard grimaced. He did not actually like his powers. Not since he had learned what the Alliance had done to get 'working biotics'. But Taylor had a point, and to survive the two needed every tactical advantage they had. He breathed out, stood up, sent a warp toward the mechs and then lifted one of them into the air. Immediately, Taylor followed up and opened fire on the hostiles. A little bit afterwards Shepard joined in with his pistol.

He was surprised how easy the biotic attacks were. Apparently not only his physique had become stronger, his biotics had been as well. _What have they done with my body? _

Eventually, the last mechs on the other side of the room were either destroyed or retreated.

Jacob turned to Shepard and said: "That should give us some peace. So, what do you want to know?"

"How the hell I got here would be a good start," Shepard answered. But then he immediately sighed and raised his hands in exasperation. "No, wait sorry. You people probably saved my life. Hell, I know Miranda did; I saw a log on her journal. So I'm sorry if I come across as a bit aggressive. It's just..."

"Yeah I know," Taylor intervened. "Relax. I know this must be hard as hell on you. I can give you the short version of events, for anything more you'll have to ask Miranda. If we can find her, that is. What happened is that your ship was attacked and destroyed."

"Yeah, I... I remember that," Shepard mused.

"You were killed, Shepard." Taylor stated seriously. "Dead as dead can be when they brought you here. Our scientists spent the last two years putting you back together. You've been comatose, or worse, the whole time. Welcome back to your life."

"Two... years...?" Shepard echoed. "Two years?"

"Two years, two months and twelve days," Taylor confirmed. "And most of it you've been on the operating table. The galaxy thinks you're dead." He paused. "I guess if we don't get to those shuttles they'll be right."

A panicked thought raced through Shepard's mind. _Tali! She must think I'm dead. She... she must have mourned me. _If she was still alive herself, which was in no way certain. He breathed out. _Pull yourself back together, man. Taylor's right. If I break apart now I'll die yet again. _Another thought hit him. _I need to find Tali. Tell her I'm alive. _If nothing else, he had to survive for that one purpose.

"Is... is anybody else alive?" Shepard asked hesitantly. "From the _Normandy _crew?"

"I don't know all the details," Jacob answered. "I think half the regular crew died, including Commander Sirinawin. **[2]** All your 'Spectre Entourage' survived, though. Most of the officers, too. Adams, Moreau, and what's his name... Hackgas?"

Shepard breathed out yet again, this time in relief. He had sort of expected heavy casualties. The demise of half his former crew was bad, but not surprising. Everybody he had formed a closer link with seemed to have survived it, though. _They're alive, all of them. Tali, Garrus, Liara, Ashley, Joker. Tali is alive. _He would need to send out word to all of them, once he got off the station. If he could get off this station.

This allowed him to focus on other matters: "So... so how bad were my injuries, actually? I mean, two years... and apparently, four billion credits..."

"Four billion?" Taylor repeated and whistled. "Last I heard it was three. Not that I'm surprised. When I first saw you, you were nothing but meat and tubes. Anywhere else they'd have put you in a coffin. But Project Lazarus was different. Cutting edge technology."

"Project Lazarus..." Shepard repeated. "So that's who brought me back? This isn't an Alliance organization, is it?"

"No," Taylor confirmed. "Look, not only did we bring you back. In fact, that was the entire reason for the project: To bring you back. All this just for you. Two years, the best scientists, all the technology money could buy. But I can't tell you who's behind it, sorry."

That did not do much to alleviate Shepard's fear in this regard. He grumbled a bit. "And this technology... well, you said I was dead. So I have to wonder: Am I really me? Just what technology did you use? Cloning?" _Am I just a bad copy of the real deal?_ Since they were speaking about a four billion credits resurrection from the dead this did not seem impossible.

"Nah," Taylor answered light-hearted. "Or at least I'm pretty sure there was no cloning involved. It was the same body all the time. Your body. The same brain. We just got it working again. Might be you have some extra bits and pieces inside you now."

_I am me. _At least, if Taylor spoke the truth. That was a massive relief to Shepard. "Thank you then," he said. "For saving my life."

"You can tell that to Miranda," Taylor answered. "She did most of the work. And you're not quite saved yet. We first need to get you outta here."

"True," Shepard agreed. "Miranda... last I heard from me the mechs were closing in on her position. You know where that is?"

"That's the last thing I heard from her as well," Taylor answered. "But I have no idea from where she has kept up contact. And we need to get you to the shuttles. That's what she wanted, too. Two years of her life, made useless if you die here. She knows how to take care of herself." He paused and added more subdued: "But I hope she's okay."

"How the hell could this attack happen, anyway?" Shepard asked.

"Hell if I know," Taylor answered. "I was just getting ready for some shut-eye when - bam! All the mechs started shooting - at us! Must've been an inside job. Only way to hack all those mechs."

A mysterious organization about which Shepard had no clue but which had been able to muster four billion credits to get him back to life - yet at the same time that secretive organization was falling prey to somebody in their own ranks. Shepard did not quite know what to make of that.

"Right," he said. "I suppose you know the way to the shuttles?"

"Yeah," Taylor confirmed. "We should avoid where the mechs are thickest. It's probably best if we..."

He was interrupted by his omni-tool's comm system. It was Wilson speaking: "Check. Check. Anyone on this frequency? Anybody still alive out there? Hello?"

"Wilson?" Taylor answered. "This is Jacob. I'm here with Commander Shepard. Just took out a wave of mechs over in D Wing."

_Commander Shepard? Bah. _Shepard was no Commander anymore, and he refused this address. He had nothing to do with the Alliance anymore, and he did not want to, either. He did not know what had happened in the two years of his 'death', but he doubted it was a long enough time to change the Alliance enough for him to like it. However, he did not interrupt Taylor. That would have been petty.

"Shepard's alive?" Wilson asked surprised. "How the hell... nevermind. You need to get him out of there. Get to the service tunnels and head for the network control room." Shepard thought Wilson sounded surprisingly aggressive. _Then again, he's a civilian caught in the middle of a surprise attack. If at all, it's recommendable he isn't showing even more nerves. _

"Roger that, Wilson," Taylor confirmed, "Stay on this frequency." He ended the call and turned to Shepard. "The service tunnels are this way." He pointed over his shoulder. "Let's go."

The way to the service tunnels was smoke filled, illuminated by flickering light and with walls full of bullet impacts. Shepard had a bad feeling about this, but he had little choice but to follow Taylor. The security officer opened the door to the tunnels - and immediately had to jump into cover. From behind the machinery in the room, lit by dim red light, several mechs were firing at him. He and Shepard returned the fire.

"Damn it, Wilson! This room is crawling with mechs!" Taylor complained over the comm system. After all it had been Wilson who had guided them to here.

"The whole station is crawling with mechs!" Wilson defended himself. "I'm doing the best I can."

It took a drawn out firefight and the ample use of Shepard's biotic powers for him and Taylor to progress along the machines in the service tunnel and to clear out the mech infestation. Shepard wondered if they would ever make it to the shuttles in time.

"Oh god, they've found me." That was Wilson over the comm system. "Help!"

"Wilson? Where are you?" Taylor asked.

"Server Room B! Hurry! They're out of control." Wilson seemed panicked. "Oh god! I'm hit! They shot me!"

"We need to hurry, Shepard!" Taylor declared. "This way!"

He and Shepard ran through the service tunnel. The security officer seemed to know where to go; he exited the tunnel at a certain door and then ran up a case of stairs. When he opened a door at the upper end of it, Shepard could already hear Wilson's voice, this time without comm system: "Shepard, down here!"

Shepard saw Wilson sprawled out next to a wall. "Bastards got me in the leg," the scientist complained. Strangely, Shepard saw no mechs or mech debris nearby.

"Relax, we're here," Shepard replied. "What can we do for you?"

"There's a medi-gel station on the wall," Taylor said. He pointed to a wall opposite the door. "Hopefully there's enough to get him up and moving again."

The distance was enough that any person could have crawled to there, but Shepard reminded himself that not everybody had gotten military training. For an untrained civilian it probably was difficult to keep an oversight amidst all this shock and chaos. He went to the station and fetched some medi-gel, which he then applied using his armour's omi-tool.

"Thanks, Shepard," Wilson said. "Never thought you'd save my life. Guess that makes us even now, hm?"

"Yeah," Shepard agreed and showed a smile. "Thanks for the work you invested into me."

"Work that's now mostly ruined," Wilson complained. "At least the station is. I thought maybe I could shut down the security mechs. But whoever did this fried the whole system. Completely irreversible."

"We didn't ask what you were doing," Taylor stated. He sounded very stern, which surprised Shepard. "Why do you even have mech security clearance? You were in the bio wing."

"Weren't you listening?" Wilson complained. "I came here to try and fix this. Besides, I was shot! How do you explain that?"

_Explain that?... oh. _A bit belated Shepard realized the reason for Taylor's sternness. _He spoke of an inside job... but his evidence against Wilson is thin as hell. _"It's a bit early for accusations isn't it?" he spoke up. "We all need to get off this station or we'll die."

"Right, Shepard," Taylor agreed. "Let's hope we can find Miranda, too."

"Forget about Lawson!" Wilson voiced his opinion. _So that's her name then. Miranda Lawson. _"She was over in D Wing. The mechs were all over that sector. There's no way she survived."

"A bunch of mechs won't drop Miranda," Taylor stated. "She's alive."

"Then where is she? Why haven't we heard from her?" Wilson asked. "There are only two possible explanations: She's either dead... or she's a traitor."

_Oh god, him, too. _Paranoia seemed to be everywhere. "She isn't," Shepard said. "She woke me up, warned me of the attack and guided me out of the medbay I was in. I'd be dead without her. Again."

"Okay, maybe she's not a traitor," Wilson admitted. His voice became quicker, more panicked. _Don't fall apart, man!_ "But that doesn't change the facts. We're here, she's not. We need to save ourselves. The shuttle bay is only a few metres away. We can make it out!"

"Not without Miranda," Taylor insisted. Both sides seemed to be ready to draw their weapons at each other.

Shepard was about to intervene, but then noticed a door opening behind Wilson. More mechs entered. "Hostiles!" he shouted.

He had already downed two mechs before Wilson and Taylor ended their staring contest and joined in the fight. His shields were depleted by the time they had defeated all enemy robots. All three were panting heavily

"Okay... we took'em down... but..." Jacob began under heavy breaths and then stood upright again, getting out of his cover. "Yeah, we can't work like that. We have to trust each other."

"You saved my life, that would buy you a whole lot of trust, normally." Shepard declared. "But if I have to constantly watch over my shoulder to keep you two from quarrelling, I don't know if I can trust you at my back."

"Fair enough," Taylor conceded. "Trust is an issue here. So, if I tell you who we work for, will you trust me?"

"This really isn't the time, Jacob," Wilson commented.

"We need to work together if we want to make it out alive," Taylor argued. "We need to work as a team."

"If you wanna piss off the boss, it's your ass, Jacob," Wilson stated.

Taylor turned towards Shepard. "Shepard... the Lazarus Program... the program that rebuilt you... it's funded and controlled by Cerberus."

_Ceberus. CERBERUS!_

With that one name, it came all up again in Shepard. How it was them who had lured a marine platoon into a thresher maw nest on Akuze. How later his girlfriend, Sarah Schäfer, then assumed to be the sole survivor of that, had committed suicide because she could not cope with that. How he had later found out that another of her squadmates, Corporal Toombs, had also survived and had been abused and tortured by Cerberus for years to gain scientific knowledge. How Cerberus had killed off an entire pioneer settlement on Chasca to test the dragon teeth technology, how they had lured yet another marine platoon into a thresher maw nest on Edolus and how they had assassinated Admiral Kahoku.

And how he had sworn himself revenge and eternal hostility towards that organization for what they had done to Sarah.

With trembling arms he grabbed his pistol. Under normal circumstances he would simply have shot. But it was only a single hour ago that he had woken up. His brain did not yet seem ready to take in news of such enormity.

This created enough time for Taylor to shout: "Shepard! Wait!"

And bedazzled as Shepard still was, he did just that.

"We need to work together to get out of here alive!" Taylor continued.

And Shepard had to admit he was right, even though he was the enemy. Shepard made no difference between him and the countless, nameless Cerberus members he had fought and killed on Binthu and Nepheron. So he would like to take him out. But there would be no sense to that if he himself then would perish on this station. _I need to get out. If only to stop Tali from mourning me. _

"Cerberus," he spat out bitterly. "So you're all..."

"Yes, Cerberus members," Taylor confirmed. "Look, I've heard about your feud with our organisation. I can't say what changed, why we brought you back, that's way above my paygrade. But if we shoot each other now, while mechs are running crazy all around us, then none of us get out of here alive."

"True," Shepard conceded. "But you'll lead the way now. I certainly won't have Cerberus scum at my back."

"Hah, that certainly backfired, eh, Jacob?" Wilson taunted.

"I can't blame Shepard," Taylor stated seriously. "Last thing he knew he was at war with us. I just hope Miranda and the boss know what they're doing. The boss can explain everything, once we've brought Shepard to him."

"What boss?" Shepard asked suspiciously. _Brought to him? Am I a package? _

"The Illusive Man," Wilson explained. "That's not his real name of course. Nobody knows who he is. It's a code name the Alliance gave to him."

"I promise you, Shepard," Taylor said, "we'll bring you to him and he'll give you all the an..."

"No way!" Shepard interrupted him. "We get off this station, and I'll have nothing more to do with you terrorist scum!" It was maybe unwise to say that directly into the face of two armed Cerberus members, but Shepard did not care. In fact, he was reasonably sure he could beat both. But for now he needed them as guides through this station and as additional firepower (and cannon fodder) against the mechs.

Taylor's face darkened. "That's big talk considering we aren't even safely off the station."

"Lead the way then," Shepard sneered.

_Cerberus!_ That was the logo he had seen everywhere. Cerberus' logo. _And I even thanked them! _This news changed everything. Shepard did not care at all if they had just revived him. Maybe he should show some gratitude, but what was one life, even if it was his, against the hundreds of lives that Cerberus had killed or ruined? Against what they had done to Sarah and Toombs? As far as he was concerned, Cerberus was the enemy. The only reason he had gone after Saren two years ago was because the turncoat ex-Spectre had been the biggest threat. Purely emotionally, even back then he had wanted to concentrate on Cerberus and eliminate them.

_I've been in the hands of Cerberus for two years!_ Shepard realized with a shock. _They could have done anything to me in that time. _He clenched his teeth. _I need to find my former crew. Find out what happened, set right whatever Cerberus has done to me. _And he was sure there were in fact things Cerberus had done to him.

The trio passed over some more corpses. All of them wore the Cerberus uniform. Shepard looked at them with disdain. _To think I wanted to help them... _He did not know just who was responsible for the defect mechs. Most likely, the attack had been primarily targeted at him; after all he was now worth four billion credits. Still, he could not help but feel a certain sympathy for whoever was responsible for so many Cerberus deaths.

Two years ago he had dealt a parting shot to the Alliance when he had severed ties with them. Part of that had been revealing the existence of Cerberus and its crimes to the galaxy, human reputation be damned. He had sent the files about this to asari media channels and soon after everybody had known what Cerberus had done. It had become public knowledge. Yet all those people here, they still had thought it a good idea to be part of that organization, to support it. An organization which had killed off an entire colony to study alien technology. Thus, he felt absolutely no pity for their deaths.

Taylor opened up the door to a huge cargo bay. Unsurprisingly it was infested with mechs. This time, Shepard used his biotic powers left and right, while still brooding over his fate and the fact that he was on a Cerberus station - that he was de facto in a Cerberus body. Not even combat could fully snap him out of that.

Taylor looked at him several times as if he wanted to say something, but then did not. Instead, he focused on shooting down mechs. Slowly, they made their way through the cargo bay. _Must be the cargo bay for the shuttles, _Shepard realized. They were near their target location.

"C'mon, through here," Wilson announced and began working at the electronics of a door "We're almost at the..."

The door opened. A familar figure with long black hair was on the other side.

"M-Miranda!" Wilson stuttered, "But... you were..."

Lawson raised a weapon and shot. At this distance, Wilson's shields did not trigger. He fell to the ground, dead. _What the hell?_

"Dead?" she asked Wilson's corpse. Shepard immediately raised his own weapon.

"What the hell are you doing?" Taylor demanded to know of her.

"My job. Wilson betrayed us all," Lawson claimed.

Shepard still did not lower his weapon. He aimed right at Lawson. "And you'd know that... how?"

"Yeah, Miranda," Taylor agreed. "You sure about that? We've known Wilson for years. What if you're wrong?

"He sabotaged the security systems, killed my staff, and he would have killed us," Lawson explained. "I'm never wrong, Jacob. I thought you'd have learned that by now."

"Do you really think he was capable of that?" Taylor asked.

Lawson looked down on Wilson's corpse. "Not anymore." she concluded coldly.

To have such cynicism on top of the circus show enfolding in front of his eyes enraged Shepard. He was not really sad about Wilson's death; after all the man had only been a Cerberus member. But he hated being manipulated. "Oh who the hell do you think you're kidding? With the whole station apparently under attack, that's been a great motivator to get me going. I bet it's a great way for you to get rid of all witnesses to this project, too. And now you shoot the designated scapegoat so he can't defend himself anymore. I know how Cerberus works." **[3]**

He fired. Since he had stayed some distance behind Taylor, Lawson was far enough away that her shields did in fact trigger. Hence both sides jumped into cover. Taylor remained standing in the middle of them, befuddled.

"Damn it, Jacob," Lawson shouted from behind the door frame. "I knew your conscience would get the better of you."

She peered carefully around the corner. Shepard used this to lift Taylor off the ground with his biotic powers and to throw him against her. They both ended up lying on the ground. Hastily, Shepard rushed past them. Behind them stood a shuttle in white and black. It, too, had the Cerberus logo on it. _They must feel pretty confident if they're so open about their identity. _

As quickly as he could he entered the shuttle's cockpit. However, his attempts to boot up its systems failed. There was no way he could get around the electronic security.

"This won't work, Shepard," Lawson shouted from outside the shuttle. "You don't have the command codes to get those shuttles started, and you also don't have any skills overriding such systems. If you want to get out of here alive, you need us."

Shepard opened fire through the cockpit's window, not so much to hit her but to keep her in cover. He had to make sure to keep his position defensible. He hastily thought of a way to get out of here. A way that did not involve Cerberus deciding where he would go. _Lawson seems like a ruthless cynic. Hopeless case for me. But Taylor..._

"I'm sure Mr Taylor has the codes," Shepard thus said, "Care to join me on the ride out, Jacob? Alternatively I guess we can all die in here. Now wouldn't that be a grand waste of Cerberus resources."

Taylor walked in between the shuttle and Lawson's position, right into Shepard's potential line of fire. "I'm not letting myself get blackmailed, Shepard. We'll all get out of here alive, including Miranda, or we all die in here. And yes, that would be a waste. I don't think you'd throw away your life like that. Not after you've just regained it." He crossed his arms.

_And the hell of it is he's right. _"I'm not letting two armed enemies into my position," Shepard began to negotiate. "Not after I started a shoot out with them. Weapons on the ground, then you can come."

"So you can kill us once you have the command codes?" Lawson responded. "Unlikely." Shepard had had something like this in mind.

"Shepard, you trusted me enough to invite me in, even with weapon. So, how about that? If Miranda starts something funny, I'll be on your side. If you start something, I'll be on her side," Taylor suggested.

_I 'trusted' you as a divide and conquer measure. _However, Taylor seemed to be the sort to be naive enough to keep to such a promise. Shepard would still have declined the offer, but he was running out of options fast.

"Hm. I don't want to die," he thus admitted. "I don't like your proposal, but I guess it'll have to do. So, what's the nearest human colony?"

"We're not..." Lawson began to protest.

However, Taylor interrupted her: "You're only making the situation worse, Miranda. The nearest human colony is Freedom's Progress, Shepard. Independent world, non-Alliance. We're in the middle of the Terminus Systems. However, you really do need to speak with the Illusive Man first."

"Like hell will I speak with that monster. No. We go to Freedom's Progress," Shepard decided. If there was indeed a single man responsible for all the crimes Cerberus had done then he would most assuredly not go into his lair.

"Okay," Taylor agreed. "If you want to have it that way."

"The Illusive Man will be furious if he learns..." Lawson began again.

Taylor intervened again: "...if he learns that Shepard has died. Again. So we need to compromise. Now come on, Miranda."

The female Cerberus operative scoffed. However, she came out of her cover, and together with Taylor entered the shuttle. Shepard kept her in his weapon's sights.

"This is going to be a real fun ride," Lawson commented sarcastically. She began to program the shuttle and then took a seat. Moments later, Shepard could feel the shuttle moving. Yet some more moments later, its windows showed the black night of space outside.

There was silence in the shuttle. The three people inside eyed each other suspiciously. It was Lawson who ended up breaking that silence: "Shepard. You may not appreciate it, but it was us who rebuilt you, and so we have a vested interest you come out of this alive and healthy. Physically and psychologically. So before we can part ways on Freedom's Progress, we need to ask a few questions to evaluate..."

Shepard raised his weapon again. "Don't test my patience. The only one asking questions in here is me."

"In that case, let's hope your test by combat will be good enough when I report back to the Illusive Man," Lawson commented unperturbed. Shepard merely scoffed at that. She continued: "You know the galaxy faces a greater threat at the moment. Your personal feuds may seem justified to you, but Cerberus is one of the few factions out there who recognizes the Reaper threat."

"What do you mean?" Shepard demanded to know. "With the new Council..."

"Shepard, don't forget you've been out of it for two years," Taylor interrupted. "The Council has already long since decided that Sovereign was merely an extremely advanced geth super-dreadnought. So has the Alliance, for that matter."

"...you gotta be kidding me!" Shepard exclaimed.

"There's just too much at stake politically," Lawson explained. "The new Council is still fragile, and they're hence very careful not to disturb the status quo. And since the status quo has the Alliance at top, neither will they. As far as they're both concerned, even just preparations for a Reaper invasion would threaten it. And the actual invasion, that's unthinkable to them." She paused. "So, they do nothing instead. Cerberus does, though. The Reapers threaten all of humanity, and we're sworn to protect humanity. The majority of our resources currently are invested in finding ways to stop the Reapers. Actually, a majority of our resources over the last two years went into your resurrection, which also serves that aim."

"I, ah, wha'... how..." Shepard began to stutter. "Oh that's nonsense! Why should I believe a word you're saying?"

"Once we reach Freedom's Progress you can verify it all," Taylor suggested.

"Not that we go there," Lawson said.

In a display of synchronicity that under any other circumstance would have been comical, both Shepard and Taylor exclaimed. "What?"

"I took the liberty of programming the shuttle to reach the Illusive Man's space station," Lawson explained. At the same time she raised her weapon and aimed at Shepard, thus pre-empting him doing the exact same thing. A stand off with drawn weapons ensued.

"Remember your promise, Taylor?" Shepard asked.

"Miranda, come on!" Taylor pleaded. "Is that really necessary?"

"I'm just acting on the Illusive Man's orders," Lawson defended herself coolly. "Same as you should."

Again Shepard asked, now more aggressively: "Will you honour your promise now, Taylor?"

"You can shoot me," Lawson conceded. She sounded entirely calm. "But I don't think either of you have the skills to reverse my programming of the shuttle. And if you appear at Minuteman Station with a dead Cerberus operative at your feet, you'll be in trouble."

"Damn. She's right Shepard," Taylor stated. "We can't do anything about it anymore."

"We can still make her die for her betrayal," Shepard snarled.

"And what then?" Taylor asked. "No, Shepard. I promised you support, but not for blind revenge."

"Goddamn turncoat!" Shepard cursed him.

"This is pointless, Shepard," Lawson stated. She still was calmness and superiority personified. She lowered her weapon. "You will talk with the Illusive Man at least. What you do then is up to you."

Shepard realized that without Taylor's support there was not much he could do. Hesitantly he lowered his weapon again. _You might have won this round, Lawson. _He had to admit she had plain outsmarted him._ But this isn't over yet. _

**000000**

**[1]** In the game, Jacob's biotic powers feel very much tacked on. There's no backstory to them, no real rhyme or reason, nothing. More, in that one cell phone game that was all about him he didn't even have them at all. And both of your initial human squadmates are biotics, what's the chance of that? Furthermore given how... prominently the biotics storyline figured in TFHS, giving him a biotic background story would very much complicate matters. So, long story short: In this fic Jacob is not a biotic. In his place, another squadmate who canonically has no biotic powers will be. You'll see.

**[2]** The pro forma commanding officer of the _Normandy_ after the Battle of the Citadel, since Shepard had left the Alliance. She took over the role of a first officer and let him have de facto command of the ship.

**[3] **We know of course Wilson was in fact at fault for what happened - this isn't changed in this fic. But Miranda indeed presents no proof at all and just relies on everybody recognizing her superior intellect. And Shepard is always ready to assume the absolute worst about Cerberus.


	4. Ch2: Minuteman Station

Shepard was running on stims and paranoia.

The flight from Lazarus Station to the Illusive Man's hideout was taking several hours and he was exhausted from the battle he had been in. Also, he had woken up from a deep coma only shortly before that. The strain of that was still undeniable. So ideally, he would use the shuttle flight for some hours of sleep. In the seat next to him, Taylor was doing just that.

However, Shepard would be damned if he showed that vulnerability. Not with two Cerberus terrorists in the shuttle. He feared he might wake up and be without his gun, or restrained or in any other way in an even worse state than right now. He did not trust Lawson and Taylor one single bit. The only reason they were en route to the Illusive Man was that Lawson had successfully tricked him. He vowed to not let this happen again. He would have to stay alert to prevent another defeat.

Fortunately, the shuttle was a military craft. As such it had a reserve of stims for soldiers to use. So after waking up from a coma, an hour or so of combat plus twenty-five or so further hours of staying awake, Shepard was still relatively fit. He had no doubt he would eventually feel the side-effects, though.

Lawson plainly did not like what he did. She had even spoken up once about how he was ruining her two years of work on him with those poisons. Shepard had simply told her to shut up. He knew she was not afraid of him in the slightest, but she did seem to try to avoid any further tensions and conflicts as much as possible, and she did probably realize her protests were futile anyway. Since then she had kept quiet.

It annoyed him how she obviously saw him primarily as her work - her too. And in the endless hours of the shuttle ride, he had much time to think about just who he was now, despite his tiredness and the stimulants. As far as he knew he was Jonathan Shepard... but this was only true if Taylor had been right, if it was the same body and the same brain. And even if it was the same brain, Cerberus could have meddled with it. After all, they had had two years time.

It was more than just worry and fears, though. The thought that he was now in a body made by Cerberus of all people _disgusted_ Shepard. It made the body feel like it was not his own, like he was only wearing it as an ill-fitting sweater. _Cerberus is all around me now, no matter where I go. _That was what maddened him.

_And now I'll meet their Illusive Man... _Until some hours ago, Shepard had not even known about this man, the leader of Cerberus. Now he knew he had an archnemesis (if he was in fact Jonathan Shepard), and he would come face to face with that enemy. He wondered what it would be like, but also dreaded it. He also wondered what would happened afterwards. If he was on the space base of Cerberus' leader, would he be imprisoned there? What would Cerberus do with him, now that they had invested four billion credits into him?

_They've invested four billion credits into me. _That actually was his trump card. They would not just shoot him. Even if he misbehaved in some way they would not harm him, not if he was worth that much money. Whatever they would do, they would keep him alive, and that would give him at least some manoeuvring space.

Still, he felt he needed his pistol. If everything did go wrong, he fully intended to go down fighting. He had only woken up from death, if Taylor had spoken the truth, but he would not live as a Cerberus thrall, that much was clear. He would like to see Tali again, but not at any cost. Not if it meant being Cerberus' tool.

Finally, the black monotony of space outside the shuttle's windows was interrupted. A massive source of light was in front of him. It turned out to be a gigantic space station. _The Illusive Man's lair. The Minuteman Station, as Lawson called it. _It was a giant T with an arch over its crossing line. It looked surprisingly elegant; Shepard wondered how expensive it had been. _Cerberus seems to have lots of money. I wonder where they're getting it from. In any case, it seems we're arriving at our destination._ Unfortunately, Lawson had shut down the graphical interface of the shuttle's navigation systems. Thus, Shepard had no idea where exactly the station was. Its location would remain secret.

He had to admit, she was a smart woman. That did not mean he would respect her, though. Quite the contrary: As a resourceful enemy, that only made her all the more dangerous. He would not underestimate her, but that was a different thing than respect.

The ship entered the station's docking bay. Two women in Cerberus uniforms awaited them there, but apart from them everything seemed surprisingly empty. There was no other shuttle present, no cargo and no people. Even as they left the cargo bay and entered the station proper they saw nobody else. Only said two women accompanied them. Their glassy eyes and constant smiles made Shepard uneasy; something was not quite right about them.

They entered what seemed like a lounge or waiting room. Again, it was empty.

"The Illusive Man is waiting for you in the room down the lounge," Lawson informed Shepard.

Surprised, he turned towards her. "Just so? Already?"

"He was informed about our arrival of course," Lawson explained. "And you're important to him. Very important."

"He's of no particular importance to me, though," Shepard replied. "I was abducted and brought to here. I don't know why I should play along."

"What else can you do on this station?" Lawson asked calmly.

Shepard shrugged. "I'm sure somebody will get me food and all other necessities. After all, Cerberus has just invested four billion credits into me."

"True," Lawson admitted. "But if you want a way off this station, you better talk to the Illusive Man."

"So he can have me ferried to the next target location of his choice?" Shepard scoffed.

"Possibly," Lawson conceded. "But you won't find out if you don't talk to him."

Shepard scoffed again and got going. Surprisingly, nobody tried to take his pistol away from him. He even still had the grenade launcher shouldered which he had picked up from a dead Cerberus security officer. He wondered what this was about. _Does this 'Illusive Man' feel that safe?_

He walked to the other side of the lounge and entered a corridor there. However, he was a bit confused where to go from there. It did not look like a meeting room would be anywhere nearby. Instead, the corridor rather looked like it would belong to a maintenance area, with electronics and fuel lines everywhere on the walls.

One of the Cerberus women saw his indecision and guided him down a flight of stairs. She pointed towards an open room. It was very small, with a small circle of light in the middle of the ground. Shepard looked at her confused.

"It's a quantum entanglement device," the woman explained in the flattest, most monotone voice Shepard had ever heard, "Just walk into the middle of the circle."

And so Shepard did. For a time, nothing happened, except for a small humming sound that started to fill the room. Then a light went up Shepard's body. He realized he was being scanned. A holographic matrix of sorts was built up all around him, along the edges of the circle...

...and suddenly he was not in the room anymore. Instead he seemed to be on a platform in the middle of space, appearing almost infinite, yet with a red burning sun in the background. Strange holographic symbols filled that platform everywhere. And there was a man sitting in a chair in front of him. He wore obviously expensive clothes and sported a neatly trimmed hair style. His eyes were so blue they seemed to shine... _no, wait they do. _

Shepard realized the circle on the ground was still all around him. _A hologram. This all is a hologram. Probably a view of where the man is, transmitted by quantum entanglement. If I step outside the circle the illusion will end. _The whole setup had to be _ridiculously_ expensive.

He concluded that the man in front of him was the Illusive Man. The Cerberus boss held a cigar in his right hand, and a glass of spirits in his left. Shepard did not quite know what the Illusive Man hoped to achieve with this show.

"Commander Shepard," the Cerberus leader spoke up, took a sip from the glass and put it on his chair's arm rest.

"No," Shepard disagreed. "There's no such person anymore. You're the Illusive Man? The Cerberus top boss? Hm, I was expecting to meet you face to face."

"Considering what you did to Operative Lawson, that might be unsafe for me," the Illusive Man answered. Wistfully, Shepard touched the pistol in his holster. The Cerberus boss was only all too right. "It's a general precaution. Necessary for people who know what you and I know."

"Oh, stop the mystery crap," Shepard complained. "I'm sure you know all the ins and outs of setting up a persona, manipulating people, but that won't work with me." _Hence also the cigar and the spirits. Does he really think I'd fall for such a crap?_

"According to our psychologists' dossier of you, that is correct," the Illusive Man admitted. He took a puff from his cigar. "How are you feeling? Lawson did not manage to properly evaluate your memory and psychological condition."

"Cut the courtesies," Shepard hissed. Unsurprisingly, now faced with the leader of Cerberus, the man responsible for all their crimes, anger was rising in him. It was still possible that he was not the real Shepard; but right now he did not care. Either way, the man in front of him was a criminal and a terrorist. "I've been kidnapped and brought to here. So all I want to know now is: What exactly do you want from me? I know I've hurt Cerberus, so why would you revive me now?"

"You need to put your personal feelings aside," the Illusive Man told him. "Humanity is up to the greatest threat of our brief existence."

"The Reapers don't change a thing how evil you are," Shepard sneered. He really wanted to jump out of his circle and attack him. But of course that was not possible. In fact, the circle was not even large enough to allow pacing.

"At least you still remember them," the Illusive Man commented. "So your memory is intact." He paused. "You need to understand, we're on the same side here. Cerberus is not as evil as you believe. We just..."

With clenched teeth Shepard interrupted him: "All you've done, all I've heard of Cerberus is you destroying people's lives. Human lives. I'm certainly not on the same side as you, and you certainly do not protect humanity."

The Illusive Man stood up from his chair and walked towards Shepard. This only made the former Commander feel even more restricted inside his circle. "We're at war, Shepard. Nobody wants to admit it, but humanity is under attack. So we need to defend ourselves. Even if it means making sacrifices."

"Of others," Shepard added coolly.

Standing in front of him, the Illusive Man answered: "That's the nature of command, and you know it. You sacrificed Lieutenant Alenko on Virmire, and it was necessary. I may sacrifice non-volunteers, but it still is necessary."

"Tell that to Sarah Schäfer," Shepard replied angrily. "Tell that to Corporal Toombs. If you want to test the effects of thresher maw acid on human biology, pump it into your own damn veins."

At first glance it could appear to be not all too clever to tell this right into the face of the leader of an organization who, without second thought, had wiped out an entire pioneer colony just to test alien technology. However, Shepard banked on his four billion credit worth. He could take some liberties; after investing so much into him Cerberus would not just kill him.

"Schäfer and Toombs would be dead all the same once the Reapers arrive," the Illusive Man claimed. "We need weapons against them. And we need you. You defeated the agents of the Reapers, Saren and his geth. You even killed one of the Reapers. That's impressive. But the fight isn't over yet."

"You're an utterly pathetic caricature of a human being," Shepard sneered through clenched teeth. He paused, then asked: "So, again, what do you want?"

The Illusive Man returned to his chair, sat down and took another puff from his cigar. "While you've been sleeping, entire colonies have been disappearing. Human colonies. Hundreds of thousands of humans have disappeared. It seems somebody is harvesting them. We hence believe it's someone working for the Reapers. Agents of them, just as Saren and the geth were. I want you to look into this matter and stop whoever is responsible for that, just as you stopped Saren."

This appeared like big news. However, it came from the Illusive Man, and Shepard would double check if the Cerberus boss claimed space was black. So the former Commander decided to not gave too much weight to that information. In fact, there was one thing in the Illusive Man's speech that clearly was ludicrous: The assumption that Shepard would work for them.

"You're serious, aren't you?" Shepard hence asked astonished. "You really think I'd work for Cerberus. Incredible."

"We do not ask you to join us, Shepard," the Illusive Man stated. "But it would be foolish if we did not pool resources. If we stand apart, then we will certainly hang apart, and all that. I'm sure you've heard all those phrases. They're true. You see us as evil, but surely we're a lesser evil than whoever abducted hundreds of thousands of people. And an even lesser evil to the Reapers. You do not have to like us, but you can use us. We don't ask you to work for the sake of Cerberus, but purely for the sake of this mission. To contribute your outstanding skills to it. On our part, we can provide you with equipment and intelligence."

_They invested four billions in me. And now they also want to add equipment and intelligence. Maybe there is something out there. Or at least maybe they honestly believe so. _It was still not enough, though. The very notion that he could use Cerberus was ridiculous. Given the obvious power difference, it would end up being the reverse. If he were on par with Cerberus, somehow, it would maybe be an idea to entertain, if a very distasteful one. As it was, he had to be careful not to be taken over by Cerberus. Fortunately, he still had other options left.

"So can my contacts in the Alliance and the Council," Shepard claimed.

"Council Chairwoman Goyle? She was quite a surprise nomination by you two years ago," the Illusive Man admitted. "But even she does not believe the Reaper threat to be real. She might still help you, out of a sense of gratitude, but she merely chairs the Council, she does not rule it. She could funnel funds and intelligence to you through dark channels, but only so much to not risk exposure. Former Ambassador Udina is on Earth now, and he's sabotaging Goyle's every move. And the turians still oppose her on everything out of principle. She cannot risk playing into her enemies' hands."

"That still doesn't mean I'll cooperate with you," Shepard said.

"No, it doesn't," the Illusive Man agreed. "You're free to go if you want, Shepard. We can transport you to the nearest Alliance colony, and you won't hear another word from us. However, while you arrived here, another human colony has been attacked. Freedom's Progress. Go there to see with your own eyes what has happened. Maybe find the clues we need. And if after that you still think we shouldn't cooperate, then it will indeed be best for us to part ways."

"Are you dense or something?" Shepard asked aggressively. "I won't go on any mission for you. No scouting missions, either."

Only now did a slight note of annoyance enter the Illusive Man's voice. It was still very measured, though. "We can sit here and discuss the merits and failings of Cerberus all day, but if we do so and not send out an investigation team we'll throw away good intel. So I _ask_ you to go at least check out Freedom's Progress. You know the military value of quick reactions. And you might need the intel yourself if you leave us afterwards." He again used his cigar; maybe this time it actually was to cool himself down.

Shepard breathed in. _If hundred thousands of people have really disappeared... _He would never work for Cerberus, so much was clear to him. However, much as Shepard hated to admit it, the Illusive Man was right in one point: Even if he were to start an own investigation into the matter he would need some intelligence to start with. This could be a chance for it.

Provided of course that the Illusive Man was speaking the truth. That still was a very big if. _On the other hand, if he really wants me to go there he would not lie that blatantly, or would he? Unless it's to manipulate me in some way... but I'd get off the station. And it would put his honesty to the test. Maybe there even is something of interest on this Freedom's Progress... hah, isn't that the colony I wanted to go to anyway? _

Mulling those thoughts in his head, he tried to stall for time. "A destroyed human colony. I thought that was all in a day's work for Cerberus," he sarcastically reminded the Illusive Man of Chasca. "Strange how much you care about that now."

"You criticised the Alliance for, in your eyes, abandoning their colonies to all manner of threats in the galaxy as a matter of policy," the Illusive Man retorted. "We now give you the chance to do it better. To actually care for the colonists and investigate those threats, in order to keep human colonies safe."

_Cheap rhetoric. Cerberus cares about human colonists even less than the Alliance does. _But the Illusive Man's initial point was right: It was possible he would need the data that could be gathered on Freedom's Progress. And the Cerberus leader was also right in that Shepard did care about hundreds of thousands of people being lost and that of course he wanted to be better than the Alliance. He really did not like thinking so, but for all those reasons maybe this scouting mission was in fact not such a bad idea at all.

"Right. So, what happens now?" he asked.

"We can provide another shuttle to bring you to the colony," the Illusive Man explained, apparently entirely unsurprised by Shepard's change of mind. This made the former Commander worry if he had been played. However, there was no sense in second guessing himself now. "Miranda and Jacob will accompany you. If you have any further questions, you can ask them."

"Lawson?" Shepard asked. "After I took shots at her?"

"She's not one to let personal feuds get into her line of duty," the Illusive Man stated. "If I tell her to cooperate with you, she will. She already saved your life in more ways than one."

"Meaning I'll have to cooperate with her as well. Great, just great," Shepard commented. _And after I shot at her and she outsmarted me._ "Okay, I agree with your plan. I'll go to Freedom's Progress. But I'll be in charge of that little mission."

"That is what we brought you back for," the Illusive Man agreed. "Miranda and Jacob will be under your authority. I trust you will use it wisely." He put out his cigar. "Before you go, though, there is somebody who wants to meet you. Maybe he can convince you we are not as evil as you see us. He will also show you how devoted we are to the task and how many resources we are willing to pour into it."

As Shepard still wondered what he mean by it, the image of wherever the Illusive Man was faded. The holographic matrix around him came into view again and was gradually removing itself, too. Shepard was 'back' at the Minutemen Station. And when he turned around to walk up the stairs again, he looked into a very familiar grin.

"Hey, Shepard. Just like old times, huh?" Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau greeted him. He was in a Cerberus uniform.

This almost shocked Shepard more than anything else he had experienced so far since waking up. _Joker, a Cerberus member?_ He could not believe it. "Joker, what the hell? What are you doing here?"

"Look who's talking," Joker retorted. "I saw you getting spaced."

"Yeah, but I didn't join Cerberus," Shepard answered aggressively. Anger broke forth in him and mixed with pure disappointment. _How could he do so? After all he has seen of Cerberus! _"You goddamn traitor!"

This seemed to hit Joker almost like a physical assault. He clearly had not expected such a reaction. "Com... Shepard... " he stuttered. "You weren't there when everything fell apart. After your death. The Alliance broke up the team, sealed the records, grounded me. Did everything to convince everybody there are no 'Reapers'. They took away the one thing that mattered to me. Hell yeah I joined Cerberus. They're willing to do something about it. They let me fly. And they brought you back."

_Is he fucking serious? _Shepard could still not believe it. He was hurt to the bone by this betrayal. _And to think I was relieved when I heard he had survived! _The pilot looked at him with a face full of expectations, and Shepard realized that Joker was indeed serious.

Through gritted teeth the former Commander answered, in a dark, threatening voice: "You have seen what Cerberus has done. You were with me through it all. The colony on Chasca, wiped out. Toombs, tortured for years. The dead marine platoons on Akuze and Edolus. And yet you have joined them just _so you could fly_? Have you lost your mind?"

"Commander, I joined so that I could serve with you again!" Joker pleaded. "So that we could kick Reapers ass again, together!"

To Shepard, this was nothing but a blunt betrayal, no matter what Joker's reasons might have been. And he was so lost in his pain about this betrayal that he did not care if he hurt the pilot. He even wanted to, at least emotionally. "I'm not working with Cerberus. Never. And if you had ever known me, you would have known that. Hell, the only reason I ended up here is because of you!"

Joker winced. "I... Shepard... that's... I mean, you're right, but that's one reason why I joined Cerberus... if they could bring you back..."

"Well, you screwed that up," Shepard said coldly and cruelly.

"Maybe," Joker admitted. His voice was quiet, weak and subdued. "Let me... let me show you what I'm supposed to show you, and then... hah, then I'll probably wallow in self-pity."

He turned and hobbled away. Shepard followed. The two passed Lawson and Taylor in the lounge and went into another area of the station. At first Shepard thought it was just another observation room, but then he noticed that it was not space on the other side of the massive windows front. Instead it allowed a view into a gigantic room on the other side: An internal docking bay. Not one for shuttles, but for proper ships.

"It's a beautiful bird," Joker announced. "Cerberus, and not yet finished, but beautiful."

A light in the docking bay was switched on. It revealed the nose of a ship. Further lights followed. Bit by bit, a ship inside the bay was illuminated. _Another fucking show. _Shepard had no doubt that Cerberus psychologists had worked to maximize the emotional impact, so he vowed to remain unmoved by it. Finally, the lights revealed a warship. It had the graceful curves of a frigate, but looked much larger. The Cerberus logo was openly on the ship, and Shepard could also see writing on the hull.

This did astonish Shepard, despite his vows not to be. _A warship! Cerberus has a warship! _And apparently, they were willing to let him use it, or so the Illusive Man had indicated. Considering the enormous expenses of building a warship, even only a frigate, that was nothing to sneer at. The four billion credits of the Lazarus Project were probably just a minor fraction of what the ship had cost.

Cerberus was a bunch of bastards, but he doubted any other faction would just give a ship to him. _Then again, they wouldn't really. They'd give a ship to their own mission, and hope that I'd command it. _In a way, it even was a bit arrogant of Cerberus. _It's not that they give a ship to me, they want a service from me, commanding one of their ships. It would still __be _their_ ship. _The Cerberus logo made that much clear.

On the other hand, if really hundred thousands of people had vanished, then investigating this matter actually was a worthy mission. And while Shepard hoped to be able to complete such a mission alone... _If I could do it with a warship under my command this would definitely be something else entirely. Then again... _the problem was that Shepard doubted that Cerberus would just give a ship to him. _There surely are strings attached. Hell, there is one giant string attached: That I'd work for Cerberus. _

And he would never do so. Not if there were other venues to pursue.

He looked closer. The open Cerberus insignia annoyed him. _There's a reason they display that so openly. If I were to be seen in a ship with Cerberus logo... hah. Strings attached indeed. Bastards._

He also read the writing on the hull. Immediately, his mood fully swung back to sour and enraged. "SR2? Those damn bastards. How _dare_ they?" He spoke lowly and quietly. The _Normandy's_ designation had been SR1. That was the source of his anger. "Do they really think they can sell me this as a successor to the _Normandy_? A Cerberus ship? How dare they taint the memory of the _Normandy! _We saved the entire galaxy with that ship!"

Joker remained quiet and cast his view down.

Shepard scoffed. "Also what is it with the insignia all over? Insignia of a terrorist organization! What the hell?" _A warship, yes. But it's tainted resources. _

"Yeah, whatever," Joker answered weakly. "I don't understand it, either." And with that he hobbled off.

_Having a warship to command may sound good on paper, but the strings - working for Cerberus, being seen with their insignia, probably becoming just a pawn for them. Now if I could somehow get it without working for them... hah! Pipedream! I don't even know if I can get away from them!_

Shepard gave one last look of disdain to the Cerberus warship - _A warship by Cerberus! I need to find out where this station is. They cannot be allowed to have so much power!_ - and then returned to the lounge. _Time to get this Freedom's Progress mission over with. _

"So even when we're building an entire warship just for you, you don't seem to be satisfied," Lawson greeted him.

Shepard had to admit she had a point. Building a warship for the mission did show a great devotion to the cause. However, things were more complex than she and the Illusive Man made them out to be. It was not a warship for him. It was a warship for them and they hoped he would command it for them.

He assumed she knew that already. So instead he raised another point. "I'm supposed to be impressed by a ship full of Cerberus insignia? And one probably bug-ridden, too, come to think of it."

"I don't think anybody else would just so give you a ship, period," Lawson reminded him. "And that is probably the most modern ship out there currently, better even than the _Normandy_, and twice as big."

"Don't even try to compare that Cerberus trash to the _Normandy_," Shepard told her. "Without her, you wouldn't even be alive anymore." It was probably a petty thing to say, but Shepard's state of affairs was getting to him: How he was being pulled around by Cerberus, how he now would even go on a mission with them, Joker's betrayal. He somehow had to vent his anger.

"I never questioned that," Lawson replied, "There was no offence intended. Neither to you nor to the _Normandy._" Shepard could swear that there still was a subtle mockery in her voice. "I merely pointed out the technological progress of the last two years that ship is using."

"Yeah, strange how openly you show that it is Cerberus, though," Shepard argued sarcastically. "All the insignia on it, all the uniforms you lot are wearing, hell, at that rate you'll even officially register the ship as Cerberus! Really, do you take me for a fool? I won't be a poster boy in an implicit Cerberus PR campaign."

Lawson remained silent, which Shepard took as an implicit admission.

He continued: "Besides, if I'm seen around terrorists, my reputation will completely collapse, and rightfully so, too. Hell, which is probably what you want, an alienated galactic hero that can only turn to you for support."

"Your psychological dossiers never mentioned such a paranoia," Lawson answered. "Whatever you may think, even if you think our resources inherently tainted, they are resources we offer you on a silver plate."

"Yeah, and that's exactly what I don't believe," Shepard stated. "I know your modus operandi. I begin to work on a Cerberus ship, and I'll end up being just your pawn. So that's why I've only agreed to go to Freedom's Progress. Nothing more, and after that I'm gone."

"I see," Lawson answered, now very coldly. "The Illusive Man is taking an incredible risk with you. Let's hope it pays off."

"Let's hope I can get this mission over with quickly," Shepard said. "And remember, I'm in charge of it. I hope I won't have to enforce my authority." He paused. Lawson was not moving. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get ready for the mission."

"I am," Lawson simply stated.

_What the hell? _Disapprovingly, Shepard looked at her up and down. "No, you're not."

The Cerberus operative was still dressed the same way she had been on the station. A strange white cat suit pronounced her curves. While she had the body to pull that off, Shepard found it very much overdone, maybe even a bit cheap. More importantly, while he could understand wearing such an outfit on a usually peaceful research space station, it was absolutely no attire for a combat mission. Worse yet, she even wore high heels. _Fucking high heels!_

Before Lawson could reply, Shepard continued: "This is ridiculous. Your entire outfit was already ridiculous on the station, but now you want to enter combat with it? In a cat suit and in _high heels_? Really, high heels? What the hell? Have you hit your head? This is utterly absurd, who the hell would think this is a good or even remotely plausible idea? Am I still in reality or in some weird make-believe scenario?"

"I have been in combat missions before with..." Lawson tried to defend herself.

However, Shepard interrupted her: "Look, I don't care. If we go on this mission I'll have you at my back. And I can't have that if you're in such an outfit. You wouldn't be an asset, but a burden. I don't allow it, and a I'm commanding the mission. You can wear whatever you want any time you want, but not when I have to rely on you! So get properly dressed, armoured and equipped!"

"All right, Shepard," Lawson finally agreed. "In the meanwhile, there's a weapon locker down there. Equip yourself as well. After all I also need to rely on you." She turned and left.

"Shepard..." Taylor spoke up.

However, Shepard had had enough. "Shut up, Taylor. I wish no further conversation with the likes of you." _Not with Cerberus scum. _

Shepard walked to the weapons locker. Most of the stuff there was uninteresting: A series of pistols of the same model as the one he already had anyway, some weapon spare parts and masses of single armour parts. He could stock up liberally on thermal clips, though, and also found a reserve of medi-gel. Furthermore, he also found a fitting helmet for his armour, a working shotgun and a working submachine gun. _Things are looking up. Now I only need to find a way to get rid of Cerberus while keeping these toys. _

After a while, Lawson returned. She now wore jet black light armour with golden highlights. Cerberus colours, just like Taylor's armour sported, too, but at least now she appeared properly equipped. **[1]**

Shepard just nodded curtly and then began to move to the station's shuttle bay, followed by the two Cerberus operatives. Again Lawson programmed the shuttle's target, but this time there was no discussion about it.

"We'll arrive at Freedom's Progress in twenty hours," she announced.

Shepard sighed. _Another too long shuttle ride with those people. _He realized this time there was one positive aspect, though: They would not do anything to him if they wanted to partake in a mission together. There was no need for suspicions.

Maybe Shepard could even use the time for a long nap. He probably would need to, to be fit for Freedom's Progress and whatever they might encounter there. The stims he had taken were still running through his blood system, but the shuttles' military drugs reserve also had some sedatives. Using both at once was probably very unhealthy, but Shepard did not care. After all, it was not _his_ body. It was Cerberus' body he just happened to wear.

**000000**

**[1]** Basically, Shepard forces Miranda into her AAP outfit. Really, her AAP outfit is _so_ much better and makes _so_ much more sense.

**000000**

**As I've warned you: Shepard will also be harsh to fan favourite characters. But I hope I could make the reason for his actions and his emotional state clear. **


	5. Ch3: Freedom's Progress I: Reunion

Being able to sleep at any place at any time was an essential skill for a soldier. Beyond that, it was also a quite useful skill for setting up sentries and staying alert on the streets of the city, so Shepard already had plenty experience in it by the time he had joined the Alliance Navy. By now, he had mastered it, so it was no problem for him to sleep in full armour while sitting in a shuttle seat.

He had taken a sedatives fuelled nap of six or seven hours immediately after entering the shuttle. After he had awoken from that, an awkward silence had followed, with all three people in the shuttle quietly starring at each other. Then the remaining stims in his body had run out. This had not been a pleasant experience. Shepard's whole body, so carefully remade by Cerberus, had crashed. Fortunately, he still had had over ten hours of shuttle flight to get over it. He had spent most of that time sleeping again. He suspected it was more than just his drug abuse; most likely his only recently repaired body was still not at top condition.

The alarm clock function of his omni-tool woke him when there was still half an hour of estimated travel time left. He found Lawson and Tayler focused on a little chat. He was surprised by her voice. While it was not warm per se, for her it sounded downright cheerful. However, the two immediately stopped when they noticed he was awake.

There was a pain in the back of Shepard's head, but thankfully it was only numb and seemed far away. _Still, I probably shouldn't use such a medicine cocktail anymore. _He was not quite sure if he was truly him, and he did not quite feel 'at home' in this body yet, but in either case he could do without the nausea he had suffered before his second sleep.

"Good, you're awake," Lawson remarked. "We've arrived in Freedom's Progress' system some while ago, and should arrive on the planet shortly."

Shepard just nodded curtly.

"The Illusive Man put us under your command," Lawson went on. "Do you have any orders?"

"It's good you remember that," Shepard answered. "Tell me, just what did you find at the other colonies?"

Taylor took up answering him: "Nothing. No signs of attacks, no corpses. Not even traces of foreign genetic material. The people there just disappeared, all of them, and we've got no target to go after."

Shepard suppressed a bitter laugh. He began to suspect the Illusive Man had sent him on a fool's errand. "So what makes Freedom's Progress different?"

"This time we'll be the first to arrive at the scene," Taylor explained. "Usually the looters are quicker. It's the Terminus after all. Looters, salvage teams, other interested parties... sometimes even official investigation teams from Citadel space." He grinned. "Like this one Spectre you might know..."

Lawson immediately interrupted him: "Details like this are unnecessary. Sufficient to say Citadel and Alliance investigations were spotty at best, and have turned up nothing. Cerberus can do better than them, and this time we'll be the first on the scene."

"No," Shepard disagreed. "_I _will." He wondered what Taylor had wanted to tell him. He had not known any of his Spectres colleagues personally. He doubted the Cerberus officer would tell him now, though, after Lawson had cut him off.

"You'll be in command of the mission," Lawson confirmed. "If the Illusive Man says you're in charge, you're in charge. But this _is_ a Cerberus mission."

_We'll see. _However, Shepard remained silent. Lawson of course knew how opposed he was to Cerberus, and hence she had to suspect that he would cooperate only as long as he deemed it necessary and that he would backstab her and Taylor whenever it would appear opportune. But there was no need to further confirm her fears.

"Right," he finally spoke up. "Our first priority should be finding survivors." Lawson clearly wanted to protest, but Shepard raised his hands to stop her. "I _know_ the chances of that will be very slim. If there have been no survivors on any of the other colonies there will be none here, either. But we have to cover all possibilities. If we do find or only suspect survivors, aiding or even rescuing them will be our first priority under exclusion of everything else."

"This is not why the Illusive Man sent us out to this planet," Lawson stated. "But it's a moot point. We won't find any survivors."

"Yeah well, that's what I fear as well," Shepard agreed. "So unless this unlikely case happens - just stay alert and keep your eyes open for any hints that might be useful."

"Understood, Shepard" Lawson affirmed. "With luck we'll find something that was missed at the other colonies."

"Then we can find out who's behind these attacks and get some payback," Taylor added.

The former Lazarus security officer clearly was the naive one in their trio, Shepard reflected. He himself and Lawson knew what was up, knew how potentially volatile their cooperation was. But Taylor still seemed to cling to the belief that they could all fight off this threat together and in camaraderie, that all their arguments so far were just problems in the beginning that could be overcome. He was wrong, of course.

If really hundred thousands of humans had been abducted without a trace then there indeed had to be payback. But as the shuttle began its descent onto Freedom's Progress, Shepard thought of his own visions of payback. Whoever had done the abductions was an enemy. But so was Cerberus. He had on occasion played different factions against each other two years ago, but he did not truly believe in the "enemy of my enemy" doctrine.

The shuttle landed on an open plaza in what appeared to be a larger settlement. Everything was covered in snow and the sky was dark. _Hemispherical winter and in the local night time. Just the right time to investigate such matters. _The city seemed to be built on several terraces. In fact, it appeared to be just several prefabs slapped onto those terraces without much in the way of urban planning.

Shepard got out if the shuttle. Below his boots, he heard the snow crunching. He looked around. _Prefabs, of course. _It was near-certain that if you went to a human colony you would see them. There were colonist kids out there who had lived their entire lives in them. They were easily transported to whatever empty spot on the globe you wanted to go to and quickly set up. Thus, they were perfect for the Alliance's policy of grabbing every distant world they could find by throwing a single village down on it, and things seemed to be not much different here in the Terminus.

To be fair, Freedom's Progress had actually been a comparably large colony with hundreds of thousands of people. Still, as far as Shepard was concerned, there was no actual reason for humans to go to such far flung places like here or Feros or any of the countless mini colonies in the Traverse or the Verge. The core colonies in the Exodus and Local Clusters had real cities with real buildings, real streets and all the necessary infrastructure. And yet 99% of their surface was still virgin wilderness. But instead of organically expanding into there, extending the already present infrastructure of the local colonies, human settlers went to every far away planet to set up a settlement, even if that was just a single village per planet.

_Though at least the settlers here had a reason for coming here instead of going to Eden Prime or Terra Nova. They wanted to get away from the Alliance. _Shepard could certainly respect that. Besides, all this mattered little now if they had indeed all been abducted. Hundred thousands of people being abducted cried for a response, no matter where it had happened.

He, Lawson and Taylor began walking in the settlement. There were some 'street lights' illuminating it, but there was also much clutter outside the prefabs: Boxes of equipment, technical stations, barrels. It added to the provisional and unfriendly look of the settlement. _This is almost as bad as Feros._ Most notably, though, they found not a single sign of life. They encountered no people and did not even hear any animals. It was eerie.

"This settlement alone housed almost 50,000 people," Lawson spoke up. "It was one of the colony's principal settlements."

"And now they're all gone," Taylor added.

"It seems so," Shepard agreed. "Let's check the interiors of the prefabs. If we can get in."

"Of course we can," Lawson assured him. "_I _can."

_Of course. So besides being a medical expert and a field agent, she's also a tech wizard. Should've figured. _

Not a single one of the electronic locks at the prefab's doors proved to be a problem for her. The trio entered one or two dozens of the buildings, but always found them completely abandoned.

Notably, when they entered what appeared to be a communal dining room, the tables were laid and with food on them.

"Looks like everybody just got up and left right in the middle of dinner," Taylor commented.

And when they left that prefab again, Lawson added: "It's strange. No bodies, no structural damage, no signs of battle. Yet everybody's missing."

Shepard hated to agree, even only mentally, but he had to. _It seems the Illusive Man was right. Good god, hundreds of thousands of people! And if he's willing to do something about it... _He shook his head. So many people missing demanded an investigation, and he would do that. That did not mean he would cooperate with Cerberus. _Then again, so many people... way more than Cerberus has ever killed, that's for sure... _

He realized that a principal problem with himself was how emotional he was. He had to _feel_ victories and defeats, injustices and problems. It was very easy to get angry about the atrocities Cerberus had committed. But hundred thousands of people vanishing without a trace, while being much worse, felt like an impersonal force of nature. Not something you would normally get angry about. It was just too big to feel it.

The three continued their tour through the colony. Suddenly, Taylor raised his hand and stopped. "Did you hear that?" he asked. When both Lawson and Shepard shook their heads he continued: "I could've sworn that sounded like a LOKI mech."

Shepard wanted to scoff at that, but Lawson immediately replied: "Get in cover, now."

Confused, Shepard followed her behind one of the countless crates that stood among the prefabs.

"Jacob was the Lazarus Project's security officer for two years," Lawson explained. "If anybody knows how LOKI mechs sound like, it's him. We used them extensively, as you've experienced."

Shepard was not quite sure he could believe that argument, and he was really annoyed how Lawson had taken over de facto command in that situation. Carefully, he looked over the crate - only to find a handful of LOKI Mechs coming around a prefab corner.

Hastily he got behind the crate again. "Okay, you're right. At least five LOKIs at ten o'clock."

"Strange," Lawson remarked. "At all other colonies all defence systems had been disabled."

"Yeah, well, let's worry about that later," Shepard answered. "We have to attack them before they find and attack us. Taylor, you stay here. Lawson and I will spread out. We'll start attacking as soon as we leave cover. Ready... go!"

Both he and Lawson darted away from the crate, while Taylor began firing. Shepard, too, used his weapon on the mechs, but running as he was he did not manage to land a hit. However, the VI capacity of the mechs had become strained enough by having to adapt suddenly to three hostiles, two of them moving, that he could find a new cover before the mechs had fired even a single shot.

It felt like a repetition of the fights on Lazarus Station. A very annoying repetition. Besides the bipedal LOKI mechs, a small horde of small quadrupedal mechs stormed towards their position as well. They ran faster than the team's bullets could whittle them down. Shepard had to hastily push away two with his biotic powers or else they would have reached him. _Damnit, what are those? They're like goddamn mechanical varren!_ Eventually, the mechs all went down, but Shepard doubted they would be the only ones this colony had.

The trio came up from their covers. Taylor commented: "Those mechs shouldn't have been hostile. They should have recognised us as human."

"Unless this colony never programmed them with such a security measure," Shepard answered. "There are enough human pirates out here in the Terminus as well."

"Even the most aggressive standard program would not have the mechs attack anybody on sight," Lawson stated. "Somebody must have reprogrammed them that way. This would also explain why they're up and running here, after the attack, even though that never happened on any other colony. We're not alone here."

It sounded like a warning, but Shepard took it another way. "That could mean there are survivors here."

"Whatever they are, after this incident I'd call them hostiles," Lawson answered.

Shepard briefly considered explaining to her that if it were in fact survivors that after witnessing such an attack _of course_ they would be in heightened paranoia mode. Then he remembered he did not _need _to explain anything. He was in command. "Operative Lawson, I told you that finding and rescuing any potential survivors has highest priority. Under no circumstances are any survivors to be treated as hostiles. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Shepard," Lawson confirmed. It sounded forced. "But until we find where they are hiding, I suggest we still try to find as much evidence for what has happened here as we can."

"Agreed," Shepard answered. "But let's make it quick."

They entered another prefab. Here, too, food was still on the table and suggested people had been in the middle of dinner. Shepard had to admit the dwelling looked nicer then where he had lived in as a youth - but then he had been a street kid, so what comparison was that? He still wondered why people would go out of their way to reach colonies thousands of light years away from earth, only to end up with communal sleeping rooms, communal kitchens, communal dining rooms... and they all looked very industrial and not very much like homes at all. _Might as well have stayed on Earth then. _

Lawson got some handheld instruments out of her pockets and began scanning the room. Despite the constantly stern look on her face, she did not manage to conceal her disappointment. Apparently there was nothing to be found here.

"Everything is in pristine condition," she reported. "There certainly have not been any looters here yet. But I can't find a single trace of what happened. All genetic material I've found is from humans, earth animals or the local biosphere. There are not even slightest hints of gunfire, neither ballistic nor lasers. There aren't even signs of people being dragged away or transported in any other way. And yet, they're evidently all gone."

Shepard shrugged. "So just like on every other colony before? Let's go looking for the potential survivors then."

"I suppose that's all that's left now," Lawson replied. "Maybe they've seen something. Pity about all the stuff here, though. In two weeks tops this will all be picked clean by looters."

"Damn scavengers," Taylor complained. "I can't fathom how people can sink so low and steal from the dead."

"The dead don't need the stuff anymore," Shepard replied calmly. "Spare your anger for whoever did this. Hate those who would destroy entire colonies." He paused. "You know, like Cerberus."

Taylor did not answer, but to Shepard's surprise he did cast his view down. Meanwhile, Lawson was glaring angrily at the ex-Commander.

The trio went through some more prefabs. Lawson still could not find any hints to what had happened on the planet, and there were no clues where the mysterious potential survivors were, either. It was quite frustrating.

They entered yet another prefab. It appeared to be larger than the others, so there was a chance it once had fulfilled a special function. Shepard did not believe they would find something of value in it, though. Quite unmotivated he passed through the door...

...and it locked behind them. Immediately, Lawson turned around to fix this while Taylor and Shepard drew their weapons.

"It's keeping me out of the system!" Lawson reported. She sounded downright insulted that somebody would dare to be able to out hack her.

A male voice came from around a corner inside the prefab: "Lay down your weapons and surrender. You're surrounded and outnumbered."

_This accent... _Translators often gave certain accents to certain races as a sort of unspoken convention. _So either they're from the CIS or... quarians? Here?_

Another voice, this time female, spoke up: "Prazza, let me handle this. You heard him, though, Cerberus goons. You have eight seconds."

_No! No, it can't be! It's impossible! _Shepard knew the voice. _Utterly impossible!_

Trembling, he let his shotgun fall down to the floor. He would never fire on that person, no matter what, not even if she ended up as an enemy in a firefight.

"Tali? Tali, is that you?" he asked in a croaked voice. He still could not believe it. He removed his helmet and let it clutter to the floor as well.

"Shepard, what are you doing?" Lawson hissed at his side.

Tali's voice came from her cover: "How do you..." Then she came around the corner, and stopped. She seemed frozen in shock.

Her envirosuit had changed. It was all black now, with some purple ornaments, including a cloth hood. Nonetheless, her voice and her reaction made it clear:

_Tali. It really is Tali. _

000000

_Freedom's Progress... I'm sure Jon would have had a thing or two to say about such a settlement. _

Modular housing units were everywhere, here and then even loosely stacked above each other. Their interiors were bland, stacked full with stuff and really looked more like industrial production facilities rather than homes. Even though, according to quarian databases, Freedom's Progress was supposed to have a rather large population for a human colony, it nonetheless was exactly the sort of settlement Shepard had rallied against.

The humans here seemed to have lived in conditions just as crammed as on the Flotilla. But unlike the quarians, they had apparently _chosen_ this life. They had come to this planet out of their own free will and had built up cities like this, entirely consisting of crammed modular housing units. In addition, it seemed they had not even tried to make their homes look at least a bit more comfortable and less industrial. At least quarians did everything to decorate their overfilled rooms and make them homely.

Not that it mattered greatly: All those colonists seemed to have vanished. It was very, very eerie. Tali did not like this detour in their mission one bit.

"The message was right," a quarian to her side stated, a man named Prazza. "Every human here has vanished. This 'Veetor' was foolish to spend his pilgrimage here."

"According to the psychological profile the Board has sent us he never liked great masses of people," Tali reminded him. "So maybe he liked it here."

Prazza gave her a look that she could identify, despite his helmet, as one full of disdain. He breathed in to say something, but then let it be. Nonetheless Tali could imagine what he had wanted to tell her. _Something along of the lines of 'Of course _you _would like it among humans'. _He knew about the rumours about her and Shepard, and he plainly did not approve. In fact he had already proven to be a constant annoyance, and that even before the mission had properly started.

"Damn!" one of the other marines on Tali's team cursed. "Mechs spotted. They're hostile!"

_So the message was right about that as well. _A small host of bipedal and smaller quadrupedal mechs descended upon the quarians. It was not difficult to hack into them, and the quarian team was large enough to deal with them easily. But a working defence system, geared against them, would make everything so much more complicated.

The team continued their search through the abandoned housing units. Originally the team had been assembled to go to Haestrom, on a scientific mission into geth space Tali thought ludicrously dangerous. She led the team. Her father had ordered her deployment, over her protests. At first he even had just assumed she would volunteer because he told her to, but she had forced him to make it an official order and had logged an official protest. The relationship between the two, never very good to begin with, had turned to almost icy when she had left.

On the way to the target planet a message had reached the team. It had said that a quarian on pilgrimage was stranded on a human colony that had just suffered a devastating attack. Since that colony was so near to the team's route the message had suggested they could investigate. In fact, it had been oddly specific: It had known the identity of the quarian, it had known all humans had just vanished, it had known where that quarian was hiding and it had known that the colony's mech defence force would be hostile.

Tali was very suspicious of that message. Its sender had been anonymous, and its origin had been untraceable. _How would anybody have so much information? __Apparently, they can e__ven tracking single quarians on their pilgrimages. And the attack on this colony is only some hours old, and yet the sender was up to date about it. _A person with so many information sources surely was very powerful. _But why then would they bother with us quarians? And why would they offer their information free of charge? Without even naming a name, so they aren't even expecting gratitude. _

As far as Tali was concerned, the galaxy simply was not that friendly. As the quarians' collective experience had shown, the universe was cold and uncaring and that was her philosophy as well. And walking through a totally abandoned settlement, with no people and no animals around, in the midst of night - that only heightened her paranoia that they had been lured into a trap.

"I don't like this," she finally muttered.

"We have our orders straight from the Board," Prazza reminded her. "We will carry them out."

That was a main reason why Prazza had been so annoying all the time: Tali suspected that her father had sent him along as a sort of watchdog. Even though a mission into geth space required a crack team, Prazza really seemed to be more enthusiastic than competent. And he was straight laced and loyal to the Board to a fault. Tali suspected that after her refusal to be volunteered her father had gotten some second thoughts about her. And so now she had to put up with Prazza reminding her about her duties at least hourly, or so it seemed.

The problem was that Prazza apparently knew his role, and that emboldened him. He even had felt justified in questioning her authority now and then already. This did not bode well for Haestrom. As she had learned under Shepard, no qualities were more important for leading a unit than unit cohesion and a clear line of command. Even bad orders were still better on the battlefield than ambiguous ones or none at all.

He was right, though: Only soon after she had relayed the message of their mysterious benefactor to the Admiralty Board, the order to find and evacuate Veetor had come from them. And Tali agreed that was the only responsible thing to do. Quarians had to look out for each other; in a way they were all family. And the pilgrimage tradition was dangerous enough as it was; refusing to help stranded quarians on pilgrimage would make it unacceptable.

_If we did this, the tradition would be as bad as Jon made it out to be. _Back on the _Normandy, _she had at first been aghast at his criticism of such a vital quarian tradition. Only later had she realized that he had done so because he truly wished safety and happiness for everybody, even random quarians on pilgrimage. In fact, this had been more or less when she had realized just what sort of character he had had.

Now, two years later, she had to admit that sending out the youngest and hence most inexperienced adult members of the fleet to face, all on their own, a hostile galaxy, far away from everything they have known so far was maybe a needlessly harsh tradition. She had mastered her own pilgrimage, and she had met Shepard on it. So for her, it had been a wonderful time, despite all troubles in the beginning. But she knew that her experience was an exception to the rule. And given that the quarians did not face constant bouts of starvation and were not really dependent on the resources brought back from pilgrimages anymore, maybe there was not much sense in that tradition these days. These days, their resource situation was constantly stretched, but never catastrophic.

_Nothing I can do about that, though. All I can do is help one lost quarian on his pilgrimage. _So she would do that.

"More mechs coming!"

The shout ripped Tali out of her introspective thoughts. The colony's defence system seemed to have identified the quarian team as a tactical threat rather than just an intrusion, and now reacted accordingly. A veritable horde of mechs approached their position.

Tali pointed to a large housing unit nearby. "Fall back into there!" she shouted. The structure looked defensible.

It was a hasty retreat, at times too unorganized. _We can't afford that once we get to Haestrom. _What followed was a classical siege - a tactical situation most quarian marines had little training in. They just tried to hold off the mechs at every entrance best as they could.

Tali managed to retain some oversight over the situation. So far it seemed no quarian had been critically wounded yet, but she saw marines falling back at all fronts, and some hid behind cover waiting for their shields to recharge. She herself tried to hack into the mechs' systems. She managed to jam their guns, to mess up their friend/foe identification so they would shoot on their robot companions and to ruin their orientation. _But there are just so many of them! And since when do humans mass produce security mechs, anyway? _

And just when Tali thought everything was lost, that the mechs would overrun them, their attack ended. There were no more of them coming; their waves which had seemed never ending did in fact cease now. The quarians had weathered the attack. But as Tali looked around she saw at least three marines with punctured envirosuits. _This is bad. _The team had more antiobiotics than they would ever realistically need, for just this kind of purpose. Antibiotics, however, were not a surefire way of avoiding crippling infections. And the worst part was that this had happened before they had even reached Haestrom. In fact, before they had even reached Veetor.

She spoke up: "We have to assume the entire settlement is hostile territory. No more scouting. We need a straight path to Veetor's position."

Around her, everybody nodded. Only Prazza again did not fall in line. "Good of you to finally notice."

Tali ignored him and went to a nearby table. She swept away the bits and pieces on it to the ground, and put a holographic projector there. Shortly after, it showed a map of the settlement. Their own position and Veetor's position were marked.

"Most direct paths to Veetor lead us straight through the city," one of the marines remarked. "If more such horde attacks happen we will be in no shape to reach him."

"We could circle around the settlement, and reach Veetor's position from behind," another one suggested.

"The colony's defence system stretches beyond the limits of the settlement," Tali stated. "So the mechs would spot us even there. Still... it would catch them out of position."

"And while we dance around them, the mechs are free to do whatever they want," Prazza mocked the plan. "Meanwhile, Veetor's physical and psychological situation further deteriorates because we take the long way around."

"Veetor won't be helped if the mechs shoot us all down before we can reach him," Tali replied matter-of-factly.

"But getting to Veetor as soon as possible is a crucial factor," another marine supported Prazza's position.

Tali nodded and looked at the holographic plan. A small team could maybe make their way directly through the mech-infested streets. Especially if another larger team was to draw the mechs and drones to outside the settlement. Back on the _Normandy_ she would have trusted everybody on the squad to form such a small elite team. However, she was less secure about the marines she was now commanding. That plan was hence maybe not possible.

"I know," she replied, "but we have certain limits, that..."

"Excuse me," the team's sensor specialist interrupted her, a woman called Marre'Zam "but it might be we have more problems. A shuttle has just landed in the settlement." She marked its location on the map. It was not far away.

"Have they spotted us yet?" Tali asked.

"Unknown," Marre replied, "I suggest sending an observation drone. Among all the colony's drones it will hardly be notable."

"Do so," Tali confirmed. She knew Marre; she was a ship sister from the _Neema. _She liked her professionalism and her calm nature. It was a very refreshing contrast to Prazza's constant defiance.

She set up another holo-projector on the table, right next to the one projecting the map. After a while, it showed the transmissions of the optical drone. Three humans were moving through the the settlement. One was in a heavy, plain black armour, a helmet covering his entire head and face. He seemed to lead the group. Two other humans, a man and a woman, wore light armour, their faces open.

Tali zoomed onto the lighter armoured humans. They wore an insignia on their armours... _Cerberus! _"They're Cerberus."

"Cerberus? What is Cerberus doing here?" Prazza asked outraged.

_Cerberus. Jon's nemesis. The people who drove his girlfriend to suicide. The people who had Gillian abused and exploited for years. The people who slaughtered civilians on the _Neema**[1]**. There was a clear hostility between quarians and Cerberus, and Tali in particular loathed them. At first it had been only as a way to uphold Shepard's memory, continuing the feud in his name, but by now she had history of her own with that human group.

_What _are _they doing here? _It could not be a coincidence that a Cerberus team would come to this world mere hours after such a mysterious and devastating attack had taken place here. _Are they here to investigate it? Have they gotten a mysterious message as well? _That was a possibility: That whoever had sent this message to the quarians had also sent it to other people, and was playing a perfidious game with them all.

_Or... _Tali remembered what she had seen of Cerberus while she had been on the _Normandy. _Already back then, they had destroyed an entire human colony, on Chasca. It had only been a small pioneer settlement of about a hundred people. The population of Freedom's Progress had been several thousand times this. Still, Tali would not put it past Cerberus to wipe out even a large human colony to test this or that technology. Especially if it was a technology powerful enough to in fact instantly depopulate an entire planet. _Are they here to study the results of what they have done? _

It was just a theory, without much proof, but at the moment no possible theory of what Cerberus was doing here could be backed up with much proof.

"It's just three people," Prazza observed. "We can easily overwhelm then. We have to go out and eliminate them. They're a security risk!"

"Go out into the mech infested city?" Tali retorted. In fact, the Cerberus team, too, had already been forced to fight off a mech unit. "I think not."

"Do you want to leave those terrorists loose here?" Prazza asked.

"No," Tali answered firmly. She did in fact want that team eliminated, simply because it was Cerberus. In this at least she for once agreed with Prazza. But there had to be a more intelligent way to do so. "But if we go out we'll just clear all the mechs for them."

"What do you suggest then?" Marre asked.

"The housing unit we're in is pretty unique," Tali mused. "If they're here to investigate the place" _for whatever reason _"they'll eventually come to here. If not, we can nudge them our way, by deliberately emitting signals or hacking into their electronic systems. We set up a trap for them here."

"Which means we're caught here while they are free to run around in the city," Prazza complained. "What if they get to Veetor first? What if a Cerberus team gets to him?"

"They have the same problems we have," Tali reminded him. "They'll have to find a way through all these mechs, too, and they are even only three people. They won't go straight to Veetor." She paused. "Besides... I'm all for eliminating Cerberus members. But capturing them alive might be even better. Think of the intelligence this could provide us with!" _This could hurt Cerberus way more than just killing them. _The thought pleased Tali. _And we could learn if they're really behind what has happened here. _

"That's true," another marine agreed. "We have such a numerical superiority that just killing them would be a waste. We can aim higher."

"Very well then," Prazza grumbled. "Have it your way. We'll hide here and just wait for the terrorists."

"Yes," Tali confirmed sternly. "And remember, I'll do the talking."

"Whatever you say," Prazza agreed half-heartedly.

Tali removed the two holo-projectors from the table, while other marines carried their equipment, which so far had been lying around loosely, into the back of the housing unit. A short while afterward, nothing in the entrance area betrayed that there had been quarians here.

Tali managed to skillfully control the visual drone so that the Cerberus team did not spot it, meaning she could track their course through the city. However, when the human woman pulled out some sensor electronics Tali had to deactivate it, to prevent detection. Now the quarians were blind regarding the Cerberus team. _All we can do now is pray they come our way and wait. _

Time seemed to pass in a trickle. All quarians were hiding in the area behind the entrance room. Should the Cerberus team enter the building, they would get a nasty surprise. That was an exciting thought, but so far all Tali could do was to wait.

"The Cerberus team can do ancestors know what out there!" Prazza complained.

"Quiet!" Tali hushed him up.

Finally, after a long time of waiting, Tali's omi-tool informed her that somebody was working on the housing unit's door. It appeared they had not discovered her sleeper programs in the system. The door opened, the Cerberus team entered... and Tali activated her programs. The door closed and locked behind the humans.

A female voice complained: "It's keeping me out of the system!" The pure indignation in her voice provoked a smug smile in Tali. She had to admit, the woman was good. Her command routines were top notch. But she was no match for Tali.

However, while the quarian had observed this she had not been able to do anything else. So despite his agreement to let her do the talking, Prazza spoke up now: "Lay down your weapons and surrender. You're surrounded and outnumbered."

_Bosh'tet. _Tali was annoyed how he could not even keep to the simplest of commands. "Prazza, let me handle this. You heard him, Cerberus goons. You have eight seconds."

She heard a clunking sound from the entrance area. Somebody had just let something drop. A croaked human voice spoke up. It was full of disbelief. "Tali? Tali, is that you?"

_Who in ancestors' name... how would a Cerberus operative know me? _That was already puzzling enough, but beyond that she also was certain she knew that voice. It had come muffled from beneath a helmet, but she knew it, she was absolutely sure of that. A second clunking sound could be heard.

She was so surprised and astonished that she forgot all caution. She stood up from her cover and walked into the entrance area. "How do you... " she began, but then she stopped cold. The man she had seen through the observation drone as being in a full body armour had removed his helmet.

It was Shepard. Against all reason and logic, it was him. Which was impossible. The thoughts in her heard were tumbling over each other.

_No. How... how is that possible? It can't be! It's physically impossible! I heard him die!_

_Two years! I've mourned him two years! _

_It's impossible! There must be another explanation..._

_Is he... is he really alive? Is it him? _

_It's just plain impossible!_

_Maybe everything gets right again now..._

_But... but Cerberus! Shepard and Cerberus? Ludicrous!_

Behind her, Prazza asked "Who is it?", but she barely noticed him.

"Jon... Jon!" Tali muttered. "How... what..."

Finally she got her thoughts together again. _This can't be Jon! _She took aim with her shotgun, right at him. Rage roared inside her. "I heard Jon die. And you, whoever you are, are with Cerberus. Jon would never do that. This is a cheap trick! You're desecrating his memory!" _How dare they!_

"I... It was not entirely by my own choice, I can assure you," the fake Shepard answered unsurely.

Immediately and without hesitation Tali now aimed her weapon at the man besides him. She wanted, she really _wanted_ this to be the real Shepard, no matter how impossible that was. She just could not believe this to be the case. Still, if by any ridiculously small chance it was Cerberus forcing the real Shepard, then she would fight at his side, no questions asked. He just needed to give the word.

Shepard, real or fake, smiled wistfully. "I see you haven't lost your touch." He sighed, and his voice began to tremble. "Tali... I... I don't know what's going on either. I've just woken up two days ago. They say it's been two years. Is this really true?"

"What do you mean, you woke up?" Tali asked outraged. "You've been _dead_ for two years." She did not even notice the absurdity of her statement.

The human woman in the team spoke up: "It's more precise to say we've been working on him for two years."

Meanwhile, the rest of Tali's team finally came out of their cover as well. They all had their weapons drawn and raised.

"Dead..." the Shepard figure mused softly and sadly. His voice was in stark contrast to the situation around him, with weapons drawn all around. Yet he, whoever he was, seemed to be focused only on her. "You must have mourned me then. I'm sorry."

"I did mourn for _Jon,_" Tali answered angrily. "Not for some Cerberus toadie." As soon as she could prove this all was just a Cerberus deception she would kill them all. Slowly and painfully. For hurting her and for desecrating Jon's memory.

The Shepard figure recoiled at her words. "Don't worry, I'd never join that scum." It sounded both soft and defensive. "But the facility I've woken up in belonged to them. Now I... well, you've seen it. This world is dead. I need to find out what happened here. Then I'll be gone." He glared at the woman at his side. "And they will be my prey again."

_That's something Jon would have said. _The woman did not seem to be frightened in the slightest, though. "Until then we have a mission. I know this all is important to you, but we need to continue with it."

"Shut up," the fake Shepard... the Shepard figure... _Jon?_... muttered.

Tali really did not know what to think. If the man in front of her was just a Cerberus thrall, then surely the organisation would have a firmer grasp on him? Unless she had just witnessed a show to deceive her. _But this meeting was pure chance, so why would they set out to deceive me... or was it? The message could have come from Cerberus..._ His story could be true, theoretically, but it sounded so very farfetched.

But on the other hand... just seeing his face, no matter if it was on the real him or on a fake, seemed to wash away two years of loss in her. Two years that had not been unhappy, but still had been lacking something. Somebody. It was foolish, but she really _wanted_ him to be the true Shepard. She had always been and for the most part still was a very, very rational woman. What one wanted did not figure into what was true or not. But in this case, she just found it impossible to uphold her rationality.

She wanted him to be real, and she desperately wanted some proof for that.

Distraught, she pleaded: "This could still all be a Cerberus trick. How can I be sure?"

"You can't," Shepard answered softly. "I know. I'm sorry."

"It... it does sound just like you. Like Jon, I mean." The words came out of Tali's mouth automatically. She realized she was rambling. _But if this really is Jon... if it really is him... _Her entire world seemed to turn upside down. "Even if it's Cerberus... the chance that it could be you... I'm just so glad to see you alive again."

"I can... imagine." Shepard answered. He appeared to breath heavily. His voice cracked. "And I'm glad to see you. I can only tell you that I'm me - whether that's Jonathan Shepard or not. And waking up surrounded by Cerberus, in the middle of an attack, too... that was bad. It's very good to - to finally see somebody friendly..." Control of his voice slipped him. Tali noticed that a tear blurred her vision. "And to... to see you, of all people, that..."

She could not quite say how it happened, but with both of them trembling, both of them looking desperate, both of them having their entire world turned upside down... it was impossible to tell who started it, but suddenly they ended up in a tight embrace.

_Oh ancestors... he's alive. Jon is alive. He's alive. _Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but for the moment that overruled everything else in Tali. More tears came forth.

"This is... I shouldn't..." she rambled at his shoulder, "but, damnit, two years..."

It was really not exactly a dignified show in front of her team. She had always considered herself to be a reasonably strong and rational woman, somebody who knew about necessities and priorities of action. Surely somebody who would not be overwhelmed by emotion like this.

But Shepard had been her only serious love, beyond just youthful infatuation, the species barrier be damned, and now she was seeing him after having thought him dead for two years. Whatever emotional barriers she had, they were all crushed down by the weight of this event: She was finally in his arms again.

Maybe she would pay a price in lost respect, but at the moment she could not help it. Everything around her, her team and the planet and the entire damn galaxy, did not matter to her right now.

"Two years that are over now," Shepard whispered to her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you had to mourn me. I'm sorry." He sounded just as lost in a tumult of emotions as Tali was.

"It's alright," Tali whispered back. "I'm fine now. I'm _fine._"

Behind them, Prazza and the human woman exchanged puzzled looks.

**000000**

**[1] **In case you haven't read Reaping the Storm and also ignored the Foreword summary, the Idenna Incident as it was in canon here happened on the _Neema_ and involved Tali.


	6. Ch4: Freedom's Progress II: Veetor

For the first time since had he woken up from his coma, Shepard felt content, or at least close enough. His only worry was for the person in his arms.

He had his eyes closed, his senses entirely focused on the body he held onto, as much as his armour and her envirosuit allowed. For him, having slept away two years, it had not been a long time since he had last seen Tali. But in the time since he had woken up he had been in combat, pushed around, abducted, surrounded by Cerberus, instrumentalized by them, confronted with betrayal, had even been unsure and still was unsure if he really was himself... amidst all this sea of insanity to finally see a friendly person, and her out of all people, was nothing short of a miracle.

He really could not think of it in any other terms. What was the likelihood that already on his first tour outside of Cerberus facilities he would meet her of all people? He did not even dare think how she would see it. After all, she had thought him dead for two years and had mourned him. For her it had to appear like real divine intervention, or the will of the ancestors or something like that. He was so sorry she had had to go through all of this. So sorry for the pain he, his death, had caused. He vowed to never let it happen again.

So if she now rocked back and forth a little in his arms, who could blame her? After all, Shepard's own emotions were not in a much stabler state. Right now, he felt incapable of doing anything else than clinging to her as tightly as possible. She was his firm rock to hold onto, his safe haven from all the things that troubled him: Cerberus, his cooperation with them, the question whether he truly was himself. All that was forgotten in this moment. This one perfect moment.

However, they were allowed only a short respite. Around them, the world went on. He realized, without paying much attention to it, that the scene must look very odd. Both his team and Tali's team looked at them bewildered. Both sides had geared up for a fight, and now their respective leaders were tightly embracing one another.

So, inevitably, they began to argue with each other. A male quarian - _Prazza. Tali has called him Prazza - _spoke up. Shepard really did not want this sound to intrude into his own private world, but it did. "I'm not sure about Shepard, but you two are definitely Cerberus. Your attack on the _Neema_ is not forgotten. Your butchery!"

_Butchery? _Shepard had no clue what the quarian was talking about, and would rather continue to focus on Tali, but Prazza's implicit mention of a Cerberus crime did raise some of his interest. He would put no 'butchery' beyond Cerberus.

"I wouldn't call it that. It was nothing personal," Lawson answered. _A defence of a crime is an admission of a crime. _"In any case, we're well within our rights to investigates attacks on a human colony. I'd like to know what quarians are doing here."

"We don't answer to Cerberus," Prazza retorted.

"You should," Lawson argued. "We're investigating..."

With a sigh, Shepard ended the hug. He looked into Tali's eyes one last time, as much as her visor allowed, smiled reassuringly and then turned to Lawson.

"Lawson, you were not authorised to speak," he interrupted the Cerberus operative sternly. "You agreed that authority on this mission rests with me. It's good to see how much I can trust your word. I handle this. Your insubordination will be noted for the future."

"Insub... sorry, Com... Shepard," Lawson apologized. "You're right, the Illusive Man..."

"For the record," Shepard interrupted her, "Cerberus doesn't have any more inherent rights to be here than quarians. You _are_ rightly classified as a terrorist organization. You do _not_ stand for humanity." He turned to Tali again. He could not be bothered to hear any justifications from Lawson.

Tali seemed to catch herself again, bringing her emotions under control again. She took a deep breath and explained: "Prazza is right, we don't answer to Cerberus. But I should explain to you, at least. One of our people was here on Pilgrimage. His name is Veetor. Our team was informed about him and the attack, and then dispatched immediately to find him."

"Odd, the Migrant Fleet isn't anywhere near..." Lawson began. Shepard raised his hand to signal her to stop. He was not interested in what she had to say. Naturally, he would trust Tali over her any time. And if Tali wanted to keep secrets, he would even help her in that, even against his own team.

"I see," he answered. "We're here to look for survivors. I'm sure Cerberus would only be interested in human survivors, if that, but well, I'm in charge here. So we'll help."

"Shepard!" Lawson began to protest, while nearly at the same time Prazza addressed Tali: "You suggest we should work with your Cerberus friends now?"

It was almost ironic.

Shepard again waved Lawson off, while Tali told Prazza: "You're working for me, Prazza, and I decide we work together with Shepard's team. If you have a problem with it, I hereby grant you permission to return to the ship. With two teams we have a very good chance to reach Veetor now."

Shepard saw Lawson grimacing at the mention of the quarian ship. _We've detected none on our approach. Tali must have successfully hid it somehow. For once, Lawson has been outsmarted. _He liked that thought.

Tali turned to him and continued: "We suspect it was Veetor who has reprogrammed these mechs. He's hiding in a warehouse on the far side of the town. From all we could gather, he might not be in the best of states. He was injured and, ah, nervous."

"What she means is that he's always been unstable," Prazza spoke up. "Combine that with damage to his suit's CO2 scrubbers and an infection from an open air exposure, and he's likely delirious."

"Yes. Those are the facts on the ground," Tali agreed. "We've been working on tactics here how to reach Veetor's position. We aren't equipped to deal with so many mechs, so we can't take the frontal approach. You and your... _team_ might have the right equipment, though."

"So you suggest a joint push against the mechs?" Shepard asked.

Tali seemed to hesitate, almost to fight with herself for a short while, but then answered: "No. This could work, too, but I think it's more efficient if we get the mechs out of position first. My team can circle around the far side and draw off some of the mechs and drones to clear you a path."

In effect, that meant Tali expected him to take the more difficult and more risky job. However, that coming from _her_ instead of from Cerberus meant that Shepard had no problem with it. And she was right, Cerberus had equipped him and his team very well.

"All right," he hence agreed. "You've been the one studying the tactical situation, so I'm sure your plan makes sense." He expected Lawson to protest, but strangely, the woman remained quiet. "So we'll do it."

"Good," Tali said. She called up a holographic map on her omni-tool. "This is where we are currently. This is where Veetor is. This is the route we will take. And this is the route you should take. Here, I'll copy this all to your omni-tool. Give us some head start, so that the drones will try to reach us. Once you move out, they should be out of position" Hesitantly, she turned and began to gather her equipment.

"Stay in comm contact," Shepard told her with concern in his voice. He knew that some drones would be no problem for her, but now, after just having met her again, he wanted her to be extra careful. "And... well, we can talk after we've found Veetor."

"We will," Tali agreed. "It's good to see you alive... have you back." She looked him straight into the eyes, for maybe an awkward moment too long. "Ah, we'll see each other on the flipside. Good luck, and... stay safe."

And with that she and her team left the prefab. Shepard was again alone with his two Cerberus terrorists.

Taylor grinned goodhearted. "You're one lucky... Commander, aren't you, Shepard?"

Shepard sighed. This was an all too obvious and very much misplaced attempt at building up camaraderie. He could not come down too harsh on it, though. At least Taylor was not Lawson, so maybe there was still some use in him. "I'm no Commander."

"I don't think the Navy should've been so harsh on you after..." Taylor began.

"Is that what they tell now?" Shepard interrupted him. "That they fired me? No. I left. I threw my Star of Terra to Ambassador Udina's feet. I want to have nothing more to do with the Alliance. Not after BAaT, not after Feros."

This made Taylor hesitate. Finally he said: "Still, you're damn lucky running into her of all people."

"True," Shepard admitted coldly. "But it's none of your business."

This finally stopped Taylor cold. His face darkened. He finally seemed to get the message. And he didn't like it. "What's your problem anyway? We brought you back from the dead! And yet all you do is complain about Cerberus!"

This made Shepard forget his intention to not come down too hard on Taylor. "My problem? You want to know what my problem is with Cerberus? I told that already two years ago! Two years ago I published what Cerberus has done, all their crimes. And yet here you are, part of that organization that killed a colony and two marine platoons!"

"You can't reduce Cerberus to just that," Taylor defended himself. "We're doing good for humanity!"

"Why, but you destroy one colony and it's like that's all people talk about!" Shepard mocked him. "You killed so many people, it doesn't matter what else you might do!"

"It's a dangerous galaxy out there," Taylor argued. "The salarians have the STG, the asari have their Commandos, so humanity needs an equivalent organization to protect itself. That's Cerberus."

"Oh yes, protecting humanity! By killing off humans!" Shepard scoffed. "I don't give a damn what salarians and asari have. If such organizations commit atrocities, it's better for humanity not to have one. Not that I really think STG and Commandos do the same shit as Cerberus does."

"Shepard," Lawson spoke up now. As always, she was perfectly calm. "The actions you mentioned, like those on Chasca and Edolus, had not been authorised by the Illusive Man. Two years ago Cerberus' military wing had begun to operate increasingly independently. In effect, they had gone rogue."

"What?" Shepard exclaimed and whirled around to her.

"Cerberus consists of three wings - military, scientific, political." Lawson explained. "The Lazarus Project belonged to the scientific wing. All Cerberus projects, facilities and members you encountered two years ago belonged to the military wing, and they were acting without authorization from the Illusive Man."

"This is utterly transparent," Shepard replied. "Everybody can make such a claim. The military wing, huh, not the scientific wing? So that explains all the research I encountered, on rachni, Thorian creepers, dragoon teeth and so on. Yeah, right."

"I told you they were increasingly becoming independent," Lawson said. "They were still useful. I won't pretend you did us a favour by eradicating them or anything of that sort. But what they did wasn't truly what Cerberus stands for."

"Right," Shepard commented sarcastically.

"You've seen what we're capable of. Do you really think a rogue Alliance black ops unit could establish the Lazarus Project or build the warship you've seen?" Lawson asked rhetorically. "But two years ago that was what you believed. That's because you were only dealing with the military wing, and the line about us being a rogue Alliance black ops unit was their smoke screen. A damn good one, too. After all they already were organized as a military unit. That's how you can know you've only dealt with them, because you swallowed their smoke screen hook, line and sinker."

Now Shepard laughed bitterly. "Make this line of argumentation any more contrived, and you can make a metaphysical theory out of it."

"Believe what you want then. Fact is..." Lawson began.

Shepard interrupted her: "Oh, I do. That's exactly why I'll be gone after this mission. Whoever did these abductions needs to be stopped and punished. But so does Cerberus."

"Whoever did this won't be stopped if we sit here all day arguing," Taylor intervened. "We should get going."

"Right," Shepard agreed before Lawson could speak up again. "Grab your gear, we're moving out."

Again the trio walked among the snow-covered prefabs of the settlement, the temperature between them now colder than the atmospheric temperature. Shepard did not really feel sorry for that, since as far as he was concerned all he had done was tell the truth. In his mind it illustrated nicely why he would never work for Cerberus. It just would not work anyway, and besides, the discussion had been a good reminder of their crimes.

Tali's plan seemed to work. While the group did encounter mechs, they met only small groups of them, and no larger concentrations. The robots all seemed to be on the way to the outskirts of the city and reacted only very sluggishly to the appearance of the team, as if they had to adjust themselves to it. As was planned, the trio caught them all disorganized during their movement to intercept the quarians. It was relatively easy to dispose of them. For a less well equipped team, like the quarians, their sheer numbers would probably have been problematic, though.

The drones were more dangerous. So far they had encountered none on the planet, but now they seemed to appear in droves. Shepard had already hated those things two years back. Flitting around in the air, they were difficult to hit but could deal quite some damage on their own. During his two years of coma it seems the drones had only gotten bigger. At least the ones here on Freedom's Progress seemed to be.

The problem was that there constantly appeared to be some of them in the air. All he, Taylor and Lawson could do was to keep their count low enough to be non-threatening. It was a constant battle of material that dragged through all of the settlement.

Tali spoke up on the comm system: "Jon. A squad of security drones heading our way just turned around. They'll try to intercept you."

"Understood," Shepard acknowledged. "We'll take care of them."

"Just be careful," Tali told him in a decidedly non-professional voice.

"I will be," Shepard assured her. "You be careful, too."

The new wave of drones forced Shepard's team to stop and seek cover. So far they had quickly passed through the settlement, nearing their target with haste, but now a drawn-out slugfest of a battle ensued. Due to their airborne agility, it was difficult to get a good cover against the drones. Around Shepard, his shields were basically constantly flickering blue. His armour proved to be very resilient, with strong shield generators, but Lawson and Taylor were not so lucky. When he had time to look out for them, he saw that Lawson's shields had faltered, and there was an impact hole in her armour.

_I don't even want to know what would've happened if __she__ had stayed in her ridiculous catsuit._

Eventually, the drone count in the sky thinned out. Bit by bit the flying mechanical pests were shot down and none came to replace them.

Finally Lawson came over to Shepard and reported: "I think we got them all. No more mechs in sight, either. Veetor is running out of toys, it seems." She held her left side, but Shepard trusted she had already applied medi-gel on the wound.

Tali called him on the comm system: "Are you okay, Jon?"

"I'm fine," he replied. "Drones can't take me down. How are you faring?"

"I think we're getting along too slowly, but at least we're all secure," Tali reported.

"I hope you stay that way," Shepard said. He sounded as unprofessional now as she had before.

At his side, Lawson groaned. Shepard grinned at that. _Probably annoyed by the non-professionalism._ He took some moments to catch some breath and then said: "Okay, let's continue. Just because the quarians are lagging behind the timetable doesn't mean we have..."

He was interrupted by Tali: "Jon. I have a mutiny situation on my hands. Prazza has taken over most of the squad. They're now on a direct path to Veetor's location. They want to find him and take him away before you get there."

_The plan is coming apart at the seams. Shit. _

"We should have expected this," Lawson said resigned.

Shepard turned to her and told her sternly: "I wouldn't trust Cerberus either. In fact, I don't. Our mission aim right now, the joint mission aim of us and the quarians, is to save Veetor. It doesn't matter which team gets him; the mission aim is fulfilled in either case. Maybe we even have destroyed enough mechs to have cleared a path for the quarians. Let's hope so."

"We need Veetor as witness to what has happened," Lawson argued.

Something made click in Shepard's mind. "So that's why you didn't protest our role in the plan. Because we'd get to Veetor first, and all you cared about is what he has seen. So Prazza is actually right in worrying and wanting to get to him first."

Lawson looked him into the face unfazed, but did not answer. He continued: "Anyway, we need to back them up in case something bad happens to them, so we need to hurry."

"Back them up?" Taylor asked. "After they..."

"Yes," Shepard interrupted him aggressively. "Now, move! Move! That's an order!"

Shepard had never been the sort of commanding officer to rule with an iron fist. However, with two Cerberus operatives under his command it was necessary and actually satisfying. And while neither Lawson nor Taylor liked it, at least they did follow his orders. The trio walked through the city at a heightened speed. Fortunately, they did not encounter further drones. Their way led them continuously downward, from one terrace down to the next. The warehouse Tali had spoken of seemed to be part of a transport hub, and it made sense that such a facility was located in the lowest and flattest part of the settlement.

Shepard was actually worried that they encountered no mechs. In the worst circumstance that could mean the robots all focused on the quarians. While Prazza and his men were mutineers, this did not mean they deserved to die. Shepard was determined to get as many people as possible off this world alive if he could help it, including Veetor. In fact, that had higher priority to him than his own team, which was merely Cerberus after all.

When they nearly had reached the bottom of the terraces, Tali reported: "Prazza's squad has reached the loading bay. I'm behind them, in case something bad happens, but none of us has the right equipment should something bad happen. You need to hu..." She interrupted herself. "Veetor has reprogrammed a heavy mech. Prazza's people will stand no chance against it!"

"They did want to get to him first," Lawson observed cynically.

So much callousness annoyed Shepard, but he did not have the time to scold her. Instead he shouted: "We have to help them. On the double now! As fast as you can!"

Again Taylor and Lawson seemed to only reluctantly follow his order but they did, and the trio ran down the rest of the way to the loading bay. It seemed to settlers had converted a massive rock ridge into a sort of wall, by placing a massive mechanical door in the middle of it. According to Tali's street plan, behind it was the loading bay, where Veetor's warehouse was located.

"The mech is tearing my team apart!" Tali reported. "Get your squad into cover. I'll open the loading bay doors."

"We'll use those crates," Lawson decided, and pointed to some crates directly in front of the doors. "Shepard, you take point."

Shepard glared angrily at her and then told Tali: "No time! Just open the damn doors!"

"Shepard what do you..." Lawson protested, but at that point the doors were already opening and the former Commander was running towards them as fast as he could. Adrenaline was running through his remade body, and his entire focus was forward. He would come to the quarians' help, and caution be damned. There was no time for that.

Lawson and Taylor had no choice but to keep up with him, or they would be left behind.

The scene in front of them was a massacre. Shepard saw quarians running away, shooting over their shoulders as they did. A mech of giant proportions was slowly waltzing forward. The quarians' gunfire seemed to have no effect on it; their weapons were apparently too light. One of the team fell, and was instantly crushed beneath the giant's feet, while at the same time it kept on firing. It even had guided rockets: It released one that managed to hit a group of quarians who had found cover behind the corner of a small prefab.

Shepard realized that if he did not grab the mechs attention _right now_, more quarians were going to die. He rushed forward screaming and shooting at the monster, without any regard for cover. As he had both hoped and feared, it turned towards him.

Its first volley nearly overloaded Shepard's shields, until they stabilised at half their former strength. Fortunately, the loading bay was by its very nature even more cluttered than the rest of the settlement. There were crates and barrels everywhere. Shepard jumped behind one of the crates, rolled off and then immediately sprinted to the next one. Running up and down the ramps to the various surrounding prefabs, he could use all the clutter as cover to run a complete circle around the mech. He took his grenade launcher, the one he had taken from Lazarus Station and shot its remaining grenades at the giant. When it was emptied, he threw away the weapon.

The mech's shields still held. _Fuck whoever has built this monstr__osity__ with a rusty spear. _

The mech launched a rocket. This was what Shepard had feared most, but he remained calm. Instinctively, he took a step forward, grabbed one of the smaller crates with his biotic powers and with a loud roar threw it against the rocket. This impromptu shield worked, and all the rocket did was destroy the crate into thousands of metal splinters.

On the downside, Shepard stood now directly in front of an over three meter large mech with no cover in between and none nearby. With a further roar, he ran _right at it_, dove between his legs, and used a small biotic push on the ground to come to his feet again on its other side. From there he jumped behind a nearby crate.

He took half a second to catch a breath. From what he could see, finally, all quarians seemed to have found sanctuary in nearby prefabs. Also, Lawson and Taylor had arrived on the scene. Lawson was fiddling with her omni-tool. A short bit later, the mechs shield flared up. _She's overloading them. _He had seen Tali overloading enemy shields two years ago; he hoped Lawson was as good at it.

The mech started another rocket, aimed right at the crate in front of Shepard. He managed to jump away before the shockwave could knock him out, but his cover had been blown away. The following gun volley knocked out his shields for good, but he managed to run behind the corner of a prefab. _Careful. I need to operate more carefully, now that the quarians are out of danger. _

"Lawson, Taylor, advance!" he told his team, "While my shields recharge."

Unfortunately, only minutes later Taylor reported: "Shields down!"

Shepard ran towards the frontline again and took the mechs's attention away from Taylor. Even though his shields were only half recharged, he took up a position near enough to the enemy that he could use his shotgun. A constant stream of bullets soon was hitting the mech. Shepard had to admit there was maybe some advantage to the heat sink system. _If you always carry thermal clips with you, that is. _

The mech came waltzing right toward Shepard. It raised its rocket arm. Immediately, Shepard ran from behind his cover and jumped behind a group of barrels. Some bullets strafed him, but his shields held, if barely. The mech turned around to give pursuit.

"Lawson, advance to its flank," he ordered, "Cover me!"

During the following minutes, the team continued this game and became continuously better at it. They basically rotated at the frontline. The mech would always whittle down their shields, but never be able to only penetrate their armour. Shepard had to admit, the two Cerberus operatives were good. _Very _good.

Smoke began to rise from the mech, and its movement became sluggish and uncoordinated. It was only a remnant of its former glory. Most of the paint had been shot away, and its speed seemed greatly reduced. There was undeniable internal structural damage. In the end, all it could do was tumble towards its designated target. Finally, a well placed shot by Lawson proved to be too much. The mech simply stopped... and then it fell over, surrounded by smoke.

Immediately, without even further regarding the fallen giant, Lawson turned away and walked up to Shepard. She seemed to be angry. But then, so was he. Her callousness, her resistance against aiding the quarians, her attempts to give him orders - this had to stop.

"Shepard, I told you to..." she began.

E, Annoyed he interrupted her: "Yes, exactly, Lawson! I'm in command here, and yet you dared to give me orders? I decide what we do, I lead the battle, and you follow orders and shut up. And now you even dare attempt to scold me? I'm not a Cerberus puppet for you to play around with. Now, do you submit to my sole authority, or do you not? Because if not, then I suggest you get the hell out of here." His hands glowed blue in what was pretty much an implicit threat.

She seemed to take the hint. It was obvious she had to work to reign her own anger in, but at least she did so. "Sorry. Old habits. I had been a commanding operative until now. But you have been put in command by the Illusive Man, and I will follow. It won't happen again."

"For the duration of this damnable 'mission' I'm stuck with you terrorist scum. We'll part ways afterwards, but for now I am your superior, and you will accept that. I will not tolerate further insubordination." Shepard declared. "If it does happen again, I'll take immediate disciplinary action. Do you understand?"

He meant it. He could simply not afford Lawson to take over command. The mission was volatile enough as it was, with him and two Cerberus operatives. He would not let Cerberus take control of it.

"Yes, Shepard. I understand," Lawson confirmed flatly.

"Good. I hope you do," Shepard answered. "I won't repeat myself again."

It was only now that he noticed his omni-tool signalled an incoming call. _Tali! _Hastily he accepted the call.

"Jon, finally! Are you alright?" Tali asked worried.

"Don't worry, I haven't got a scratch on me," he told her. "Where are you?"

"Here." She pinged a building on Shepard's omni-tool map. "Together with the rest of my team. Or what remains of it."

Shepard turned around to Lawson and Taylor, and told them: "You two stay here and wait for me". He took off his helmet, secured it at his armour, and walked off towards the marked building.

He had not even fully reached it, when Tali came storming outward to intercept him. "Jon, that was _insane. _What were you thinking? You could have... you could have been..."

In a quick movement, Shepard grabbed her by the hand and drew her besides the prefab's door, in a corner between prefab wall and rock. He held on to her hand.

"I know. I'm sorry," he apologized softly. "But I couldn't let all those people die."

"It wasn't even your team!" Tali pointed out.

"So?" Shepard just asked.

"Ah..." Tali answered unsurely. Then she chuckled. "If this is a Cerberus copy, it's an unbelievably good one. Too good for a Cerberus product, really." She rested her head on his breast, as much as her helmet and his armour allowed. In what was nearly an automatic reaction, he laid his arms around her waist.

The mere mention that he might simply be a copy and not a real deal made Shepard really uneasy. Because no matter what Tali thought of the quality of Cerberus products, it was still possible. Most of the time he managed to not think of it, if only by virtue of the fact that he seemed to _constantly _be in battle. But it still was a very uncomfortable thought. However, he kept quiet, so as to not further trouble Tali.

Instead he asked: "How is your team, anyway?"

With a sigh, Tali took a step back from him. "The situation is bad, really bad. Most of my marines are combat incapable. Several of them have died. But had you not rushed into there... it could have been much worse. That was an YMIR mech. Armour plated all over. Our weapons could not even scratch it. Fortunately, due to your intervention, most of Prazza's followers are at least still alive. Or at least we think so; we still haven't found them all yet. They've scattered all over the place."

"This... YMIR seems to have been Veetor's last ditch effort." Shepard observed. "None of our teams has encountered any other mech for quite some time already. So it's possible that the way to him is open."

"True," Tali agreed. "So you and your team should go and get him."

"We?" Shepard asked. "Now that we're all here anyway there's really no need for the human squad with two Cerberus members to get him. You should do it."

"Jon, my team is in complete disarray. I don't know if I could get even only three or four people organized to do it," Tali argued. "As for myself, I need to coordinate finding all survivors of Prazza's mutineers, getting them here, tending to the wounded... the mutiny already cost me much command authority. If I don't coordinate all these things now, as is expected of me as leader of the group, I might as well give up command for good."

"I see," Shepard answered. He did not like it, but her arguments made sense. He did truly think it would be best if a quarian team got to Veetor, but this was apparently out of the question right now.

"You shouldn't worry," Tali told him. "I _know_ you'll keep the terrorists in your team under control."

Shepard thought of Lawson's earlier attempt to give him orders. "Not as easily as you might think. But I will." He hesitated. "Well, I guess I'll go get them now, while you..."

"Tend to my team, yes," Tali continued the sentence for him. "No worry, we'll have enough time to talk once this all is over."

Shepard grinned a bit abashed. He took her hand, turned it around and kissed her palm. For obvious design reasons, that was the part of her envirosuit that was thinnest and allowed most sensations.

"I suppose they didn't have any laboratories on this planet," Tali observed. She obviously tried to sound humorously cocky, but ended up sounding a bit flustered. "Which is a pity." With that, she turned around and entered the prefab again.

Shepard returned to Taylor and Lawson, and together they went to the warehouse that had been marked as Veetor's location. It was at the very far end of the loading bay. According to Tali's information, Veetor was supposed to be in a small room at the upper level of the prefab. Metal steps and a gangway led to its entrance door. Just as Shepard predicted, there were no more drones or mechs trying to stop them. The YMIR had been the last weapon in Veetor's arsenal.

The room was stuffy and dark. The only faint source of light was an array of no less than nine holographic screens, giving the whole room a brownish tint. In front of those screens a quarian was sitting on an office chair. Obviously, it was Veetor.

It was unclear whether he had noticed their entrance. He was talking, but he did not seem very coherent, and he did not pay any attention at all to the team. "Monsters coming back," he babbled, panic in his voice "Mechs will protect. Safe from swarm. Have to hide. No monsters. No swarms. No-no-no-no-no."

It was this quarian who had been responsible for all the mech attacks and hence also for the deaths in Tali's team. Yet he could hardly be held culpable for that. He was obviously traumatized and not thinking clearly. In fact, Shepard felt pity for him. Slowly and carefully, so as to not startle the quarian, he walked forward.

"Veetor?" he addressed him.

The quarian did not even turn around, but simply kept on going through several screen images. They all showed various statistics and data. "No Veetor," he said. "Not here. Swarms can't find. Monsters coming. Have to hide."

"Don't worry, there are no monsters outside anymore," Shepard reassured him. "Nobody's going to hurt you anymore."

However, Veetor did not respond. He behaved as if the human team was not even there and continued to type on his holographic controls.

"I don't think he can hear you, Shepard," Taylor observed.

Again, Veetor began his mantra. "Have to hide. Have to hide. Mechs will protect. Swarms coming. Storm coming. Storm of swarms. No escape. No hope. Can't hide forever. Monsters will find you. Swarm will find you."

His voice cracked several times. He sounded so very pitiful. Shepard wanted to help him, but apparently he was not coming through. _Damnit, Tali should have been here. How _do _you help a traumatized quarian? _

He tried it again: "Veetor? I'm here to protect you. I won't let the monsters get to you. I promise."

There was no reaction from the quarian. After a while he began again: "Have to hide. Have to hide..."

It was Lawson who reacted to that. She raised her omni-tool and typed something on it. A short while later, all holographic screens showed error messages. She had shut them down. Shepard glared angrily at her.

"I did not give an order to..." he began. However, then he interrupted himself: Veetor was standing up from his chair.

"You're human," he said astonished. "Where did you hide? How come they didn't find you?"

"Who..." Lawson began, but then stopped herself and cleared her throat. Apparently for once she remembered what Shepard had said about who was in command.

"It's okay Veetor. We mean no harm," Shepard once again reassured the quarian. "We're here to help you. Who didn't find us?"

"The... the Monsters," Veetor answered. "The swarms. They took everyone."

"Slowly, Veetor," Shepard said, his voice steady and calming. "What happened here? We found no trace of battle."

"Battle?" Veetor asked rhetorically. It sounded near hysteria. "You don't know. You didn't see. But I do. I see everything."

He pushed some buttons on his computer terminal. The holo-screens restarted. Now they showed an image, spread out over all nine of them, of the settlement. It seemed like insects were flying everywhere. Strange humanoid creatures walked between the prefabs. What looked like long drawn cargo crates levitated at their sides.

"Shepard?" Lawson spoke up.

"Yes, Lawson. Do you have an analysis?" Shepard asked. _She didn't offer it unsolicited. Maybe she _is _capable of learning._

"Yes. This looks like security footage, manually put together," Lawson explained. "And I think it shows Collectors."

"Explain," Shepard ordered her.

"They're a species usually only operating in the Terminus Systems, and even here only very rarely," Lawson told him. "Their existence is largely seen as a myth in Citadel Space, even in parts of the Terminus. But Cerberus knows they're real. We know they come from beyond the Omega-4 Relay, which is located in the Omega Nebula. Usually, they work through intermediaries, like slavers or hired mercenaries, so their direct action here is extremely outside the observed pattern. Such a breach of pattern might confirm they're involved with the Reapers. This could explain what happened to the colonies."

"I see," Shepard stated. He mused about what this could mean. _A mysterious race everybody thinks a myth is suddenly involving itself in galactic affairs in a _big _way. By attacking human colonies... _It sounded bad. Very bad.

"Shepard?" Taylor spoke up. "The Collectors have advanced weapon systems, likely even capable of disabling entire settlements at once. This would explain why we have seen no signs of battle."

"The seeker swarms. No one can hide. The seekers find you. Freeze you," Veetor agreed in his own, incoherent way. "Then the monsters take you away."

"Do you maybe know what those swarms are, Veetor?" Shepard asked.

"Machines like tiny insects," Veetor explained. "Seeker clouds. It's how the monsters find you. They go everywhere. They find you. Then they sting you. Freeze you."

_Advanced technological capabilities indeed. This sounds _very _bad. _ "I'm glad they did not find you, Veetor. But do you know why?" Shepard inquired further.

"No, can't find me," Veetor answered. "Swarms did not find me, but will find me. Monsters did not find me, but will find me. No one is safe!"

That was not exactly a helpful answer. So all Shepard could do was speculate. "Hm... maybe due to the envirosuit? Then again, the suit electronics would make it even easier to detect him. Say, Lawson, so far only human colonies have been attacked?"

"Correct," Lawson confirmed. She correctly deduced what he meant. "So it is likely that their technology is specifically designed to detect humans."

"Troubling, very troubling," Shepard commented. For a moment, even his animosity against Cerberus and its two operatives here was forgotten. This was big news. "That means humans are not just the random start to a bigger campaign of abductions. Rather, somebody goes with great care and aim exclusively against, well, us. That has very troubling implications. At least on the upside, this is what saved Veetor. Veetor, what happened next?"

"The monsters took the people on the ship, and then they left," Veetor told him. "The ship flew away. But they'll back for me. No one escapes!

"You're safe, Veetor," Shepard reassured him again. "A quarian team is on the world. They will take you home."

"I studied them," Veetor continued. "The monsters. The swarms. I recorded them with my omni-tool. Lots of readings. Electromagnetic. Dark Energy."

"That's what we've been looking for," Lawson stated decisively. "We need to get this data to the Illusive Man. Grab the quarian and call the shuttle to..."

Surprised and enraged Shepard whirled around to her. _What the hell? She tries to take over command again. _And even worse was her arrogant presumption that they could just take Veetor away, that he literally was nothing more than a bundle of information to grab, without any regard for what he wanted or needed. Shepard would not let her get away with it. He had already warned her once. There would be no further warnings.

He conjured up dark energy, released it on Lawson and raised her into the air, where she now floated helplessly. In a dark and hateful voice he told her: "I told you you'd face immediate disciplinary action for insubordination."

"Commander..." Taylor muttered shocked.

Shepard ended his biotic lift of Lawson, only to use his powers once more to push her away. She landed violently at the far side of the room, near the door. She did not seem greatly injured, and came to her feet immediately again. But she certainly seemed bruised, and a visible rage on her face ruined the facade of calmness and superiority she so far had maintained. Her hands glowed blue. She appeared to restrain herself with great trouble.

In an unbelievable show of impeccable timing, this was just when Tali arrived. She entered the room with her shotgun drawn and aimed it right at Lawson.

"Don't even think about it, Cerberus scum," she told the operative. "I knew you'd be able to uphold your authority against them, Jon. Veetor is injured. He needs treatment, not interrogation."

"I agree," Shepard said coldly and sternly. Anger about Lawson's behaviour and attitude still pulsed through him. "Cerberus would have no qualms about dissecting him if that were necessary to find information, but this is no Cerberus mission. This is my mission." He calmed down a bit. "If Veetor has indeed recorded everything on his omni-tool, though... this is indeed vital information. Veetor, would you hand me over your omni-tool? With the data? So that we can make it safer for everybody against the monsters."

"No!" Veetor shouted back, almost hysterically. "No... I need the information myself. Monsters will be looking for me. I need to be safe."

Shepard glanced to the room's door. Tali still had Lawson in the sight of her shotgun. The Cerberus operative seemed entirely unperturbed. Taylor was still hesitating, unsure what to do. Shepard turned to Veetor again.

"The more of that information is out there, the safer we all are, don't you think?" Shepard argued. "So could you at least copy the information to my omni-tool?" He pondered. _Wait a minute..._ "Or better yet, Tali's omni-tool"

Behind him, Lawson groaned frustrated. Shepard grinned. _My omni-tool is from them. It's surely not safe. _And if he could prevent Cerberus from getting valuable data, he would surely do so.

It was true that apparently Cerberus truly cared for this threat that Veetor had recorded. However, Shepard reasoned that if said records were truly as extensive as the quarian had indicated, it should be no problem to get Alliance and Council interested in that threat, too, no matter their position regarding the Reapers. If he could get that data to Goyle, then Cerberus simply would not be needed anymore. And to him, that would be the ideal state of affairs.

"Oh. Yes," Veetor agreed. "Need to spread information. Make everywhere safer against monsters. Won't be enough. Seekers will find everybody. Everywhere. But maybe we can all hide a bit longer." He began to transfer his data to Tali's omni-tool.

"Thank you," Shepard told him. _We truly do not need Cerberus. And the mission is finally, finally at an end. _He knew what this meant. He could get rid of the Cerberus operatives. He looked to Tali and spoke deliberately slowly, hoping she would catch his drift. "This concludes our..."

Lawson interrupted him. She surely had gotten his drift, and she was unfazed by the weapon aimed at her. "You realize we're your only ticket off this frozen rock, Shepard, right?"

_Fuck. _"You're quick thinking," Shepard observed coldly.

"You didn't exactly make a secret of your intentions," Lawson answered and walked up to him. Shepard supposed that was true. He had even said he would regard Cerberus as prey again as soon as the mission was over.

Nonetheless, Taylor still was confused. "What's going on?"

Ignoring him, Lawson continued: "And don't think you can use your quarian girlfriend to hack the shuttle. I've installed a dead man's switch on it. If it doesn't get a signal from me every now and then, or if you try to meddle with the mechanism, then all its systems will self-destruct. We _are _your only way off this world."

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _It looked like Lawson had outsmarted him once again. And judging by the smile on her lips, she seemed to enjoy his obvious frustration. _Fair enough, I also enjoyed hers. But... fuck. _

"This isn't entirely true," Tali spoke up now. She sounded just as cold as Lawson. "He can come with us."

A stunned silence followed this announcement. "Are you sure about this?" Shepard finally asked. This would be ideal, but before he could do anything he needed to make sure that she was.

"There's enough levo food left behind here to keep you alive for weeks, and we could use somebody with your skills," Tali explained. "That woman here was right in pointing out how far away the Migrant Fleet is. We came here while already on a mission."

Shepard noticed how Lawson retreated towards the door again, dragging Taylor with her. The two took up position on the other side of the doorframe, with weapons drawn. _Quick thinking again. _

Shepard looked at Tali. _Time to eradicate this pest. _"You know I'll help you," he said, while drawing his shotgun

"Yes," Tali just stated. There was no need to further talk about this; she did know so for sure. She still had her own shotgun in her hands. And Shepard was just as sure that she would help him.

From behind her cover, Lawson shouted: "Ridiculous! Your quarian girlfriend will take you anywhere, but do you really think the others on her ship will agree?"

Shepard had no intention of answering. If Tali was sure, then he trusted her to know what she was doing. However, before they could move out to attack the Cerberus operatives, a text message reached his omni-tool: "_Wounded in nearby prefab, without protection_". He looked to Tali, who nodded. The message was from her.

_Damn. _He knew what this meant. If he entered a battle with the Cerberus operatives now, they could retreat to that prefab. They could eliminate all the quarians there, or more likely, take them as hostages against him. This would lead to an all around ugly situation.

He suppressed a frustrated growl. "You know how I normally deal with Cerberus scum," he shouted towards the operatives behind the door frame. "But I'll be merciful to you. I'll give you five minutes. Go straight to the shuttle and do not stray from the path. I'll give you that chance; otherwise I'll make sure you won't ever leave this world again."

Lawson appeared from behind her cover. Her face was full of icy disdain. "I told the Illusive Man we should've equipped you with a control chip. Seems I was right. Again."

"The clock is ticking, Lawson," Shepard simply told her. The Cerberus operative looked around, glanced from Shepard to Tali and back and finally drew a grimace of disgust. Then she walked away with a small limp on her left leg, probably the effect of Shepard's biotic throw. Taylor followed her.

_A control chip? Figures. _It raised his paranoia about what Cerberus _had_ in fact equipped him with. There could be countless things in his body he had no clue about. It was easy to see why they had not used a control chip: He would rather die than be a Cerberus thrall, and they would have to know that as well. If he had noticed any form of mind control, he would have gone straight for the next chance of death, be it suicide or on the battlefield. Or at least, he hoped he would have found the courage to do so. However, other apparatuses could be subtler, without him even noticing them at all.

While he stood in the doorframe, watching that the Cerberus operatives were indeed going straight to the shuttle and not towards the prefab with the quarian wounded in it, Tali went to Veetor's side. "Veetor, we're going to bring you home. You're safe now. Among quarians. Nearly home. The rest of my team is in in the prefab across the square, why don't you go to join them? You're safe there. Nobody will take you from among our people."

"Home. Yes. I'd like that," Veetor agreed. "Sounds... safe. I will go... go where more of us are."

Veetor passed by Shepard and left the prefab, walking toward the quarian team. When he was gone, Tali commented: "And to think he always had such fear of crowds, going by the records about him..."

"I hope he'll get okay," Shepard said. "Or as much as is possible, anyway."

"He will be, thanks to you," Tali answered. "Whereas my command capabilities have proven to be absolutely disastrous. My team might as well not have been here."

"Oh, no no no." Shepard disagreed decisively. "I wouldn't say _that _at all. You did literally _save_ me from Cerberus. And as for your team, if they don't recognize what they have in you it's their own damn fault. Not to sound callous, but they did run into ruin without you."

"And it would have been my job to prevent that," Tali pointed out darkly.

Shepard took a step forward and took her hands. "Tali, stop that. Your plans and tactics were all very good. It's not your fault you had a shit-for-brains like Prazza in your team."

She was of course right that such a mutiny did reflect poorly on her command skills. But Shepard could just not _not_ reassure her. It seemed literally impossible to him. Besides, he wondered who had given command authority to her in the first place. Her talents really were in other fields, and in those she was absolutely outstanding. Somebody on the Migrant Fleet had criminally wasted her talents, and now she was feeling guilty about it.

"Maybe you're right," Tali conceded. "Nobody on the _Normandy_ seemed to have been as bad as him. Even Pressly supported your mutiny in the end, no matter what he thought about you." She paused and tilted her head. "It's strange. I would have thought you'd be more disappointed in having to let the Cerberus operatives go."

She had a point. It was this downside to his emotional nature that he had already pondered earlier, that he had to _feel_ every victory. On X57, the asteroid that had threatened to wipe out all of Terra Nova, he had still felt down and disappointed after preventing that because he had been forced to let Balak, the leader of the batarian terrorists, go. Yet now, he felt nothing of that sort.

"Ah, quite honestly," he said with an awkward grin, "I think it's simply due to your presence. After such a miraculous meeting, how can I be angry at the galaxy?"

For some reason, Tali stiffened. With a serious voice she answered: "We got an anonymous message that Veetor was here and needed help. Whoever sent it was very well informed. I begin to suspect somebody out there _set up_ this meeting."

"Huh, interesting." Shepard answered surprised. This would explain a large part of what he had supposed to be sheer coincidence and luck. Then he grinned. "Well, in that case I'll have to thank our mysterious benefactor one day. So tell me, what else has happened in the last two years?"

So the two sat down in one corner of the room, leaning against each other. She began to tell him all about what had happened in the last two years. He was interested in all of it. He was amazed and full of praise for the commando action she and Tisiphone had pulled off. He was touched by Gillian's story and how Tali now cared for her and enraged about what Cerberus had done to the girl. He was delighted at the idea of A0s. And he ate up her story about the Non-Compliance Crisis. He was seriously, deeply moved by the gratitude the three non-compliant colonies had shown to him with their bold actions, and how this had helped the BAaT survivors and L2 to get their massive reparations. And he laughed viciously at how the Battle of Terra Nova had turned out.

However, he also was quite interested in Tali's account of her life aboard the _Neema_, her engineering duties, her science projects, the friendships she had formed. He wanted to hear all about that as well. And he told her about how he had 'died' in the attack of the mysterious cruiser, and how he had then woken up in a strange facility, with two years in between just gone. How he had found out the facility and all its people belonged to Cerberus, and how they had abducted him to the Illusive Man. How he had agreed to one scouting mission, and how glad he was this abominable cooperation was over now.

Now there was another mission in front of him. Tali told him what he had to expect: An expedition deep into geth space...

**000000**

**Just a quick note to explain Shepard's ruthlessness here, that he would immediately turn on Jacob and Miranda as soon as the mission is over, even though they have gone through it together. The thing is, for us as players there is an obvious difference between the people Shepard fought on Nepheron and Binthu on the one hand, and Jacob and Miranda on the other hand. The former are just faceless mooks, the latter are named characters, protagonist characters even, with background and everything.**

**However, **_**in-universe**_**, this distinction simply does not exist. In-universe, both groups are humans with ****their ****own backgrounds, own personalit****ies**** and characters, the mooks on Binthu no less than Jacob and Miranda. So for Shepard there's literally no difference between the Cerberus operatives he has killed on Binthu and Nepheron, and Jacob and Miranda. Both groups are enemies in a war, as far as he is concerned, and in a war you kill your enemy, no matter how nice or friendly or whatever they might be personally. Since Shepard vowed to destroy Cerberus two years ago, war is in fact the "default state" for him regarding Cerberus. And the "truce" with them had just run out. **

**Add to that that Shepard has a very low opinion on battlefield honour (it was typical of him in TFHS to shoot first while his opponent was still blathering), and that explains his behaviour then. **

**The scene also shows the negative aspect of Shepard's very emotional personality: It was very easy indeed for Lawson to deduce his intention, because he pretty much wears his heart on the sleeve. This **_**is**_** a weakness of him. **

**Also, regarding the use of the word "terrorists" to describe Cerberus members - this isn't strictly speaking true. Cerberus doesn't use terror to further its goals, so it's strictly ****speaking not a terrorist organization. Just a shady, ruthless, mass-murderous conspiracy with way too much influence. Nonetheless, "terrorist" makes sense as a **_**derogatory term**_** for Cerberus members. It isn't meant to be precise. **

**In any case, ladies and gentlemen, the plot has just left the tracks! ;)**


	7. Ch5: After Freedom's Progress

As Miranda left her shuttle and entered Minuteman Station again, she fought with a new, unknown emotion inside her: The feeling of returning defeated. She had gone through many missions in her career at Cerberus that had ended suboptimally. But never before had a mission been such an abject and utter failure. She was only all too aware that as ranking Cerberus officer it had been her duty to prevent that. She had failed. And now she would have to report her failure to the Illusive Man.

The shuttle flight from Freedom's Progress had been terrible. Jacob had tried to find some uplifting or comforting words, but that had only made it worse. Eventually he had gotten the hint and remained quiet. Miranda knew he was a good man, somebody she could trust. But at times he was just _too_ damn good: Too naive, too idealistic, too friendly. Truth be told, she had held grudging attraction for those character traits for a time, and the two had been in a relationship for a while. But between her devotion to her work and her frequent annoyance at his overly optimistic personality that had not worked out.

As she walked through the lounge leading to the station's quantum entanglement device, Miranda reflected that it actually was worse than a failed mission. Not only had she failed to secure the data they had stumbled upon, what was much more important was that Shepard had been able to escape Cerberus. Not only had the mission not been a success, this failure could very well threaten all of Cerberus now, given Shepard's hostility toward them. And it was her fault.

She breathed out and stepped into the illuminated circle in the quantum entanglement device's room. The holographic matrix was building up around her. It was time to detail her failure to her boss.

She found the Illusive Man sitting in his chair, looking pensive. As usual, he had a cigar in his hand, but instead of the equally usual glass of scotch on the armrest there now was a datapad lying there. The Illusive Man seemed to read it with great concentration. Only belatedly he looked up.

"Miranda," he greeted her. "As you can see, I've gone over your preliminary mission report several times. But I wanted to hear your own impression on what has happened on Freedom's Progress."

Of course he would have studied her report in great detail. Her work with Shepard was literally Cerberus' most important project at the moment. Or rather, it had been. It was hence impossible to try to cover up her failure. Not that she had any intention to do so. She could at least show some utility by reporting all events truthfully.

"The mission was an utter failure," she hence said bluntly. "Shepard slipped our control, and we completely missed an opportunity for securing extensive observation material on the Collectors."

They had found confirmation that the Collectors were behind the abductions. However, that information was worthless. Cerberus already had suspected the enigmatic Terminus race to be the culprits even before the scouting mission. The Collectors' attack on the _Normandy_ had been a radical breach in the previously observed pattern, and ever since then they had been under close Cerberus scrutiny. Not even Jacob had known or realized it, but finding out who was behind the attacks had never been the purpose of the mission.

It had all been about Shepard seeing the devastating effects of the attacks. Their entire trip had been just for him. And now he was gone. That was what made the failure so complete. And to top it, by pure chance she had even had important data about the Collectors within her grasp, only to lose that as well.

"Don't be too hard on yourself," the Illusive Man reassured her. "You showed great foresight on the mission, but it was doomed as soon Shepard and Tali'Zorah met."

Many people even within Cerberus found him to be a terrifying person: Cold, ruthless, overly rational without any empathy. But to Miranda, those were positive, even calming qualities. Emotional people cared about their egos or slights suffered or other issues that could make dealing with them quite difficult. The Illusive Man was nothing like this. He was nearly always completely rational, and that meant Miranda never had to fear his disapproval as long as she did as well as circumstances allowed. Which was always.

However, his comments reminded her uncomfortably about the sheer dumb bad luck she had suffered.

"Of all people in the galaxy, we had to stumble over her!" she hence said. "Such an incredibly unlikely event!"

She knew she was basically just venting, which was something very inefficient to do and hence very unlike her. However, she still could not believe how unlikely the event was, and how such an incredibly improbable meeting had led all of Cerberus' carefully laid plans astray. A single instant had destroyed two years of work.

"I agree," the Illusive Man answered. "Our agents will have to investigate it. I don't believe such an incident can have come about by pure chance. First somebody tries to take Shepard away from us by killing him, and now he's taken away from us by this meeting with Tali'Zorah."

This made Miranda hesitate. "This... didn't occur to me." She would not have admitted so to any other person. The Illusive Man was different, though. Often enough he could outthink even her. "You think there's a connection?"

"There's no proof yet, so as a theory it holds little value," the Illusive Man explained. "But as a working hypothesis it could explain much about this unlikely occurrence. Your report mentions that Tali'Zorah's team got a message from somewhere. She would already have had to be in the general vicinity, as part of her mission, but that's possible at least. Cerberus, too, has often enough grasped fortunate opportunities."

That was true enough. The initial plan had called for keeping Shepard in a coma, even after his full regeneration, for as long as there was another Collector attack. He then would have been ferried straight there. Wilson's sabotage had destroyed that plan, but fortunately, at the same time his mechs had run amok, the Collectors had attacked Freedom's Progress. It had been an incredible stroke of luck for Cerberus, especially as the planet was so very close to both the Lazarus and the Minuteman Station. By seizing this opportunity, Cerberus had been able to go ahead with the plan. But it seemed Cerberus' luck had run out on the planet.

"An unknown enemy that tries to sabotage our efforts with Shepard at every turn," Miranda mused. "That's a worrying prospect."

"I don't think it's a new enemy. Occam's Razor suggests it's an enemy we already know," the Illusive Man argued. "We just have to figure out which."

"True," Miranda agreed. "At least whoever did this and Shepard are not on the same side, judging by the attempt on his life. That's at least one factor in our advantage. Shepard is dangerous enough on his own. He's on the loose now. Literally. He even told me he'd see us as prey again." She realized she was venting again. Rationally, she _knew_ the Illusive Man would realize the graveness of the situation, but she kept talking anyway. "Damn it, our entire plan for him rested on us keeping control of him the entire time. We'd determine where he would go, what information he'd get, what he'd see. Now this plan is ruined. We have no way to handle him anymore."

While she had worked on his body for two years, Cerberus' psychologists had worked on how to control him. In essence, it had relied entirely on the organization controlling all his movements and information input. Him getting to see an abducted colony had been just the first planned step in this. Eventually, Shepard would have still hated Cerberus, but would also have earnestly thought there to be no alternatives to the organization, both in fighting the Collectors and in fighting the Reapers. It would have been a long, arduous process, but the psychologists had all agreed it would work.

And it probably would have, purely psychologically, but of course it had been a very fragile plan from the beginning. It had all depended on Cerberus controlling _everything_. This meant there had always been much potential for something to go wrong. Which was exactly what had happened. As far as Miranda was concerned, there should at least have been a more reliable failsafe option.

As nearly always, the Illusive Man seemed to be able to guess what she was thinking. "I know you suggested a control chip, Miranda. But you read Chamber's dossier on him. It wouldn't have worked."

Kelly Chambers was the preeminent psychologist working on Shepard's case, despite her relative youth. According to her analysis, if Shepard had suspected any form of mind control, he would have actively sought death. He held romantic notions about self-determination and was stubborn enough to even choose death over any kind of suspected thralldom. And even if the control chip had included imperatives against suicide, it would have been easy enough to find death on the frontline.

At first Lawson had thought this analysis foolish. Surely a man of Shepard's calibre would be reasonable enough to bide his time and try to get rid of the mind control while staying alive? However, after having witnessed him first hand she realized the problem was that he plain was not reasonable. Chambers had pointed this out as well: Shepard's successes often depended on him being an irrational actor. It had helped him both against the Alliance two years ago and now in preventing a control chip. Miranda had to give credit where it was due: Chambers had correctly recognized how improbably extreme Shepard's character was.

The Illusive Man took a puff from his cigar and continued: "We took a risk. We gambled and we lost."

"It seems like it," Miranda agreed. They had not been able to implement a reliable failsafe on Shepard, and now they had lost him. Two years of work had been wasted. Two years of her life, just gone like this. All her efforts, all her planning, all her decisions for naught. She had to fight down the anger about that. "So what are we going to do about Shepard now?"

"What do you suggest?" the Illusive Man asked. He made most decisions by himself, without any input by others, so Miranda never knew if such questions really were honestly meant to gather advice, or just to give his subordinates the feeling to have contributed something.

Nonetheless, if he asked she would answer, of course. "The costs of the Lazarus Project were extremely high, but now that our plan for Shepard has failed we should no longer take them into consideration. They're sunk costs, not recoverable. Therefore I propose we should arrange for his elimination, before he again becomes a threat to us."

It was almost ironic that she of all people had to propose his elimination now, after she had worked two years on nothing else but to bring him back to life. However, she could not let herself be led by such emotions. Purely rationally, eliminating him was the only right choice at the moment.

The Illusive Man seemed to actually hesitate, which was very rare for him. He took another puff from his cigar, too early after the last one. He truly seemed to be unsure what to do. This surprised Miranda.

Eventually, though, he came to a conclusion and spoke in his usual decisive way: "No. This is unacceptable. The reasons why we brought back Shepard still exist."

"I've studied the dossier on why we need Shepard at length," Miranda stated. "None of his qualities listed there matter if we don't have control over him."

"Shepard is a symbol," the Illusive Man argued. "You said it yourself. The only human who has managed to kill a Reaper. Once their invasion comes we might need this morale boost. We'll certainly need his outstanding combat skills. And while Shepard has made many enemies, he has also many contacts in the galaxy that can be used."

Miranda knew all those reasons. She had read the dossier and various reports, all of them more than once. Many of them had in fact been written by her. The Illusive Man knew this, of course. It seemed he truly wanted to convince her by bringing up those points again. This was rare. Normally, the Illusive Man did not need to convince anybody; people simply did his bidding.

Miranda felt honoured that he apparently wanted her agreement, but his arguments so far all neglected the most important factor: That Shepard was no longer under their control. Thus, all his symbolic importance and all of his martial prowess were irrelevant.

She hence tried to protest, but the Illusive Man raised his hand to stop her. He continued: "He had contact with all Prothean beacons discovered during the Saren crisis. He's one of only three people alive in the galaxy who have the Prothean Cipher in his mind. This information in his brain could still prove to be invaluable. Liara T'Soni has it as well, but she'd make a poor replacement for Shepard, and the other asari, Shiala, is narrow mindedly focused on Feros alone. So we cannot kill him. He has to survive."

"I suppose," Miranda muttered. That was a good point indeed.

"Even more importantly, he has the Reapers' attention," the Illusive Man went on. "He killed one of them, and then their servants tried to kill him. We can still use that, just as our plan called for."

"I suppose..." Miranda said again. "If we could manipulate where he's going we could still use him as Collector bait. Even if he isn't with us. We could still build a trap for them."

That had been a major reason for his revival. Two years work on him, and a big reason for that was to use him as nothing more than bait. But it was necessary. Without that, Cerberus would be constantly one step behind the Collectors, running from one abduction scene to the next, without the possibility of knowing where that race would strike next. This was an almost nightmarish scenario, so Miranda had to admit that, as nearly always, the Illusive Man was right: Shepard was still needed. Even if he would not be with them, he was at least needed alive.

"Exactly," the Illusive Man agreed. "But it would be best if he were with us, so that we can make full use of his qualities. This would also allow us to control his movements better than risky attempts at manipulation. If we want to build a trap for the Collectors he will need to be at the right place at the right time. This can be best achieved if he's with us." His facial expression shifted slightly. Most people would not have noticed, but there was a hint of amusement in his voice. "Besides, all the new recruits who have signed up just for him might get restless if he is in fact not with us."

That had been one of the nice side effects of having Shepard's body: It had been very easy to convince people the Hero of the Citadel was now with Cerberus. Of course, Cerberus had not been able to advertise the fact openly. Ever since the Citadel crackdown on them, engineered by Shepard, they had to be careful about appearing in public. But it had been an enormous help in mouth to mouth propaganda, and many new recruits had flocked to Cerberus for no other reason than to support Shepard. _Naive __fools__. _

"Shepard will never join us," Miranda argued. "He can just run to Goyle with Veetor's data and get the Council to listen. And even if he joined us he'd eventually backstab us. He already twice used the first best chance to turn on us."

"I fully expect him to try," the Illusive Man conceded. "We'll just have to be careful. It's a risk, but Cerberus is the defender of humanity. This role is always associated with a certain risk."

Miranda nodded sharply. That certainly was true. It was the reason why she had joined Cerberus and why she served the organization with all of her abilities and devotion: Because only Cerberus would be able to ensure human protection and human dominance.

Slightly softer, the Illusive Man continued: "Don't worry, Miranda. I'm not about to go all sentimental here. In the end Shepard is just a tool. We haven't yet figured out how to handle it best, but we already know that against the Reapers it's the best tool we have."

"Not to be nagging, but what about the Council then?" Miranda asked.

"Leave that to me," the Illusive Man told her. "I have ways to take care of that problem. In the end, Shepard might even be grateful for our renewed offer of cooperation."

000000

Tali did not know what was more frustrating: Watching all the wounded quarians on the ship, or having to keep her distance from Shepard. The former was a stark reminder of her failure to command her team, the latter left her feeling empty and longing.

Due to Shepard's reckless intervention "only" two marines had died. One of them had been crushed under the YMIR's feet, and the other had been torn apart by one of its missiles. However, more than half of the remaining team was combat incapable. Most of them were seriously injured and needed major surgery, requiring tools that went far beyond what their ships meagre medbay could offer. So all Tali and the remaining able-bodied members of her team could do was to keep the wounded as comfortable and stable as possible with their limited resources.

_This __should __never __have __happened__. _It was Prazza who had instigated the mutiny, but it still was her failure as the team's commander. She was expected to lead an expedition deep into geth space, yet she had already failed at a simple rescue mission for a lost quarian on pilgrimage, against nothing more than human mechs. The sheer knowledge of this fact was already distressing for her; seeing the disastrous results of her failure all around her on her ship was even worse. As was usual for quarian ships it was not designed spaciously, and its medbay held only three beds. The other wounded had been spread all over the ship. There was no escape from them.

Shepard of course had tried to console her. He blamed Prazza entirely, or the fact that he himself had arrived with Cerberus operatives, something which of course would make everyone nervous. He did not blame Prazza at all for mistrusting him, only for the mutiny itself. He even had gone as far as to question the wisdom of the Admiralty Board in having her appointed leader, implying it was their fault. However, he missed the point: Whether it had been wise or not, the Admiralty Board had in fact appointed her as squad leader, and thus the disastrous outcome of the Freedom's Progress mission was in fact her failure.

Shepard's presence was one positive outcome of the mission, but even that had not been her own merit, but most likely the will of the mysterious messenger who had alerted her to Veetor's fate. To top it all, she had let herself be manipulated by an enigmatic stranger. Even if it came with positive benefits for her.

As it had turned out, there were indeed no laboratories or other clean rooms on the planet, or at least not in the settlement where they had landed. At least there had been large amounts of levo-amino food and medicine, enough to last Shepard for weeks. Besides that, he and Tali had picked the place clean of all electronic funds still stored in its digital memory devices. When Shepard would return to Citadel space he would have a reasonable amount of money to start his investigations with.

Shepard had hinted at certain human social taboos against looting the dead. He himself did not seem to believe in them, and to Tali they truly were alien. In quarian culture, it was in fact seen as a great honour to an ancestor to use their achievements - their ideas, their reputation, but also simply the resources they might have collected in a lifetime. As an extension of that principle, there was no dishonour to take resources from any dead person, as long as one remained mindful where those resources had come from. And Tali highly doubted Shepard would forget Freedom's Progress any time soon.

To Tali, this seemed like a much more logical and pragmatic way than the wasteful human traditions. Humans often did not take resources they could potentially use, to show just how devoted they were to the memory of the dead. Tali could sort of see the logic in that thought process, but could not quite suppress her disdain for the waste inherent in that logic. She had to remind herself that, after all, it was an alien culture and she had to respect that. Fortunately, Shepard himself seemed much more pragmatic about this point than his culture at large.

So now she would have one of the greatest warriors of the galaxy on her mission, the man who had killed a Reaper, who could attack furiously with his weapons, his biotics, even his words. It was also the man she had thought dead for two years, her first love, for whom she had mourned all the time and whose return was nothing short of a miracle. However, to her great frustration, she could not show that.

After three fourths of her team had mutinied against her on Freedom's Progress, her authority was shaky at best. It just would not do to appear cuddling with the man they had stumbled over on the planet. That would appear plain unprofessional under _any_ circumstances. To make matters worse, he was a human, and to make them even worse, he had at least temporarily been in association with Cerberus. Of course everybody in the team had seen their emotional reunion scene. This did not mean Tali now had to make things even worse.

This decision of hers made it very difficult to be anywhere near him. He would look at her, she would look at him, and then they would both be frustrated. Even normal conversations seemed awkward. This being a quarian ship, there was after all no real private space. There was always somebody around. All her life this had been normal to Tali, but now she was acutely aware of the fact. _Ideally_ she wanted was to rip off her helmet and kiss him until they were both out of breathe. At the very least. As it was, she could not even truly talk to him. This stark contrast of what she wanted and what she had to do with was driving her crazy.

And worst of all, this had been going on for three days already. Due to the losses suffered on Freedom's Progress, the Admiralty Board had promised her new marines and supplies. Her ship had needed two days to reach the designated rendezvous point, and had waited for a further day. Theoretically, the other ship would have to arrive any minute now. _Hopefully __s__oon. So we can get this all over with. _

She looked at Shepard, who was sitting on the ground, leaning against a wall. He was wearing a leather vest he had found on Freedom's Progress, not unlike the one he had worn on the _Normandy_ after he had broken with the Alliance. Since all clothing he had possessed was a Cerberus uniform clothes in his size had also been among the things they had looked for on the planet.

He covertly looked around, and when he was sure nobody was paying attention he smiled at her. Almost instinctively she smiled back. Knowing that he would not see it due to her helmet she had to express it through gestures. She tilted her head, a general sign of amusement, irony or good will from her. However, then she looked away. She could not pretend that things were perfectly fine, not with her avoiding him at every turn. It would have been dishonest, especially as the situation was completely her own fault. Even something innocent like exchanging smiles represented just too much cognitive dissonance for Tali; she probably was too honest for her own good. Thus she now awkwardly looked around in the room, hoping to find anything to busy herself with.

Fortunately, she received a call through the comms from the cockpit. Marre'Zam, her ship sister from the _Neema_ was speaking. She had stayed loyal to her on Freedom's Progress, and had fortunately gotten away from the fight without a scratch. "We have tracked and contacted the _Terrin. _Rendezvous in two hours."

Tali breathed out. _Finally__. _

Shepard of course knew exactly what was going on in her mind. "Finally a change, eh?"

"Yes, I..." Tali answered and then trailed off. "I hope we get a good replacement team." _The most generic answer I've been able to come up with. I truly can't even _talk _with him! And that after miss__ing__ him for two years!_

"Oh, I'm sure of that," Shepard assured her. "Loyal fleet siblings of yours. I'm sure they'll be... more understanding than Prazza has been."

_Damn __him__. _"I'm sure there won't be any further professional problems," Tali said. She of course knew very well that this was not what Shepard had meant.

Shepard sighed. This was getting to him, too. "With some help, there'll be a... rise in morale, too."

_He __knows __damn __well __why __I __can__'__t __allow __myself __to __show __anything__, __and __yet __he __keeps __on __goading __me__! _The problem was that Tali wanted much the same thing as him. For a start, right now, she wanted to go to him and sink into his arms. But she could not indulge herself. Frustrated, she stood up without answering and left this section of the ship.

As she walked through one of the ship's corridors, she heard a muffled moaning. As she passed by the bed that had been built up, she recognized who lay there: No other than Prazza himself, the instigator of the mutiny. He had survived it, but a nearby missile hit from the YMIR had burnt away a good part of his upper body's skin.

"Zorah..." Apparently, he had recognized her. The use of her clan name surprised her. Quarians usually used their first names. Use of clan names was reserved for ceremonial occasions, in cases of great difference in rank or as explicit sign of respect.

Hesitantly, she stopped. She did not exactly like him, but if he had something to tell her, she would listen. That was part of her position as the expedition's commander.

"The... I heard we'll dock soon," Prazza spoke up. His voice was quiet and subdued, and he often flinched from pain. "You'll depart to the new vessel and we'll go home... to the Fleet..."

"Yes," Tali confirmed flatly. "The manoeuvre will happen in two hours."

"I just wanted to... to apologize," Prazza said. "I shouldn't have mistrusted you. Nor Shepard. He saved us. I'd be dead without him. Please tell him I'm sorry."

Tali did not quite know what to make of this apology. She was willing to hear him out, but that did not mean she would automatically forgive him. "He doesn't blame you for mistrusting him. He said he'd have mistrusted himself in the same situation, too."

"I see," Prazza answered. "Which means what I did is even stupider than I already thought. But... Zorah, your father. He... he told me there could be problems with your loyalty."

_As __I__'__ve __thought__. __Father__. _She remained quiet.

After a while, Prazza continued: "That's why I... ah... I was against all your orders. Didn't think you trustworthy. But that was nonsense. I read the protest you logged against your father's orders. I thought this isn't something a quarian soldier should do, or a daughter to her father, but... damn. It was your right, and your father was pissed about it, and I blindly followed his line. I was stupid."

"You followed an admiral's order..." Tali began unsurely.

"It's more than that," Prazza interrupted her. "I believed him. I fully followed his stance. Even though you had done nothing wrong. And now two of our crew mates are dead because of this. And you blame yourself for it."

"I was the leader," Tali stated.

"And I the actual culprit," Prazza argued. "Listen... I know I can't make up for what I've done. But... if you ever need support in the Fleet... no matter what... I'll help. I'll just be a disgraced mutineer, but I swear I'll do whatever I can to make this up to you, at least. Can't make it up to the dead..."

This surprised Tali. It was a futile gesture by Prazza, of course, since he would in fact be a discredited mutineer. But he seemed to want to do something, _anything_, to atone for what he had done. "I'll... remember that. For what it's worth, I'm glad you didn't die. That not even more people died."

"That'll have to do," Prazza argued. All tension left his body, and he fell back on his bed.


	8. Ch6: Re-Encounters

For all practical purposes it was not so much that Tai got replacements for her disabled marines; rather it was truer to say she got a new unit of marines. Those few of her old unit still uninjured would still take part in the Haelstrom mission, but most of the expedition would now consist of the team the _Terrin _brought. In fact, as a consequence, Tali would take over the _Terrin_, while the wounded would head home on the old ship.

This could be seen as quite a sign of trust into her by the Admiralty Board, despite her recent failure. It would have made much more sense to completely start a new mission, with a new commander. However, Tali realized this would not fit into her father's plans at all. He had wanted to use this position to build her up as a commander; so she just had to have success, even if only at the second attempt. She could not be completely sure, but this seemed like a probable explanation for the Board's decision to her.

At least the new ship she would have temporary command over was quite nice. In fact, for a quarian ship, the _Terrin_ looked downright marvellous. It appeared to be not older than a couple of decades, which in quarian terms was brand spanking new, and also seemed to have some very solid salarian tech. Compared to what the expedition had been forced to work with so far, including guns which had not even been able to penetrate heavy mech armour, that was quite a stark difference.

And as she stepped onto it, she could see that it even _looked_ new and fresh. _This must be a prime ship of the Fleet. I wonder why I suddenly 'get' it._

A group of Migrant Fleet Marines was awaiting her. Their leader wore a familiar armoured and bright red envirosuit.

"Tali'Zorah vas Neema, welcome aboard the _Terrin_," he greeted her.

"Kal!" Tali exclaimed surprised. "You've been deployed to this mission?"

"Yes, ma'am," Kal'Reegar confirmed. "We kinda missed each other's battles when we fought Cerberus, so I'm glad for this opportunity."

Tali had fought Cerberus on Grissom Station, to free Gillian from them. She had taken great injuries in the battle, but had managed to swing the battle in favour of the group of biotic terrorists she had accompanied. Later, Cerberus had chased down Gillian to the Migrant Fleet and invaded the _Neema_, it was the Fleet Marines including Kal and those human biotics who had warded off that attack. So while both had fought the same enemy before, they indeed had not fought side by side yet. **[1]**

"I'm glad I have you on my team," Tali said.

Fortunately, quarian military etiquettes were not very stiff. Kal had recognized her and welcomed her aboard, and she had obviously recognized him, and that was all the etiquette needed. This generally varied from ship to ship; some ship societies were very reactionary and formal. But the _Rayya_, the ship Tali had grown up on, was notorious for having one of the most open minded ship societies in the fleet, and the crew of the _Neema_ was known for its unfaltering pragmatism. Marines like Kal usually had a similarly pragmatic outlook.

"What troops do you have with you?" Tali asked.

"One squad of my own marines, plus some volunteers from the ships, ma'am," Kal answered. "To be specific... what in the Forsaken's name?"

His fingers moved towards the pistol at his side and his eyes focused on something behind Tali. Surprised, the quarian engineer turned around. Behind her, Shepard was entering the ship. He looked at the scene with careful concentration, and was obviously focused on not making any threatening moves.

"A human?" Kal asked. "I thought there were no survivors on... wait." He looked closer. Shepard's current helmet was fairly transparent, so it was easy to see his face. "Isn't that... Shepard, ma'am? But he's supposed to be dead! And what happened to his face?"

Kal let his tense pose drop. He was utterly baffled, but at least he recognized Shepard would not be a threat.

"It's... a long story," Tali answered hastily. _Better not tell him about where those scars come from or about the Cerberus involvement. At least not yet. _"But it's him all right, and he is alive. I only found out on Freedom's Progress myself."

To her surprise, Kal laughed. "Shepard is alive? And with us? Not what I expected, but I like it. Does Tisiphone know?"

'Tisiphone' was the assumed name of the leader of the biotic terrorists Tali had worked with. Despite initial mutual misgivings, she and Kal had won each other's respect in the battle against Cerberus.

"So far nobody knows," Tali answered. "As far as the galaxy is concerned, Shepard is dead."

"Crazy to hear her name here," Shepard commented, "Even though Tali told me the story. Well, I hope you have no objections to me coming along."

Again, Kal laughed. "Objections? None whatsoever. Going by what Tali and Tisiphone told me about you, you can eat geth instead of rations and shit out eezo afterwards. Uh, no offence to your descriptive abilities, ma'am."

Tali was slightly embarrassed, but Shepard laughed good heartedly. "Don't worry, I don't actually need geth for my diet."

"I hate to be a spoilsport," somebody said, "but there are medical issues to consider..."

Tali noticed a slender man some distance in the background saying that. He wore a pale yellow envirosuit and was approaching the group.

Again, she was surprised. "Rekem! You're here, too?"

Rekem'Midan was a shipmate from the _Neema_, where he worked at the ship hospital, and in fact a good friend. He shrugged. "Couldn't leave you facing all those geth without some medical backup, now could I?"

"That's what I was about to say before I saw Shepard, ma'am," Kal explained. "The ship volunteers? They're all from the _Neema_."

Rekem laughed slightly. "Somebody on the Board apparently thought it important that... incident on Freedom's Progress should not be repeated. So now, you're all among friends." He paused, looked at Shepard appreciating and added humorously: "Though apparently you already were anyway. In, ah, _very good_ company I mean."

Tali wondered what Rekem meant with that. So far she had thought the medic was one of the few people aboard the _Neema_ not knowing the rumours about her and Shepard. But this slight worry was completely overshadowed by her surprise, a surprise in a spectacularly good way. Her team would now consist of Shepard, Kal's squadrons and _Neema_ shipmates. She would in fact be all among friends now. _What a change to the mission so far!_

…...

Being in command of a ship was still an odd experience for Tali, even though she already had been on the way to Freedom's Progress. But it was now her who had to planout work schedules and that it was her people came to for orders and clarifications. That was something new. And truth be told, something she could not yet deal with very gracefully. Her command over the _Terrin_ was limited to the Haestrom mission, and she was glad about it. Her father might have liked her to be in a commanding position, but she herself did not.

Working out standing orders and work schedules was easy enough. But she just could not uphold an aura of authority as was expected of commanding officers the same way... _well, not __the same way Jon was able to. _Maybe that comparison was unfair towards herself, but she found she had great trouble in giving orders to other people, especially to those like Kal who were older and with more military experience than her.

Keenly aware of this deficiency of hers, she tried to compensate for it by working in the ship section where her true talents were: In Engineering. Or maybe she simply tried to bury herself in work she actually was comfortable with. The constantly nagging self-analytical part of her mind told her that was also a possibility. In any case, this allowed her to be productive for some hours now and then without having to worry about her competence or deficiencies in the field.

Of course she could not fully escape her duties as the ship's commanding officer. So usually, she commuted back and forth between the ship bridge and the engineering section. She was just leaving Engineering again when she saw Shepard standing outside.

"Tali," he greeted her. "Good. I, ah, was wondering. Since we'll be at Haestrom in less than a standard day..."

"Yes?" Tali asked.

She was somewhat suspicious about what he would bring up now. Even on the new ship with the new crew she had tried to keep their feelings hidden, which had meant she had avoided him at every turn. Due to the stress of her command position and the rapidly nearing target, she would have rather not dealt with this problem at all.

"Well, I've gotten to talk to most of the team so far," Shepard explained. "Very reasonable people, and I think I know what I can expect of them now. But, well, I haven't been able to speak much with you, and..."

His voice trailed off. Since she was determined to keep their relationship a secret, so would he, if only grudgingly so. That meant that he now usually was unsure about what to say to her. Even though that was in a way her fault, Tali could not suppress a bit of amusement about this.

"You know what to expect of me," she answered in a conspirational voice. _Almost like the jokes we exchanged back on the _Normandy. But then she sobered up. There was no telling if somebody else was nearby. "I'm sorry, but as you've said, we'll soon reach Haestrom. I have to make sure everything is and stays in top condition." And with that she turned and left.

There was a turmoil inside her that she hoped to overcome with more work. _Two years. Two years I've mourned for him. Then he returns and now... this. I'm an idiot. _Yet she could not act any other way. She had already failed as commander of the expedition once. Already once her authority had been fatally undermined. As a result of this, two people had died. No matter the strength of her emotions, she could not allow this to happen again.

"You're an idiot."

Tali turned around. She had just walked through an internal door. The voice had come from an open storage closet in the wall. Marre'Zam stood there, the team's sensor specialist, busy arranging packages of replacement electronics.

"What?" Tali exclaimed surprised. She should have reprimanded her for insulting a superior officer, but she was too shocked. "What do you mean?"

Not answering her question, Marre instead continued: "And worst of all, you're not only hurting yourself, but him as well."

Only now did Tali remember her role and duties as commander of the ship. "Marre'Zam, this is no way to speak to a superior officer."

"No, it isn't. Sorry," Marre apologized. "But you're also my ship-sister, and a friend. So I have to speak candidly."

The two were friends and ship-sisters, that much was true. So Tali crossed her arms in front of her and answered defiantly: "Well then. Speak."

"You say you have to keep everything in top condition until Haestrom," Marre said. "Well, what about yourself?"

"What do you mean?" Tali asked.

Marre chuckled. "You know what I mean. If I had mourned my lover for two years and he suddenly came back to life, I'd be attached to him like welted plastisteel."

This shocked Tali again and made her stumble over her own words. "I... it isn't like..."

"It isn't? Really?" Marre asked with humour in her voice.

"Well, I don't... Okay, it is like that," Tali finally admitted. "And _you _know. But others don't. And I like to keep it that way."

Again Marre chuckled. "Do you really believe that? Even Rekem has realized it now. He sure took his time..."

"Really?" Tali asked surprised. "How would you know?"

"He told me!" Marre answered. "And also that if he hadn't realized _why_ Shepard's here, he would have made certain advances himself."

Despite everything, Tali had to laugh. The thought of that, how Shepard might have reacted to such advances, was just too comical. "That would have been funny to watch." She sobered up again. "Still, I'm not just anybody here. I lead this expedition. I have responsibility. I can't alienate anybody, and I'm not sure everybody would understand. If this causes another backlash against me, so shortly before we reach Haestrom... I have to maintain my authority and..."

"Tali, stop," Marre interrupted her. Tali realized she had started to ramble, and stopped at the request. Marre continued: "You're among friends. Kal respects you immensely for what you did on that human space station, and outside his squad everybody is from the _Neema_. Most of us know, and all of us would understand."

"It would be unprofessional," Tali defended herself.

It sounded weak even in her own ears. The Migrant Fleet did not have strict rules against fraternization the way the humans had. In general, the quarians preferred to have very few hard, fixed rules. It was one of their core tenets during these hard times of exile that they were all one family. And in a family there were no or few written down laws; if somebody did something wrong the family would come together and discuss it. As an extension of that, the Migrant Fleet had only few formalized laws. Instead, there were certain things and actions they simply frowned upon, and even then that was a relative matter.

Consequently, in active military service there were few fixed rules for behaviour outside combat. That was not to say that quarian marines and military ship crews could do as they pleased; instead they were judged by the professionalism they displayed. If their level of professionalism would fall too low, than their officers or the Admiralty would intervene. And relationships with fellow squadmates were certainly seen as something unprofessional. However, they were still not forbidden, so some people had them regardless. As long as their level of professionalism in everything else was okay, it was not a great problem.

Some people always aimed for the highest grades of professionalism possible. Tali's father was one such person, and under his influence so was she. Or at least she had been before her pilgrimage. Since then, some of her actions and attitudes, like her involvement in inner-human affairs, her aid in caring for a human girl or her registering a protest against an order by her father could maybe be seen as somewhat less than perfectly professional.

"Well, yes," Marre conceded. "But who wants full professionalism anyway? In fact, some of those marines seem to be very fit..."

"Kal seems like the sort of person to go for full professionalism," Tali half joked, half warned her.

"Yeah, it does seems so, doesn't it?" Marre agreed and sighed. "Pity."

"In any case, things are a bit different with me and Shepard," Tali reminded her. "Ship siblings or not, people might disapprove..."

"Now you sound like _you_ grew up on of those mining ships, not me!" Marre complained. Some ships had more open societies than others, and few ships had societies as stereotypically dour and conservative as those ships responsible for the surface mining crews the Migrant Fleet used to scratch together some raw materials here and there. "You're from the _Rayya_, one of the big lifeships, not a small hick ship. You're supposed to be cosmopolitan and not worry about those things!"

"The problem is I grew up on the _Rayya_ as an admiral's daughter," Tali said. To an outsider this might have almost sounded like a non sequitur, but her friend would understand.

"I know," Marre answered with genuine sympathy. "It's good you've managed to break out of that now and then. And I tell you, people will understand." Again her voice became more lighthearted: "I mean, personally, I don't know what you find attractive about a human. Too stiff, too broad and this 'hair' is just... _messy_... But he _is _the Hero of the Citadel, the captain who rescued you on your pilgrimage, the captain you got closer to during your pilgrimage... it's almost like one of the old clan epics. "

"If this is a story, you're giving too much literary merit to its author," Tali joked. "Who would believe any of this? Like my reunion with Shepard, or how he constantly goes against any form of authority. Not very realistic."

Marre laughed. "Neither are most of the epics. But the point is... the point is our ETA to Haestrom is just about half a day.**[2]** And you, you deserve some rest. Together with him. Nobody, absolutely nobody here would begrudge you this. And if people do, Rekem and I will play the drum music to the _Epic of Ditrek'Pern _on their helmets."

In her driest voice Tali answered: "We should keep injuries before the mission to a bare minimum."

The two ship sisters paused, looked at each other... and laughed together.

Finally, Tali sighed. "You might be right. People here might be more understanding than... our last team. But if reports reach my father..."

"Now you're grasping at straws," Marre stated. "When you were on that human ship, - what's the name, the _Mondrany_? - when you were with Shepard then, did you care then what your father might think? There were even photos of you and him holding hands on the _Citadel_ of all places! So don't tell me that you suddenly fear what your father might think."

"You're right," Tali realized. It was nearly an epiphany. "I don't. Not in this issue." She might have kept her distance to Shepard now, but she realized she would not give him up again. Not even if her father protested. Not for anything.

"That's the spirit!" Marre lauded her. "So why then do you fear what the crew might think?"

A long pause ensued. It was a good question. _Why do I fear that? Why do I even care? _Finally, the answer began to dawn on Tali. She was glad Marre was here. That was indeed an issue one would want to talk about with a close ship sister. "I think I'm just too accustomed to wanting to fulfil all expectations set into me. Father wants this mission to give me commanding experience, so _of course_ I have to be a professional commander. Even though I protested my deployment."

"It's good you realize that," Marre commented. There was a certain smug triumphalism in her voice, but Tali did not mind.

"I do," she confirmed. Unsure what else to say, she again fled into dry humour: "And now I have to face that I've been an idiot for several days which I've let gone to waste. Thank you so much for this, Marre."

"There's still time to correct your mistake," Marre pointed out. She had her omni-tool depict a view from one of the ship's internal cameras, showing Shepard. "He's still standing there in the corridor. And he looks so lost! If you don't go there now, I'll tell Rekem to come and take care of him."

"I don't think you need to," Tali stated decisively. She turned around to go to him.

However, Marre took her arm and stopped her. "Oh, and Tali... I think you'll find that the air in the life support control room has just recently been filtered. And the room is empty."

"What?" Tali exclaimed, once again shocked by a turn in the conversation. She could imagine very well what Marre hinted at.

"Hey now," Marre defended herself. "He hasn't seen your face in _two years._"

"I see I've again become the victim of a crew conspiracy against me," Tali concluded. She paused. "And I'm grateful for that. Thank you." And with that she left to return to Shepard.

As she walked back through the internal door through which she just had passed, she could see Shepard looking up surprised. She stopped, unsure what to do next. She looked into his face under his transparent helmet, at both sides criss-crossed by small red lines, signs of Cerberus' revitalization efforts. Despite this and no matter Marre's opinion she thought it to be beautiful, an alien and yet by now, even after two years, very familiar beauty. The concerned and slightly confused look he gave her made her want to go to him and tell him everything was all right. But the problem was that was not the case.

Tali was nervous. She had kept her distance to him throughout the journey; a sudden change in this could lead to awkward situations. Even if people were to accept this change, there would be talk. _And why do I suddenly care about that? It's just my nerves... _But what was worse, even though she wanted to talk to him now, she did not quite know what to say. She knew she had in fact hurt Shepard, just as Marre had said. So now she could not just pretend this episode had never happened.

"Tali? Is something the matter?" Shepard asked.

Tali mentally cursed her cowardice, and stepped forward to him. It did not matter what the crew would think, or what her father would think or what anybody would think. Though it did matter what he, Shepard, thought now.

"I'm sorry," she just said.

"Sorry?" Shepard asked. "What for?" He sounded genuinely confused.

Tali took his hands with hers, which seemed to surprise him a bit. "For... my behaviour. For how stupid I've been."

This was hardly a full and accurate explanation of circumstances, but it was all Tali could bring forth. And Shepard understood.

"I see," he said, and to her it sounded somewhat cold. Or maybe it was just her nerves again. "Well, this comes as a surprise..."

Abashed, Tali looked away. After she had rejected and basically even disclaimed him all the time, she could understand if now he would not exactly be enthusiastic. _It's my own damn fault, and... _

Gently, Shepard turned her helmet to face him again. "You're nervous," he stated, now surprisingly softly. She knew he could always tell, no matter the species barrier and no matter how steady she tried to hold her voice and her movements. "And I just can't... I can't be mad at you if I see you nervous." His thumbs stroke the back of her hands.

Tali felt flushed by this admission. She knew she should respond to that, should try to explain herself, at least offer some more apologies... but she did not quite know what to say. She had _expected_ a somewhat sterner response. Maybe she even thought she would _deserve_ such a response.

Shepard spoke up again: "We'll need to talk about those few past days, we really do. But for now I'm just glad you've apparently come to your senses."

"I... had some help," Tali admitted. "I realized I was just hurting myself. And worse, you. So I could understand if you're angry..."

"I could be," Shepard admitted, "but... Tali, I may not have missed you for two years. Still, Freedom's Progress was the greatest stroke of luck I've ever had. And I'll be damned if I waste it."

"It seems I have so far," Tali lamented quietly and let her head hang low. "After we were apart for so long, I wasted the time we had together."

"You kinda did," Shepard agreed, "but that seems to be a theme in our relationship, with both of us. Look, I'm not thrilled about the last few days, but right now I _am _thrilled about the chance to... you know... well, just holding you would be a good start."

Still surprised by the lack of a sterner response, Tali looked up. Then, relieved to no end, she took his cue, nestled herself into his arms and laid hers around him.

"Hmhm," Shepard voiced content and gently bumped his helmet against hers, allowing Tali to look straight into his eyes. "Better. We can do all this talk... later."

Tali had to agree that this was far better indeed. Having finally overcome her doubts and being in his arms again, her previous fears appeared even sillier to her now: If a crew member were to discover them here now, she would definitely not care. Maybe it was just her brain being full of neural happiness signals at the moment, but she was determined now to resume their relationship as it had been before the destruction of the _Normandy_, no matter any possible consequences.

"I like your priorities," she told him. And after a pause: "I have something to show you."

She took his hand. As it was the only five-fingered hand she had held so far, its strange form brought back fond memories from the _Normandy. _She led him through the ship, towards the life support control room. On the way, they encountered one of the new squad members, one of the volunteers from the _Neema. _Even though he was a ship-brother, she did not recognize him, and his sudden appearance gave her a small shock. When he saw the two, he hesitated for a bit, and Tali already feared the worst. Despite what Marre had said, surely there were some on the ship who would decry her unprofessionalism or her relationship with an alien. Not that she would care, not after she finally had realized how foolish she had been, because _this_ alien was so special to her, but...

The quarian walked on. He did not say anything, but going by his gestures, which their species had become quite apt at reading after centuries in envirosuits, Tali was rather sure he actually grinned under his mask. Or at least, had goodwill toward what he saw. It was an utter surprise to her - but a very welcome one.

As she entered the room, she looked at Shepard, who raised an eyebrow. He seemed a bit confused about what she was trying to do, but smiled tolerantly at it. The room itself barely had the size of a storage chamber, consisting of little more than an electronic console opposite to the door and some electronic panels at the side walls. The console was of a strange salarian design with a diagonal surface. Tali had the door sealed and the room's atmosphere be set to self-contained. Also, she had her envirosuit inject immunoboosters. By necessity, quarian military expeditions had always large amounts of those stored, which now came in handy.

"A relatively isolated place on this ship," Shepard mused and looked around. He seemed to get a hint about what she was about to do. There were not all too many reasons to enter such a room and then seal the door. "So, what do you want to show to me?"

"My face," Tali just replied. "I got to see yours, after two years again, on Freedom's Progress. You so far have only seen this suit and helmet."

Shepard grinned slightly. "Again, a bit sudden... but for some reason this doesn't appear to matter to me." More seriously he added: "Seeing more - seeing _you_ would be nice."

Tali remembered how she had first taken off her helmet in front of him, back on Noveria. She also remembered the night before they had reached Ilos. In particular, she remembered with a certain amusement how nervous she had been back then. But even before the destruction of the _Normandy_ she had not been that nervous anymore. She trusted Shepard and she knew that he appreciated and adored her. Now, only an exciting feeling of anticipation remained.

She began to loosen the seals connecting the helmet to her suit's neckpiece. Shepard at first attempted to help, but after a while had to admit defeat: "Hrm, seems like I'll have to learn all this anew." He stepped back and looked at her up and down and added. "Your new envirosuit has some very nice... lines, but damn if the seals haven't become even more complicated."

Tali chuckled. "Or maybe Cerberus gave you even less mechanical aptitude than you had before."

That had been the wrong thing to say, as she immediately realized. His resurrection was still a touchy subject with him. So far everything pointed towards him being him, but he could not be fully sure of even this most basic issue. And even if, the thought of having been revived by his most hated enemy troubled him. He tried not to show it and looked away.

Tali stepped up to him, turned his helmet around and gently bumped her half unfastened one against it. "You know you'll always be good enough to me. No matter how you were revived. I'm just glad you were."

Shepard sighed. "Maybe you're too trusting. Maybe you're trusting a Cerberus plant."

_Good._ _He isn't trying to hide his troubles anymore. _"Maybe I am," she admitted. "But I'll always trust you. I can't see any... blemish on you."

Shepard smiled unsurely. He drew her a bit closer still, and began to gently rub her back while she continued to work on her helmet. However, then he stopped. His false smile faltered, and he looked down again.

"I can when I look in the mirror," he stated quietly.

It was a very sharp turn of mood, and Tali realized this was largely her fault. Mentioning Cerberus had been a misstep, but even worse, her comment about a 'blemish' must have brought up already existing fears. In a way it was even good he talked about them, instead of suppressing them. In any case, just as she had needed his reassurance before, he now needed hers. And hence he would get it. Instead of continuing on her helmet, Tali instead unsealed her gloves and stripped them off. Then she took off _his_ helmet, to his surprise, which indeed was a much easier task than with an envirosuit helmet. Gently, she stroke over the biosynthetic scars. She wanted to comfort him... no, she felt a _need_ to comfort him, to be tender and to tell him what he meant to her.

"No blemish," she insisted. "You're beautiful. And you are you. It's the same aura of strength, of uprightness and also..." She sighed. "I've always been better with omni-tools than with words. But no matter my earlier stupidity... no circumstance or detail about what makes your body running could ever make me..." She became quieter, but her voice stayed firm. "Make me love you less. And from now on, I'll never hide that again."

In a quick movement and with surprising strength, he took her hand. She noticed he had stripped off his own gloves before. He seemed stiff and surprised, fighting with emotions. Finally he whispered: "Nothing would make me happier."

Again, she gently caressed his face. He tried a cracked smile, and said with a voice close to breaking but trying to sound lighthearted: "Well. That was quite a mood sourer. I'm sorry. I was foolish. I should've known..."

In a quarian gesture for silence, she moved her finger from left to right over his mouth. "Seventeen hours until Haestrom. Enough time to better the mood."

Shepard nodded. "Together," he agreed firmly.

"Together, finally," Tali added.

Her helmet went off. This time, his smile, while still small and restrained, was genuine. "Hello," he said. His view was almost fixated on her face, and his arms drew her into a tight embrace.

For a moment, neither side said anything or even moved. Tali's universe consisted of the face directly in front of her, and she was sure the reverse was true as well. Her own luminous eyes looked deep into his stiffer but so much more detailed ones. It was a moment of magic stillness. Shepard sighed, content. Only slowly did their mouths wander towards each other, and they met with the utmost tenderness.

Again, like on Freedom's Progress, it was a feeling of two years simply falling off for Tali. She just felt content to feel these wonderfully soft lips on hers, to feel their tongues meeting. And it was a wonderful sensation to feel the same relief and a genuine release of worries in Shepard. His body shrugged off the tension it had held before, and while his kiss was gentle it was also eager. She had felt a need to soothe him, and now she could feel this need being fulfilled.

She also fulfilled her need for _him_, which she had not even known to exist for two years. Gradually, the kisses became more lively, more hungry. Her tongue explored more and more of his mouth, with almost an urgency to it. He responded in the same way, with a renewed energy, while also tightening his embrace of her. Despite her envirosuit and his space suit she could thus feel him all around her. It made her feel snug and comfortable in his arms.

Tali's breathing became haggard and rough. Only the sheer physical necessity to catch air finally forced her to end the kiss. She panted exhausted, but her face was covered by a bright smile from one side to the next. Feeling happy and devoid of sorrow, she asked: "Feeling in a better mood now?"

Shepard responded by renewing the kiss, this time not so much gently but enthusiastically from the beginning, almost needy. Tali would nearly have fallen backwards, had not his arms held her. Not that she complained, and if Shepard needed some more physical comfort than this was exactly what she would give to him. Incoherent happy thoughts filled her head: _Never again. I'll never again deny you. I'll never again deny me this! _

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The pink skin. The slightly luminous eyes without irises. The face, notably more slender than a human one. The ear equivalents which looked nothing like ears, yet had become so familiar to him. The multicoloured skin flaps covering her upper head. _Her._ Subjectively, it had not been very long since Shepard had seen Tali's face. However, most of the time he could only see her envirosuit. He had accepted that fact two years ago, and of course to him she had always been more than just the suit. But still, it made such moments special, and this was the first time since his resurrection that he saw _her_, her face, not just a cold shell protecting her. **[3]**

So he drank up this image in front of him. And like the water of an oasis in the deepest desert, it satisfied his thirst. It was not even so much a physical feeling, that he could now feel her touch, but rather the sheer comfort her presence provided. It was a promise that things could become again as they had been before his death and it also was an anchor amidst his all consuming doubts. Even without all these circumstances, he just could not look right into her face without a feeling of tenderness. Now, though, after she had just declared her singular trust and her promise of love, now she was not just the most important thing in the universe to him,but she was the only thing in his universe. His thirst ended, his emotions calmed, he sighed, content.

It had maybe been a bit pathetic how hard her words had hit him. That was why he had first tried to act as if they had not. It had not even been so much her careless mention of Cerberus. That had been a bit of a mood sourer, but nothing more. However, her mention of a blemish... She had tried to tell him he had none, but that had only brought up his own fears on the matter. He still felt at odds with his body, his _Cerberus_ body. That he only lived due to them, that this body had been made by _them_, that alone already felt like a taint. Worse yet, he had no idea what exactly they had done, what that body was made of. And that went beyond just fearing what could be lurking inside him: Considering what methods Cerberus used for research, like they had on Akuze, Chasca or Grissom Station, there could be a real stain on this body.

He managed to not think of it most of the time. When his body saw or felt something, or when it moved, it felt natural enough. Normally, one does not question one's body when it appears to be working fine and naturally. And sometimes, he could forget completely about the issue: Like when he had met Tali on Freedom's Progress and had only been able to think of her, or when he had faced down Lawson afterwards, his mind full of righteous anger. Nonetheless, these doubts and fears were always bubbling somewhere below the surface of his mind and sometimes they broke out. Maybe it had been because of Tali's previous comment, or maybe because it had been an emotionally exciting situation in general, but when she had spoken of a 'blemish', his mind had latched at this. He had tried to ignore it, but his thoughts had all demanded to know what would be if she was wrong.

And then Tali had managed the impossible: She had managed to answer his fears. She had not managed to end them, or to calm them all at once. But she had managed to present a clear, concise and frankly overwhelming answer to them. Maybe it was, maybe it was not, but right now Shepard felt it was the most amazing thing he had heard in his life, this unconditional declaration of trust. Maybe he would still doubt himself, but she would not, and that made all the difference in the galaxy. Was it thus any wonder that he stared at her like she was a miracle from above?

He felt the need to treat this miracle with the utmost gentleness, so their kiss started slow and soft. He enjoyed this physical confirmation of her words, of her comfort. He enjoyed feeling her. There was a peculiar aspect of her alien beauty: Shepard had had several lovers in his life, probably an average number for somebody his age. Of course, except for Tali, they all had been human. So to him her look and how she felt were unique. After all, to him details like the rougher skin or the longer tongue were not quarian sensations, but _Tali_ sensations. Every touch, every movement, was specifically tied to her, setting her apart. That made kissing her, sensing her, immediately feel like coming home. Finally, after two years, even if he had been asleep for most of the time.

When Tali became more lively, so did he. He clung to her like a castaway to his life saving piece of wood. A fountain of new, thoughtless emotions rose in him, pushing away all his sorrows. He was overjoyed to see her obviously happy when she interrupted the kiss, but her flushed question about his mood was almost too much communication for him: He wanted more of this oblivion of thoughts, and she was happy to provide it - eager, even.

Eager enough that both regularly bumped into the narrow walls now, without either caring or maybe without even feeling that. And so eager in fact, that eventually she began to loosen up her neck piece. Eventually, it landed on the floor, and the equivalent part of his space suit soon followed. Both now craved to feel skin and lip contact; she after two years of loss, he to forget his doubts and both out of a desire for each other.

He noted how she used her lips and tongue to play with his skin, even to tease him. _She has become more self-confident. Good. _It was a thought like he could have had back on the _Normandy. _At the same time he was planting very soft kisses on those fascinating skin strips on her upper head and caressed them. While he could feel their solidness, they appeared fragile and opalescent like butterfly wings, a thing of beauty deserving proper reverence. However, it was difficult to keep focused on that. A stifled moan escaped him as her mouth continued to wander over his face and neck.

He decided he could not let himself be outdone by her. A grin appeared on his face, and this time it was actually genuine, his worries entirely lost to the moment. He put a finger under her chin and raised it gently. And then he switched roles with her, kissing her neck. This caused her to lose some balance. She took a step backwards and bumped against the console, finally finding sure footing again. She even laid herself back a bit on its diagonal surface, which allowed him to continue his work. She tried to utter a faint protest at this reversal, but then kept quiet and enjoyed it, which caused his grin to widen. When he looked up with it, she looked mock-indignant, only for her to mirror it, and to swing her arms around his head.

His kisses wandered gradually downward... only to find her skin ending and cold leather and metal beginning. He hesitated and stopped. Awkwardly, the two looked at each other, both panting heavy.

"Ah, not that I don't..." Tali began, only to interrupt herself: "We maybe better should stop this."

"Would be better," Shepard agreed while looking right at her.

Neither side said anything more. The tension held for a few seconds... then his mouth darted forward to kiss her again. It took a while before she interrupted the kiss.

"I mean, before we do something irrational..." she stated, barely able to catch air - only to then reinitiate the kiss.

"Hmhm," Shepard murmured agreeing, but did nothing to actually stop his progressing actions.

Soon afterward, he drew her up from the console. bumped his shoulder at the wall in the process and embraced her tightly again. His hand wandered all over his back, caressing it. But this did not seem to be enough for her. She took one of his hands and laid on the zipper on her back. He opened it partway, and his hand slipped under the suit to feel the skin of her back.

Nonetheless he declared, flushed: "This room really seems too small for... maybe we should cool down a bit." Meanwhile his hand strayed further beneath her suit.

"Definitely," she answered amidst heavy breathes "The immunoboosters only help so much." And after she took a further kiss from him: "Ah, come to think of it..." A quick kiss on the lips interrupted her, "you aren't restricted by that."

"No, no, I'm not," he agreed.

Without awaiting further confirmation, Tali began to open the locks on the backside of his suit, which was very much easier and quicker done than if they had been on a quarian envirosuit. Shepard knew it was silly to take the suit off; surely they would not be able to be truly intimate here, but if he could feel her touch on just a bit more skin, surely that would be worth it. _Yeah, that's the ticket... _

In truth, Shepard did not really think anymore at all... did not _want_ to think. Getting completely lost in an excited stupor suited him just fine. Thoughts were doubts and worries, thoughtlessness was bliss. His suit's chestplate fell to the ground. Carelessly he kicked it and their neckpieces out of the way on the floor and wriggled his upper body out of the textile lower layer.

"Hmmm", Tali murmured approvingly at his bare chest. Her own suit's back zipper had already been loosened enough that her left shoulder was laid bare. Shepard kissing it only caused the zipper to loosen further, and soon the same happened to several seals at her back, too. In the whirl of passion and quick movements it was nearly impossible to tell whether that was done by her hand, his hand or just happenstance.

For a moment she hesitated. Both her shoulders were laid free and in fact her suit was barely covering her breasts anymore. Finally one of the couple seemed to realize what was going on, and both of them just stopped. Shepard looked at her, awaiting what she would do. There seemed to be an internal struggle within her, and he could easily tell what it was about. Then she said with the dry, determined and slightly sarcastic tone he had come to love: "We have enough antibiotics on board."

Shepard chuckled, to which Tali reacted with a grin. Then she began to actively work her way out of the suit. Soon, he eagerly joined in to help her.

"I should have known it would end like this," she mock-complained. "That you only wanted me out of this thing."

"Oh. And you don't?" Shepard joked. "I dare you to stop undoing it then."

To his surprise she did just that. She laid herself back on the console, raised her arms above her head, thus presented her bare upper body and smiled provocatively. Shepard was slightly taken aback, by her sudden change of action... and by the very erotic sight in front of him. Her breasts, her stomach muscles with their clearly non-human but still very aesthetic arrangement, the multiple mini-navels her species had instead of the one larger one humans sported. All taken together it was a masterpiece of art, presented to him.

Her trust in him, her love for him, her beauty... now that his emotional state seemed to have stabilized, in large part thanks to her, he would have to make it up to her somehow.

"Not just content with just seeing my face, it appears," Tali teased when he did nothing but stare at her. Her smug facial expression and the content wiggling of her body told him she probably quite enjoyed that stare, though.

"Oh for..." he jokingly pretended to grumble. "Fine, you win, woman."

He knelt down in front of her and began to free her legs from the envirosuit. To fasten up the process, she raised a knee... and suddenly the console came to life. Her shift in balance had probably activated it somehow. A holo-keyboard appeared over the console surface, and a holo-screen above it. Shepard and Tali looked at each with widened eyes. Then she quickly grabbed her suit's sleeve and fiddled to get to her omni-tool. A moment later, the keyboard disappeared. However, the screen did not follow. Instead, the room's light went out.

Shepard noticed quickly why Tali had done this. Her body was now illuminated solely by holo-screen. Her curves were tinted in orange light... and they were spread out fully in front of them. It took only one more short movement, and apart from her boots she was completely nude. He had not thought the situation could become more arousing, but seeing her exposed like this and seeing her skin under this provocative light... He decided not to bother anymore with her boots, but neither did he stand up again. Instead, staying knelt, to her surprise, he lifted her up fully onto the console.

"Time to give you some payback," he said with a cocky grin, and parted her legs.

000000

They had stayed long enough in the all too small room that their joints cramped, and that there could be absolutely no doubt anymore on the ship about the sort of relationship between them. Not that they still tried to hide anything: They had walked out of the room hand in hand, and for the final rest period before Haelstrom they shared a berth, a requisitioned civilian variant that seemed to be made for one and a half person. There were a handful of people who reacted a bit stiffly, especially among Kal's marines. For the rest of the crew, though, it seemed to be mostly a source of friendly jokes.

This had caused Tali and Shepard no slight amount of embarrassment. However, everybody had the good taste not to target the jokes directly at them and since the people were mostly well meaning they had stopped when the two became too obviously uncomfortable. Tali noticed how on at least one occasion it had been Marre and Rekem going around giving broad hints which had stopped the misplaced humour.

Given how much time the couple had spent in the room, a favourite topic of those jokes was the endurance they apparently had. The two did nothing to end those rumours, but the truth was that _afterwards, _and after an extended period of catching breath and just exchanging soft murmurs, he and her had sat and laid down, as much as the room had allowed, and had talked, just as Shepard had rightly said was necessary. Amidst further soft touches and idle caresses, they had talked about what had driven her to deny their relationship, about her automatic eagerness to fulfil all expectations put into her and about her fears that something like Prazza's mutiny could happen again if she were to fail in her role. They had also talked about Shepard's fears, about his still ongoing confusion, and about the slight revulsion he had for his body... though comfortably nude as they both had been the latter had absolutely not been evident at that moment.

And yet, important as these issues were, Tali had not always been able to follow them. For hours afterward, she still felt flushed. Maybe even a bit shocked... but she would not have traded the shocking but glorious experience she had had for anything in the galaxy.

**000000**

**[1] **The equivalent of canon's Idenna incident. See Reaping the Storm for the full story.

**[2] **Marre is using the Rannoch day here, not the Citadel standard day.

**[3] **In case you haven't read the Foreword, I'm not going with the ridiculously human-like appearance of quarians ME 3 presented. So what is described here is the quarian look that was established as 'canon' in regards to this fic in TFHS, plus some more details in the rest of the chapter.

**000000**

**It should've been just Tali showing her face, some kissing, just signalling the end of her silliness... but the damn characters took a life of their own ;) **


	9. Ch7: Haestrom I: Arrival

Tali had set her omni-tool to wake her, and by extension also Shepard, five hours before their estimated arrival at Haestrom. He was grumbling a bit about that while getting up; the human metabolism was slightly slower and hence humans needed more sleep on average. Furthermore, while quarians could do quite well with several short-term sleep periods, an evolutionary advantage that had allowed them to be active throughout the entirety of the very long day/night cycles on Rannoch, humans did best after having slept for a single, long period. Fortunately, differences were not all that large. If Tali let the part of her mind given to worries free reign she could name a dozen potential problems for their relationship but that was not one of them. Quarians could also sleep in few long periods instead of several short ones, and the difference in needed hours of sleep was not _that_ great. Still, it made Tali more tolerant towards Shepard's sleepy grumbling.

What was slightly more awkward for her at the moment was getting up from the cuddling position they had slept in. The _Terrin_ had a small captain's office, but she had no captain's cabin. With her interior redesigned for her current purpose to transport Marine teams, the ship was even more cramped than habitat ships. This meant the berth Tali had just shared with Shepard was actually just one of six in the room, the officers' sleeping room, and there were other people present. Sharing a bed for physical contact like she and Shepard had was not _completely_ unusual, at least among the lower ranks, but among officers it could be seen as slightly odd, as they were usually held to higher standards.

_Could be worse, though. _At least quarians had no _explicit_ rules against fraternization, and besides, her relationship with Shepard meant that she would always be seen as a bit "odd" anyway, even by those who held no objections. _Might as well take full advantage of that. _At least that was what her mind told her; emotionally she was in fact slightly embarrassed by the situation. She did not regret it, though. She had dreamed of the _Normandy_, and when she had woken up in Shepard's arms, her sleepy mind had at first assumed she was still there. Then she had realized things were even better: She did not need to pine for a lost time; he was back in her life now. And she would not hide this ever again.

While she let her mind wander, Shepard got up surprisingly quick after his initial protests. As always, his first trip of the 'day' would lead him to the medbay. This was not so much for health purposes; rather it was the section of the ship that could be most quickly and most easily disinfected - which meant that it was pretty much the only place where Shepard could care for his hygiene or eat open food without becoming a health risk to the quarians around him. This was a concern Tali had definitely not thought of when she had invited him aboard, but fortunately matters seemed to work out so far. She followed him with a nutrient paste in hand; she had had meals with him often enough that she did not fear the effects on her, and it would be nice to share a breakfast with him again.

In the medbay they met Rekem, who worked there, and Marre, who had come to see him. Marre's gestures upon seeing the couple were still unbearably smug - or at least, would have been unbearable in any other situation. As it was, Tali thought she had earned the attitude.

"Ah, finally up?" Marre greeted them. "So are we soon going to see the famous battle couple who defeated Saren in action?"

"Oh hush, Marre," Rekem silenced her. "You're lucky yet again, Shepard, nobody's here, so you can take your meal. If you were to stay much longer I'd recommend seeing whether one of our non-personalized spare envirosuits fits you... but I doubt that, honestly."

"There are some people on the crew who could modify an envirosuit. I think Nator can," Marre said, naming one of Kal's marines. "But I doubt you'll return with us all the way back to the Migrant Fleet, so..." She interrupted herself. "Hm, what _will _you do, actually?" She looked with some genuine sympathy to Tali, expecting a dilemma.

However, this time things were actually not as problematic as they had been in this regard on the _Normandy, _when the couple had feared what the end of her pilgrimage would mean.

"We talked about that," Tali explained. "We'll drop him off somewhere where he can get a transport to the Citadel, and once I'm back on the Fleet, I'll apply for a temporary release from my ship duties. I... we have reason to believe the Board will agree. I can't really talk about this, sorry. If this works I could then join him again within two or three weeks."

As much as a close friend Marre was, Tali could not reveal classified information to her, like the mission she had done for Anita Goyle during the Alliance's Non-Compliance Crisis. Back then the Council Chairwoman had asked specifically for her, and since she had paid in resources, and since the goodwill of a person in such a powerful position was certainly a good and rare thing for the quarians, the Admiralty Board had agreed. The plan Tali had now hatched with Shepard was that as soon as he would reach the Citadel, he would ask his political ally, Goyle, to again request Tali's skills from the Admiralty Board; there was little reason to assume they would now suddenly change their political course.

Tali realized that without revealing that detail her statement had to sound a bit strange. It certainly seemed to be for Marre: "Huh. You seem oddly certain. We all know your family links to the Board will only work against you here."

That _was_ a possible problem, maybe the only one: Admiral Zorah could convince the Board to deny Goyle's request, if he disapproved strongly enough about the involvement of his daughter with a human. On the other hand, Tali was sure her father would see the value in continued cooperation with the _Council Chairwoman_ of all people; having a good relationship to the head of the Citadel was a situation the quarians had not been in for centuries.

"She can't exactly appeal to it, but it's still something that can be used," Shepard argued as vaguely as possible. He grinned. "I'm sure she has learned a lot of political manoeuvring from me."

"Well, I hope things work out for you two the way you've planned them," Marre stated seriously.

"And just you see, we'll find out the great secret you want to keep hidden here," Rekem said. "Any secret that makes you so sure you can sway the Board must be quite juicy indeed."

"If it's really something that can sway even the Admiralty Board, it's best _kept_ secret," Marre commented seriously.

"Oh, when you have your sudden flashes of duty and responsibility, you're nearly as bad as Tali," Rekem joked.

In a humorously defiant pose, Tali crossed her arms in front of her. But before she could answer, she got a message on her omni-tool. She was told to come to her captain's office, to expect a call - from Admiral Rael'Zorah.

"I blame your mention of duty for this, Rekem," she mock-accused him."It's calling earlier than usual." She looked to Shepard. "So much for our shared breakfast."

"We'll have all the time in the galaxy," Shepard assured her, "even if it'll take some weeks."

That was true, but losing some more weeks was nothing insignificant. With some longing she looked at the scene, at him and at her friends - and then nodded decisively. Duty was calling indeed. She turned to heed it.

Her father calling her was odd for several reasons. She doubted it was a private call, but even an Admiral of the Board contacting the leader of the expedition to Haestrom at this point in time was not something she had expected. The _Terrin_ had already come close to Dholen, Haestrom's star system, and the geth could very possibly pick up the call. Furthermore, five hours before the ETA really was not the best time for such calls in general. By now it was too late to change any aspect of the plan, and she had work to do.

The Captain's office was only slightly larger than the life support control room. It contained a small desk, with a chair to either side and a computer terminal on it. She had to squeeze her way past the desk to get to her seat. She accepted the call. A holographic image of her father's head appeared on the desk, showing his familiar helmet. Tali had not seen his face in nearly two decades. Normally family members did now and then show their faces to each other, despite all problems associated with that for quarians, simply as a way to foster family closeness. But since the death of her mother, her father had not done so once. To be fair, neither had she, but then, she had not been taught better.

Familiar as his appearance was, it also made her uncomfortable. Prazza had confirmed that Rael had ordered him to keep her loyalty under check, which then had led to his mutiny. She did not know if she could bring up this issue to her father.

Instead she greeted him politely: "Admiral Zorah."

"Tali," Rael replied. "How are you?"

This was not the greeting Tali had expected. The question sounded almost rusty in Rael's voice, but it seemed to be genuine. And that was surprising. He never mixed business and private affairs, and he would never do such a call solely for private affairs.

"I am doing fine," Tali managed to answer after some hesitation. "But I have a lot of work to do. We'll shortly arrive at our target."

"I know. I ask because I've read the reports of the survivors of Freedom's Progress," Rael explained. "Is it really true that you have stumbled upon your pilgrimage captain, _Shepard_, there?"

_So that's it. It's about Shepard. _That was actually an issue where Rael could possibly have called simply for private reasons. Still, she owed him an answer, so she confirmed almost automatically: "Yes." She knew she should say something positive about Shepard, should maybe offer _any_ comment of her own. But she did not find the words. Instead she escaped into simply reporting the facts, like a good quarian soldier: "He appeared there with a Cerberus team, but we turned against it in the end."

"This association does worry me a bit," Rael stated. "It appears too much a coincidence that you of all people would meet him of all people on such a mission."

"Somebody must have engineered the meeting," Tali pointed out. She did not like that her father would think Shepard could be in league with Cerberus, but this conclusion was inescapable. "The same somebody who had warned us about Veetor."

"Exactly," Rael agreed. "Still, whatever the cause, for _you_ it must have been an extraordinary stroke of luck."

_It has been. It very much has been._ But Tali could not say this now. She began to worry about where her father was leading the conversation. Again it took some time until she answered: "Yes. It was. Shepard will be a real asset on the..."

Her father interrupted her, but he did not sound unfriendly: "Tali. I think you know what I mean."

"Yes. I do. And it's true," she hence confirmed. Her father was in the know, anyway. When she had returned from the pilgrimage, he had picked up the rumours of a relationship between her and Shepard, and she had confirmed them. There was no need to deny anything. And what was more, she would not deny or hide anything anymore, so she even added: "I'm happy he's here."

"With you?" Rael asked.

"Yes," Tali simply replied defiantly.

"Good," Rael answered. It sounded a bit stiff. "I'm happy for you."

This left Tali utterly speechless. She would have expected reproach, complaints, appeals to her duty. Surely her father had only accepted the fact that she had had a relation with Shepard because by then it had seemed to be over, ended by the Spectre's sudden demise? It was totally unlike Rael to simply accept this. The relationship was just too a large deviation from his plans for her life and besides it was too improper for the sort of good quarian he wanted her to be.

"Tali..." Rael began. He seemed to struggle with words. "I may not approve of your relationship with him. No, I definitely do not. I thought you'd find a partner to continue the Zorah line with. Or at least any quarian partner. This would make your life easier and... more respectable."

He paused. _Ah, there it is. The rebuke. _Tal decided to let it simply all wash over her. She would not outright resist her father, but Shepard was an issue where she would never back down either.

But to her surprise, Rael continued in a way she would absolutely not have expected: "But I lost the love of my life, your mother, years ago, and I still mourn her. It's not something I wish on anybody. It's definitely not something I wish _my daughter_ to suffer. And you certainly must hold strong feelings for him, if they ignore the species barrier and even cause you to stand up to me. I was a fool - that was his influence, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was," Tali confirmed. "And I do feel strongly for him."

"Then, even though I don't approve, I still wish you all the best," Rael told her. "I wish you two all the best."

"I admit, this is not what I had expected to hear," Tali said. She could not prevent sounding dumbfounded.

"I can't fault you. It isn't how I usually react," Rael admitted. "But all I've done in the last two years has just alienated us further and further, so maybe my usual reactions need to be corrected." Again he seemed to struggle. For a long time he seemed unsure whether to continue. Finally, he did: "Tali, I want to apologize."

"Apologize..." Tali echoed. She did not ask what for. Prazza seemed the most obvious subject.

"Yes," Rael confirmed. "For having ordered you away from your science project. And from Gillian. For how I reacted to your official protest against my orders. And for how I set Prazza on you."

Again her father surprised her: That was a more complete apology by far than Tali had expected. A pause ensued, in which neither side seemed to know what to say. Tali could not outright reject the apology, but neither could she just so accept it. It came too sudden for that.

Finally, Rael went on: "After having heard of his mutiny, of what happened on Freedom's Progress, and of Shepard's return... it became easier than before to see how wrong I've been. I wanted to press you into a clear career path, and all resistance be damned. And when you did resist, I reacted... ah, hurt, I think, even though I had no right to. I made wrong decisions, and you suffered the consequences."

That was probably the first time since the death of her mother, and maybe the first time, period, that her father had spoken about his emotions with her. It was just something he did not do. _He keeps surprising me. He _is _different today. He seems to genuinely mean what he says. _Maybe she could hence now also speak openly to him, about her emotions. That would even be ideal, despite the Haestrom mission starting in some hours. But she did not truly think herself able to do so. Only some weeks ago, her father had sent her on a death zone mission and then set a watch-varren on her. She could not so easily forget that.

On the other hand, she did not think he had totally failed her in her life, despite the pressures he had mentioned. Thus she answered: "You always did what you thought was best for me or the Fleet. You were often wrong in that regard, but I can appreciate that fact," _But that's not enough. _She looked down. Resisting her father was still difficult. "But there are two quarians now with the Ancestors who might not."

"I know, and that is more my fault than you even know," Rael admitted. "It's worse. It's my fault, as part of the Board, that your team was not properly equipped to deal with that human mech. Board politics, that's the reason." Surprised, Tali looked up again. _Two deaths in my team, because of _politics_? _"Zaal'Korris was dead set against the mission, called it a provocation of the geth. Fool. But we had to reach a compromise... a foul compromise: The mission would happen, but without the proper equipment: No heavy armour, no heavy weapons, no armoured transport, and so on, you know what you got. In his mind this was to ensure the mission would not turn into an attack run on the geth. Sending you to geth space with insufficient weapons... but I agreed. Thank the Ancestors Freedom's Progress happened. After what had happened there, even Korris had to relent and allow you to get heavier weapons and other proper equipment." **[1]**

"And you agreed with that," Tali said in a hollow voice. She could not believe what she just had heard. She knew her father could be cold and calculating, but this was more than she would have expected even from him.

"And I agreed with that," he confirmed. His voice was stern. It was the same sternness he had always used when she had yet again failed to meet one of his expectations. Now he seemed to apply it on himself. "The realization of that is what made me think about where else I have been wrong. And it's a lot of issues."

"This... this is a lot to think about," Tali stated. "And that so shortly before the mission."

"I know. I can't expect you to think about it now," Rael conceded. "But maybe you'll be able to on your way back. So that once you've returned, we can talk about this. About all the things where I went wrong and how we can fix them up."

That was an entire new concept for Tali: Seriously talking about such issues with her father. As far as she could remember, she had never done so. After the death of her mother, she had always turned to her 'Auntie' Shala'Raan, a close friend of her mother, if she had needed to talk about something. Her father had always been either away or very distant. _But why not? Things can only go better between us._

"It would be worth a try," she hence judged. "I'd like that."

"However, there is a reason why I called you right now," Rael said. He said it in a largely professional tone, but it also sounded somewhat apologetic. "I put that off very long, probably too long. But I have a request to make of you. I don't want it to be an order, not again, but it's a very important issue."

Immediately, Tali became suspicious. "A request. That is where all your talk so far leads to."

"I can see why you'd mistrust me," Rael admitted. "But this is the last chance I have to make this request, as it concerns Haestrom."

Somewhat disillusioned, Tali just asked: "What is it?"

"Ancestors be praised, the Flotilla has not had much contact with the geth for centuries," Rael began to explain his position. "They haven't come to hunt us down. But this means we have very little information about them. Your pilgrimage gift helped a great deal with that, but it mostly provided a theoretical insight. We need a more practical approach, too. We need to understand them not only from a software, but also an engineering angle: Not only their runtimes, their platforms, too. We need to study geth platforms and machine parts. But getting them would not be worth the risk of another expedition into our former space."

Tali noticed how much surer and even a bit passionate her father sounded now. Much more confident than he had been in his apology. In any case, it was not difficult to see what he would ask for.

"But I am already here," she concluded.

"Exactly," he agreed. "That is why I have to ask you now, it's a one in a century chance. Hopefully you'll only encounter light resistance, but chances are you _will_ encounter resistance. I'd very much appreciate it if you could store any intact geth parts you can find after battles on the _Terrin_, and then send them to me. I'll be aboard the _Alarei_, one of our finest lab ships. And I'd also appreciate it if you could keep quiet about this. The geth are a very sensitive topic among our people."

"So this is a secret order?" Tali asked.

"No," Rael answered. "I won't turn it into an order. I made that mistake once. But think about it, Tali: All I've said is true. You _are_ already there, and we _do_ need to understand geth platforms better. My timing was bad, but I can't waste this opportunity out of embarrassment about that. I have to ask you."

_He has a point there. This _is _an one in a century chance. My relationship to my father should hence not enter my judgement; I have a duty to our people. _Still, it made her feel very unsure about how honest he had been with his apology. The timing was just a bit _too _suspicious.

Hence, she answered: "And for me, it would indeed make little sense to waste this opportunity just to spite you. I'll do it. I'll return with the geth parts... and then we _will_ talk."

"We will," Rael agreed. "But, please, no word of this to anybody. Truth be told... it would be bad if my opponents on the Board were to find out about this. Better keep quiet to Shepard, too. I know you won't like it, but going by all reports he could get ethical qualms about 'dissecting' fallen enemies. Even if they're geth. He's no quarian. He might sympathize, but he just can't understand what they've done to us."

"I think he'd be more pragmatical," Tali answered convinced.

She remembered Shepard's story about how he had convinced a man named Samesh Bhatia to let the Alliance keep the body of his wife, a soldier in Ashley's platoon who had fallen to the geth on Eden Prime. The Alliance had wanted to study the injuries the geth weapons had caused, and in their typical fashion had not bothered to ask relatives for permission first. Despite this, Shepard had argued there was more value in letting them continue with this, for the sake of the still living soldiers. This had been before his alienation from and eventual break with the Alliance.

As it had turned out since then, the large-scale study of geth caused wounds had in fact allowed the Alliance to improve their soldiers' armours against such weapons. The living had been helped, if by disrespect to the dead.

It was true that Shepard was very idealistic and could not abide injustices or callousness to people's suffering. But what he cared about was in fact people, and not abstract concepts like 'honour' or 'respect to the dead'. His righteous anger which Tali had seen breaking forth so many times rose when _living people_ were hurt. That was was his idealism was all about: Not a well thought out philosophical doctrine, despite his very good ability to argue social and political points, but simply basic, emotional _compassion_. And while he had not definitely said so either way, she doubted he considered the geth 'people'. In any case he would not really care what happened to dead geth 'bodies'. But trying to explain that to Rael, who seemed to have a picture of Shepard as a more conventionally morally rigid person, could be difficult.

"Maybe," Rael admitted. "You'd know best. But it's a risk. Besides, if he knows and then maybe tells Council Chairwoman Goyle, and she tells others, who knows where this secret will end up? He may be trustworthy, but the best approach to secrecy is a need to know base."

Tali paused. Then she conceded: "All right. We'll do it your way. One last time."

000000

Haestrom had been quite an old quarian colony.**[2]** Founded as one of their first settlements outside Rannoch, it was hence relatively close to their old homeworld. Which in turn meant that these days, it was dangerously close to the _geth_ homeworld. However, as the sparse records from beyond the Perseus Veil indicated, the geth had few permanent presence behind Rannoch's system itself. They would constantly patrol the rest of their space behind the Veil, but they had to cover an immense territory in these efforts. So chances were the quarians would discover no synthetics at all on the planet. Their plan was to come in quietly and slowly with as few emissions as possible and to hope that no geth patrol would detect them.

Shepard was not so sure about these chances. He agreed that there was no better option available to the mission. It was not like the quarians had stealth-capable ships, like the _Normandy_ had been. And maybe for once luck would actually smile down on them. However, with his experience as a soldier he knew that it was always best to expect the worst possible outcome and prepare for that. He had little doubt he would face geth on the mission. And he would be ready for them.

He held out his right arm, looked at it, raised his lower arm and made a fist. The actuators of his heavy armour worked flawlessly, and his body seemed to be in top form. He was still uncomfortable with his body, especially in such moments when he actually spent time to think about it, but right now this feeling was just a mild unease, easily blended out when thinking of something else. He had a purpose, something where he could put his body to good use: He would ensure that even here, in deepest geth space, Tali would stay safe. If his body could do that, it would not matter who had created it.

In fact he could now even appreciate a certain irony in employing all those resources from his most hated enemy. His Cerberus body, his Cerberus armour, his Cerberus weapons - for once their tools would be used to do some good. _More than that even: Using Cerberus resources to help some aliens get exclusive scientific findings other races, including humanity, won't get? I'd like to know what the Illusive Man thinks of that. _The thought made him actually smile. It seemed that he was getting gradually more comfortable with the fact that his most hated enemy had resurrected him. It meant he could exploit their resources for his own ends by _just living. _

Currently he was sitting in a seat of the _Terrin's_ only shuttle. The small ship lacked a docking bay and thus carried the vehicle below her hull, wedged between her engines and connected to her only by a small hatch at its ceiling. In fact, since the seats had been designed for quarians and since he was wearing his armour, he was rather sitting on _two_ seats. This had caused some amusement among the quarian marines now sitting next to him when they had entered the shuttle. He had gotten to know them well enough that he had joined in with the jokes.

Soon, the _Terrin_ would rush past Haestrom at high speeds. The shuttle's attachment to the ship would be severed during that manoeuvre, and the team would proceed to land on the planet. Its function was to serve as a scout unit, to ascertain that the chosen target area was safe enough to land the scientific equipment and experts they had brought along. If they gave the 'go ahead', the _Terrin_ would then return to orbit, and the shuttle be used to ferry the equipment and personnel over. Then the ship would leave again and park at a position comfortably far away from the planet, leaving the ground team and the scientists to fend for themselves. That way, it would not get caught in any potential geth surprise attack or worse yet, on the ground.

Tali's insistence on preventing the latter had made Shepard smile. He recognized that particular tactical focus. _Learned something from me, didn't you? _And it made sense: If they lost the ship, they would all be doomed, cut off from all reinforcements in geth space, so protecting it had to be the highest priority. _  
_

Operating as part of a quarian team certainly would be a new experience. He was only all too aware of the problems that could arise from mixed units. In the worst cases, such units could mean uncertainty about what one could expect from one another, and confusion about differing combat doctrines. On the other hand, the ahead team would only consist of Fleet Marines, and none of the ship volunteers also participating in the mission. From what Shepard had been able to observe, Kal's men formed a highly professional team, so he was sure that if problems developed they could be overcome quickly.

The other unique experience would be operating in a tactical squad under somebody else's command for the first time in years. He looked at Kal and found the quarian had just been observing him in turn.

After a while, the Fleet Marine spoke up: "Hrm. I could give you some last minute advice like I did to the others here, but that would just be clearly have more battle experience than me."

"I hope it won't come to battle at all," Shepard answered.

"So do we all, but you know how these things go," Kal said.

"Oh, I do," Shepard confirmed. "The mission still seems a bit crazy to me, truth be told, but now that I'm here anyway, might as well start to pay off my transport fee." He grinned beneath his visor-less helmet. After a pause, he continued: "You know, it's funny. Back on my old ship, _somebody_ would have commented about the mission by now."

This drew a chuckle from another marine. _Nator, that was his name_. "You don't know Reegar."

"There isn't much to say," Kal stated. "The Admiralty Board has given us pretty clear mission goals. We simply go and fulfil them, that's all there is to it."

"They tell us where to point our guns, and we shoot," a female marine commented.

"Exactly," Kal confirmed.

Shepard made a grimace the quarians could not see. This was exactly the kind of military attitude he despised. Of course soldiers had to follow orders, but there was a difference between keeping to command hierarchies and _thoughtlessly _following orders. The Binary Helix guards on Noveria had thoughtlessly followed orders when they had killed every scientist in Rift Station in a purge. When the Alliance Navy had cooperated with Conatix on BAaT, the military elements involved in that had most likely just thoughtlessly followed orders, too. And while Kal did seem to have a moral backbone, going by what Tali had told Shepard about his defence of Gillian against Cerberus, it was exactly the attitude he showed here which led to such crimes.

However, Shepard remained silent. He knew Kal meant well, and there was no use in starting an argument right at the start of a mission.

Nator seemed to sense his uneasiness, though: "Not exactly your approach, from all I've heard about you?"

Still unwilling to start an argument, Shepard shrugged and answered: "I can't speak for your people, but among mine, they sometimes do give bad orders." _In fact, _very_ bad orders. _"So, yeah, I do think about the missions I've been given."

"Receiving bad orders now and then is as much a law of nature for a soldier as gravity," Kal commented. "I doubt there are exceptions to that in the galaxy. But better that then unclear command structures. Or doubts that can't be helped, but will weaken morale."

"No worry," Shepard reassured him. "I know why I'm here, and I know why I'll fight if need be. Tali helped me get away from Cerberus by letting me take part in this mission, so I'll serve it best I can."

"With all your mind focused on _that_, I hope," Kal said.

"Well, now that I'm here anyway, of course!" Shepard agreed. "I mean, now that we're all deep in geth space, do you think I'd just sit back and watch you all walk into danger? If I can contribute to it, I'll help to keep Tali safe... and everybody else..."

His addition came a bit too late. Nator interrupted him dryly: "I'm sure you will, yes."

Some marines chuckled. "Ah damn it," Shepard murmured. At least the amusement seemed to dissipate the quarian worries about his commitment, and solved the slight tension that had built up. _Besides, why shouldn't this be my main source of motivation? _Thus he said in a slightly self-deprecating tone: "Ah well. So you see why my morale will be top-notch, don't you worry."

"Fair enough," Kal judged, still slightly amused. "Not exactly military standard protocol, but if it means that the Hero of the Citadel will fight in my team, then I'll take what I..."

He stopped when the hatch leading to the _Terrin_ was opened. In order to save space on both ship and shuttle, there were no ladders to aid in passing from one side to the next, so doing so could become quite the athletic manoeuvre. The person coming through the hatch did not bother with carefully sliding to the ground. Instead she let herself fall gracefully on her feet, bending her knees to absorb the slight impact.

"Ma'am!" Kal exclaimed upon seeing Tali. "Is something the matter? Do the communication systems act up again?"

"All systems work fine," Tali answered, straightening up again. "I've come to take over personal command over the scouting team."

"This is... unusual..." Kal commented, while Shepard simply exclaimed: "What?"

"I trust your abilities, Kal," Tali reassured him. "But if there are geth down there, I need to see them with my own eyes and instruments. I need to find out what models they use. That's part of the ahead team's objectives, too. And I... I think I have the most experience in that."

That was true, but Shepard thought there was still something amiss. Tali could easily have identified any geth platforms and models from the team's records. And putting the expedition leader into the frontline scout unit defied every tactical and strategical logic. What was worse, she had to know this, too.

"I see," Kal answered her. "We'll follow your lead then."

Tali took a seat of her own. Shepard wondered if she had come for his sake. It was at least _possible_ that she did not want to leave him alone on an ahead mission that could potentially turn very dangerous. But such unprofessional decision making would be very unlike her. The two had managed to keep to military hierarchy and professionalism despite their relation on the _Normandy_. There was no reason to assume this would change now.

He tried to look at her, maybe to find some unspoken confirmation or denial for his theories. She turned away and avoided his gaze. This made Shepard sure: _This isn't about me. She's hiding something. _Given how surprising the last minute call by her father had been, it was easy to deduce that it had something to do with that.

…...

Tali had chosen the ruins of a former quarian city as the target area for the mission. The remnants of the buildings there would hopefully be able to provide some cover for the team, and should there be a geth attack they could aid in their defence. The objective of the scouting unit was to check if the route between the shuttle landing zone and a certain group of buildings in this city was free of threats. From orbit, the buildings had appeared as a promising location to establish the base camp, but the quarians needed eyes on the ground to find out for sure.

Shepard hoped the buildings were in a better state than what he currently was seeing on his way through the ruins. In fact, 'ruins' was an all too generous term for what once must have been a proud quarian city. 'Rubble' seemed to be better fitting. Only some single concrete walls and much stone and metal debris seemed to remain. Even the millennia old Prothean skyscrapers on Feros, reduced as they had been to their bare walls, seemed to be in better condition than the remnants of quarian settlement on Haestrom.

None of the quarians spoke. Shepard wondered how they felt about seeing such a monument to their people's downfall. He would have to check up on Tali later; he could not leave her alone with such thoughts.

Then again, there were far more immediate worries they could possibly think about.

"Electronic aim support failed in my rifle," one of the marines reported.

As they had found out when they had entered Haestrom's atmosphere, its magnetospheric protection had become nearly worthless against the sudden onslaught of the expanding star's rapidly increasing radiation. Being exposed to direct sunlight for too long now was a death sentence for every piece of electronic equipment. In addition, the amounts of conventional energy set free by the sun were massive enough to also directly interfere with dark energy build-ups - like the ones every piece of mass effect technology used, including their kinetic barriers. Shield generators were able to compensate for that, but only by stabilizing the kinetic barriers at ever decreasing levels of strength - so essentially, standing in sunlight meant you were losing your shields. _And the effect on my biotic powers could be__... _interesting _as well._

But while this was bad for obvious security reasons, the damage done to electronics was even worse, as it threatened the entire aim and purpose of the mission: How could they observe a star, if the same star could fry all equipment doing so? Tali was obviously worried about that issue, but had decreed that for now they would simply finish the scouting mission. She would ponder what to do about the extreme radiation once the actual observation equipment had been brought down from the _Terrin. _

"Understood," she replied to the marine's report. "Just stay in the shadows and hope everything else keeps working fine."

"Well, we did come to find out what could have caused such a massive expansion of the star," Shepard commented.

"This is one effect of it, yes," Tali confirmed. "But it makes no sense! Three hundred years ago this was a normal star. Our ancestors walked on this planet without envirosuits. There should not be such a rapid expansion in such a short time, it goes against all galactic theories on star development."

"If it wasn't so extraordinary, they wouldn't have sent us into the middle of geth space, ma'am," Nator stated.

Kal made a small coughing sound, which caused Shepard to grin: No doubt the quarian was unhappy about the amount of unprofessional chatter, but with Tali instead of him leading the unit he was in no position to order it cut. Especially as she herself was participating in it, too.

And as far as Shepard was concerned, Kal really had no reason to complain about lacking professionalism. The way the team moved was a model example on how to advance into unknown territory: Marines formed small groups to have every angle of view covered, and the groups leapfrogged each other. There was little chance of them running into a geth ambush or surprise attack.

So instead, the synthetics tried to force the issue with a conventional frontal assault.

"Geth!" somebody shouted, "Enemies in second objective quarter."

Shepard was briefly stumbled by that description. _Foreign military _terminology._ One reason I missed why working with other military forces might be complicated. _But then he simply turned his attention to where the shout had come from. Everybody else seemed to do the same.

"Jam their communication signals if you can!" Tali ordered. "They mustn't give away our position!"

Never having had much technological aptitude, and carrying no equipment specialized in jamming, Shepard decided he fell outside the 'if you can' clause and instead concentrated on finding and eliminating the enemy. This was surprisingly easy: The geth all came from the same direction, and did not even try to choose alternate routes. _Their neural network is overburdened with the new situation. _That was good. It meant only few geth platforms were in the area, and those that were would be quite ineffective. _They'll be q__uite stupid. _

In addition to this, this time Tali did not lead a team of under-equipped volunteers against the enemy, but well trained and well equipped Fleet Marines. It did not take long for them and Shepard to dispatch the geth troops. In the end, not even a single of the organic combatants had even lost their shields.

Even after the last synthetic had gone down, Tali was still working on her omni-tool. She approached Kal and Shepard. "I hope they haven't called for reinforcements," she commented, "but I think our chances are good."

"What makes you so sure?" Shepard asked. That was his main worry as well: Easily defeated as these geth had been, it was possible they had already doomed the stealth and secrecy that were indispensable to the mission.

"With all the radiation in the magnetosphere, there is no way they can send a coherent signal offworld," Tali explained. She paused and then added: "Same way as we're cut off from the _Terrin_, admittedly, but now this fact works for us. And I think I jammed their communication successfully throughout all the battle. But _if _they have sent a signal before and _if _there are other geth already on this world, then we may have a problem."

"Understood," Kal acknowledged. "So we need to be careful."

"Always," Tali agreed. "I'll check those platforms to see if I can get access to their communication logs. Maybe I can see if they have contacted others. The rest of the team, proceed to the target area."

Neither Kal nor Shepard liked this, and they both protested at once. "Ma'am, you should have a guard with you, at least!" the quarian said, and the human: "You want to stay here _alone_?"

"You'll draw all the geth attention away from me," Tali justified her order. "I don't think I'll be in much danger here."

"Even so, a guard to watch your surroundings while you're busy with the platforms..." Kal began, before he was interrupted by Tali.

"This is an order, Kal'Reegar," she simply said.

After some hesitation, Kal confirmed: "Yes, ma'am."

Shepard in the meanwhile could only stare at Tali unbelieving. _What is she up to? _Remaining behind in what could possibly be a geth-infested area seemed almost insane to him. There had to be a reason for this, but clearly she would not tell. Carefully he approached her. But before he could say something, she told him: "That goes for you as well, Jon." She paused, and then added quieter: "I'm sorry, but I have my reasons. I hope I'll be able to tell you them soon."

This only made Shepard's worries worse._ What is she hiding? _He knew she had a right to hide matters, even from him. It saddened him that apparently she distrusted him, but he could not force the issue; she had a right to privacy. Normally, he nonetheless would of course still try to _talk _to her to bring her to reason, but he was in the middle of a mission at the moment, and under orders. Tali was not just his girlfriend, at the moment she was his commanding officer. And thus, even though he did not like it, he had to follow her orders.

Slowly, he walked away from her, joining up with the marines again. He looked back one more time and saw Tali, her omni-tool active, beginning to work on one of the downed platforms.

**000000**

**[1] **At least, that seems like a logical explanation to me as to why the quarians on Freedom's Progress had weapons that could not even scratch a single Mech, even though they had originally been sent into geth space (Tali says they _are_ on a mission), and as to why despite this they then had decent equipment on Haestrom. It makes sense to me that this was all due to Board politics, especially considering what characterization of the Board we get to see during Tali's trial. Pulling stuff like this is IMO something Korris would do.

**[2]** I've been given to understand that ME 3 hints at Haestrom having been the _only_ quarian colony. Seeing how the quarians had been in space for centuries, and that as a respectable Citadel power, too, this seems highly unlikely to me, no matter their problems in adapting to other biospheres. They would have had _centuries_ of time for either finding just the right planets, or for 'Rannoch-forming'. So, not that it's important, but since I can be quite pedantic in these matters, we can assume for this fic that before the Geth War the quarians had a respectable colonial space of their own. Say, maybe en par with the elcor, who also have troubles finding fitting planets.


	10. Ch8: Haestrom II: Under Siege

Dholan was rising over Haestrom. The sun's bright light began to fill out the sky, more powerfully than it was supposed to according to every model of star development. This abnormal behaviour was the reason quarians had returned to Haestrom for the first time in centuries, but it was also the curse of this mission: Together with the increase in illumination, the sun's radiation levels had risen to outright dangerous levels. A great part of the electronic equipment the quarians had brought along had already died, and the rest looked sure to follow. Considering that they had come to this world to observe the sun, this problem was endangering the whole mission.

But beyond all these worries and beyond all possible scientific explanations for Dholan's behaviour, the rise of this abnormally swollen sun was also a magnificent spectacle to behold. Soon Tali would have to begin her duties for the day, but for the moment she took the time to watch this marvel. It seemed like all of Haestrom's horizon consisted of nothing but glittering light and vibrant colours. Red, orange and yellow filled the sky and illuminated the ruins below.

The group of larger buildings surrounding the quarian base camp had proven to be comparatively intact, at least intact enough to find a well defensible position. And well preserved enough to recognize the distinct quarian style of architecture that was lost to the galaxy. Tali was fascinated by it. _So much space. Walls of stone. It's amazing. _

Two hands, easily recognizable by being the only ones on the planet with five fingers, touched her at her upper arms and then drew her into an embrace from behind. Content, she leaned back against Shepard's chest. _And best of all, he's here to see it with me. _She turned around to look into his eyes. He was not looking all too well, truth be told. There were rings below his eyes, and his smile was limp.

"Another geth attack during the night," he explained. "I hardly got any sleep."

The reports from behind the Perseus Veil indicating that a constant geth presence could only be found in Rannoch's system had proven to be wrong. Given how difficult it was to get information about this region of space, this was hardly surprising. It seemed the geth had maintained at least an observatory outpost of sorts on Haestrom, and now the synthetics made periodic attempts to drive the quarians off the planet again. So far, their attempts had been futile; they did not seem to have the number of platforms necessary to win an edge. What was worrying was how well they had adapted to the quarian presence, and how they employed strategy instead of blunt attacks, like their use of night raids. Normally the neural network of just so few geth should not have been able to come up with such complex thought processes.

"Guards are in position, and the schedule for the day doesn't include you," Tali answered. "You should get some rest now."

"With that damn sun in the sky? Hardly," Shepard rejected the idea. "The light seems to go everywhere, and the heat... I don't think I can sleep during the day here."

"It seems soon this world will be lost entirely to us," Tali concluded. She did not feel as depressed as that comment sounded, though. It was just a matter of fact. And looking out over the sun-drenched ruins of former quarian settlement, the end of the world looked rather beautiful.

"Your people do suffer too much," Shepard stated. He sighed. "There... there has been a casualty in the attack. Our first."

"What? Who?" Tali asked shocked, turning her head around to look at Shepard.

"Somebody from your old team," Shepard answered. "Vian, that was her name."

Vian had been one of the participants of Prazza's mutiny, from which she had escaped unscathed. But with that whole unpleasant business on Freedom's Progress left behind, that had not mattered anymore. Everybody on the _Terrin_, and everybody on Haestrom, was now a _team. _And that team had just lost somebody. _A third death from my old crew. _That thought depressed Tali. She had not known Vian personally, but as expedition leader she did care for everybody under her command.

"We knew this would be a high risk mission," she said finally. Shepard tightened the embrace around her. She wondered how much of the weariness his face was showing was really tiredness, and how much his own shock. "But we aren't even finished here. Our instruments keep dying on us. I have no idea how long our observation will still take... or whether it can be done at all."

"You're fearing more casualties," Shepard stated. It was not a question.

"I'm quarian. We know to always expect the worst," Tali replied. It was not an ironic statement.

"With your equipment not really up to the task, and us beset by the geth, does this mission still make sense?" Shepard asked. He clearly did not seem to think this to be true..

"I don't know," Tali answered truthfully. "I just have to assume it does. We can't just cancel it now. Not while we still have sensor equipment to go through."

"All of this for some data on star development," Shepard commented. "Madness."

"If so, madness straight from the Admiralty Board," Tali reminded him.

However, that argument did not sound as strong to her as it once would have. Not after she had heard how internal Board politics had led to the two deaths under her command on Freedom's Progress. And truth be told, she had thought this mission madness from the beginning. She had been drafted into it, not volunteered.

"True," Shepard conceded. "And for now your people have to live under them."

"For now?" Tali asked.

"One day we'll go to Rannoch, and it'll be a quarian world again," Shepard explained what he had meant.

Tali smiled sadly at the thought. "You're a dreamer." Which was one reason that made him so fascinating to her. "I don't see why that would happen within our lifetimes. We quarians will just have to struggle on as best as we can, until we can one day get the opportunity to reclaim what is rightfully ours."

_Or maybe we'll never return, and will have to settle some other world. _Purely rationally seen, that was even the more likely possibility. But emotionally, almost every quarian dreamed of one day reclaiming the homeworld.

"Then I'll struggle in support of you," Shepard declared. "But of course I'm a dreamer. After all, I even think we can defeat the Reapers."

That was a thought which really was not helpful at the moment. "If we can't, then there will never be any opportunity to retake Rannoch for the quarians," Tali reminded him. "Then there won't be quarians anymore, or humans. But I'd rather not think about that at the moment."

"Of course. Sorry," Shepard apologized.

"Don't worry, I'll just do what I'll always do and distract myself with work," Tali declared. It was supposed to sound humorous, but the news of Vian's death was still too fresh in her mind for that. "It's time for me to look after our sensors anyway. I wonder how many of them have survived to this sunrise."

She left Shepard's embrace and began her tour of the sensor equipment. Her thoughts were heavy. _Our first casualty... so it begins. _From the start she had feared the mission could end in disaster, or at least high rates of death. In the cold logic of military calculations, a single casualty would be seen as a very acceptable outcome, but the truth was that no matter her father's wishes, Tali was no professional military commander. Besides, she worried things would only get worse from here on. _And all thatfor data on star development... _she really hoped the Admirals knew what they were doing.

At least she had soothed the tension with Shepard that had built up after the initial scouting mission. She had declared that she was under classified orders by her father, and hence could not talk about what why she had ordered the rest of the scout team away. After all, this was only half a lie. Nonetheless, she still felt guilty. Shepard was not inquiring further into the matter anymore, but only because he thought he had no right to ask her to break the classification... when in fact there was no official classification.

The only other person in the team who knew what she was doing was the shuttle pilot. While the scout team had been away, she had ordered him to ferry the geth parts she had readied for her father to the _Terrin_ and stash them there_. _Like Shepard, she had told him that she was acting under classified orders, and that he had to treat this whole affair as a secret, too. _More lies. Father is demanding much from me. _Considering that it had been him who had drafted her for this mission in the first place, very much indeed. _I'll follow him one last time. And then he better ha__ve__ a very good explanation for all this when I return home. _

As she had expected, a majority of the sensor arrays had been fried since her last check. From most of those she could still extract data, if with some difficulty, but in some cases the memory, too, had been completely destroyed. Tali realized that the mission was quickly turning into a battle of resources, its success depending on whether they had enough replacement for all the lost material, or whether it would all fry before they could gather enough data. Unfortunately, quarians had a distinct inherent disadvantage in battles of resources.

She met Marre at one of the sensor stations. Since sensor readings and communication were her specialty, the original plans of her staying aboard the _Terrin_ had been changed, and she was now part of the base camp. Her experience in dealing with the fragile equipment had been invaluable, and together with her Tali had been able to come up with at least some solutions that kept the sensors alive long enough to produce at least _some _data. But it was still an arduous process.

"Ah, Tali," Marre greeted her. "Good news: These ones here still seem to work."

"They wouldn't if not for your ideas on indirect installation," Tali told her.

It was difficult to keep the instruments out of the light of the very star they were supposed to observe, but it was doable. The star's radiation and illumination had grown so much that the sensor did not need to stand in direct sunlight, and sometimes the quarians had employed mirrors in the set up of the equipment, too. Most of that had been based on Marre's ideas.

The sensor specialist laughed. "Yes, I'm so great at ideas. But I could not have executed a single one of them. You did most the work setting the equipment up, modifying it, improvising, all that. I couldn't have done that."

While Tali would never claim to have been that important to the mission, it was true she had done a lot of that work. Shepard and Kal had lauded her practical intelligence. _Then again, Shepard is quick with compliments. It's still nice to hear them from him. _

"Let's call it a good synergy between us then," Tali concluded. She paused, and continued more seriously: "You heard about Vian?"

Marre nodded. "Nator just told me. We all knew death was a distinct possibility when we signed up for this mission."

"Why did you do it then?" Tali asked.

Marre hesitated before answering. "I know this mission looks very foolish. We're grasping at straws. But grasping at straws is all we have. Us quarians, I mean. I'm so sick living on those ships, in this envirosuit... if there's the slightest chance this mission can give us an edge against the geth, then the risks might just be worth it." She made an unsure gesture with her hand. "Though maybe it was a bad idea to leave it to volunteers at all. They should have used Fleet Marines from the beginning."

_Blame the Board for this. _However, Tali did not speak this out aloud. Shepard would have, of course, would have published every dirty little secret of his government... as he had done in fact, two years ago, several times. But no matter his influence on her, Tali was still thinking differently. As far as she was concerned, it would not be helpful to the Fleet if she undermined the authority of the Board. Even if the Admirals should happen to deserve it. What her father had told her would stay confidential.

"The organization of this mission was done a bit haphazardly," she said vaguely. "But I'm sure we can make do with the resources at hand." She paused. "As long as the _electronic_ resources don't all fry out before we have gathered enough data."

Marre laughed again, this time a bit bitterly. "But that's exactly the problem, isn't it? We need to..."

She was interrupted by a general call over the base camp's communication system that reached both their omni-tools at the same time: _"Kal'Reegar in sector 18. Massive geth attack. Need immediate reinforcement by _all_ available forces. Repeat: Massive geth attack in sector 18, all available forces to sector 18."_

Without further thinking, both Marre and Tali ran towards the area Kal had described. Owing to the hostility of the environment, they already had their weapons with them. As they ran towards Kal's position, Tali wondered about his emergency broadcast. He had called _all_ quarians of the base camp to the battle. According to what they had seen so far, there should not be so many geth around to require such a defence. But Kal was hardly a person to exaggerate or lose his mind under enemy fire. She trusted his judgement. And that meant things had just taken a turn for the worse.

She could already hear the gunfire from afar. She did not like how loud it was, how many shots she could hear. And when she arrived at the base camp's perimeter line, formed by rubble and wall remnants, she could see how serious the attack was: Entire waves of geth platforms seemed to throw themselves at the quarians. She saw at least two of her team mates already downed on the ground. Shepard was there, too, at the frontline in the thick of battle, surrounded by geth platforms. Fortunately, the enemy force seemed to be made up only of light units, and nearly all of them were standard Trooper models. Tali could see only some few Rocket Troopers in the background. _But there are so many of them!_

Her first panic soon vanished, and her always analytical mind came up with ways to best counter the threat. She had gone through so much combat on her pilgrimage and afterwards, and had been so trained in discipline since childhood, that even on such a chaotic battlefield her thoughts stayed orderly. And geth were actually an enemy she could deal with well. Calmly, she began to type on her omni-tool. If she could hack into the geth' neural network, maybe she could cause a mass overload of shields. **[1]**

However, she soon ran into problems. _There are too many of them,_ she realized._ The neural network is too strong._

She had to target individual platforms. It took what seemed to be half an eternity to her, but finally, she managed to hack into one the robots, which then immediately turned sides. This caused chaos among the geth, who now turned to fight their traitor comrade. Tali grinned viciously, and again began to work on her omni-tool, targeting the next platform. She had hardly begun when she spotted movement at the corner of her eyes. Instinctively, she let herself fall to the ground. Bullets hit her shields, but she escaped most of them.

And suddenly, a Geth Trooper towered over her. _They must have broken through the defence line! _Tali rolled around on the ground and drew her pistol; she was in no position to reach the shotgun on her back. Luckily for her, the Trooper seemed slow act. _Not enough have broken through to extend the full force of the neural network. _The analysis came automatically; she did not focus on it. Instead, she concentrated on pumping as many bullets into the platform's shields, and then the hull.

Shots hit right and left of her. She tried to evade them as best as she could in her prone situation, alternately rolling in the dust and firing. Finally, the geth's hull showed first fissures and punctures, and smoke began to rise from it. Its movements got even slower and less coordinated than before, which allowed Tali to finally get up on her feet again. She finished the enemy off with her shotgun.

_Bosh'tet! A single Trooper nearly depleted my entire shields. _She was angry, but mostly at herself: She should have kept a better oversight over the situation.

She spotted a field of rubble with a surprising number of downed geth platforms. Another downed quarian lay among them, dead or unconscious. _That must be where they have broken through. _But the immediate threat seemed to be over: Shepard and Kal were filling the breach. They almost seemed like an impenetrable wall, keeping the geth at bay. But all appearances aside, Tali knew they would need help.

She looked for a better secured position at the defence line, and ducked behind a block of stone which once might have been part of a wall. She leaned her shotgun against it so as to always be ready to shoot over it, and continued to work her magic with the omni-tool.

The position seemed to be very defensible indeed, and she became better and better at out-hacking the neural network of this geth group. Only rarely was she forced to actively enter battle with her shotgun. Eventually the geth attack stopped. The synthetics left some platforms behind that still upheld the battle, but only to cover the retreat of the rest of them. This geth rearguard was relatively quickly cast down.

Tali stood up from her cover and breathed out. Immediately she began to look for Shepard. Due to him being the only human on the world, it was not difficult to spot him. She breathed out again. _He's alive. _He seemed to be hurt, though. His helmet glass had been shattered, blood was running over his left cheeck, and he held his left stomach side in pain. He was awkwardly hobbling towards a piece of stone, drawing his right leg behind him. With a pain distorted face he sat down on the stone.

Tali looked out once again if all geth had been gone, and then ran towards him. She passed by her teammates, who were all exhausted and hurting. She briefly noticed Rekem in his distinctive pale yellow envirosuit, working feverishly on one of the downed quarians. Strangely, the sight relieved Tali a bit: it meant the woman on the ground was not yet dead.

When she arrived at Shepard's position, he had just removed his helmet. His face looked bad: bloody and dirty. When he saw her, he pre-empted her obvious question. Or at least he tried to; it was obvious that he was in quite bad pain "Don't worry, I'm..." He breathed in sharply. "Well, not fine, but... ah fuck... I'm alive at least as you can... goddamnit. Glass pieces in the wounds..."

The heavy armour Shepard had 'acquired' from Cerberus had a very solid helmet without visor. But when the attack came he had not been in it. Apparently, he had simply quickly grabbed his spacesuit's lightly armoured helmet; light armour was simply more easily put on. But as could be seen now, this came at a price. For a quarian, a smashed helmet could even be deadly: Exposure to open air and contamination of wounds made for a lethal combination for them. Fortunately, humans were more resilient, and even more fortunately the wonders of modern medicine helped in this, too: Already Shepard was applying medi-gel.

"Wonder why... why they retreated," he spoke up again after a while. "Still had... plenty... plenty of reserves. Could've finished this. We were lucky." Again his face became disfigured into a grimace of pain. "Only... Don't believe in luck. Must be a reason. A strategy, perhaps."

Tali realized he was right. She had been too busy with network routines, trojan software and the like to always keep track of the battle, but it had been clear even to her that they had not whittled down the enemy force all that much. The geth had retreated when they in fact could still have pushed on. It was easy enough to explain this as a strategic miscalculation of a weakened neural network - too easy. The team had to be prepared for a worse explanation, a hidden geth strategy maybe. _Maybe this was just a probing attack. To gather data for the main attack yet to come. _This would be very much like the geth.

She wanted to tell Shepard this, but then noticed a pale yellow flash running past her. Rekem was soon bowing over yet another downed quarian, the one she had seen at the position where the geth had broken through. While Tali was not quite as proficient at medical technology as in other areas of technology, she could see that Rekem worked extensively on his patient. But some minutes later he stood up and shouted into the sky: "Homeworld curse it!"

Slowly, Tali approached him. "Rekem," she began. "Is... is he..."

Rekem turned around, let his head hang low and nodded. "Yeah. He's with the ancestors now. Nothing I could do."

Tali looked at the dead body on the ground. She had not known him personally, but she recognized his envirosuit. He was one of the volunteers from the ships: The ship-brother from the _Neema _who had reacted so surprisingly positively when he had seen her and Shepard hand in hand.

_A second casualty __i__n a single day. And somehow, suddenly the geth have enough forces out there to overrun us at any time. They only need to decide so. This mission is turning worse and worse. _

She _really_ hoped the data they were here to gather would be worth it. The data on such an obscure topic as the rapid expansion of a star.

000000

Another morning dawned on Haestrom. Dholen's merciless light and heat began to fill the air again. Its deadly rays punished the world below them. Right now, Shepard desired nothing more to get away from this abomination of a sun. He did not care anymore whether dark energy was causing this anomaly or if there was maybe an even more interesting explanation. After several days of living under this sun and several days of fighting geth, he only wanted to leave this place as quickly as possible.

Most of his injuries had healed over night, his regenerative powers boosted by liberally applied medi-gel. His right leg was still not in top condition, but it would serve. His facial wounds were worse. He was not sure if he had been able to wash away all glass parts and other contaminations from them. The possibility of an infection remained. And due to those impurities, they would certainly leave scars. Real scars, not the ones caused by the biosynthetic fusion used in his resurrection process. In his career as a Navy soldier, and also as a rogue CO of the _Normandy_ afterward, he had always been vain enough to immediately get any battle scars removed. He simply had never seen any reason to keep them. But the quarians had no medical technology for that which would also work on humans. Until he could finally reach the Citadel, he would have to live with those scars.

Worse than his injuries, though, was seeing those quarians who had not survived theirs. Both team members who had fallen so far had fought very close to him. He had _seen_ both of them die. He had also seen others die at his side during his career, and he had gotten somewhat desensitized to it, but it still was no good feeling. And Tali, who actually knew many people in the team personally, was hit even harder by it. He really hoped she would be able to leave this world without any mental scars.

Thinking about it made him angry. _Most likely she won't. Things are only going to get worse here. She never asked for any of this, she was drafted. And worst of all, by her own goddamn father. He sent his own daughter into the killing zone. _Tali had been a large reason Shepard had been able to defeat Saren. He doubted it could have happened without her. _She helped save the entire damn galaxy, including the Migrant Fleet, and how do they thank it to her? By sending her, _forcing _her into the killing zone! And for what? Star observation data! Goddamnit. _

It was just not fair. And in a way worst of all was her own acceptance of this, her sense of duty, her automatic instinct to try to fulfil all expectations put into her. On the one hand, this was part of what made her into the caring, loyal, selfless woman he cared so deeply about. But on the other hand it was maddening to see when she hurt herself with that attitude.

Shepard breathed out. He needed to calm down. There was legitimate reason to be displeased, but none to mentally lash out at everything and everybody with his anger. He realized he was simply grumpy and upset about everything. Several days on a constantly radiation trenched battlefield could do that to a person, even to somebody with his experience. At least he had only rarely been thinking about the issues of his resurrection and his body during this time; there simply had hardly been any time to.

_Distraction. That's another thing which makes anger such a tempting emotion, especially right now. It distracts you from the problems around you. At least if you're angry, you don't have time to worry. _

And there was enough to worry about. The geth were still out there, outside the defence perimeters of the base camp, and surprisingly and against all expectations they seemed to have a crushing numerical superiority, probably enough to dispatch the team at any time they wished so. Even more worrying were the questions of where they had come from, if there were more of them there and why they had not in fact started an all out attack yet. Not knowing the enemy's strategy was always a cause for concern. _Yesterday was probably just a probing attack, to test our defences. The big push is sure to come. _

"Maybe... maybe I shouldn't have dragged you into this," he heard Tali say behind him. "I'm sorry."

Shepard had not noticed her approaching. He smiled darkly and ironically. _Too damn selfless indeed. _She had been forced into this mission, but instead of worrying about herself, she worried about having accepted his _voluntary_ participation. In an odd mix of feelings, it was something that both annoyed him and, even more so, touched his heart.

He turned around and tried a friendlier smile. "_Everything _is better than Cerberus," he said more light-heartedly than he felt. And softly, just as he felt: "And _everything_ is acceptable with you at my side."

"It was my idea," Tali justified her worries. "And I _knew_ you'd accept. Since your other choice was Cerberus. This almost seems like manipulation to me now."

"If I had not wanted to come along, I simply wouldn't have," Shepard reassured her. "Hell, I could've stayed on Freedom's Progress, with all the supplies that had been left behind there. But I _wanted _to come with you, and I _wanted_ to help you. And yes, I also wanted to get away from Cerberus, so I think it's fair enough I pay you back for your help."

Tali sighed. "You're right of course. Maybe I'm just worried. After two casualties so far..."

Shepard nodded and took her hands. "I understand," he told her softly.

Their eyes locked, and Shepard smiled again. But before either could say something more, a shout filled the ruined room they were standing in: "Tali! Tali! You need to..."

Surprised, Shepard and Tali let go of each other and turned around. Tali even hid her hands behind her back. It was Marre who entered the room.

"Ah, I'm sorry," the sensor specialist said with a certain amusement upon seeing them. But the humour quickly vanished: "I've found out where those geth have come from. Our sensors have identified a geth dropship in the upper atmosphere."

"A dropship?" Tali asked tersely. "What class?"

"We assume Raelun class," Marre told her.

"Oh ancestors! If that ship was fully loaded, then we stand no chance," Tali declared.

"It will have been if it was a patrol ship," Shepard stated darkly. "Finding and eliminating intruders like us is their entire purpose. But Raeluns aren't like the dropships we faced in the Armstrong Cluster and on Virmire, are they?"

"No," Tali confirmed. "They're bigger. Yes, our team is larger than the _Normandy_ squad had been, but the Raelun still carries enough platforms that they could just run us over. Just as you've said."

"And it could intercept the _Terrin_," Shepard added.

"Yes," Tali confirmed again.

Shepard looked at her, then at Marre, then at her again. "Given that, does the mission even still make sense? We can't gather observation data while surrounded by a superior enemy force, and we need to get away from here before the geth find the _Terrin._"

"I agree," Tali stated decisively. "But our orders still stand. We _have to_ get this data. However, the time for careful and detailed observation is obviously over. We'll simply grab as much sensor data as we can and then get out of here."

"So what will it be then?" Marre asked. "One last round checking the sensors?"

"That, and then we'll retreat to the observation dome," Tali agreed.

The team had found a surprisingly well maintained quarian dome near the base camp, made out of massive stone and covered in several narrow embrasures. It had been easy to fit many of them with a sort of radiation protection. This had allowed the quarians to build up sensors there that would be relatively secure from the sun's deadly effects on electronics. The only drawback was that the dome was in fact outside the base camp, so the sensors had not been checked regularly, especially as Tali and Marre had been certain they would not fry. So it was quite possible they had gathered quite an amount of observation data over the days.

"Retreat?" Shepard asked and narrowed his eyes. "I see. I agree, we'd fit all inside and it would make for a good fortress of sorts."

"Exactly," Tali agreed. "Maybe we can hold out there for two or three more days. That should hopefully be sufficient to finish our observations. So you tell the others, Jon. We're clearing the base camp. We'll start our march toward the dome in two hours. I expect everybody to be ready then. We'll only take combat equipment and some basic supplies with us. All the equipment brought along for scientific studies will be left behind; we'll use what we have at the dome. The team is to destroy everything that could be of use to the geth. Marre, you and I will check the sensors, and download any remaining data in their memory. Then we'll destroy them, too."

Shepard was impressed. Tali's orders had been quick, concise and decisive. She still had a problem being a commander in some areas, but her oversight, discipline and analytical capacities had always been top notch, and that helped her greatly now.

"Relaying orders to the team, aye," he replied in the style of a Navy soldier and saluted. Despite the seriousness of the situation, both his order confirmation and the salute were mostly ironic.

He turned around to find the other members of the team. An earlier command by Tali had been to use electronic communication only as sparingly as possible, as the geth could plausibly hack it. So now he would have to find every single Marine, ship volunteer and scientist himself. But then again, he had two hours to do it.

Two standard hours later, everybody was ready. The marines, the ship volunteers, the scientists; and Tali and Marre, too, had returned from their tour. They all left much destroyed electronics and wasted goods behind. It was a very unquarian thing to throw away so many resources, but it was not like they had a choice. Besides, as Tali had stated several times already and as the Admirals had told her, it was in fact a high risk mission - not only for sapient life, but also for the equipment. The Admirals had accepted the risk everybody on this mission might die. So, as far as Shepard was concerned, it was now only fair they would have to deal with this loss of resources, as that was part of the very same risk.

The atmosphere was tense. The team had packed up everything they needed and had formed a well thought out marching order. Tali and the volunteers from the Fleet covered the flanks, while the remaining equipment and the scientists were kept in the middle of the column. Meanwhile, the marines took over the most dangerous parts: the front and the rear. Shepard was with them. In fact, Kal had even given him, a non-Fleet Marine and a human at that, command over the rear. He and 'his' three marines would have to pay attention that the geth did not sneak up on the group from behind. Shepard had so far only spoken with one of them, Nator, for any length of time, but he trusted they all would do their job.

Slowly, the column marched through the devastated ruins of the former quarian settlement. The place was eerily calm. Nothing appeared to live inside it; in fact it seemed most life on the planet had already been killed off by Dholan's increasing radiation. And hardly anything could be heard from the quarians, either. They all knew they were passing through what was effectively geth territory. Deadly territory.

_At least I'm already in my heavy armour. _There would be no repeat of the disaster with the smashed helmet. And the strength of the Cerberus armour was of particular importance in this environment, since he could not fully trust his shields. It was simply impossible to cross all the territory to the observation dome while staying completely in the shadow. Thus, Dholen's deadly light took its toll on the kinetic barriers. _The geth could hide in the shadows and ambush us when our shields are at their lowest. _He shook his head. There was no sense in worrying. His military instincts kicked in: Kal's vanguard led the way, and Shepard simply had to trust they would spot any potential ambushes. All the human could do was to fulfill his job in the rearguard, and he would do exactly that.

His view wandered all around him. Not in a hasty manner, but in a measured, careful way. He was trained in keeping oversight over unknown and potentially dangerous terrain. It was almost a depressing view that reminded him of some of the descriptions of the ruinous wars that had befallen Earth in the 20th century: A column of exhausted people, their faces hidden behind technological masks, marching slowly with their weapons drawn through an irradiated land of shattered ruins. The jagged remnants of house facades loomed over them, with Dholen's scorching light falling through the holes, while they climbed over a massive, rusty metal beam which had been broken in two. Piles of rubble were everywhere, and in some metres distance Shepard could spot a metal wreck, burnt out centuries ago, which maybe once had been a car or even a tank.

Though triste as this view was, the more pragmatic thought about what excellent sniper nests and hiding spots for ambushes those ruins could make was even more depressing. This made it even more important to always be attentive. But Shepard had barely slept for two nights in a row, and he was beginning to feel it. And the quarians naturally had no levo-stims with them.

_Shape up, soldier. Running on nothing but fumes is what you've been trained for. Allison was a brutal asshole, and to hell with Macapá, but I did get something out of there._

A shout ripped him from his thoughts. Further ahead in the column, there were screams, and an exchange of fire could be heard.

Quickly, Shepard looked at his omnitool and had it display a rough schematic of the tactical situation. A horde of red dots, geth platforms, was assaulting Kal's vanguard from the right side. The quarians' column had stopped, and the left flank already had formed a screen against their side. Either Kal or Tali must have reacted very fast in giving orders. The tactical purpose of the screen was immediately clear to Shepard: It allowed the right flank and the rearguard to advance to the combat position without having to worry about the left side. The left flank would then join the firefight after them.

"You hear it," Shepard told 'his' marines. "Go, go, go! Our advance is covered, now run!"

The group started to sprint over omnipresent rubble, towards the sounds of battle. A thick layer of dust, most likely undisturbed for centuries, was whirled up. Shepard could see the bright red of Kal in some distance. He and his marines had retreated behind the corner of a building that still seemed to be relatively intact and used that corner as a cover. In fact, most buildings in the area seemed to have been large enough to have of withstood the war without falling to total debris. The former street crossing where the geth attacked was still clearly visible as such. Through gaping holes in the building Shepard was running by, he saw the crossing street on the other side... _the street the geth use! _

"Turn right!" he suddenly ordered his group, "We'll flank the bastards!"

As he had thought, the marines proved well trained enough to quickly react to the sudden change of orders. He ducked and entered the building through one of the holes. Inside, it seemed much less stable: Several floor grounds had come crushing down and had formed a veritable hill of rubble in the centre. He and the marines began to scale it as quickly as possible.

This allowed Shepard to gather some more looks of the building's interior: Rags of former tapestry hung at the walls. Once they surely must have had the rich, colourful patterns the quarians so loved, but now their colours had almost all faded to oblivion. He could also see the decaying remnants of some furniture. Surprisingly, most seemed to have been made of organic material, something that was considered a luxury on Earth these days. Wood was still rare, though, and it had an odd purple-ish tint to it. _Probably the wood equivalent from the local or Rannoch's ecosystem._ The predominant material was something else, and it took some time until he recognized it. _Bone? Interesting..._

It was with that thought that he reached the top of the debris hill. He waited shortly for the others to reach it, too. Below them, he could see geth platforms throwing themselves into the quarian fire. The synthetics seemed to completely concentrate their attention forwards, with little regard for their surroundings. Shepard extended his arm as a sign to attack.

His group, himself included, consisted of only four people, so they could not exactly form an all overwhelming juggernaut. But that was not necessary. What they could do was sow confusion in the geth ranks. And Shepard intended to do just that. He breathed out and began a series of quick biotic pushes and throws. His distaste for his biotic powers, which predated his worries about his new body, were still there, but he could not deny the effectiveness of dark energy: It brought the geth formation into complete disarray. The sudden storm of bullets from his quarian comrades contributed to that, too, as it helped to overextend the neural network: The geth did not quite know how to deal with the new situation.

So just like that, Shepard was in the middle of the geth troops, almost surrounded by platforms - sluggishly reacting platforms, fortunately. He ran towards one of them and shot at it nearly at point plank range. As tactical leader, Shepard normally preferred a more defensive approach when possible, but as a combatant himself, armed with a shotgun and trained in offensive biotics, he was squarely in his element. Time seemed to come almost to a standstill for him as he moved among his enemies. And contrary to how things were two years ago, now he did not even need to worry about his gun running hot. He could shoot and shoot and shoot with it, and nearly every shot was a solid hit.

Whenever he noticed a platform coming too close or getting into firing position, he used his biotics to immobilize it for a moment: His dark energy would either push it away, or raise it high into the air. In those moments, he simply had no time to think about the implications of where his powers had come from, he simply reacted by instinct. He did notice they had become stronger, though._ Did Cerberus mess with my implant?_

Eventually, the geth's neural network adapted to the situation. In fact, it probably had only taken some seconds, but for Shepard this had appeared like an eternity on the battlefield, an eternity he had used well. But now the geth were returning fire, and Shepard's group was surrounded by them. They needed some cover. Already, his shield levels were beginning to fall rapidly.

He spotted some metal wreck on the opposite side of the ruined street. It would only offer a small amount of cover, but it would have to do. "Over there!" he shouted. "Get behind there!"

Shepard himself was the first to reach it, jumping over the metal and rolling off on the other side. Another marine came from the side, while a female marine entered the cover in the same athletic manner the human had. That only left Nator out there. Shepard looked over the wreck and saw the quarian running towards him. Nator was almost totally surrounded in a blue flickering - and finally his shields failed for good. Only about a single metre away from his target he fell down on the floor. Blood came pouring out of several parts of his envirosuit.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

Shepard was not even able to watch on: Immediately after Nator was downed, the geth began to fire on the metal wreck behind which the human and the two remaining marines were cowering. He could do nothing more than to press himself as tightly as possible against the cover. He knew that if he could not reach Nator soon to apply medi-gel, the quarian would die very quickly. If he was not already dead. But the geth had Shepard pinned down good. He had no doubt that if he only exposed part of his body to their constant hail of bullets he would soon lay besides Nator.

The quarian would not be the first person to fall under his command. He had the necessary experience to know he had to remain calm and professional even under such circumstances. Even if it meant leaving Nator to die, since he could not help him anyway. But the knowledge that a comrade in arms was bleeding out his life just a metre or two away from him was gnawing at him. However, with the geth approaching his position he would be hard-pressed to just keep himself alive.

Suddenly, the geth all turned. Their fire ebbed. The female marine started a small observation drone and showed the view from it on a holographic projection from her omni-tool. The graphics were terribly, unicolour and blurred, but Shepard could see what was happening: The main part of the quarian team had successfully used the distraction he had created to go on the offensive. Again, the neural network reacted suboptimally: Not a single platform remained behind to watch out for him and his remaining marines. They all turned towards the quarian main thrust.

Shepard waved the female marine to go look for Nator, and then stormed out of the cover with the male quarian. With the geth so focused on the on other enemies, it was easy to again score some very lucky hits. The geth had come under heavy pressure by the quarian general attack, but the organics seemed to pay dearly for it: Shepard saw shields faltering and envirosuits getting pierced. Driven on by Kal, though,the quarians kept up the advance, and finally, the geth turned to retreat. Only some platforms stayed behind to act as a rearguard.

"We nearly have them!" Shepard could hear Tali shout. And then, a scream. Somebody near her fell down. Shepard recognized him: _Rekem!_

"Ancestors, no!" Tali cried out.

Shepard forced himself to clear his mind. Only when the last geth platform was downed did he allow himself to turn around and run towards her.

He found her bowed over the lifeless body of her friend. A puddle of blood had formed around it, and at least one envirosuit puncture was clearly visible even from afar. Tali had her omni-tool activated and desperately tried to apply medi-gel, but to no avail. She kept on muttering: "No... no... no... no!"

Shepard remained at some distance. While his heart cried out to offer some support to Tali, he did not want to disturb her. If there was _any _chance Rekem could still be saved, he did not want to interfere with it. He knew it was irrational, that the quarian probably already was dead. But in the short time he had known him, the medic had been a friend to him, too. He had bottled up all his emotions during the battle, but this death shocked him, too.

While he stood there, the female marine whom he had sent to look after Nator approached him. She did not say anything, and merely shook her head.

_Nator, too? Nator and Rekem, both in the same attack? Oh, goddamnit... oh fuck. _

Shepard clenched his hands to fists. Tali was still trying to work a miracle on Rekem's dead body. He decided he had to pull her out of the situation.

He was pre-empted by Kal. The marine stood beside her and the body and said: "It's over, ma'am. I'm sorry. He's dead. Nothing you could do."

Tali stopped working on her omni-tool, deactivated it and stood up. "I know," she said finally. "Farewell, Rekem. May you find joy among the ancestors."

Shepard stepped besides her and laid an arm around her, but did not say anything. When she spoke up again, her voice was steady and determined, but it was apparent how much effort that costed her: "We have to continue. If only for his sake. His... his death may not be in vain. Form up the column again!"

"There... there is something else to report," Shepard said awkwardly. He did not want to burden her with the news of another death, but she was the expedition leader. It had to be reported to her. And their relationship had always been based on the understanding that their emotions may not in any way cloud their professionalism. "I'm sorry to report, but... it's Nator. I'm sorry, but he's dead, too."

Tali let her head hung low and said nothing for a while. When she did, her words came out forced: "Then his death must not be in vain, either. We have to get the data from the observation dome, or they will have died for nothing." She spoke quietly, and Shepard doubted anybody besides him could hear her. Her voice was vibrating with suppressed anger. "I just hope the Board knew what they were doing when they sent us out to this forsaken place."

_What mere astronomical data can be worth all this? _Shepard remained silent, though. He knew that despite her apparently growing resentment towards the Admiralty, Tali's sense of duty was still very well developed, and her relationship to her father, who led the Board, a complicated one.

"Take your position," she finally ordered him. "We have to go on. We must reach the dome. But we won't stay there. We'll simply get all the data still stored there, and then get out. If that is not enough for our scientists to find out what has happened here, then too bad. Even the Board can't demand the physically impossible of us."

**000000**

**[1]**Yes, Tali doesn't have Overload in ME 2 (she should have had, pure gameplay-wise she was one of the less useful squadmates), but I put continuity with ME 1 / TFHS over actual game mechanics. People don't simply forget skills they have. If you insist on game mechanics, then Tali has in fact Overload. In fact, with Shepard's powers also changed, and with Jacob having been established as having no biotics - maybe I should make a list of the alternative powers characters will have in this fic. Just for fun. Not that such mechanical matters would have that much influence on the story as such, but hey, it is a fanfic to a game after all, heh. Maybe once the story has actually moved on to having a team consisting of more than just Shepard and Tali...


	11. Ch9: Haestrom III: Evacuation

They left Nator's and Rekem's bodies behind. They had no way to safely transport them, especially not all the way through hostile territory. According to quarian beliefs, purposefully held vague so as to act as a unifying cultural factor on the Fleet, their spirits now were with the Ancestors. Their bodies did not matter. Had they died on the Fleet, the bodies would have been used to feed nutrients to the agriculture on the life ships, while their envirosuits would have been reused. But now bodies and envirosuits would both decay here, adding to the waste of the mission.

The column continued on their way to the observation dome, now more exhausted and depressed than ever. Nobody believed the recent engagement with the geth to be the last one. There would be more fights, and there would be more casualties. The knowledge that they were in a death zone permeated the entire column. Shepard saw how, in stark contrast to the professionalism of his marines, the ship volunteers either unenthusiastically held their weapons down, as if not caring for their surroundings, or on the contrary, swept them from one side to the other almost in a panic.

Fortunately, at least the way to the dome was passed without further incident. It was a remarkable structure. 'Archaic' and 'Cyclopean' were the word that came to Shepard's mind when he saw it. Many buildings in the city emphasized walls of massive and often unworked stone, or at least had walls decorated that way. However, the dome did not merely incorporate elements of such style: It seemed to consist entirely of stones reminiscent of Mycenaean walls, and yet was among the largest buildings in the city. It seemed to be entirely intact, too. None of the quarians were sure what purpose it once had held. The dominant opinions were that it must either have been a temple or a clan fortress.

The column came to a stop outside the entrance to the dome, and formed an outward screen. Tali waved Kal and Shepard to her. They were about to enter the building, when she raised her hand, signalling them to stop again.

"I'm getting signals from our electronics inside," she explained them. "But they're strange. There must be other devices inside."

"Geth platforms?" Shepard asked.

"That's what I fear," Tali answered. "A trap for us. Kal, gather up your marines, we'll storm the place."

The interior of the dome was illuminated by what seemed to be hundreds of small embrasures. Shadow and light of varying intensity seemed to replace each other every few centimetres - and given the deadly attributes of Dholen's light, that was not a good thing. Tali and her team had equipped some of the embrasures with radiation protection, but Shepard could not be sure which and how many.

The marines, Shepard and Tali carefully entered the dome. If it was a trap, they had to be careful not to trigger it. Shepard thought he heard something... a very familiar mechanical clicking. Then he spotted movement - not on the ground, but on the walls. _Geth Hoppers! _**[1]** And in the background, from the other side to the entrance, a Geth Destroyer stepped forward. _A __Destroyer__? Ah fuck!_ However, the geth's trap had not sprung: The organics were not surrounded by them, and they were prepared.

"Spread out and seek out an enemy for you!" Tali ordered

_Shit!_ This was exactly the wrong order. This way, Tali was giving away their advantage of having been prepared. She was showing her inexperience at command. _We should concentrate our fire. On the __Destroyer__! _Shepard did not dare try to counter-mandate her, though. She was the leader, and besides, on the battlefield wrong orders were often still better than a confusion of orders. So instead, believing himself to be the best combatant on the organics' side, he sought out the Destroyer as his opponent.

Dholen's light played havoc with the shields of both sides. As Shepard began to run around the Destroyer and engage it, he noticed the synthetics were also more directly affected by it: Some parts of their body moved only in weird ways or not at all, and some Hoppers even had their head-light flickering. _Of course! The platforms are electronics. They get fried just as much as the quarian sensors!_ And fortunately for him, the Destroyer seemed to be hit even harder by that than the Hoppers.

In fact, smoke was rising from the massive platform after a surprisingly short time already. _Dholen has already done all the work for me. _Shepard was just about to turn around again and deliver the coup de grâce, when he found himself face to face with another geth unit. It was somewhat shorter and a bit bulkier than a geth Trooper - and it had a shotgun aimed at him, nearly at point blank rage. Two thoughts raced through Shepard's head at the same time: _Fuck, where does it come from?_ and _That's it, I'm dead. _

But the geth hesitated. Suddenly, it turned around and opened fire on the Destroyer. In fact, it was that platform which finally brought its heavier cousin down. Astonished, Shepard looked around. He saw Tali waving to him.

"_Geth Hunter," _she explained through their omni-tools' comm system. _"They have a cloaking device."_

Shepard breathed out, relieved. It was not his first near-death experience on the battlefield, but he still was a bit shaken. _Geth with cloaking fields? Gods, spirits or ancestors help us all. _He managed to throw off his shock and re-entered the right, finishing off the Hunter. The remaining Hoppers, and a further Hunter platform were eventually cleaned up, too. This time, there was not a single quarian casualty.

Carefully, the marines looked for further geth traps in the dome, but they found nothing. It seemed the synthetics had kept the quarian equipment here intact. That made a certain amount of sense: Destroyed equipment could have warned the organics. In any case, this meant the quarians could now all enter the building, and Tali and the scientists could begin reading the sensors' memory.

Shepard, in the meantime, took up guard at the dome's entrance. A bit afterwards, Kal joined him. His movements were uncharacteristically sluggish for him, and Shepard saw two breaches in his envirosuit.

"This doesn't look good," the human said bluntly. Kal seemed to be the type to appreciate such directness.

"Could be worse," the quarian answered. "The suit sealed off the wounds, and I'm practically swimming in antibiotics."

"That stabilizes you for now," Shepard conceded, "but you should probably take a rest. I know how dangerous such suit punctures are for your people."

"True," Kal admitted, "but we just can't spare any marine right now. Not me, either. The ship volunteers are good people, brave and dedicated, but they just don't have our training. Only we can see to it that our mission is fulfilled."

"The mission!" Shepard scoffed. "You'd throw away your life for some astronomical data?"

"No, I'd give my life for the Migrant Fleet," Kal insisted. "All the difference in the galaxy!"

Shepard noticed how his exhaustion had gotten to him. The argument with Kal he had avoided so far now seemed to break out due to his poor self-control.

He still wanted to avoid, it, though, and hence merely commented: "If you say so."

A small pause ensured. Finally, Kal spoke up again: "I know about the problems you had with your government. I can see why you'd distrust all governments and authorities, like the Admiralty Board."

"Oh?" Shepard asked. "Just what would you know about such matters?"

"Tisiphone asked me the same when she was aboard the Fleet," Kal explained with some amusement, "and so I looked it all up on the extranet. And you know what? I can't condone your attitude, or hers, or at least I can't share it. But I can understand it. Very much so."

This surprised Shepard. He so far had respected Kal as an outstanding soldier, but the quarian had also appeared as quite a stonehead to him. "Huh?"

"What your government did to children... to people like Tisiphone... that's unacceptable. No quarian could condone... _that_ happening to _children_," Kal claimed.**[2]** "Given her experiences, she has earned a definite _right_ to be distrustful of every form of authority, and it makes sense in your case, too."

"I could've ended up on Gagarin Station, too," Shepard mused. He suppressed a shudder.

"Yeah, so she told me," Kal answered. "I... I really don't know what I'd do if I were ordered to do something similar by the Board. Not do it, I guess, but beyond that? I admit, I don't want to think about it. I _prefer_ to be just a simple soldier who does as he's told."

Seeing Kal so surprisingly understanding, Shepard decided that now he could risk bringing up his arguments. "But that's exactly the sort of attitude which leads to such atrocities as BAaT, or others I've seen directly. Because people just follow criminal orders."

"I know," Kal said. "But that doesn't mean orders aren't necessary. This isn't like one of those atrocities, Shepard. We aren't small children isolated from their clans and forced into hell by our own government. We aren't sacrifices. We're all adults who have signed up for this job - either directly, or because we've signed up for the Fleet Marines."

Shepard paused. Kal made a good point. But he was not _completely_ right. "No. Not everybody here has signed up for this. Tali's protest against her redeployment is on public notice."

This made Kal hesitate. "That's true. But I don't even want to think how much more of a mess this mission would have turned out without her. Her technological aptitude and her experience with the geth have proven to be absolutely vital."

"But she didn't volunteer," Shepard insisted. "Of her you can say she's potentially sacrificed. By her own father nonetheless."

"Yeah, that part is really damning of him," Kal conceded. "But we quarians simply don't have the luxury of taking every individual sensibility into consideration."

"I understand that," Shepard claimed. "Your people's every day is a struggle for survival. But this mission isn't part of this. It's just... extravaganza. It doesn't aid in anybody's survival, it's just a very long shot at finding a potential weapon against the geth. Okay, whoever signs up for that, fine. But Tali didn't."

"No," Kal answered. "And put like that... okay. You may have a point, Shepard. But I myself didn't just sign up for this mission. I signed up for the Fleet Marines. I can't question every damn single order I get."

Shepard shrugged. "Better that than blind obedience."

"There are gradual differences, you know" Kal reminded him. "There's no need to always talk in absolutes. Things aren't always black and white."

Shepard remained silent to that.

000000

Night had again fallen on Haestrom and was in fact already half over again. Reading the sensors' memories had taken longer than Tali had expected. While most electronics had stayed largely intact, none had escaped the star's light completely unscathed. Some sensors had provided a faulty input to the databases, and at other times the electronic memory had been at least partially corrupted. So it had not been possible to simply copy the data and leave again. Tali and the other more technologically adept people in the team had had to put great effort in that task, which had taken them long enough that at the end the sun had been setting.

Tali had decided the team should spend the night at the dome. While it was true that in the darkness at least their shields would hold, the same was also true of the geth' shields. Additionally, as the fight in the dome had shown, the synthetics' platforms themselves could be hurt by Dholen's light, and that was an advantage Tali did not want to give away. Finally, synthetic sensors could simply plain better see in darkness than organic eyes.

Untypically for her, Tali's work in reading out the sensors had not been very enthusiastic. Rekem's death weighted heavily on her. She only wanted this mission to be over with quickly, without further losses. She would do her duty, as she always had, but even the Admiralty Board could not order somebody to be excited about their work. If the data gathered here would prove to be insufficient, then there was nothing she could do about that. She knew she and her team had given their best.

The Board had sent them deep into geth space, with a team assembled at the last minute. The previous one had been nearly eradicated due to insufficient equipment, something that was the result of Board politics. And not a single Admiral had thought about giving radiation-protected electronic equipment to the mission, despite the fact that Dholen's rapid expansion had been the very reason for it. As far as Tali was concerned, if the Admirals had wanted better results, they should have acted more competently in assembling the mission. Now that they had not, not only was its outcome in doubt, but six quarians had already fallen, including her friend, Rekem.

It was in particular his death which made Tali react to the situation with suppressed anger rather than attempts to find the guilt with herself. True, she was the team leader, so she had some responsibility for everything. But she had also thought the whole mission madness from the beginning and only participated because she had been conscripted. And her father's revelation about the backroom deals on the Admiralty Board had completely shaken up her trust in that institution. So she increasingly was coming to the conviction that Rekem had died because the Admirals had sent a decidedly less-than-elite team deep into the galaxy's region most deadly for quarians, and all that for some astronomical data.

What was more, she had had to watch his death, because her father had forced her onto this mission. He had apologized for that, but his actions had spoken louder than his words: Even though he already was the only reason she was here, he had burdened her with an extra mission, one she even had to keep secret from everybody else. She had agreed for the good of their people, but she truly did not know whether she would have in her current state of mind. The more she thought about it, the more hollow her father's apology sounded to her, given her current situation.

But the worst part was that she knew herself too well: She knew she would return to the fleet, she would further obey the orders from the Admiralty Board, she most likely would c continue to follow directions from her father. She just could not imagine another way. Maybe she could follow Shepard on his own mission for some months now, but eventually, she would have to return to the Fleet, and then she would most likely simply settle into her old life again. The thought annoyed her, but she just knew it would happen like that; it always had in her life. Even now, her anger was of a depressed and hollow sort, not the hot and burning kind Shepard usually displayed. For the most part, it simply overlaid the grief and mourning she felt for the loss of a friend.

It were thoughts like that had kept her up for hours now, even though she knew she would need all her energy tomorrow, when the group would try to reach the _Terrin. _As expedition leader she had not been included in the guard schedule so that she could be fit tomorrow to give orders. Instead, she had spent her time worrying and thinking: About Rekem, about her father, about the mission, about countless other things. All things that were unimportant right now, trivial even, compared to her and the group's survival, but she had always tended to excessive self-analysis and doubts.

Agitated, she rose from her sleeping back and began to pace around in the dome. Everybody else, the current guards excluded, seemed to be fast asleep, so she took care to move as quietly as possible. Trying to get as much distance from the sleepers, Tali walked along the dome's wall. It was not perfectly circular: in keeping with archaic quarian architectures it had some odd, ungeometric niches and covers. It was from one of those that she heard a muffled sound.

_That's Jon's niche. _The human had placed his own sleeping bag, which he had gathered up on Freedom's Progress, somewhat apart from the quarians. Some of the more sensitive team members still saw a certain health risk in him, at least whenever he took off his armour and helmet. When Tali had been finished with her work, he had already been asleep. She had decided not to disturb him and had hence rolled out her own sleeping bag near to the other quarians.

She found Shepard leaned against the wall. At his side sat Marre, closely nestled against him. Again the muffled sound Tali had heard earlier occurred. It was a stifled sob by Marre. In reaction, Shepard rubbed over her arm. Concerned, Tali approached the two.

She gave Shepard a quick tilt of the head and then knelt down next to the sensors specialist. "Hey, Marre? Is everything alright?"

Again, a small sob escaped Marre. "It's... it's Rekem. And Nator, too. I... now that I had a night to think about it, it hit me. That we'll never see them again. That I won't."

_And Nator, too?_ A sad realization of her own hit Tali. "Your comment about the marines looking fit... you didn't just mean that in jest."

"It's not... it's not like we did anything," Marre almost defended herself, even though Tali had never meant her statement as an accusation. "But we talked, and we... we were getting along well. Very well. If... if we had both returned to the Fleet, then... but that's just speculation now, and won't ever be more." She paused. "And Rekem! Ancestors, he's always been my closest friend even before I came aboard the _Neema!_"

"And mine since I did," Tali answered subdued. "That's how we first met, wasn't it? He introduced us to one another."

Marre just nodded and sobbed again. "I... I'm sorry.""

"What?" Tali asked surprised. "What for?"

"For being so weak," Marre explained. "I just didn't know what to do. Rekem dead, Nator dead, and we might all die too, once the morning comes... and I didn't want to wake anybody with my pathetic sorrows, so... so I just found a niche and... and, well, just cried."

"You could've come to me," Tali told her. "You always can."

"You're the team leader," Marre reminded her. "You needed your sleep. That's important for the mission." She paused. "Shepard found me."

"I tried to calm her. And we tried to talk," Shepard continued, "But..." He hesitated.

Marre laughed bitterly. "But that didn't work so well, did it?" Again she stifled a sob. "I'm still not calm. It's just pathetic. I'm pathetic."

Tali could not bear to hear her friend talking about herself like that. "No you aren't. You just shouldn't be here in the first place. None of us should be."

"Yes," Shepard agreed. "Yeah, I can... _withstand_ seeing people dying in front of me, but... I don't think that's how things _should_ be. That isn't strength, not something to be admired, it's just being jaded. This shouldn't be upheld as some sorta ideal. I've told you: You're only showing normal hu... quarian emotions. That's what makes us all better than the geth."

An awkward pause ensued, which Tali ended by sitting down on the floor and prompting Marre: "I don't actually know much about Rekem from his time before he came aboard the _Neema. _So, tell me... tell us about him. When you met him, what you two did, all that."

"I... I suppose I can," Marre answered. "He actually grew up on a mining ship, too, did you know? Not the same as me, but I often met him on common mining expeditions, and we used the inter-ship comm system quite frequently. Our clans were incensed with how we ate up comm resources as they saw it. I was so glad when he joined the _Neema_ and I got to see him again. That the hospital finally got a friendly medic. He... he really was the smile and laughter of the place, after he started there. That will be missed now, too."

Before Marre could lapse again into her depression, Tali spoke up: "I first met him there, in the hospital. I don't know how I would've passed the weeks I had to stay there without him."

Marre chuckled sadly. "He was quite smitten with you at first, when you joined the crew. But you know how he was. He always had that amorous streak."

"I'll say," Shepard said dryly and raised an eyebrow.

Tali had informed him how Rekem had found _him_ attractive, but nothing of the medic's earlier attraction to her. Shepard and her looked over Marre and shared a grin - or at least, as much as Tali's mask allowed. There was some humour, even if sad and nostalgic humour now, in the situation.

"He had taste," Tali simply answered in the same voice.

This caused a short laugh to erupt from Marre's sadness. "Yes, but no success. And whom did he always tell about his little misadventures? Me, of course."

She went on to talk about him. Sometimes, her speech was still interrupted by sobs, but eventually she got calmer. Her head was nestled at Shepard's side, while Tali held her arm, so that she was lying snug between her two friends. After a while, her voice became a bit blurry. Shepard and Tali helped her up, and against her sleepy and ineffective protests led her to his sleeping bag. A bit afterward, Tali took Shepard's hand and quietly led him to her own.

There were some strange looks the next morning, when people found Tali and Shepard in Marre's sleeping bag, and Marre in his. However, nobody had any time for speculation or idle gossip: With Dholen rising, the quarians had to quickly make their way to the city in order to reach the _Terrin's _landing space.

This was a tricky issue, though. The next scheduled landing of the shuttle would only be tomorrow, and due to the turbulences in Haestrom's magnetosphere there was no other easy way to contact the _Terrin. _And Tali deemed it far too dangerous to wait for another day.

Shepard, Kal and some of his marines were standing in a group around her. She had decided to confine her worries in her. Maybe that meant showing some weakness as a commanding officer, but she rather accepted that than take the risk to screw up. The mission always had to come before her personal sensitivities - or, after she had lost her faith in this particular mission, at least the security of the team had to come first.

"We've got all the data that was stored here," Tali summarized the situation, "Now we need to get off this world. Today, if possible. But you know how problematic it is to contact the _Terrin._"

"Isn't that why we installed the laser array on the Spindle?" Kal asked. "To reach the ship if necessary?"

'Spindle' was the name the quarians had given to another outstanding building in the city, a very thin tower of several dozen metres height. They had used this height to install their most powerful communication equipment there, in the hope to cut through the magnetosphere this way.

"It is," Tali confirmed. "But that's located in the opposite direction to the landing space from here. I wouldn't feel comfortable walking such a long distance through the city. It would make us very vulnerable to geth attacks."

She realized that maybe she had made some grave mistakes in scattering their outposts like that. Even though she knew rationally part of this could potentially be excused by her inexperience, she still felt a bit guilty. Experienced or not, she should have thought the issue through more thoroughly.

"Unacceptably so," Kal agreed. "Moving our entire column, with all our equipment, first to the Spindle and then to the landing space would take hours, and exhaust us. We'd be easy prey for the damn synthetics. Even staying holed up here until tomorrow would be better than that."

"I'd rather avoid that if possible," Tali stated.

"In that case, there are two objectives that need to be fulfilled," Kal summarized the situation. "Somebody needs to use the Spindle, and the team in general needs to reach the landing space. The solution seems simple enough: Only some of us do the former."

"What?" Tali exclaimed.

"You're proposing a suicide run," Shepard said gravely.

"Nothing as bad as that," Kal defended himself. "A small elite team can move much quicker through the ruins than the entire damn column. So whoever goes to call the _Terrin_ can then catch up to the main group and rejoin it."

"A small elite team," Shepard repeated. "You and your marines."

"This _is _a job for the Fleet Marines!" one of them stated.

"Who else?" Kal added. "And Shepard, even you gotta admit that getting you all off this world safely is a cause worth risking one's life."

"I'd feel uncomfortable demanding this of you and your men," Tali admitted.

"Ma'am, that's what we signed up for," Kal claimed. "We all knew the risks of becoming a Fleet Marine. With all due respect, you're the commanding officer here. It's your job to demand such things from us if necessary."

"You're the best trained and equipped for this," Shepard agreed. "But so am I. If you go, I'll come along."

"Jon!" Tali exclaimed.

"It makes sense!" Shepard defended himself. "The group has to send its best men for this job, and I do think I belong in that category."

Agitated, Tali walked towards him. _What the hell does he think he's doing? _But the worst part was that he was right. He was probably even better than any of the marines, so by the same logic that they had to reach the Spindle, he had to be with them. The idea frightened her, though. However, so far it had always been an unspoken agreement between them that their feelings would never override their professionalism in the field.

She came to a halt in front of him and felt defeated. "All right," she conceded. "You're right, you do."

"No," Kal declared.

Both Shepard and Tali turned towards him, surprised.

"Your skills are outstanding, Shepard, but this _is _a job for the Fleet Marines," Kal explained. "It's _us _who've been assigned to protect this mission. We can take care of ourselves."

Another marine spoke up: "If Nator was still here, he'd formulate it more bluntly. He always had a disrespectful streak. So now _I_ will say it, in his memory: Shepard, we can't just separate you from Tali!" She chuckled.

The heat of embarrassment shot into Tali's head, and she did not know what to say. Shepard's body movements were quite awkward, too.

Kal laughed gruffly. "There's more to that, though. There _is_ a rational explanation why you need to stay here. If all the marines try to reach the Spindle, and you, too, then the group's defence is entirely in the hands of the ship volunteers. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. So if the best fighters go, then the _very_ best fighter needs to stay with the main group."

Tali breathed out relieved. There would have been no way she could have ordered Shepard to stay back, not without violating that unspoken agreement between them, but with Kal's refusal to take him along that problem had disappeared in a rather convenient way. Though now she felt selfish for thinking so.

"Then it seems decided," she said. "The main group will make for the landing space, while the Marines will try to reach the Spindle and then rejoin us."

…...

Only shortly after the group had left the dome it had happened again: Another quarian had fallen.

They had run into an ambush by a small unit of Geth Troopers. While the synthetics' attack had been repelled easily enough, at its end, another quarian body remained lying lifeless on Haestrom's ground. Like tall he others it had been left behind.

Even though their trek through the ruins had hardly begun, and even though it was "only" a single death, Tali already feared that the mission to reach the _Terrin's_ assigned landing space was slipping out of her hands. _Yet another death... _It made her try more than ever to keep everything under control, to double-check everything and to personally make sure something like that ambush could not happen again.

With some surprise she had noticed that with Kal and his marines gone, she now was not only the commanding officer of the group: She also was the only trained and experienced fighter besides Shepard. Which was yet one more reason she ideally wanted to be at every part of the column at once. Unfortunately, that was not possible, and nobody would be helped by hectic panic. Nonetheless she felt the urge to do _more_, no matter how much she was already doing, and not being able to made her nervous.

_I'm the team leader. I must prevent further deaths. That responsibility is on me. _

After passing through an extended field of rubble, the group was again entering an area of ruins still standing. Sometimes it was only the facade defiantly keeping its watch over streets hardly recognizable as such anymore. At other times the devastated buildings had gaping holes showing their interior. It was clear to Tali that the geth would have the advantage here, as there were dozens of potential positions to attack the quarians from.

Shepard had taken command over two ship volunteers he had deemed most competent in battle. Now the three formed the column's new vanguard. Aware that he had to do the same job Kal had done, but with less resources at his disposal, the human tried to compensate that with mobility. Very often he let himself fall back to the others, only to then advance again into the ruins. He never stayed on the path the others would take and instead criss-crossed in front of them. He constantly entered and left the ruined buildings. Tali knew that this was a valid tactic, but she just hoped he would not exhaust himself with it.

She heard gunfire. Fear welled up in her.

"Hurry!" she ordered the column, "we need to support the vanguard!"

Shepard was currently rather far ahead, and the thought that he might have to ward off a geth attack with just two other people on his side worried her. She tried to keep an eye on the coherency of the column, but these worries overwrote all cautiousness. She was the first to reach the battle site, far ahead everybody else.

One quarian leaned against a wall and shot periodically around the corner, while another lay prone behind a heap of debris. Tali's heart nearly stopped before she finally could see a blue glow in some distance. Shepard was running close to a nearly totally ruined wall, alternately firing at the geth and releasing dark energy. Without thinking, she ran toward him. Some platforms noticed her and opened fire. She slid below a hail of bullets and came to a halt near the remnant of a stone pillar. She knelt and returned the fire on the platforms chasing Shepard.

When her thermal clip was close to being depleted, she switched to using her omni-tool as weapon. After several days of fighting the synthetics, cracking into the geth' programs was no problem at all anymore. She probably could do all the necessary commands and routines asleep and half-dead besides.

She heard a clicking sound and turned around with her gun in hand.

A Geth Hopper hung at the nearby ruin wall, only some scant metres away. Apparently it had jammed her gun. She stumbled back. At this distance she would not be able to evade its shots, and she did not know whether her shields would hold. _Ancestors curse my stupidity... _

A blue aura enwrapped the platform. A moment later it was violently yanked into the air.

Shepard was sprinting towards her at a speed Tali had never seen before. He fired at the Hopper now hovering above her, until it returned to the ground as nothing more than a smouldering wreck. Shaking off her surprise and shock, she resumed her supporting fire. When he reached her, she joined his run.

When they had finally reached the relative safety of the 'front line' again, both were panting heavily. Tali noticed he must have run far longer than she had, but did not seem to be much more exhausted. Somewhat less, even.

"Needed... needed... a distraction," he tried to explain the situation breathlessly.

Tali could only nod. She could not be shocked anymore how he always chose the most dangerous roles for himself. A signal from her omni-tool drew her attention towards it. It was an alert, displaying a holo message.

The message was a report from Marre. It was badly garbled, and her holographic head was hardly recognizable due to much flickering. Tali heard gunfire in the background. _"Geth platforms... from side... had hid in ruins... flanking attack... wild flight into opposite direction... column coherency is lost... but everything is dissolving... everybody... on their own."_

Tali froze. It seemed her worst fears had come true. While she had let her worry for Shepard override all her common sense, the geth had overrun the main column. And now it appeared everything had collapsed. She did not know what to do.

"We need to go to the ambush site," Shepard spoke up after a while. "The vanguard will try to hold the geth back. Becoming the rearguard, I guess. You can then follow your people and gather them up again, under our cover."

"But..." Tali wanted to point out how dangerous that was, but immediately realized the futility of that. She sent out a signal to all omni-tools in the team, marking a position on their maps to assemble at again. "That's where we'll meet again," she told Shepard.

"Right," Shepard confirmed. "And don't worry, we will. Now let's go!"

The battle on the ambush site was still ongoing. Shepard and his two ship volunteers immediately took up position to keep the geth in check. Tali really wished she could help them, but she knew her task was even more important. She gathered up the few remaining quarians who had stayed to fight, and set out for the gathering point.

It was a wild dash through the ruin streets. She saw geth platforms harassing the fleeing quarians. She saw dead bodies on the ground, quarians cowering fearfully in corners and equipment left behind. It was chaos. She did what she could to help: She fended off geth attacks, helped stragglers and convinced the fearful to go on. Yet, she did not know whether it would be enough. She just hoped everybody had received and understood her message.

The gathering point itself was a ruined building standing apart from the others, as its immediate neighbours had fallen to rubble. Tali hoped that this would make it easier to defend. She herded her people inside it and established a makeshift defence screen at the entrance. More and more quarians arrived there, first in a more or less steady stream, then one by one. Tali was overjoyed to recognize Marre in one of the latest stragglers to arrive.

All the new arrivals were immediately sent to the frontline; the building was under attack all the time. The geth had it encircled and their rockets were pounding the walls. The chattering of guns never seemed to cease. The building's immediate vicinity was a death zone for the synthetics, but they kept up their pressure from afar. Tali tried to hack into their systems, but at this distance it was near impossible. She did not even dare to ponder if her chaotic efforts would have any effects, and if her team could get off this world again. For now, she was too busy just keeping their position defended.

A quick count told her that about a third of the group was missing, and there seemed to be no new arrivals. This shocked her. She constantly looked outside, hoping to see latecomers arriving through the geth lines. Nobody came. Finally, she did see a movement: A figure in a plain black, heavy armour without insignia, too large to be a quarian. _Shepard!_ He was followed by a quarian, and unceremoniously carried another one over his shoulder. Thus only able to use his pistol he tried to fight his way through the geth lines.

Quickly, Tali ran through the building and waved together some quarians. It was time for a sortie. The quarians stormed outside with guns blazing. Their bullets hit targets left and right of Shepard, who now simply focused on running. The weight on his shoulders did not seem to slow him down; again Tali wondered about his apparent newfound physical endurance.

Finally, they all could retreat into the building again. Carefully, Shepard laid down the quarian he had carried on the ground. Others took care of the wounded man.

"Did you... did you come across anybody else?" Tali asked, still breathing heavily.

"Only this guy," Shepard answered, pointing to the injured quarian. "Look, we need to hurry. We need to get to the landing space before the geth can muster enough forces to overrun us."

"There could still be people out there..." Tali reminded him. "Wounded people, or people cut off by the geth..."

"Could be," Shepard conceded. "But..." He struggled to speak what was on his mind. He did not seem to be entirely comfortable with it. "But if so, could we help them? We can't send out expeditions; it seems difficult enough to hold this position."

"We could at least wait if more people come," Tali argued.

Shepard shook his head. "We were the rearguard. The last to come here. I'm sorry Tali, but whoever hasn't made it here yet never will. And we really need to push on or we'll all die!"

Rationally, Tali knew that Shepard was talking from years of military experience. Emotionally, though, it sounded like callousness to her and made her angry. "What use would this be? I still haven't gotten word from the marines. We don't even know if they've made it to the Spindle. We don't know if it even makes sense to go to the landing area!"

This made Shepard hesitate. "I see. But I think we'll have to take the chance. I mean, there's at least a _possibility _of the _Terrin_ picking us up at the landing area. There's none here."

_A third of the group... _but Tali knew Shepard was right. The _Terrin_ was their only hope. If she did not want to lose the rest of the group, too, then they needed to get moving again.

The break-out from the building led to further injuries and casualties. Tali bitterly remembered how she had personally mourned every single one of the first casualties; now there was no time for that anymore. The casualties were only numbers to her anymore. She could only hope that as many people as possible made it to the _Terrin. _

Their progress through the city was not as quick as she had hoped. There was no well structured marching order anymore, and the quarians took great pains to transport even the injured toward safety. The man Shepard had carried had been positioned on a makeshift mass effect barrow. And of course, there were the geth - they were everywhere. It seemed now the entire city was infested with them. Behind every corner, inside every ruin, down every street there seemed to be ever more of the synthetic platforms.

It was at yet another street corner where they were held up by geth fire that Tali heard cheering behind her. Looking back, she saw two figures hurrying towards her, one of them clad in an impractically red armour. The other one fell down flat on the ground when the two had reached her.

"Kal!" she exclaimed "What..."

"Sorry, she's exhausted," Kal explained. "I found her along the way, cut off from the rest."

A pang of guilt hit Tali. So there still had been lost survivors on the way, and yet she had ordered the group to advance on. _What if there are even more survivors out there? _She tried to chase away the thought. Returning now was impossible. But the feeling of guilt remained.

"Did you manage to contact the _Terrin?_" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am," Kal reported. "We successfully contacted the ship, and received confirmation of your orders. The _Terrin _has immediately initiated a landing manoeuvre."

Despite this good news, a glum feeling took hold of Tali. "What about the rest of your men?"

Kal looked down. "Dead, ma'am. I'm the last survivor. The geth proved too clever for us. They jammed all our communications from the beginning. Then they picked us apart when we were busy at the Spindle."

Under any other circumstances, this would have come as a shock. But now, Tali only felt numb. She did not know how many more bad news she could take.

"I... we need to carry on," she declared finally. "Now that we know the _Terrin_ will come, we have something to look forward to."

"Yes, ma'am," Kal confirmed.

A feeling of utter exhaustion grew in Tali. Very soon, either the quarians would reach the _Terrin_, or the geth would kill them all. Either way, it would all be over, and she could hardly await that. Her only regret was how she had dragged Shepard into this mess.

The fight through the ruins was a daze. She seemed to run purely on instinct. She hardly noticed the geth platforms anymore, or the quarians dying at her side. She only shot her gun and typed on her omni-tool. Everything around her was a blur. Even the people of her team appeared as nothing more than moving shades. She could hardly identify Kal, Marre or Shepard. However, she could fight. That she could still do, even in her dazed state.

Finally, a call reached her omni-tool: _"This is Master Pilot Neevun'Karlim of the _Terrin _to Group Leader Tali'Zorah. _Terrin _to Tali'Zorah, do you copy?"_

Hearing from the vessel that would hopefully get them all far away from the planet shook Tali somewhat out of her confused state of mind.

"Tali'Zorah here," she replied, "Hearing you loud and clear."

"We have landed at the designated area," Neevun reported. "The entire landing space is secured. We're keeping the surroundings clear of geth activity with our ship guns and await your arrival."

Tali allowed a small, fragile feeling of hope to rise in her. The entirety of the landing area's surrounding was safe, and her group only had some hundred meters to traverse to get there. _Maybe we _will _get off this planet after all._

Kal was more pessimistic: "Seems like there's a greater geth concentration ahead. We'll need to push through them to get to the _Terrin._"

"One final push..." Shepard mused. "Let's do this!"

The quarians had designated what had used to be a city plaza as the landing space. Even now, its round shape was clearly visible, despite its pavement being broken up and its edges being cluttered with debris. A broad street led there. Once, it had been a glamorous boulevard, but its tree equivalents were long since dead and forgotten. Now, it simply was the best approach to the landing area, as it provided a gap to any ruins the geth might use for ambushes.

Instead, the synthetics chose open confrontation. A group of them had assembled down the boulevard - the last barrier to reaching the _Terrin._

It was a ferocious fight. There were little to no tactics involved: The quarians simply tried to push through, and the geth tried to stop them. Geth Troopers, Rocket Troopers and even two Destroyers were pounding at them. The organics could not just dig in and shoot it out with the synthetics; they had to run at them. Tali ordered the attack despite knowing the inevitable result: Even more deaths. This hardly registered with her anymore. However, even now the constantly self-analytical part of her mind still worked, and she was scared of her emotional numbness.

Shepard, Tali and Kal, as the most experienced fighters, soon found themselves to be the frontline of the quarian attack. Shepard shouted at the rest of the group to run and reach the _Terrin. _After all, their objective was not to defeat the geth, but indeed only to escape. Thus, the three formed a sort of defensive screen for the rest of the team. Tali hardly took notice of that; by now it seemed Shepard and Kal were in command. But she was glad to see her remaining people fleeing to safety.

Some final latecomers passed behind the combat screen. They were exhausted and their armoured envirosuits looked torn and damaged, but they would make it to the _Terrin_. Soon, Shepard, Tali and Kal would be able to disengage and retreat, too. _Finally. We will make it out of here, after all. _

A rocket passed by Tali, aimed at a target behind her. She swung her head around... and saw the rocket detonating between two quarians. Both were thrown in the air by the impact, and landed on the ground again bloodied and motionless. To her horror, Tali recognized that one of the two quarians was Marre.

"Nooo!"

She turned around and ran towards her friend. Behind her, Kal cursed, but she did not pay attention to it. She knelt over Marre's body and fully focused on applying medi-gel to it. She kept on muttering "No, no, no" like a mantra. Her omni-tool protested, insisting the sensor specialist was dead. Tali ignored it. Losing Rekem had been bad enough; also losing Marre would be unthinkable. So she simply kept on trying to revive her.

"No, no, no... stupid omni-tool, why don't you work right... no, no, no... this can't be!"

Tali felt how she was gently but determined dragged upwards. It was Shepard. Behind him Kal was keeping gunfire against the geth.

"Come on," Shepard told her, "The _Terrin's_ waiting for us!"

"But... I can't leave her here!" Tali protested.

"Do you want to die, too?" Shepard asked aggressively and tried to push her away. When she resisted, he stopped and told her: "Tali, please. I... I wouldn't know what to do without you. Please, you have to move!"

Tali gave up all resistance, both physically, and mentally. Not regarding the geth and the gunfire around her, she simply followed Shepard, while Kal covered their retreat. When the geth stopped their pursuit, she only realized that belatedly. Heavy fire thundered over her head. _The _Terrin..._ we're within her guns' reach. _She looked up and saw the ship on the ground. Its engines were already running. Its hatch was open, and quarians were standing there and waving her, Kal and Shepard to run faster.

And finally, she was inside the ship, and the hatch was closing behind her. The _Terrin_ rose into the air, and left Haestrom, this cursed world, behind. And with it, the bodies of many dead quarians, including Rekem and Marre.

**000000**

**[1] **Again, ignoring game mechanics (that Hoppers are ME 1 only) ;)

**[2]** Don't worry, I'm not going to over-idealize the quarians. We already have heard what happens within _their _government, after all. But this _is _Kal's honest opinion, which in fact he already voiced in RTS, concerning Gillian's case and why she needs to be defended from Cerberus.

**000000**

**Well, this chapter has made me quite sick of combat scenes for a while... Which is part of the reason it took so long.  
**

**Some of you have expected the SR-2 to descend from the skies, but Cerberus actually hasn't got the foggiest clue where Shepard even is. Trackers don't really work that well over galactic distances. Plus, even if they did save Shepard... do you really think he would show only the slightest amount of gratitude? To _Cerberus_? Highly unlikely. **


	12. Ch10: After Haestrom

For Tali, the realization of what just had happened seemed to come slowly. After Shepard had had to nearly drag her onto the ship, she remained standing motionlessly in the cargo bay. Kal took over command over the _Terrin_ and led the ship's escape from the planet. They got away smoothly, but even that came at a high price: The shuttle had flown away before the landing manoeuvre to distract the geth dropship. Its pilot had known that this was a suicide mission.

Unsure what else to do, Shepard led Tali to the officers' cabin. She followed, but showed no reaction. It was only after some time in the cabin, that first sobs escaped her. And shortly after, all Shepard could do was hold her. With the mission over, the weight of all that had happened came crashing down on Tali. Only after she and Shepard had laid down did she begin to calm down some, but even so she cried herself to sleep.

Waking up again involved a strong reminder of what they had lost. There was nothing awkward about it anymore, like last time they had risen from this berth, since the officers' cabin was empty except for them. But at the same time this fact was a stark reminder of what had happened. Tali was very quiet, but collected. Her movements seemed a bit lethargic, but not aimless.

Even after they had gotten up they stayed close to each other, seeking as much physical proximity and comfort as they could get. Neither one spoke. There simply was nothing to say. They had watched their friends die, but their lives just went on.

It was another sad irony that _now_ they had time for a common breakfast, now that they could not truly enjoy it. Both ate slowly and lethargically, almost mechanically. They sat close to each other and now and then Shepard stroke over Tali's thumb. That was the only form of communication for most of the meal, which happened in complete silence until they had nearly finished it.

Only then did Tali speak up, after a quick look on her omni-tool: "I just checked. Our course for the Migrant Fleet is set. We'll come close to Omega, so I'll arrange a slight detour for you. You should easily be able to find a flight from Omega to the Citadel." Her voice was very flat and monotone.

Shepard suppressed a grimace. The _Normandy_ had been destroyed close to Omega. But he did not want to depress Tali further by reminding her of that. Besides, the station was the centre of the Terminus. It was indeed probably the best place to get transportation to the Citadel.

"I hope this all works out quickly," he stated. "I..." He hesitated, but then said quietly what troubled him: "I feel a bit guilty about leaving you alone like this."

"You know it's necessary," Tali reminded him. "I'll manage. So far I always have."

_True, but that's hardly an encouraging thought. You shouldn't have to 'manage' like this. _But Shepard doubted Tali would be receptive for such thoughts. She would probably insist that life is not about what one deserves. And as much as he would like to convince her how much she deserved and to hell with what life is about, he did not have the mental energy. Not after what he witnessed some mere hours ago.

Instead he asked: "When do you figure we'll arrive at Omega?"

"Depends," Tali answered. "In three days, maybe only in two. I...I should arrive at the Fleet two days later."

For the first time since the end of the catastrophic Haestrom mission there was some inflexion in Tali's voice. For whatever reason, she did not seem to cherish the thought of returning home.

"I'll tell Goyle to hurry," Shepard stated and staged a miserable attempt at a smile. "I'll wait for you."

"And I'll return to you as soon as I can," Tali answered, "but even so that will take weeks. I should concern myself with what needs to be done _now. _And now... I should show myself around the ship, lead the crew. But I don't know if I can, after I've failed them."

"Have you?" he asked. "Or was this a foolish suicide mission from the beginning, and you salvaged as much as you could?"

"It was," Tali agreed, "But I don't want to find excuses." Shepard shifted his position, and she leaned back against his chest. "I just... I wished this all had never happened. But this is a foolish wish. I'll have to make the best I can of this miserable situation. So I should take over command of the ship again."

It still took some time for her to find the courage, though. It pained Shepard to see how she had apparently lost all the self-confidence that so far had been so typical for her. Since he had first met her, even when she had been unsure about anything else, she at least had always trusted her abilities. But not anymore, it seemed. This saddened him, but also angered him. Tali's current state was solely the fault of the Admiralty Board. _If I ever meet those people..._

Finally, she left the officers' cabin. Reluctantly, Shepard stayed behind. She had asked him to, since in her mind it would undermine her authority if she appeared too reliant on him. He could see the logic in that, but he did not like it. All he could do, though, was to provide some emotional support outside her work shifts. He also made sure that for now at least she would not work overtime.

000000

Tali looked at the datapad in her hands with disdain. Communications with the Fleet had just been reestablished, and her father had wasted no time in giving out new orders, about where, when and by whom she would be debriefed once she had reached the Fleet. He had not even included a personal message for his daughter, even though he knew about the casualties her team had suffered. On the other hand, at least he also ignored her detour for Omega.

She was disappointed. After her talk with Rael before the mission she had held such high hopes that her relationship with him might improve. It really had seemed that he might change his ways. Instead, he now appeared as uncaring as ever. _And I'll have to report to him... _to the man who had sent her on a suicide mission. The man who was to a large part responsible for Rekem's and Marre's deaths. And who also happened to be her father. The thought made her extremely uncomfortable.

For now, she focused on leading the ship. _My collapse after the evacuation was bad enough, after I... _After she had witnessed Marre's death. _Oh ancestors. I'll never see them again. _She started to breathe heavily, but managed to suppress the thought. _Everybody_ on the ship had lost friends and comrades. She could hence not expect others to take over her job. Until she had brought the crew safely back home again she did not have the luxury of mourning.

So now she was doing her second shift on the bridge since the departure from Haestrom. The room was eerily empty. Only a skeleton crew remained to bring them all home. _Another reminder of our losses._

It also made noticing other people much easier. Tali looked up from her datapad when she saw somebody moving and spotted Kal. A pang of renewed guilt hit her. It had been him taking over for her after her collapse. He had been forced to carry her burden. She had not seen him on her last shift, so she decided that now was the time to clear matters.

"Ah, Kal, wait" she told him. She approached him close enough to speak quietly: "I wanted to apologize. And thank you. For having taken over for me, when I failed in my duties. I'm sorry."

"No need, ma'am," Kal replied. "It's understandable that you were in no position to lead the ship. Not after having witnessed your friends dying."

"That's no excuse," Tali insisted. "You saw your entire team die, and yet you managed. Only I failed."

"There's a difference," Kal argued. "In a way it's my own damn fault that I got to watch my comrades dying - because I signed up for this job. I volunteered to be a marine, and dying is part of the job. You signed up for nothing, ma'am, you've been forced into this mission. I've come to realize that this makes a great difference."

"Sounds like you talked to Jon," Tali commented.

"It wasn't just him," Kal answered. "Bottom line is, you'd rather be a civilian and that's okay. It's our job as marines to protect civilians, so... that's what I did, in a way."

"This... is an interesting point of view," Tali commented. "I don't think it's one the Fleet shares. Martial law gives the Board the right to draft anybody."

"That's the law and I respect that," Kal stated. "But maybe the law should be adjusted."

"That would be nice," Tali said quietly. She paused for a while before continuing: "How _do _you manage?"

Kal hesitated. His body stiffened. Finally he sighed and answered: "I don't. Not really. Every time I've slept since then I've woken up sweaty and panicked from nightmares. That's why I've hardly left my cabin since the escape. The former marines' cabin... it's all mine now."

This was a very open admission, but in quarian society that was normal. _No secrets between shipmates. _When Tali did not reply, he continued: "It was easy enough not to think about it while the pressure was still on us. While we had to fight on Haestrom, and get away. But now it has come all crashing down on me. But... if you want an advice, ma'am, keep your friends in your memory. It might hurt thinking of them, but surely all the good times you had with them will make it worthwhile."

Tali was unsure how to respond to this, so instead she said: "After all we've gone through, I don't think you need to address in a military style every time. Call me Tali."

"I... will work on it, ma'am" Kal promised. He paused. "It'll be good to return home. To see our rusty old ships again."

"Yes," Tali answered unsurely. She was glad for Kal that he could feel that way. For her matters were not that easy.

He picked up on this. "You don't seem overly happy, ma'am... Tali."

_How could I?_ After what her father had told her about board politics, after he had sent them on an unprepared mission to geth space, which had caused the death of her friends, after he had drafted her for that mission, how could she now look forward to seeing him?

"It's... complicated," she answered. "I... I can't tell you everything. It has to do with classified data."

"I see," Kal stated. He sounded concerned.

Now that she had brought up the topic, her worries grew the more she thought about it. It was not even so much that she disliked the idea of seeing her father. She outright _dreaded_ meeting him now. She did not know what she could say to him, or if she could say anything at all to him. He had apologized to her before the mission - but he had let the mission go through, had let her watch Rekem and Marre die. How could she be quiet about this to him? Yet, on the other hand, what _could_ she say to him?

"I... I'm sorry, Kal," she said hastily. "I need to go."

Quickly, she walked, nearly ran, to the officers' cabin.

When she entered, she found Shepard doing physical exercises. He stopped when he saw her and looked up concerned.

"Tali. Is something the matter?" he asked.

"It... it might be," she answered.

He stood up from the ground. "I was already wondering after your last shift. You seemed so... I don't know. Agitated. Erratic."

Tali was a little bit surprised he had noticed, but confirmed: "I was. I am."

"Then please, tell me what's on your mind," Shepard urged her worried. "We'll arrive at Omega during your next shift. Tomorrow, so to speak. And then we'll depart."

"And afterward I'll return to the Fleet," Tali tried to explain. "And I... I..."

"You don't want to return home?" Shepard asked, sounding a little bit surprised.

"I do!" Tali answered. "But I... it's my father. I'll have to report to him."

She told Shepard about her conversation with her father before the mission and about what she had learned about Board politics. She explained how she blamed the Board, including her father, for the deaths she had witnessed. She only left out Rael's request for geth platforms. After all, he had explicitly asked her to keep this a secret, even to Shepard, and even now she still followed that request.

"He apologised for drafting me for the mission, said he had been wrong," Tali almost talked herself into a rage, "but he did nothing to stop it. He just let it happen. With all the deaths that followed. If he really had cared he could still have stopped the mission when we talked. Korris and Shala surely would not have disagreed. So, what am I supposed to tell him now? How can I even look him in the face? He promised so much, but his promises aren't worth anything."

"So, what do you want?" Shepard asked her.

"I do want to return to the Fleet," Tali told him. "To see my work again, at least for a while. To see Gillian again. To see my friends again." Quieter she added: "The ones I still have, that is. It's just... I want to return home, but I... I dread meeting my father. After what he has caused I just don't want to see him. But those two things can't be separated."

"Maybe I should come with you?" Shepard suggested half-seriously. "I have half a mind to meet your father anyway." Shepard's voice made it plain that he was not thinking of a friendly, pleasant conversation about modern galactic fashions with him.

Tali had to laugh, but it was a sharp, bitter laugh. "I don't think that would be wise. You shouting at Board Admirals probably wouldn't help my problems."

"It would probably end like that," Shepard admitted sheepishly. More seriously he added: "It's just... I can understand your dilemma. And I want to help you. But I can't think of any way how I can."

"I don't think there is a way," Tali said. "Maybe I'll just have to go through with it. So that I can see Gillian, so that I can then return to you."

"That sounds... suboptimal," Shepard judged.

"Sometimes there are only suboptimal solutions," Tali said.

Shepard smiled sadly. "Just you see. One day I'll get that attitude out of you."

"And who would give you your much needed reality checks then?" Tali asked, half humorously and half annoyed by his larger than life idealism.

"Oh, I'm sure there are other young quarian women on pilgrimage," Shepard answered as if he was seriously considering it.

"One wonders how many would put up with you," Tali stated dryly. "Besides, you're getting too old for them."

"Ouch," Shepard said. He sighed. "Okay, even if I can't solve the problem, I can't shake the feeling that I'd make for an awful partner if I can't even give you emotional support during all this."

"Much as I'd like you by my side, we should stick to our plan," Tali answered. "You'll have to offer emotional support afterward. Or... before."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "That, I can do. After all, we still have one ship night..."

000000

_Omega. The rotten core of the Terminus._

Shepard was watching on one of the bridge's computer terminals how the ship began the docking manoeuvre. Soon, he would depart, and leave Tali alone with her problems. He did not like that thought at all.

She still hurt from the death of her friends. While they had planned an enjoyable last ship night together, that had not come to pass. She had been overwhelmed by the memory of her lost friends. She had cried most of the night and he had held and comforted her. It was understandable: The traumatic events on Haestrom were only some few days back, after all. He had been in a similar condition after the Skyllian Blitz, and that was a mission he had emerged from as a hero. Since then, military life and experience had hardened him, but as he had told Marre, he did not think of that as a good thing. It would be a loss for the world if these experiences made Tali more cynical or less caring.

As it was, she was in a miserable state and would have to face a great fear. _That isn't fair and it isn't right. _He shot a glance to her. She was standing on the bridge, too, and her nervousness was plainly visible.

She turned towards him. "The manoeuvre is almost finished. We should go to the airlock."

"I..." _No, I don't like this at all. _Shepard sighed. "I suppose so."

He followed her. He was clad in his grey heavy armour, the utilitarian armour without decorations he had gotten from Cerberus. It was the only piece of equipment he had obscuring his face, something he and Tali had agreed would be wise. The 'Hero of the Citadel' was simply too well known. If he were to be recognized on Omega after two years of 'death', it would draw too much unwanted attention. So he would pose as an anonymous mercenary passing by in full body armour.

Kal joined them, though he stayed at a respectful distance. _Probably wants to see me off, too. _Shepard appreciated this, but his mind was focused on his worry for Tali.

When they had reached the airlock, he said quietly: "We'll see each other again soon."

"I know," Tali replied. "It's just... I... I will..." She stopped.

This strengthened Shepad's worries. "Do you really think we should go through with our plan?"

"It seems a little late to change it now," Tali said uncertain, "and besides, what would be the alternative?"

"Nevermind about too late," Shepard answered. "We can still think of something else. Hell, give me a call and I'll come flying to the Fleet. What matters is what you want."

"I want... I don't even know myself anymore," Tali said. "I want to return to the Fleet. I want to come with you. And I don't know what I could possibly say to my father. I... I just don't know."

Shepard's heart clenched. Finally he said: "Come with me then."

"What?" Tali exclaimed.

"Your father claimed he cares about you and that he'll be more understanding of you now. Well, let's test him," Shepard argued. "You can return home once you're ready to face him."

"I... ah..." Tali stuttered surprised. Then she shook her head sadly. "It wouldn't work. If I go with you, that would be desertion. If my father doesn't bring that up, Korris surely would, if only to score a point against my father."

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "It's only desertion if you're officially accused of it."

"What do you mean?" Tali asked. Before he could answer she added: "You have a plan."

"I do," Shepard confirmed.

"Then... then..." Tali began unsurely before catching herself. "All right. I'll come with you."

Shepard noticed that she had not even asked what his plan was. He was somewhat touched by that implicit trust.

"Kal," she called the other quarian over. "Do you feel able to take this ship to the fleet?"

"Ah, sure, ma'am," Kal answered. "Why?"

"I'm going with Jon," Tali explained.

"That comes as a bit of a surprise," Kal admitted. "But all right, if that's your wish, I won't stop you. But... what about the Board?"

Tali's voice became icy, almost angry: "If the admirals have a problem with this, they can go to hell. I just watched good friends die."

"Understood," Kal acknowledged. "I don't have a problem with it, I just hope this doesn't get you into trouble, ma'am."

"It won't," Tali claimed, "Let me get my belongings. And Kal, next time we meet - I hope you'll have learned to call me Tali by then."

000000

Rael'Zorah read the text on his holoscreen again. Tali had sent him an official message, notifying him that she would not return to the fleet and instead accompany Shepard. And she had made sure he would _have_ to agree to that. He flinched. _Shepard! That damn human and his influence on Tali. _

Shepard was throwing everything into disarray. Already before Rael had feared for his once in a lifetime chance to get geth platforms: With Shepard around it was not sure how loyal Tali would be, especially not after her show of defiance when he had drafted her.

That was why he had asked Tali for a favour, instead of just commanding her. As soon as he had learned that Shepard was with her, he had known a secret order would not work. Tali might have confided in Shepard, and the human would have explained to her how Rael would have had no way to enforce this order without it becoming public. With Shepard at her side, Tali would have realized that her father held no power over her.

So instead, Rael had called her, had apologized to her and had then asked her. It was not like the whole conversation had been a lie, but it had still been annoying. Under normal circumstances, Rael would never have spoken so openly about his emotions. And he meant what he had said about Shepard: Even now, even after the human had caused so much trouble, Rael could not really be unhappy about Tali having met him. He had lost his love and still mourned for her, and he was actually glad that it now appeared his daughter had been spared this pain.

His apology, though... he had exaggerated a bit there. He _had_ been shocked by the news about Freedom's Progress and that was why he had told Tali about what had happened behind the scenes of the Admiralty Board. And it was true, he had been very demanding and at times also very cold towards Tali during all her life. However, the universe simply was not a very nice place, certainly not a very forgiving one. All he had done was to prepare his daughter for that fact. Maybe he had been a bit hamfisted in his attempts, but he still believed that, by and large, he had been right.

He had preplanned a career path for Tali, and despite what he had said, he was not truly sorry about that. His daughter had an enormous potential, so he saw no shame in wanting to unlock it, for her own good and the good of the Fleet. And after centuries of exile, the quarians simply did not have the luxury of being able to consider the individual wishes of every single Fleet member. He had wanted for Tali to become a proper quarian, a model quarian, and surely that was not a bad thing?

And in modern quarian culture that meant having some very specific skills. Engineering, research, but also military command. The Fleet was still under martial law and hence only military careers could make a quarian become truly important. So Rael had done his utmost to ensure Tali would have those qualities. Even if it went against her wishes. As far as he was concerned, quarians could not afford individualism in these times.

There was also another factor: Quarians worshipped the ancestors as a collective, but also single individual ancestors, especially those who had made a name for themselves. Important quarians would be remembered by their descendants for generations. The reverse of that was that not only did quarians look up to great ancestors, but every quarian also wanted to have great descendants to remember them after their deaths. Considering that Tali was his only child, the only one who could continue his line, Rael thought that gave him some right to shape her according to his wishes.

He had been forced to tell her something else, in order to get her to send the geth platforms to him. And he did truly regret the times where he had been too inconsiderate, where he had only thought of his plans for Tali and not of her. He had wasted years being too cold to her. But he did not regret how demanding he had been and did not regret having left her little choices in her life. Those things had been necessary.

_Though it might turn out to all have been for naught. _With Shepard's influence on Tali, it was questionable she would continue the military career he had laid out for her. _Years of dedication, by me and by her, and all rendered pointless by that one human. _And yet, he was still genuinely happy for her. It was a conflicting emotion.

Sighing, he closed his holoscreen, stood up and left his office. On the corridor, he saw Shala'Raan approaching him.

"Ah, Rael, good, I wanted to talk to you anyway," the fellow admiral greeted him.

Rael hid a grimace under his helmet. Shala'Raan made him realize one of the things that looking back he did truly regret: After the death of his wife, her close friend Shala had practically been more of a parent to Tali than he had been. She, Han'Gerrel, he and his wife had all been close friends several years ago, but that had ended after the death of his wife. Since then, Shala had been a painful reminder of her. As a consequence, Rael had begun to only speak with her professionally anymore. Only their mutual addresses by their first names remained of the old times.

"Ah, might be a bad time, Shala," he told her.

"Just one question then: Did you get a message from Tali, too?" Shala asked.

"I did," Rael simply confirmed.

"Don't be too harsh on her," Shala told him. "Her reaction is understandable after what she has gone through."

"Maybe," Rael admitted.

"And... it would maybe be better for everybody concerned if we could confirm her 'redeployment' as quickly and as quietly as possible," Shala stated.

Rael sighed. There was no point in pretending anymore. Shala seemed to know, too, what was at stake. "I suppose we'll have to. And we'll have to explain to Korris why this is necessary."

"Or we convince Han," Shala suggested. "It's about Tali, so surely he'll side with us. That would give us a majority."

"It would also deepen the fractures inside the board, so I'm surprised you'd suggest such a course," Rael commented.

"You and Korris need to cooperate more," Shala agreed, "and I hope you could be more understanding of each other. But for now we should concentrate on keeping Tali out of this political mess. You _know_ Korris would have little problem with hurting her to get to you, or to make a political point."

"True," Rael confirmed icily. His loathing for Korris was no secret. He thought the fellow admiral to be a cowardly would be sell out to the geth and hence would put nothing past him.

"I'll go see Han then," Shala said. "We can talk later about how to go from there."

She walked off. Again, Rael sighed. _So she got a message, too. Either Tali or Shepard has thought of everything. _He could have at least _tried_ to keep everything under wraps while still ordering Tali home. But Shala knowing everything, too, forced his hand.

He activated his omni-tool and read the message again:

_To: Admiral Rael'Zorah vas Alarei_

_From: Tali'Zorah vas Neema, Expedition Leader_

_Admiral,_

_I am hereby informing you that I will not return to the Fleet. Whatever enemy has depopulated Haestrom and other human colonies must be powerful enough to also be a potential threat to the quarian race. Therefore, I have joined Spectre Shepard in his mission to investigate this threat. I hope the official confirmation of my redeployment can happen smoothly and quietly. I am sure you and the Board have an interest in quiet and peace in the Fleet, and news like this, or also certain other news, would disturb that peace. I hope your research will continue successfully and without disturbances. We will have the talk we spoke about as soon as I return from Shepard's mission._

Rael'Zorah was a politician. He recognized a veiled threat when he saw one. And he knew Tali had the upper hand here.


	13. Ch11: Incognito

For the last decade or more, Shepard had mostly lived on ships. and had seen many space stations or subterranean bases. Yet Omega seemed like a place that could make even him claustrophobic. As far as he was concerned, the station could be summarized in three words: Dirty, dark and crammed.

Tali had been able to download a map of the section they were currently in to her omni-tool. Since then that map had directed them through several corridors. All of them were worryingly narrow, few of them were properly illuminated, and many of them stunk. Some _reeked_ demonically. Shepard was actually envious of Tali's atmospheric filters. The corridor's metals were often corroded or bent. He wondered how Omega even worked without physically disintegrating. What was more, there were so many corridors, and they were laid out with no rhyme or reason, that he soon lost all sense of direction.

All around him were people. They passed by him, or were littered in the corners, regarded by very few. The latter ones were pitiful creatures. No matter their race, one could see how their hard lives had taken their toll on the bodies, be it by sheer physical exhaustion, drug use, illnesses or mental decay. Many just sat there, staring into the nothingness and some were shivering. Other people passed them at not even half a metre distance, and even Shepard was forced to due to the corridor's small size.

_This... this is worse than the streets I've grown up in. What kinda people come to such a place?_

What shocked him most in a way were the humans he saw. Not because it was his own species, but because humans had entered the galactic scene only fairly recently. So these people had to have _come_ here. He had heard the stories, of course. How Omega was a refugium for criminals, but also about how some saw it as a place of opportunity and hence how every year hundreds moved here. _Emigrating here makes moving to the Alliance container village colonies look downright reasonable in comparison!_

Finally, Tali stopped. They seemed to have arrived at their destination, or at least the map claimed so. They stood in front of a small, nondescript door in the wall.

Inside, a metal box had been repurposed as a desk, which was overflowing with datapads. Behind it, a salarian sat on a comfy looking but dirty armchair. His skin had a greying light pink colour. There was something in his mouth that looked like a very thin cigarette. It filled the room with a not entirely unpleasant but very strange smell.

"Let me do the talking", Tali told Shepard quietly.

The human had no problem with that: With his entire body covered by his heavy armour, he was currently not well suited for communication. Besides, the entire reason he wore that armour was to remain anonymous.

So Shepard just stood quietly behind Tali, who began negotiating for a trip to the Citadel. The salarian was a travel agent of the special sort. Those people who liked to travel cheaply or unseen went to him. In particular the latter was important to Shepard and Tali. The credits they had looted on Freedom's Progress would last them for a while, but it was important not to draw attention.

After a while, the salarian seemed to get nervous. The frequent glances he shot to Shepard could almost be described as frightened. Even though the human never spoke, he could understand the agent: Few people would like to have an anonymous person in heavy armour and with weapons in their office.

Finally Tali turned around to him and said: "You can get the travel supplies while this goes on. Many quarians on pilgrimage pass through here, so there are places that offer quarian food tubes. If at exorbitant prices."

"You should have taken more from the _Terrin_," Shepard commented quietly. He tried to keep his voice down as much as possible.

"They were Fleet property," Tali answered matter-of-factly. Shepard just shook his head. Even now, there still was no arguing with her sense of duty and proper conduct. She continued: "So we'll get the food here. But please, don't buy..."

"_Veldras _flavour, I know," Shepard answered the sentence for her, slightly stumbling over the quarian word: While humans could speak Khellish, it was still a language made for a slightly different vocal apparatus. "Whatever that is. Don't worry, I should know what you like by now."

"I certainly hope so," Tali answered dryly. "The ship is in the Lowside docks, we'll meet there. I'll give you a call."

Shepard nodded and turned to go.

He was relieved about Tali's state of mind. With the decision to come with him, she had rid herself of a great sorrow and it showed. She still mourned the friends she had lost, but there was some spirit in her again.

As he wandered through Omega's corridors, the surroundings became a little bit nicer - less crammed, less stinking, with fewer obvious malfunctions or eroded material. It seemed the _Terrin_ had docked at the worst part of the station - which, given the limited quarian resources, made a certain amount of sense.

He tried to keep to the directions the map program gave him, but that was not always easy. The corridors might have gotten more spacious, but they still formed a confusing labyrinth, and the many ad hoc passages or walls, apparently built in a completely anarchic fashion, meant that the map was not always up to date.

Finally he realized that his surroundings had nothing at all to do with the map instructions anymore. He was lost.

_Well, shit. This place is a catastrophe. I wonder how anybody... ah, there's a person who should know where to find my target. Wonder what he's doing here._

Shepard had spotted a quarian of all people in a niche in the wall. The alien wore a white and black envirosuit and had a rather slender build. He was surrounded by various mechanical and electronic parts and stood at a table working on some of them. Considering that there were only seventeen million quarians in total and that nearly all of them were at any given time on the Flotilla, meeting one by chance was something very rare.

"Uhm, excuse you me," Shepard approached the quarian, "can you help me?"

"Ah, I can try," the quarian answered. Shepard realized by the voice that his conversation partner had to be younger than he had at first assumed. "Might I interest you in some salvaged tech?"

"Not at the moment, no, sorry," Shepard told him. "It's just, I need to find a store with quarian food. And it seems even with omni-tool support I can't find the way to any of them."

"What do you want with... sorry, not my place to ask, of course," the quarian replied. "Down here are mostly tech shops, so you must have taken a wrong turn somewhere." He activated his own omni-tool, and a holographic 3d map of the station appeared. "Here, let me show you."

It took some time, but finally Shepard realized where he had chosen the wrong corridors to follow.

"Right, right," he said. "Thank you. That was of great help. Didn't think I'd find nice people on Omega. What brought you here?"

"My pilgrimage," the quarian answered. He sounded bitter. "Within days, what money I had got stolen, so I decided to sell salvaged tech. You can see how that turned out. Now I'm stuck in this forsaken place. Ah, the pilgrimage is..."

"A quarian rite of passage, I know," Shepard finished the sentence and added disapproving: "Should've known. The pilgrimage, of course."

"It's rare to find somebody even knowing about this, let alone having an opinion about it," the quarian remarked. "So, what do you mean?"

"Well, ah..." Shepard began unsurely, then shrugged. "You asked. You complained you're stuck here. Well, why is that? Way I see it, the pilgrimage means dumping young people like you, who have never known anything else than the Fleet, into a galaxy hostile to them in order to gather stuff, even though they have no experience in this task, and leaving them alone with all that... it's kinda cruel."

"Ah, it's not really like that," the quarian tried to explain, "It's more like... ah..."

"Believe me, whatever argument you want to make now, I've heard it already," Shepard remarked dryly.

The quarian shrugged. "Well, it's the way our society works."

_By traumatizing young people before they can become proper members of society. _But Shepard did not speak out his thought. The quarian had asked what he had meant, so Shepard had told him. But he would feel uncomfortable launching a full criticism of a foreign tradition to a stranger. Still, he was struck about how young the quarian sounded. _Half a kid, stranded at a desolate place, due to some idiotic tradition._

But instead he commented: "Well, I'm no expert on tech, but maybe you'd do better with some more reasonable prices? What you have here all seems a bit expensive."

"I can't cut the prices. I had to make a deal with Harrod," the quarian explained. "Another salvage dealer, elcor. He was here first, so he determines who can stay and who has to go. He made me swear not to undercut him, no matter what. But that means nobody buys from me. I can't save enough money to get a ticket off this station."

"If he fears competition, why does he let you do your business here at all?" Shepard asked.

"I don't know," the quarian answered. "I'm just glad he... oh. There he is. Harrod." He pointed towards the opposite end of the corridor.

An elcor walked towards them from there, in the typically slow fashion of his people. A small cigar hung in his mouth parts.

When he had had reached them, he addressed the quarian in the typical monotone voice of the elcor: "False friendliness: Kenn, good to see you active. Suspicious: I see you have a customer. You seem to have more customers than usual."

"Ah, y-you know how it is, Harrod," Kenn answered nervously. "It's Archangel. His actions mean the mercs are constantly losing stuff. Stuff they have to replace, even at my prices."

"Archangel?" Shepard asked.

Harrod turned to him. "Barely concealed ill will: The word is from one of your languages, human. But he's a turian. His band has been hitting slavers and mercs for months now. It's a constant annoyance. Humans seem to like that, so they named him Archangel. Disinterested: Something to do with human mythology." He turned to Kenn again: "Threatening: Use this opportunity then. But remember our deal. If you don't, you won't be in any position to use the opportunity. I'd make sure of it."

He turned to go, but Shepard stopped him. "Wait. If you don't want the competition, why don't you just buy him out?"

That got both Kenn's and Harrod's attention. "What?" "Surprised: What?"

Shepard shrugged. "It would make you the only salvage dealer down here, as I understand."

"Intrigued: I had not considered that before," Harrod stated. "My fellow merchants on Omega are not known to be easy to shut down."

"You could give it a try," Shepard told him. "I'm sure he would be open to reasonable offers."

"With false generosity: I can make you a good price, Kenn. How about 1500 credits?" Harrod asked.

"Ah, okay!" Kenn replied excited. "Done!"

"Professionally: I'll send you the contract in a few hours," Harrod promised. "Have a good time."

The elcor turned his massive body around and went.

"Thank you! Thank you!" Kenn exclaimed excited to Shepard.

"You know, I think you could have squeezed some more bucks out of him," Shepard remarked amused.

"I didn't want to risk it!" Kenn explained enthusiastically. "It's enough to get me away from here, and restart my pilgrimage somewhere else."

"So you want to continue with your pilgrimage?" Shepard asked.

This killed Kenn's good spirits. "I have to." He sighed, and his voice got quieter. "Even though I really want to see the Fleet again. Home. But I can't, not without a pilgrimage gift. Maybe you were right. Maybe this all is cruel. Ever since I left the Fleet, everything's been strange to me, nearly all the people have been hostile, and I never had anybody I could turn to for help. And what for? Where's the sense in that? And yet I'm expected to make a big haul."

"Hm," Shepard voiced and pondered the issue. "You know... maybe 1500 would only allow you to continue your pilgrimage. But maybe there's a way to add to them."

"That would be great," Kenn commented. "Though if you help me again, I really don't know how I could ever repay you."

Shepard grinned beneath his helmet. "You don't have to. I like the idea of undermining the pilgrimage system by giving undeserved gifts to pilgrims. Say, do you have a camera here?"

"Uh... yes. Why?" Kenn asked. But at the same time, he picked one up from among his salvaged parts and pieces. It looked intact.

"You might want to make some pictures of my face," Shepard explained and removed the helmet.

Kenn did as he was told, but asked: "And how will this help? … wait. I know this face, I've seen it on... You...you're Sh..."

"Not so loud!" Shepard warned him. "If you can find a news agency, I'm sure they'll give you good credits for this. And eventually, my continued existence will make the news anyway. Might as well help a quarian on pilgrimage with it." He donned the helmet again.

"Ah, thank you! Thank you again!" Kenn almost shouted. "I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you, but if I ever can I'll do anything you need!"

"Yeah well, just my good deed for the day," Shepard answered somewhat embarrassed. "Maybe it adds to me goodness score, or something like that. I'll leave the station within a few hours; just make sure to only sell the pictures afterwards. Though - maybe once you've returned home you can tell enthusiastic adolescents what pilgrimage is really like."

"I can do that," Kenn confirmed. "It's strange how invested you are in quarian culture. Wait, wasn't there a quarian along with you? Admiral Zorah's daughter? Does she have to do with it?"

Again Shepard grinned. "I'll leave that to figure that out. Good luck with your further life and career, Kenn."

"Ah... and good luck with... whatever you're doing," Kenn replied awkwardly.

With Kenn's directions, Shepard now found his way through the station. There were only three or four stores in total on all of the station who sold quarian food, and that allowed them to rule the market. Tali had been right: The prices were exorbitant. As could be expected, the owner of the shop he went to was visibly surprised, too, why a human would want quarian food, but she just took the money, asked no questions and did not even remark on it. Shepard supposed that was the Omegan way.

Tali called him soon after. Thankfully, she also sent a map file to his omni-tool giving him clear and up to date information on how to get to the ship. It seemed he would have to traverse nearly the entire length of the Lowerside docks. She also told him that the flight was ready to leave, but they would still have to wait for about half a standard day, as the owner was still awaiting a delivery of goods.

Even though they were located next to the worst parts of Omega, the docks were buzzing with life. On the Citadel and in the Alliance spacedock activity was always very coordinated and tightly regulated. There was no evidence of that here. Ships were loaded and unloaded without much second thought on how this could affect the neighbouring docking places, and passengers like Shepard were passing by the ships at only some metres distance.

Every kind of commodity was handled here. Mostly their type could not be seen, as they were transported in crates or large containers. But sometimes, the people here did not bother with that, or even used their ship directly as a shop. Shepard saw improvised market stands with exotic fruits, right next to bundles of weapons being transferred. And there was one kind of commodity whose nature could never be concealed.

Shepard stopped in disgust: He saw a group of people of all species being herded out of a ship. Their hands were tied and they all wore an electronic collar. They all looked emaciated, exhausted and frightened, or even outright broken. None of them dared to show the slightest hint of resistance against their guards, and their faces were clearly showing fear and agony. The guards pushed them around carelessly, and even laughed brutally when a salarian man fell down and had trouble coming up again. Surprisingly, only very few of them were batarians. About half of them seemed to be asari, while the rest was mainly made up of turians, plus some few salarians and batarians.

_Slavers and their victims. _Shepard's hands twitched. His gut instinct was to draw his gun and shoot the slavers. But he knew that would be both suicidal and pointless. He had no doubt that he could take out three or four of them, maybe even more, but their number was even higher. Besides, even if he could defeat them he had no idea what to do about the freed slaves. And even if he were able to stop this instance of slavery, the market on Omega and in the Terminus would hardly notice. Slavery would still go on everywhere in this region of space.

The asari among the slavers suddenly seemed to become nervous for some reason. One of them shouted something Shepard could not quite hear. Weapons were drawn.

...and then, suddenly, that asari fell down. _Sniper fire! _Further gunshots followed. That was all the invitation Shepard needed. He did not know what was going on, but if somebody fired on the slavers he sure as hell would join in. Maybe it was just a rival gang, that was a certain risk. But even in that case Shepard would see it as golden opportunity to shoot some of the slavers down and maybe free some slaves. This was not the time for hesitation or thought. It was an opportunity to immediately take advantage of.

He took his shotgun from his shoulders, ran some steps towards the slavers and began firing. They were still too perplexed to offer any coordinated resistance. They struggled to even only hastily fall back to their ship.

Shots hit Shepard's shield. He turned around and saw a turian in his flank firing at him. Annoyed with himself for not having spotted that enemy sooner, Shepard desperately tried to raise her into the air... but failed. He was unable to gather biotic power.

_So that's why! _Somebody must have installed a very strong and wide reaching dampening field here. That was probably what the asari had noticed. For Shepard that was only fortunate: The enemy would have had more biotic power anyway. Besides, a fight where neither side could use these powers was an idea Shepard liked anyway. _Fuck biotic powers._

He jumped behind some crates belonging to a neighbouring ship. Tools, construction parts and other mechanical pieces fell from them. Screams and shouts could be heard everywhere, and people were fleeing the scene hastily and in panic. Shepard did not notice them. His mind was focused on the battle. As soon as he was in cover, he began to answer the fire. The slavers were also hit by fire from another direction, and the source of it seemed to come closer.

Nonetheless, they had recovered from their shock in the meanwhile. Using shock sticks and plain bludgeons, they hastily began to drive the slaves into the ship again. They did not even bother to shout orders, they simply began to club the slaves and push them into the desired direction.

_No grenades, no biotic powers... fuck that, they're still going down. _

Shepard was about to storm into the fray, when he noticed that the crates in front of him all had keypads. Looking closer, he also noticed they had little wheels. _Probably an engine as well. Self-transporting crates. _That was not unusual in spacedocks. Hastily, he typed onto the keypads. The crates began to speed up as fast as they could - right into the slavers.

Using them as a mobile cover, Shepard stormed after the crates. He nearly depleted the shotgun's thermal clip, but he did not care. In short order, both he and the crates crashed into the slavers. Now surrounded by them, he let his gun fall and grabbed a construction part still on the crates, a long steel rod. An asari in front of him aimed at her gun at him, but a powerful swing by the rod let it misfire wildly. Immediately, Shepard began to bludgeon the asari. The advantage of his impromptu close combat weapon was that it was not hindered by shields.

For one moment, Shepard became a rapid whirlwind in the middle of the slavers. He held the rod in both hands, to defend against attacks, swung it against exposed body parts or rammed its end into the face of an unfortunate asari, sending teeth flying through the air. He was surrounded by slavers so they dared not shoot at him.

Adrenaline and endorphins rushed through Shepard's body. A savage feeling of pleasure welt up inside him. There was something to not only shooting at slavering scum, but actually, physically beating it down. It was an archaic emotion, but even if he had the time to think about it Shepard would not have cared. He simply lost himself in his bloodthirsty battle rush. For one short moment, the battle was his world, his idealized world: With clear good and evil, and with evil being pushed back.

The instance ended.

Shepard fell to his knees. Somebody had hit his back with a rifle butt. While his armour absorbed most of the impact, the sheer physical push forced him downwards. While he fell, a batarian grabbed his rod and wrestled it from him. For two or three seconds, everybody began beating down on him. Then a salarian raised a pistol. Shepard knew instinctively that at this distance his shields would not trigger. He could only hope his armour would block the shot. But even it could not save him from a barrage.

A blue simmering engulfed the salarian. Something had hit his shields. He turned around, froze for half a second and then ran for cover. While doing so, he gave off an unaimed shot at Shepard, but the human managed to roll off sideways. The other slavers were too busy in repelling what obviously was an attack to care about him. Only an asari aimed her weapon not at the oncoming enemies, but at Shepard. Fortunately, she was close enough that Shepard could use his legs to sweep away hers. While she was falling down, he reached towards the hand which held her pistol. A brawl erupted on the ground.

A quick knee hit against her stomach and a direct punch into her face finally allowed Shepard to safely gain the upper hand and get control over her pistol. Quickly he stood up - and was faced with the barrel of a shotgun. A turian aimed it at him. _That's it, I'm gonna die h... _He realized the turian did not shoot. And a companion of him aimed a gun at the asari Shepard had just wrestled with. _They're not slavers. _

"Who the hell are you?" the turian barked at him.

"Somebody who just helped your damn assault," Shepard shot back.

The aggressive response was an instinctive reaction. It was a trick he had learned all the time back in the streets of Earth: To cover up an inferior position, act tough.

"True," the turian grunted. "But you got into our operation. I don't like surprises like that." He scoffed. "Anybody who joins a fight against slavers is alright in my book, though."

"And who are you?" Shepard asked.

"Name's Sidonis," the turian answered. "You heard of Archangel's gang?" Shepard nodded. "That's all you need to know. We can tell each other more after the fight."

"I'll follow your orders," Shepard assured him. Then they stormed towards the ship.

Sidonis' group was a bit more than a dozen people strong, mostly asari, salarians and turians in equal measures, plus two humans and even a hanar. The maritime alien remained in the back of the fighting, but seemed to be an excellent marksman. Some of the people were well armed and armoured, like Sidonis himself, but most seemed rather ill equipped. _A rag-tag anti-slavery group? _

Ragtag or not, the group had the numbers to easily overwhelm the remaining slavers. Most of them had been killed by the opening shots or Shepard's assault already, and the rest could not put up much of a resistance. Shepard noticed that the group did not even bother to make prisoners. All slavers were simply killed. Not that he had any problems with that. There was no court system on Omega; this was the only kind of justice the station knew.

He also noticed how the first thing the group did after the fight was to take care of the slaves. Even while the last slavers were still standing did the first people in the group already take care of their victims. Sidonis paid no attention to Shepard, but immediately helped in calming the slaves down, removing their collars and offering them food and medical aid. Shepard would not have done it differently and in fact was pleasantly surprised to see much caring in such a desolate place as Omega. But it meant that right now he did not quite know what to do.

Finally, the turian approached him. "I should thank you. Without you, the fight would have been much harder for us. We don't even have any serious injuries, let alone casualties. What you did there was amazing. Who are you and where did you learn to fight like that?"

"Wait some hours, and then you'll know," Shepard told him enigmatically.

"Fair enough," Sidonis said, "We have many people who want to remain anonymous. Hell, even our leader. We all only know him as Archangel. And you've certainly earned that right." He paused. "Hm, is that why you don't remove your helmet?"

"You don't miss much, do you?" Shepard posed a counter-question.

"Comes with the job," Sidonis told him. "If I were to..."

"Watch out!" Shepard shouted.

He had noticed somebody approaching the turian from behind: An armed and armoured batarian. Hastily, he drew his pistol. However, Sidonis violently held his weapon arm down.

"Fool!" the turian shouted at him. "He's with us."

The batarian seemed to remain entirely unaffected by the scene. He just grunted: "Typical human," and then passed them by.

"So you think just because he's batarian he's with the slavers?" Sidonis accused Shepard.

"Ah... I... ah..." Shepard stammered.

_Oh god, this is awkward. _He could not remember when he had last felt so embarrassed as he did right now. He had assumed just that. Batarians were slavers, everybody knew that. Which, as he now realized with some shock, was just blatant racism. It seemed even he was not immune to that.

Sidonis scoffed. "You never wondered why the asari didn't use their biotics? Due to _his_ dampening field. And had he not hacked into the slave collars and sabotaged them, we would have had quite a bloody mess here. You've ever seen them detonate somebody's head? Pray you never will."

"I..." Shepard tried again. "It's... look, I'm sorry. You're right, that's what I assumed, and I... well, you said it. Made me a fool. I shouldn't have assumed that. I'm really sorry."

"Easy to say sorry _now_," Sidonis remarked. He seemed truly displeased with the human. "But whatever. You earned yourself a fuck-up. You've used that up now." Shepard was still too embarrassed to say something, so after an awkward pause, Sidonis continued: "Okay, you don't want to tell me who you are, but what will you do now?"

"I plan to leave the station in some hours," Shepard told him.

"Too bad," Sidonis remarked. "Assuming we could get that racism out of you we could use somebody of your skills and devotion."

"Sorry, I'm already busy in another matter," Shepard answered. "Just who is 'we', anyway? Who is this 'Archangel'?"

"I don't know," Sidonis admitted. "He's turian like me. Probably from the Hierarchy. My guess is he was a bit fed up about how they do things there and left. Some humans started to call him after a figure from your mythology, and he simply took on that name."

"You aren't from the Hierarchy?" Shepard asked.

"No, I'm Terminus born and bred," Sidonis answered with a certain irony. He apparently did not think that was something to be proud of.

Before Shepard could reply, he saw the batarian approach them again. The alien did not even regard Shepard with a single glance. He reported to Sidonis: "The boss just called. The diversion has failed."

"What?" Sidonis exclaimed.

"Several dozen Blue Suns are currently on the way here," the batarian told him. Even now he seemed utterly unfazed by the events around him.

Sidonis turned to Shepard and explained: "The slavers had hired the Suns for protection, but Archangel lured them into a trap. That's our usual strategy. Seems it failed this time. And we have no way to deal with several dozen mercenaries who'll be better armed and equipped than this slaver scum."

Turian facial expressions were notoriously hard to read, and Shepard was not sure what went through Sidonis head. But he did not like the turian's sound of resignation. "You don't plan on leaving the slaves to them, do you?"

"We have to be realistic," the batarian commented simply.

Shepared breathed out and suppressed an angry comment at him. That a batarian implicitly agreed to the idea of abandoning this people only fueled his prejudices, but he knew they were just that: Maybe the batarian simply had a cynical, realist nature. Realizing yet again how prejudiced he could be made Shepard feel uncomfortable.

"The ship," Sidonis remarked, "could we use it to flee into space?"

"Could you get the docking section cleared fast enough?" Shepard asked.

"No," the batarian answered. "And the slavers have fried the ship's software systems. I could repair them, but that would take hours."

Sidonis uttered a series of howls and hisses. _Untranslated turian curses,_ Shepard guessed.

"It's just about the slaves, isn't it?" Shepard asked. "You lot could escape, I take it."

"If it were just us, we could simply vanish," the batarian claimed.

"Right. I think I know where the slaves can go," Shepard stated.

"Really now?" the batarian commented suspiciously.

"Any hope is better than none," Sidonis said. "So what do you have in mind?"

"A ship that is ready to go," Shepard explained. _If we can convince the owner. _

Quickly, Sidonis organized his group. They convinced the freed slaves to come with them, and helped those along who already had become too weak or who had been injured by their captors. Thus a large and strange group soon walked along the docks, some of them heavily armed and others barely able to walk. People were staring at them, but nobody commented and nobody tried to stop them. Few people on Omega would risk any trouble with such well armed people, and avoiding any sort of trouble by not raising attention to oneself was part of the local attitude.

Before they reached the ship, Shepard saw Tali running toward them. He noticed Sidonis grasped his gun firmer, and gestured him to relax.

"Jon, I got your message," she exclaimed worried, "what happened?" She looked at the people nearby, paused, relaxed her gesture and added dryly: "It seems I can't leave you alone for even only two hours."

Shepard had told her in a very short message that he would come to the ship soon, but that there would be problems. That of course had been a major understatement, but he had deemed the issue too complex to explain all via omni-tool messages, and besides everybody had been in a hurry.

"I, ah, made some new friends," he explained. "They need a ride."

"They... oh." Tali answered. "There's space on the ship, but it will be needed for the goods they'll take on later."

"Let's talk with the captain," Shepard suggested.

He did not need to search for her. The captain, a turian of advanced age, stood outside her ship, flanked by two bodyguards, an asari and a krogan, ready to intercept this group of suspicious looking people who were approaching her property.

"What's going on here?" she demanded to know.

"We need to leave quickly," Shepard told her. "With those people. Freed slaves, I think there are about thirty of them."

"What?" the captain exclaimed. "Absolutely not. Now send them away, or your transport contract will be voided."

"Look, you can make more money out of this than with whatever goods you want to transport," Shepard claimed. "I know people, who..."

"Yeah, right," the captain interrupted him. "That's an easy claim to make. You seem like just a normal troublemaker. If I transport freed slaves, the Suns would shoot me next time I come to here."

"Don't do this and we will," Sidonis grunted.

"I can show you who I am," Shepard told the captain. "That alone could be worth more than your other transport contract, if you have the right connections to news services. And it will hopefully convince you that I have the right connections to pay you on arrival."

"Show me then," the captain demanded.

"If you agree to leave Omega now, and take us and those people to the Citadel," Shepard answered.

_Too bad Kenn won't have the exclusive news about this. But then, neither will she. _

"Just on your word that you're important?" the captain replied. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"How about this then," Shepard suggested, "If my identity is really that big news material, you'll do it. If not, then not. Of course that means you could renege on the deal, but it would probably not be wise to doublecross a person known for being vengeful." _There are advantages to a partially bad reputation._

"Don't be all mysterious;" the captain scoffed "You come aboard. Just you, while I'll have my bodyguards. And then you show me who you are."

Shepard grinned. He knew he had her.

**000000**

**A bit of a filler chapter, admittedly, but the two story points here will have at least some minor influence later, so I decided not to skip the first trip to Omega. **


	14. Ch12: Citadel I: The Council

The flight from Omega to the Citadel reminded Tali of when she had been on Terra Nova. Just like back then, everybody seemed to be well disposed towards her. Back then, she had helped in saving the planet from annihilation at the hand of batarian terrorists. Now, her association with Shepard seemed to be enough. It was him who had freed about three dozen slaves, and who had secured transport for them to the Citadel. So it was small wonder that those people nearly worshipped him, and some of that goodwill was also extended toward Tali.

Since Shepard had already revealed his identity to the ship captain, he no longer made a secret out of it. Neither did they make a secret of their relationship. That was a mistake Tali was not eager to repeat. And since nobody from this 'Archangel's' group had come along, now the two were abandoned to the attention of the ship's occupants.

This left Tali in a state of emotional ambiguity. The death of her friends she had witnessed still haunted her, but her current situation was soothing and comforting. Her joy from being with Shepard again after having thought him dead for two years had not yet worn off, and the friendliness of the people around her was reassuring.

Meanwhile, reports about Shepard's reappearance were flooding the extranet. The turian captain was quite annoyed that Shepard had already given footage of himself to somebody else, a quarian pilgrim, but there was nothing she could do about this anymore. Tali found it nice how much Shepard seemed to care about quarians in general. His openly stated aim of undermining quarian traditions, i.e. the Pilgrimage, did not bother her anymore. Haestrom had thoroughly shaken the loyalty she felt to her people's traditions. At least for now, she was far more willing to trust Shepard than them.

Since the ship was a cargo ship, it did not have many windows, but there was one corridor with a small line of them. Tali stood there and saw the Citadel coming closer in all its majesty. Covered in the mists of the Serpent Nebula, sprinkled with lights and surrounded by ships of all sizes and shapes, it offered a sight without equal, marking it as the centre of the galaxy.

_Even though it's just an oversized mass relay, _Tali thought cynically. _Worse yet, a trap. _

She wondered what might await them there. While Shepard being alive was now public knowledge, nobody knew he was on this flight. He would have to identify himself, get somebody to take care of the freed slaves, and then would undoubtedly want an audience with the Council, to present his proof, Veetor's records, about the Collector threat. This would be interesting, too. For the first time, Shepard could hope to find a receptive Council, as it was led by Anita Goyle, his political ally.

Tali went to the airlock. Shepard was already waiting in front of it. He wore the leather vest and other civilian clothes they had looted on Freedom's Progress. This time, he would not hide his identity. It was even somewhat important that people should recignize him. He planned to use his celebrity status to get some help for the freed slaves.

A soft rumbling went through the vehicle, signalling it had come to a halt. Soon afterwards, the door to outside opened.

_That will be a lot of explaining we'll have to do. I just hope we'll find somebody who..._

Tali stopped. Outside the ship, about two dozen C-Sec guards stood in the dock. Apparently they were waiting for them.

One of them, a human with very short cut hair and a grim face, approached them and addressed Shepard: "Jonathan Shepard. I'm Captain Bailey of Citadel Security. We have orders to bring you to Council Chairwoman Goyle, immediately. We'll also take care of the people you've freed on Omega."

"I... ah... I must congratulate C-Sec on its intelligence, I suppose," Shepard answered surprised.

A turian walked up to Bailey's side and asked: "Will you come with us, Shepard?" He sounded uncomfortably aggressive. _Almost as if hoping Jon would say no..._

Before either Bailey or Shepard could respond, the turian captain came storming out of her ship. She apparently had little respect for C-Sec. "What's going on?"

"Don't worry, ma'am," Bailey tried to reassure her, "You'll get appropriate compensation for your services. I'm sure Council Chairwoman Goyle will see to that."

"I certainly hope so," the captain answered, but her voice had lost some of its steadiness. She looked cautiously at the C-Sec guards, probably realizing how many there were. _Probably wondering if she has gone over her head with this._

"Very well. If Goyle is so eager to see me, I'd hate to disappoint," Shepard finally said with a certain ironic undertone. "But my luggage..."

"Don't worry, Shepard, we'll take care of it," Bailey reassured him. "We'll bring it to the Alliance embassy. Now please come along."

Tali did not like how C-Sec was completely taking over the scene. Ever since her first stay on the Citadel, she did not like the organization. In her experience, it was filled with prejudiced bigots and vain, incompetent people who used their position to aggrandize themselves. She was nonetheless ready to give the benefit of the doubt to individual officers, but this whole situation was very suspicious. _How did they know the ship we were on?_

"What about the quarian?" a turian officer barked.

"Goyle said she can come along," Bailey answered. "If she wants to."

Tali made a gesture of agreement, slightly surprised that her presence was another fact the Council Chairwoman had apparently already known about. The turian turned around angrily, apparently not liking this answer, but did not say anything.

Only now did Tali notice that there were even more armed people here than just the C-Sec guards. All of them were humans or turians. And so, as Tali now realized, were the C-Sec officers. No other race was represented. And the two groups kept apart from each other, and watched each other carefully.

Shepard had apparently realized this, too. As he got going, his muscles tensed, and his right hand remained suspiciously close to his pistol holster. He walked close to the humans, and always kept a watchful eye on the turians.

_What is going on here?_

Shepard would not keep to the humans just because they were his own species. Tali remembered how he had had some very unflattering things to say about his people. As it was, he seemed to keep close to them for protection. The tension in the air was thick enough that one could cut through it with a vibroblade. Tali, too, now kept her hand close to her pistol holster.

Captain Bailey remained silent, but he kept the turians under close watch. Like all his men, his gait was stiff and tense. _He seems to fear a confrontation. _And that was bad news: If C-Sec was split like that, Tali did not even want to consider the divisions in the Council.

The strange procession drew the attraction of many onlookers. Soon, inevitably, camera drones began to follow them. Tali tried to ignore both as much as possible, but she was concerned about the attention she and Shepard were getting. She did not think this would help them in any way.

"I wonder how many of those damn drones I could take down at once," she muttered in jest to Shepard.

"Oh, do let them fly," Shepard answered. "If the media report this now, they'll also have to report about what I've done on Omega. This can only be good for my reputation."

Tali chuckled slightly. As so often in these issues, Shepard had obviously been a mental step ahead of her.

The drones stopped when the group reached the Presidium. The people here were rich and influential enough to maintain their privacy, so by special regulation every drone not previously registered and approved was hit by a series of jamming signals which made controlling them impossible. Thus, most camera drones now left the group alone.

The entourage stopped outside the human embassy. For a moment the tension in the air rose: Nobody moved, and humans and turians looked at each other with open distrust. But finally, the C-Sec guards and the other armed turians left. Only some armed humans remained. _Embassy guards, _as Tali realized. They guarded Shepard and Tali as they entered the building.

Inside, Anita Goyle was awaiting them in her office, the same that had formerly belonged to Udina. The small, old woman stood in front of her white desk, and her look was stern.

"Mr Shepard, Ms Zorah," she greeted them after the guards had left the room, "I hope you have a good explanation for the mess you have created, Mr Shepard."

Shepard looked at her unsurely. "What mess?"

"We all know you've always been unconventional," Goyle stated. "And I've accepted that. It helped a great deal to make the Alliance a better place. But I have to say - Cerberus? Really?"

_How does she know about that? _

"What are you implying?" Shepard asked. "That I've joined them? You can't seriously think that! Not me, of all people!"

Goyle turned around and activated a holographic screen on the desk. Side by side, it displayed a video and a text file. Both documented Shepard's mission on Freedom's Progress. Even though Shepard's armour had no Cerberus insignia, he was clearly fighting alongside Cerberus members.

"Goddamn bastards," Shepard muttered.

"Citadel intelligence got this material from one of our moles inside Cerberus," Goyle explained. "It was a risky manoeuvre. The mole is dead." _Of course. Cerberus doesn't leave behind loose ends. _"Furthermore, we've gotten conclusive proof that the facilities you attacked two years ago were all part of a rogue group within Cerberus. This makes certain actions of yours appear in a new light."

Shepard's face darkened, but then he sighed. "I suppose me telling you that you've been fed misinformation is exactly what you'd expect right now, isn't it?" Goyle nodded curtly. "But that's the truth. I haven't joined Cerberus. It's... it's complicated."

"Then tell me," Goyle demanded.

And so Shepard did. About how he had woken up on a Cerberus station, about how he had been tricked into staying with the Cerberus operatives, about how he had agreed to cooperate on Freedom's Progress, but also how he betrayed the Cerberus operatives there. And he told Goyle about the Collector threat.

Goyle rubbed her forehead. Then she sighed and said: "That's quite a story you tell. But I have no doubt that your data will show evidence for the Collector threat. And besides, I never did believe that you have joined Cerberus. It never made sense to me."

"So you believe me?" Shepard asked.

"For now, I do," Goyle confirmed. "But the Council won't. Especially not Councillor Sparatus. When he heard about the intelligence report, he wanted to have you arrested on the spot. Or maybe even shot on the spot. I managed to prevent this, but in reaction he mobilized C-Sec agents loyal to him. So I did the same with my faction inside it."

"I had the feeling the officers were only a hair's breath away from shooting each other," Tali commented.

"They're too intelligent to let this escalate, but the situation is quite bad indeed," Goyle answered. "So the Council won't listen to you, Mr Shepard."

"But they have to!" Shepard insisted. "I don't care if they think I'm with Cerberus. But something has to be done about the Collectors! Hundreds of thousands of people have already been taken. _Hundreds of thousands!_"

"I'm aware of the problem," Goyle answered. "You don't need to convince _me._"

"Veetor's data is extraordinary," Shepard argued. "Surely, faced with that, the Council will do _something._"

"Quite possible, especially with my support," Goyle agreed. "But I know you, Mr Shepard. You don't want the Council to just do 'something'. Not really. You want them to support _you_ in doing something."

Shepard grinned abashedly. "Ideally, yes."

Goyle shook her head. "That won't happen. But the Councillors can tell you that themselves. They want a meeting with you anyway. I managed to get you here first, rank has its privileges, but I fear I must start the Council session now."

"Then we should go," Shepard said.

Goyle grinned. "As I've said, rank has its privileges. We stay here. The session will be held by holographic communication".

000000

_Back into the lion's den of politics._

Truth be told, Shepard secretly enjoyed much of this: The tension, the intricacies of politics, the chance to one up those in power. He was annoyed in how Cerberus had tricked him, but he was quite ready to face the Council. It was a challenge, a different kind of fight than those he ever experienced on the battlefield.

He, Tali, and Goyle walked up to the holographic projector in the Council Chairwoman's office. It looked very similar to the one which had stood in the _Normandy's_ conference room.

"Just to be clear, I heard the Council's official position is that the Reapers are a legend. Is that true?" Shepard asked Goyle.

"I'm afraid it is," Goyle answered. "I've done some research on my own, about which I'll tell you more after the session, so I'm inclined to believe the Reaper threat to be real. The Council doesn't, though. You have to understand, Mr Shepard: We did send a follow up expedition to Ilos. But the hologram you mentioned to be there was not found. And _Sovereign_ could actually simply have been a geth warship; we know the geth have technology more advanced than ours. So for the Council's liking, there simply isn't enough evidence out there."

Shepard shook his head. _Oh, this is so stupid. _"I guess that means I better shouldn't mention them."

The holograms materialized. They were in colour, unlike those which had been projected in the _Normandy._ Of the Councillors, Shepard only recognized Sparatus, the turian. The asari and the salarian councillors were new to him.

As Council Chairwoman, it was Goyle who spoke first. "This meeting of the Council is in session. It has been called to discuss the problem the former Spectre Shepard presents to us."

_What? _Former _Spectre?_

"I don't see what there is to discuss," Sparatus cut in. "Shepard has finally revealed his true colours. He let us, the old Council, die so that humanity could take over. Just as Cerberus had it planned."

"His actions saved the Citadel," the salarian councillor said. "We owe it to him to hear his side of the story."

"Well then, Shepard," the asari added, "what's your business with Cerberus?"

"I was a Cerberus... well, prisoner," Shepard explained. _No way I'm telling them Cerberus revived me. _It was one thing to tell this to Goyle, as he could trust her. He did not want to spread this information around. It would be too good PR material for Cerberus. "That is why I couldn't contact you after the destruction of the _Normandy. _I used the mission on Freedom's Progress to get free of them."

"A dubious claim," Sparatus judged. "You set out on your own to regain your Spectre status. We know that in the time between what you did on Freedom's Progress and your reappearance on Omega Cerberus launched some operations in the Terminus. That would explain what you did in the meantime."

Shepard made a grimace. He had to admit, Cerberus' misinformation campaign had apparently been orchestrated masterfully.

"He was with me, on a quarian mission," Tali spoke up now. "Which... ah, is classified," she added somewhat sheepishly.

"Your loyalty to Shepard is well known, Tali'Zorah," the asari stated. "I think we both know you would in fact lie to cover him. Like just now."

"What about the rachni then?" Shepard asked. "You believe I only attacked all those Cerberus facilities two years ago in order to wipe out a rogue part of the organization. Alright. Why then did I use the rachni findings to motivate the Council to hunt down Cerberus in general, instead of simply giving rachni samples to the organization?"

"We don't presume to have all the answers," the salarian Councillor replied. "Right now we can't be sure about you either way. But that's exactly the problem: We can't trust you."

"We'll watch you, Shepard," the asari Councillor added. "And if you do belong to Cerberus, and you do slip up, then we'll be ready."

Shepard groaned annoyed. "Fine, be ready. But nevermind Cerberus, there is a far greater threat out there, which you have to be aware of!"

"Ah yes, your tales about 'Reapers'," Sparatus mocked. "The immortal race of sentient starships allegedly awaiting in Dark Space. We have dismissed that claim."

Shepard shook his head. "No, not Reapers. No tales. Something that has been measured in every way possible - visual, electromagnetic, dark energy, you name it. And it is abducting Hundreds of thousands of people in the Terminus Systems."

"Ms Zorah, begin transmitting the files," Goyle told the quarian.

A while later, after ingesting some of the information, the salarian Councillor spoke up again: "We've heard about those abductions. I have to admit they were a puzzle to us. This is the first clue as to what has happened... and it's very exhausting and detailed evidence indeed."

"But as sorry as we are for those people, the Terminus Systems are not in our jurisdiction," the asari Councillor added. "Your colonists knew this when they left Citadel space."

"With all due respect, Councillor, you're missing the point," Shepard argued. "We're talking about a power that can snatch up so many people in a matter of hours, without any resistance to them and without anybody noticing what's going on. If such a power runs wild in the Terminus, that's a threat to Citadel space, too. After all, we have no idea about the motivations and mentality of the Collectors. We can't be sure that they won't strike here, and do you have the means to stop such a power?"

"He has a point," the salarian Councillor admitted.

"Perhaps. In any case, this is something worth investigating," the asari Councillor stated.

"I can do that," Shepard claimed.

The holograms of the councillors looked unsure. Finally, the salarian spoke up: "No, Shepard. We cannot trust you. We cannot give resources to somebody who might be associated with Cerberus. This could backfire too easily."

"So, what will you do instead?" Shepard demanded to know.

"This is not for you to know," Sparatus scoffed.

Annoyance rose in Shepard. "Oh, let me guess: Nothing. As usual. While hundreds of thousands die out there."

"As far as I'm concerned this session is over," Sparatus stated. His hologram faded.

"Shepard, we thank you for your information," the salarian Councillor spoke up. "Don't let our colleague's short temper fool you into believing we don't appreciate this. You've done a great service to the Council, again. Unfortunately, considering that these... 'Collectors' for now only target human colonies, stopping them would in fact also be in Cerberus' interest. I'm sorry, but we still can't trust you."

"There is the matter of his Spectre status," Goyle said.

"It would be unwise to discuss this now that Councillor Sparatus has left the discussion", the salarian Councillor opined.

"He's free to do that, but then he also has to bear the consequences," Goyle argued.

"What about my Spectre status, anyway?" Shepard asked. "Surely, considering that I never was actually dead, that means I'm still a Spectre."

"It doesn't work like that on the Citadel," Goyle explained. "What matters is whether you're on the Spectres list. You were removed when we received news of your death. That this news were false is irrelevant, what matters is that you were removed from this list. You are officially not a Spectre anymore. But you could be reinstated."

"It would be unwise to publicly support a possible member of Cerberus," the salarian Councillor cautioned.

"We can do this all very quietly, without making this big news," Goyle argued. "I don't believe he's with Cerberus, and somebody has to investigate those 'Collectors'."

"I'm not prepared to make such a decision right now," the asari Councillor declared. "We can discuss this at a later time." Her hologram disappeared.

"Well then, Councillor" Goyle spoke to the salarian, "it seems this session is dissolving rapidly. I hereby officially declare it over. For whatever it's still worth."

Without further comment, the hologram of the salarian councillor also went offline.

"God damnit," Shepard muttered, then sighed. "Well, I guess that's out of my hands then."

Silence answered him. Eventually he began to pace in the room and muttered again. "_Hundreds of thousands _of people... and I can't do shit! I mean, damn, they can't really believe I'm with Cerberus, can they?"

"It's convenient for them. Or at least for Councillor Sparatus," Goyle remarked calmly.

Unrest grew in Shepard. He realized that it was foolish to expect that he of all people should be the one to go off and save the galaxy again. The information about the Collectors threat now was with the responsible authorities; surely they could do something about it. _It doesn't need to be always me._ But that was how he had imagined it: That he would bring Veetor's data to the Council, and that they would supply him to stop the Collectors.

_And what if they do nothing? They still deny the Reapers, despite everything. If they now also turn a blind eye to this... it isn't impossible. _But no matter how he looked at it, he was out of the game now, and that frustrated him immensely. _So many lives are at stake... I _have _to do something. _

"Meaning I have no ship, no crew, no plan and no Spectre status," Shepard concluded. He hesitated. "And I suppose the Alliance won't supply me, either."

Goyle laughed dryly. "Most certainly not."

"But I have to do _something!_" Shepard exclaimed.

"Truth be told, I don't know how much resources the Council will devote to this at all," Goyle admitted. "That you of all people brought this information will make this automatically suspicious to Councillor Sparatus, and the other Councillors might concede this point to him in horse trading negotiations."

"So that means the Collectors are free to roam the Terminus and the humans there are doomed?" Shepard asked desperately.

"I'll do my best to prevent this," Goyle promised, "but I only chair the Council. I don't rule it." She hesitated. "I suppose I could funnel some funds to you. But that would be a very risky operation. The Alliance government is only waiting for a reason to remove me from my position. And to be blunt, if I go, you won't have any political allies left anymore at all."

Shepard growled slightly in frustration. At the same time, the computer terminal on Goyle's desk began to beep.

"I thought I had it set to ignore all incoming calls," Goyle remarked annoyed.

Tali activated her omni-tool and after a short check spoke up: "It's being hacked."

"But this is top level Citadel and Alliance te... nevermind. Can you stop it, Ms Zorah?" Goyle asked.

"I'm currently hacking into the system myself," Tali answered. "That's the only way to do something about it. I think I can isolate the intrusion... it's a call."

"If somebody takes such a great effort to reach me, maybe I should listen," Goyle answered. "As long as there's no danger to the other systems."

"I think I've quarantined it now," Tali answered. "I could cut the whole thing off, if you wish. Or lay the call on the terminal screen."

"The latter, please," Goyle chose.

An angry growl escaped Shepard as he saw the face on the now active terminal screen: It was Miranda Lawson.

"You!" he exclaimed.

"Shepard, Tali'Zorah, Council Chairwoman", Lawson greeted the people present. "I hope you've seen now that you can't rely on the Council, Shepard."

"Because you sabotaged me," Shepard accused her.

"Wait," Goyle told him. "How do you know what just happened?"

"You can see this as a demonstration of our capabilities," Lawson answered calmly. "Capabilities we still mean to contribute to fighting the Collectors. Check the docking records of the Citadel. You'll see that we've brought the SR-2 to here. Shepard, our offer of cooperation still stands."

"You can't be serious!" Shepard exclaimed.

"I've found the ship," Tali announced. "An unregistered heavy frigate. They're here."

"Cut the line!" Shepard told her.

Tali did so, and the terminal screen deactivated itself.

"I think we might have to clear who has authority here," Goyle remarked slightly annoyed.

"Haven't you heard? Cerberus has a warship here. A _warship!"_ Shepard argued. "If it's really docked in here we have to use the chance. Well, you do. Send in C-Sec. Seize it!"

"I'll activate the men," Goyle agreed, "But before I give the order... Mr Shepard, maybe you should consider their offer."

"Excuse me?" Shepard protested.

"If I understand things correctly the ship would be for you," Goyle explained her position. "So this would enable you to go to the Terminus and investigate the Collectors. Just as you want. And just as might be needed, if the Council indeed does nothing."

Shepard scoffed. "Ah, the Council is allowed to sit back and do nothing, but _I _should sully hands by working with that scum? I think not. Am I to reward Cerberus for sabotaging me by joining their efforts?"

"What else do you propose?" Goyle ask. "As you emphasized, quite many lives are at stake."

"If you seize the ship, I can get an expedition together," Shepard answered. "You said you _could_ theoretically provide supplies, even if it's dangerous. And I'm sure I can find good people for a crew."

"And then you'd still have no plan what to do, no intelligence, nothing," Goyle argued. "It looks like Cerberus has a plan, at least." Her voice became more pleading. "You can _use _them. While I can remain here and will thus be able to further support you."

This stopped Shepard cold. After a while he asked almost disappointed: "Really, Ms Goyle? Are you really like all the others, only caring about keeping your position?"

"Jon, please, I'm sure she didn't mean _that_," Tali tried to intervene.

"Right, sorry," Shepard quickly apologized. "Considering how you lost your ambassador post the first time and how you came back out of retirement... But it's so damn frustrating!"

"I understand," Goyle reassured him. "How about this? It's evening as per Presidium time. Get a night full of sleep and then come back. I'll take care that the Cerberus ship won't be able to leave, not without getting shot down in any case. And tomorrow we can still decide which option to take, mine or yours."

"Right," Shepard answered frustrated. "I don't like it, but... I guess it's the reasonable thing to do. Sleep over it, for now."

Goyle took an item from her desk and gave it to Shepard. It was a key card. "People know you're here, so you'd better not stay at the embassy. I've secured a nice, anonymous housing unit here on the Presidium for you two. I'll reserve a shuttle to get you there. It will also bring you back here tomorrow."

Shepard nodded, and turned to leave, followed by Tali. His head was heavy with the recent events. As it appeared, he had three choices: To do nothing about the Collectors, nothing about death on a grand scale, to start a mission of his own but with high chance of failure, or to ally with Cerberus. None of those options was truly appealing. Cerberus' chutzpah vexed him greatly: The only reason he was now dependent on their support was because they had sabotaged him. So allying with them, already a distasteful thought to begin with, would mean giving them exactly what they wanted.

_But no matter how infuriating that is to _me, _what's that compared to so all the people abducted or dead or in threat of death? _

The shuttle trip was surprisingly short. It covered a distance that could also have been walked. The main purpose to using a vehicle was to keep Shepard and Tali hidden within it.

He opened the door of the housing unit - and took a step back in surprise. Instead of a door frame, there was an airlock behind the door. It looked like a smaller version of the one the _Normandy_ had had aboard. His eyes widened as he realized the purpose of this arrangement.

_It's a cleanroom. How very thoughtful of Goyle._


	15. Ch13: Citadel II: Negotiations

_Nanurta, Shackled Lady, I beg you to spare a drop of your limitless mercy for this undeserving servant. _

Thane Krios had rarely prayed to the Goddess of Mercy before. Doing so would have meant the ultimate defeat: Calling to the Lady of the Outcasts would have meant finally admitting that he was one as well, that he was merely drifting on the tides of life and fate. He usually prayed to Amonkira, the Lord of Hunters, or Kalahira, the Goddess of Death. But this time he did not truly wish for success in his hunt. He would need divine mercy far more, for he was going to kill a good man, a hero to many.

But there were ties that had proven far more powerful than his future, his reputation, his ethics or even his faith. Thane had no other choice: Powerful people wanted the target dead, and they had the means to make the drell their weapon. He had been a weapon to other people before. In fact that was all he had known in life, which was the reason he had returned to his profession again and again. In fulfilling his Compact obligation to the hanar, he had never learned another trade, so becoming a weapon for other people to handle had been the only way to feed his family. In the end he had decided to gain redemption by making the universe a less bad place, in the only way he knew. But now, his hunt would make the universe a far worse place.

He had waited all night in his hiding spot. His employer seemed to be very well informed and very influential. This enigmatic person had known where the target would rest this night, and had been able to get Thane into the Presidium without any trouble. For hours the drell had fretted about his mission, knowing that he nonetheless would fulfil it. Now, finally, was time to get it over with.

There was movement at the housing unit he observed. A man in a leather vest left it: Shepard. _No. Not 'Shepard'. Just 'the target'. _Thane had him right in his scope. He noticed how certain of himself the human looked, as if nothing could threaten him. _He has good reason to carry himself like that. _The human had managed to both defeat Sovereign and throw the Alliance into disarray, never straying from his path. But this path would end now. Thane's finger pressed against the trigger.

He stopped. A second person had just run out of the house enthusiastically, catching up with Shepard and thus getting into the line of shot. _Tali'Zorah. _Thane had been briefed on her. His employer had made it clear that ideally he would like her dead, too. However, that was not the contract agreed upon. Shepard was marked for death, touched by Kalahira. But Tali'Zorah was not; she was just an innocent bystander.

Both the human and the quarian seemed to be in good spirits. They appeared to wait for something or somebody. They stood close, hand in hand, and were in constant motion. Nonetheless, Thane was sure he could eliminate his target... but not without hitting Tali'Zorah, too. Uneasily, he shifted his position, hoping to get a clearer shot at Shepard.

Finally, Shepard and Tali'Zorah seemed to have come to a rest, and he stood sufficiently apart from her. Thane exhaled slowly and shot... but _something_ hit his barrel away. The shot missed Shepard by more than a metre. Panicked, Shepard and Tali'Zorah fled around a corner. Surprised, Thane looked around to see who or what had intervened. He noticed a damaged small drone now lying beneath his gun. _It must have rammed the gun at high speed. _A moment later he spotted movement: A small figure ran through the park bushes below his position. He could only get a small glance at the person. _Asari, human woman, or drell woman. Black hood. She must have kept a watch on Shepard, too... _Thane retreated from the scene as quickly as he could. There was nothing he could do anymore; he would have to wait for the next chance.

000000

Assassination attempts on the Presidium of course always caused a great uproar. It was not the first assassination attempt here and neither would it be the last, most likely, but this was the heart of the Citadel political power, a refuge for the rich and powerful. It was supposed to be as safe as physically possible. So every time that notion was disproven it caused a great shock. Immediately after the event, C-Sec had been mobilized: Masses of agents were still on the scene to search for clues, while others had escorted Shepard and Tali to the Alliance embassy in a well armed convoy.

Tali was still shaken. Shepard and herself had faced great dangers before, and had both been threatened by death countless times. But this shot had come so sudden, without any warning, disrupting an, until then, happy atmosphere. Combat instincts had kicked in for both of them. They had sought cover and had then looked for the enemy. However, nothing and nobody could be found. Thus both were still high on alertness hormones and lacking closure. And both gained the realization that if an attempt on their lives could be made even on the Presidium, then there was hardly any safe place for them.

Naturally, Tali wondered who could have been behind the attempt. Surely not Cerberus, not after trying to win over Shepard. The human had made enough enemies two years ago though, and all of them were most likely unpleasantly surprised by his return. Council, Alliance, various human corporations, Councillor Sparatus... all of them had a motive. Which was a further unsettling thought.

Tali tried to calm down. _Neither paranoia nor panic will be any helpful now. _As long as no hints were found who could be behind the attempt, worrying about who might be behind it was pointless. All they could do was to be a bit more attentive at all times.

Shepard looked entirely calm on the outside, but she knew that was just a show. The way he shot glances everywhere, never resting his gaze on one spot for too long, told her that he was just as nervous as she was. But he was good at hiding it; his movements never seemed hasty, nevermind panicked. He had insisted that despite the attempt on his life he would discuss Cerberus' offer of cooperation with Goyle as planned. Tali agreed that this was the most practical and sensible thing to do.

She knew how intensely Shepard hated the organization. So did she, after encountering Gillian and after the attack on the _Neema_. The idea of cooperating with Cerberus made her uncomfortable, but simply seizing their docked heavy frigate did not seem like a practicable solution to her. Shepard would then have a ship, and surely he could also get supplies and a crew, but he would still have no clue what to actually do. Worse yet, if Cerberus really attempted to stop the Collectors, then seizing the ship could mean sabotaging efforts to end that threat.

And there was even a certain appeal to being involved in a Cerberus mission, instead of them doing everything in secret as usual. This way, maybe their usual crimes and atrocities could be prevented. The problem was the personal costs involved in this: Tali had no doubts that if Shepard cooperated with Cerberus, the organization would exploit this for PR purposes. Shepard would forever be branded as a terrorist. And both of them would have to tolerate the kind of scum who thought killing entire pioneer colonies and entire marine platoons for science was justified.

_Maybe the best solution would be to let the ship go its way, while Shepard and I try to find other ways to investigate the Collectors. _She had suggested as much last evening. But Shepard was not very keen on this idea. He knew C-Sec could easily board Cerberus' frigate, which in his mind was exactly what should be done.

The two entered Goyle's office. She already awaited them there. Her staff had hot beverages prepared for all of them. Even Tali could drink: Her cup was sealed on all sides, the only opening being a straw.

Goyle gestured them to sit down and spoke up: "I hope this will help you to calm down a bit. I could understand it if you have other things on your mind than Cerberus' offer right now."

"Until C-Sec finds a clue, there's nothing we can do anyway," Shepard answered. "So we might as well concern ourselves with what those terrorists have to say."

"I do appreciate that," Goyle admitted. "That frigate in the docks is making everybody a bit nervous."

"And with good reason!" Shepard opined. "A _warship_, belonging to a terrorist organization. Even if there were no Collector threat, it should be seized simply to deny it to Cerberus."

"Hm," Goyle voiced vaguely. "Before we begin, I have a present for you."

She picked up a small electronic device from a drawer in her desk and handed it over to Shepard.

"What is it?" Shepard asked.

"Looks like a jamming device," Tali observed.

"It is indeed," Goyle confirmed. "Either Cerberus might have fooled us, or the mole was real. But in either case, Cerberus knew very soon that you had reached Omega, which transport you would take, that Ms Zorah is with you, and everything else. Which begs the question how they could do that."

"Surveillance," Tali concluded. She realized what this meant, and did not like it at all.

"But... how?" Shepard asked. "Cerberus can't have all of Omega bugged!"

"Not Omega," Tali replied. "You. Cerberus rebuilt your body."

"I... _I'm_ bugged?" Shepard exclaimed.

"We can't be sure, of course," Goyle replied. "But this would explain how well informed Cerberus is. There are jammers here in this office, of course, but it might be best if you always take one with you. I have a small packet full of the devices for you."

"Jammers don't work by stopping the bugs' recording," Tali commented. "They work by stopping the transmission of the recorded data to whoever listens in. So essentially, this would turn Jon into a communications black hole."

"I'm afraid so," Goyle answered, "but what's the alternative?"

"_They have me bugged!"_ Shepard hissed, outraged at the situation. "I can't believe it! All the time they've listened in... they've heard _everything!_"

He was absolutely incensed. Tali did not feel as strongly. As a quarian, she was used to having little to no privacy. Nonetheless, her people always tried to maintain as much of it as possible, so she could understand Shepard's reaction. She knew him well enough to know what angered him: The absolute powerlessness of the situation. All that time, somebody could have listened in to every single word he uttered, without him being able to do anything about it. Somebody else held _power_ over him, put him in an inferior position, and to him, that was absolutely unacceptable.

"That ends now," Tali stated. "A communications blackout is an acceptable price to pay for that."

"Goddamn," Shepard cursed. "They have me bugged, they manipulate me, they sabotage me, and yet I'm supposed to work with them? Hell, no. The only reason I might need to rely on them is their own damn scheming!"

"I understand your outrage," Goyle claimed, "but agreeing to their proposal would still have many advantages."

"Oh, is that so? I think taking their warship from them has more advantages," Shepard argued.

"Mr Shepard, listen to me," Goyle told him. "We could do that. We could do it your way. But if I send illegal funds your way, sooner or later I'll be found out. And then I'll lose my job. Which means you'll lose the only major political ally you have."

"It seems you have formed a strong opinion yourself" Shepard observed.

"I did, yes," Goyle confirmed. "We have to look at the bigger picture. Not only are ten thousands of lives at stake, maybe the entire galaxy is. If the Collectors really are associated with the Reapers, and if the Reapers are coming, then the Collector threat _must_ be eliminated. And the best way to achieve that is that you cooperate with Cerberus, while I support you from the outside."

"So you wouldn't actually support seizing the ship and supplying me, would you?" Shepard asked quietly.

"I'd really prefer if you worked with Cerberus," Goyle answered, sidestepping the actual question. "I know you hate them, and that's well justified. But since the entire galaxy might be at stake, at least in the long run, you have to swallow down your hatred."

"Yes, all of the galaxy," Shepard answered darkly. "Including you, including the Council."

"What do you mean?" Goyle asked.

"See, this is the part that annoys me," Shepard explained. "You expect from me to simply swallow down my hatred, to accept that I've been bugged, to accept their sabotage, because it's just _understood_ that I should do so for the sake of the galaxy... but that includes the Council, its member states, the Alliance, yet they all do nothing for it."

"I understand your annoyance," Goyle reassured him, "but what can we do about it?"

"It's you, too" Shepard claimed. "You realized I'm bugged, and yet you still want me to go with Cerberus, just so that you don't lose your job."

Goyle remained quiet for a rather long time. Finally, she spoke up again: "I must admit, you make a good point, Mr Shepard. In a manner of speaking, I wanted to 'sacrifice' you for the greater good, and for my own convenience. But... never again that. You're right. If I want something to be done, I should start with myself. So, if you do insist on doing it your way, we will. Despite the risk to my position. But I'd still _advise_ the other route."

"Ah... thank you, Council Chairwoman," Shepard answered. "I must admit, I hadn't expected such a reaction. It's strangely relieving." He paused. "I'm a bit confused, though. Shuffling around dirty money isn't really uncommon in politics. So why do you think they'd fire you over that?"

"Because they're looking for a reason to fire me," Goyle answered. "They haven't so far because I lend an aura of legitimacy to the Council in its current form. The only reason why the Alliance got to reform it was you, and I was your pick. But during the last two years I have strained this protection too far."

"By which she means she did exactly as you asked of her," Tali intervened. She had not liked the brief verbal conflict between Shepard and Goyle at all. As far as she was concerned, Goyle did not deserve to be the target of Shepard's accusations. "She fought to achieve reparations for all the BAaT victims and to have ExoGeni and Binary Helix broken up. She even went explicitly against Alliance interests and orders for that."

"I... see," Shepard stated simply.

"It was a bumpy ride," Goyle commented, "but it paid off in the end. I managed to negotiate truly immense reparation payments. However, that strained my relation to the Alliance government so much, that now any shady activity of mine will be a most welcome excuse for them to have me removed."

Shepard chuckled slightly. "So, in other words, I might be forced to work with Cerberus because the BAaT victims got justice. You know, this does make me feel slightly better about it."

"So will you agree to their proposal?" Goyle asked carefully.

Shepard sighed. Then he answered: "Well, you've shown yourself ready to do your part in saving those people and maybe saving the galaxy. It seems now I have to do mine." He looked at Tali. "If you agree."

"It won't be a fun situation," Tali answered. "But it might be necessary. Or we could simply let Cerberus do their own mission."

"I still don't like that idea," Shepard answered. "Cerberus could do god knows what out there with their warship. If I command it, maybe I can prevent the usual crimes."

Tali did not like the idea of working on a Cerberus ship, but she had come to this argument on her own already, and she had to admit it made sense. It fit into her concept of duty. _What's some uncomfortable situation for me compared to all the people the Collectors abduct, or compared to the crimes Cerberus could do if we're not aboard._

"Alright," she said. "Cerberus. Who would have ever thought we'd work with them."

"Yeah," Shepard agreed with disgust in his voice. "Well then, let's see if we can contact Lawson."

"I took the liberty to already order her call traced back," Goyle stated. "I hope you don't mind. In the meanwhile, I have some information for you that might help you cheer up. It's about your companions from the _Normandy_."

Shepard grinned slightly abashedly. "I did mean to ask about them, but between Cerberus, the Council and the attempt on my life..." He shrugged.

"I understand," Goyle reassured him. "I've managed to track down most of your former crew. Commander Adams and most of the surviving personnel are still in the Navy, dispersed over various ships. However, Lieutenant Moreau and Dr Chakwas dropped off the radar about a year ago. I haven't been able to find out where they are."

"So Chakwas, too?" Shepard muttered disappointed. "Don't worry, I know where they are. Or maybe do worry: They're with Cerberus now."

"I can see why that would upset you," Goyle claimed. "But there's also good news: Urdnot Wrex is on Tuchanka, and he's been very successful indeed. He has united nearly all of the planet under him. And he even has managed to more or less pacify it, at least by Krogan standards."

"Wrex!" Shepard exclaimed. "Yes, I still have business with him. Hm, or at least I think so..."

"Don't worry," Tali interjected. "I still have it."

Goyle looked puzzled, but did not ask and instead went on: "Dr T'Soni is on Illium, an asari-settled planet at the border of the Terminus Systems. For a Terminus world it's surprisingly well ordered and peaceful. She works as an information broker, a shady business. She seems to be trying to sabotage the Shadow Broker, and that's a very dangerous game."

"This... doesn't really sound like her," Shepard muttered. "Maybe I should check up on her. Well, I will eventually, anyway."

_Liara? Of all people? _That surprised Tali. She had not heard of her since the asari's departure for Omega two years ago. She had now and then tried to find Liara's contact information, but had never succeeded. What worried Tali was that the asari had always been the person most supportive of Shepard's stance to always do the right thing, no matter the cost. _And now she's in such a business? What happened to her?_

"I have no idea where Mr Vakarian is," Goyle continued. "He disappeared shortly after you did." She grinned. "And lastly, there's Spectre Williams."

"Spectre?" Shepard echoed, and then laughed. "Well, now, that's surprising. Where is she?"

"I don't know," Goyle admitted. "I managed to get her installed as _my_ Spectre. She reports to me, not the Council. Currently she's on an investigation in the Terminus, and communication with her is spotty at best. But don't worry, that's normal. Sometimes weeks can go by without a report from her. I'll contact you as soon as I hear from her."

Tali had tried to find ways to contact Garrus, too, but had been equally unsuccessful. She had kept in touch with Ashley to a degree, though. The human had claimed not to be able to say what her work was. Now Tali understood why.

Goyle's computer terminal emitted a beeping sound.

"Speaking of calls, that's probably Ms Lawson," Goyle announced.

000000

Shepard was nervous. He felt like a large weight lasted on his chest. It might seem odd, considering how many battles he had gone through, but battles are eventually over; you win or you die. This was different. It was going into the lion's den, not to slay the beast, but to stay there. In effect, he would submit to what Cerberus had pushed him to do from the beginning. The thought of that depressed him, and the thought of telling Lawson this submission made him very nervous indeed.

_Cerberus... of all people Cerberus... _

The logic of why he should work with them was clear. Tali, Goyle, and him had discussed this at length. But that _logic_ could not hide the fact that he would now work with a bunch of butchers. Even if whoever was on aboard had no involvement with any of Cerberus' crimes, they still had joined an organization that had killed dozens of people and thought this perfectly justified. _And worst of all, the organization who drove Sarah to suicide. _His former girlfriend, officially held to be the only survivor of Akuze, until Corporal Toombs had been found - who had been tortured by Cerberus for years.

_I'm willingly entering a pact with the devil._

Tali sensed his discomfort and took his hand into hers. But after a while, he shook it off and sped up his pace of walking. That was another aspect in all of this: While Tali had agreed to come with him, he felt like he was dragging her along into this pact with the devil. It was bad enough he himself got into this situation. That Tali was, too, made this all doubly bad.

With the frigate looming behind the Cerberus members, Shepard and Tali met Lawson and Taylor at the dock. Lawson had told them to come there. The thought of a warship belonging to a terrorist organization docking at the political centre of the galaxy still boggled Shepard's mind. It showed how dangerously much influence Cerberus held.

"Welcome," Lawson greeted them. "I'm glad you've changed your mind, Shepard."

_Of course she'd rub it in. _

"It depends," Shepard answered coolly. "So you offered your cooperation. But what exactly does that entail?"

"Well, there's that," Lawson answered, simply pointing over her shoulder.

"You want me to command that ship. You don't give a ship to me, you want a service from me," Shepard retorted. "But if I'm to do that I need to know under which conditions."

"Fair enough," Lawson conceded. "You'll have full operational command over the ship. I'll act as your XO and liaison to Cerberus. All the unimportant administrative trivia will be taken over by me. The ship is staffed by Cerberus members, including Lieutenant Moreau, plus Dr Chakwas. They'll report to me as ranking Cerberus Operative and to you as ship CO."

_Interesting formulation. So Chakwas hasn't joined them? _

"Double loyalties then?" Shepard asked.

"This _is_ a Cerberus ship and a Cerberus crew," Lawson answered. "But beyond that, the first part of the mission will consist of assembling a crack team of elite fighters. I'll send dossiers about them to your omni-tool. As those people aren't Cerberus members, they won't be under my authority."

"What about supplies and finances?" Shepard inquired. "After all, that's the only reason I'm willing to work with you."

"Cerberus will provide all basic supplies to keep the ship running," Lawson informed him. "Beyond that, the financial situation will depend on you. We can't be sure about your performance. Therefore, additional financial means to equip your team will be paid after successful missions."

"No," Shepard refused. "It's bad enough that I'm to cooperate with you terrorists. I won't become Cerberus' _mercenary._"

"You aren't exactly in a good position to negotiate," Lawson remarked.

"Twice I shot you. Twice I turned on you at the first best opportunity," Shepard told her. "And yet here you are, still trying so hard to win me over. You need me for something, or you wouldn't have bothered anymore. So I think I have an excellent position to negotiate." He grinned. "Besides, either we hammer out an agreement... or that ship won't leave the Citadel with a Cerberus crew on it. I'll make sure of that."

"You don't exactly lay the best foundation for a successful cooperation with threats like that," Lawson told him.

"I'm aware," Shepard simply stated.

"Very well," Lawson conceded. "Come with me. You'll have to negotiate this with the Illusive Man. There's a quantum entanglement device on board."

"Of course," Shepard muttered. He, Tali, and the two Cerberus members got going.

As they walked through the airlock, Lawson explained: "You'll note that the ship is a copy of the _Normandy_, though with more advanced systems and twice as big."

"The _Normandy _was a top secret project when she was built. And that's less than three years ago. How did you manage to get the blueprints for this?" Shepard asked, surprised.

"Cerberus is very influential in Alliance politics," Lawson explained proudly. "We don't appear in the spotlight, but on the administrative level, where the actual details are worked out, we have a considerable presence. It was us who proposed the cooperation with the turians in the first place."

_As if my opinion of the Alliance couldn't sink any lower..._

They reached the quantum entanglement room. Shepard stepped in, while the rest of the group waited outside. Shortly afterwards, Shepard was again in the Illusive Man's office - or at least, he had that impression.

Just like last time, the Illusive Man had a cigar in his hands, and a drink on his chair's armrest. "Shepard," he greeted the former Spectre. "I was informed about your misgivings with our cooperation proposal."

"I won't become your mercenary," Shepard repeated his position.

"What would you have instead?" the Illusive Man asked.

"First: I won't accept that financial support should depend on mission successes. This will be a cooperation between equals, not a hiring of me. So there will be regular payments," Shepard demanded. "After all, your financial support is all the reason I'll cooperate with you at all."

"Go on," the Illusive Man prompted him.

"Second: I'll be the supreme authority on the ship. Lawson may be the ranking Cerberus operative, but I can't have a split command hierarchy on the ship. If her decision stands against mine, I must be the superior authority. Third, to make this already clear now, I'll only work on the Collector threat. I won't do any other work for Cerberus, and I'll actively prevent all attempts by the crew to work on any other Cerberus project." He breathed out. "And fourth, all Cerberus insignia on the ship are to be removed."

"And you think you can push all your demands through?" the Illusive Man asked calmly.

"Yes," Shepard simply stated.

"I can reassure you on your second and third points," the Illusive Man told him. "An effective warship needs to have a unified command hierarchy, and you'll be on top. That's what we recreated you for. And we want you to devote all your energy to fighting the Collectors, so there won't be any distractions. Your other two demands are impossible. If I simply pay you regularly, what would stop you from misusing this funds for something else than the mission? You don't trust us, but we also don't trust you. And I'm afraid there simply is no time to remove all the insignia from the ship. Time is of the essence. We don't know when the Collectors will strike next. Do you want ten thousand people to die just so you can have your ship redecorated?"

"If I had any other designs than to stop the Reapers, I'd never work with you," Shepard argued. "Besides, you'll _have_ to come to an agreement with me. I do value you the financial and intelligence support you can provide. But if we don't find an agreement, I'll simply have the ship taken by force."

"A bold threat considering you're currently inside it," the Illusive Man reminded him.

Shepard's thoughts raced. _I can't get through both contentious demands. And it's true, nobody can know when the Collectors strike next. Besides, payments are a more substantial issue. Therefore... _"I'm willing to compromise on the issue of the insignia. But only if you compromise on the issue of payments."

The Illusive Man remained silent for some time, and took a puff from his cigar. Finally he announced: "Very well then. A compromise. There will be regular weekly payments to the ship account. I hope you're happy now."

_I can always have the insignia removed later..._

"Hardly," Shepard answered. "But it'll have to do." He turned around and left the room, even before the holographic communication had ended.

"Do we have a deal?" Lawson asked him outside.

"Yes," Shepard confirmed as he walked past her. "From now on, I'm your commanding officer. So from now on it should be 'Do we have a deal, SIR'."

"Very well, Commander," Lawson confirmed, following him back towards the CIC.

"I'm no Commander," Shepard informed her.

"You command a ship," Tali spoke up. "Among my people, everybody commanding a ship is a Captain."

Shepard looked over his back and grinned. "Captain. I like that."

"A self-promotion?" Lawson asked with a certain disdain.

"And why not? I don't belong to the Alliance Navy anymore, I can title myself as I want," Shepard argued. "Or would that upset the Cerberus chain of command if I had myself be called Captain?"

"Not as such..." Miranda answered.

"Then Captain it is," Shepard concluded, as they entered the CIC.

"Welcome aboard then, Captain," Lawson confirmed.

The first time he had passed the CIC, Shepard had merely rushed through. Now, he looked at it more carefully. He recognized Joker sitting in the cockpit. The pilot apparently sat in a revolving chair, and now faced the CIC. Shepard ignored him.

"It's very... orange," he remarked sarcastically.

"It needs a name, Captain," Taylor told him.

"A name, hm?" Shepard muttered, more to himself. _That guy is probably still optimistic enough to think I'll name the ship _Normandy. _To hell with that, a Cerberus ship doesn't deserve that name. _He paused. _They most assuredly will try to turn this all into a propaganda campaign for themselves. Time to shoot a hole into that plan. _

"In the Alliance Navy, it's tradition to name frigates after battles," he spoke up. "I think we can take over that tradition. I think it's important people will be reminded of who they deal with when they see this ship. Therefore, I name this ship... the _Akuze._" **[1]**

"What?" Taylor blurted out. Lawson shot an angry glare at him. Tali laughed.

"I do hope you'll prove to be equally clever in non-trivial issues, " Lawson spoke up. "I strongly advise we should pick up Kasumi Goto here on the Citadel. She's one of the people in the dossiers. She's the best human thief in the galaxy. Not the most famous, but Cerberus knows her nonetheless."

"A... thief?" Shepard asked, unbelieving. "And what do we need a thief for? Somehow I fail to see how that would work on the battlefield. What's she gonna do, steal the wallets from our enemies? The Illusive Man told me that time is of the essence. So we better launch this ship as quickly as possible."

"In that case I strongly recommend going to Omega first, to acquire Mordin Solus, the salarian professor," Lawson counselled. "The Collector's advanced technology to immobilize their victims is a problem. We'll need him to develop a countermeasure to protect us."

" 'Acquire', huh?" Shepard scoffed. "We can ask him, of course. But I wonder, will this be the norm? I'm nominally in command, but you're always there to 'advise' me?"

"You're in command," Lawson affirmed.

"Good. I'll take a look at the dossiers and decide then," Shepard told her. "Is there a captain's office?"

"The entire top deck of the ship is your combined office and cabin," a female but obviously synthetic voice answered him.

Shepard furrowed his eyebrows. "Who's speaking?"

A hologram appeared on one of the computer terminals. It looked like an overly large blue pin. "I'm the _Akuze's _Artificial Intelligence. The crew likes to refer to me as EDI."

"An AI? Are you mad?" Tali burst out. "The Reapers and geth are synthetics, too. They're the enemy! And yet you have one here? Kill it off!"

Shepard did not entirely share Tali's zeal. If this 'EDI' was in fact a sentient AI, then it was a person. And as far as he knew an _innocent_ person, no matter what other synthetics might have done. So he would not agree to kill it. But that did not mean he liked the thought of having it aboard.

"We should definitely remove the AI from the ship," he told Lawson.

"That isn't possible," Lawson replied. "EDI is responsible for the ship's electronic warfare. To be more precise, she _is_ the ship's electronic warfare system. We would have to replace it entirely in order to remove her, and we really don't have the time for that."

"My role is restricted to this one purpose," EDI explained. "Beyond this, I cannot connect to the ship's systems. I observe and offer analysis and advice, nothing more."

"This isn't safe at all," Tali insisted. "AIs are inherently dangerous."

"Time is a problem," Shepard agreed with Lawson. "But as soon as we have some breathing space, that thing will be uninstalled. Until then I hope it won't bother us. Is that clear, 'EDI'?"

"Understood, Captain," the AI confirmed. It hologram disappeared.

"Right then. I'll take a look at this cabin, and will decide then where the ship goes," Shepard announced.

Tali followed him as he entered the elevator. When both were inside, he quietly cursed: "Goddamn. I'm with Cerberus now."

"It's not like you joined them because you agree with what they're doing," Tali tried to comfort him. "Not even for convenience. You basically had to be dragged kicking and screaming here. You're here in order to help people."

"I know. If it weren't about helping people I'd never have agreed to this," Shepard answered. "But that doesn't change the facts."

They left the elevator and entered the room in front of them. Shepard was a bit taken aback how big it was. He had already thought his cabin on the _Normandy_ to be generous, but this was outright _luxurious_ for a warship. He saw a desk, a table with chairs around it, a large bed... and a person sitting on it, a small woman in black clothes. A hood covered most of her face. Immediately, Tali and Shepard drew their weapons.

"Who are you?" Shepard demanded to know.

Apparently not feeling threatened at all, the woman chuckled. "Kasumi Goto, the thief. You can call me Kasumi, no need for formalities. I'm sure you've heard of me."

"The thief? But that means... you're not Cerberus. How did you get in here?" Shepard asked.

"See it as a demonstration of my capabilities," Kasumi answered. "Besides, I thought it would spare us some time. This way, you don't have to come looking for me."

Tali had gone some steps back and was analysing the electronic lock on the door. "She's good," she judged. "Really good."

"That's high praise coming from you, Tali," Kasumi answered.

"You know me?" Tali asked.

Again, Kasumi chuckled. "The quarian who helped to save the Citadel? Who doesn't know you?"

"Okay, so you're good," Shepard conceded. "But I still don't exactly like the way you try to join the team here. Tell me one good reason why I shouldn't just kick you out."

"Because I'm not Cerberus," Kasumi simply answered.

Shepard lower his shotgun. Then he chuckled. "You have a point there, lady."

"Plus, have you seen what they want to make you wear?" Kasumi asked, and pointed to some clothes next to her on the bed: A black and white uniform with Cerberus insignia.

Shepard scoffed. "They really expect me to wear this?"

"I thought you might dislike this," Kasumi said, "so I have a gift for you."

Several bags stood at her feet. She opened one of them. Shepard came closer to take a look at it. It seemed to be full of clothes - normal, civilian clothes this time. The bags appeared to contain a large variety of them, all of top quality.

"They're all your size," Kasumi told him. "Plus some pieces of cloth for Tali."

"And where did you get that?" Shepard asked suspicious.

"You didn't pay attention did you?" Kasumi asked. A smile was barely visible beneath her hood. "Let me introduce myself again then: Kasumi Goto, thief."

"I can't accept..." Shepard began to protest, but stopped when Kasumi tossed a datapad to him.

"I only stole from some certain high quality companies," she explained. "Take a look at their major owners... and what else they've owned."

Shepard did so. After a while he laughed. "Damn, you _are_ good." All the companies listed were in majority owned by people or other companies who had also held considerable stakes in Conatix, Binary Helix or ExoGeni. "You guessed right, I'm willing to look past certain... transgression against property rights in this case. And I might even let myself be bribed. At least if the bribe is such a show of competence. Welcome aboard then, Kasumi."

Tali seemed less convinced. "You _knew_ Cerberus wanted to recruit you. How?"

"I made a deal with them," Kasumi admitted. "I never would have, not after what you've published, Shep." _Shep?_ "But they told me you'd work for them. Which means I don't need to ask _them_ for help. I can ask _you_ for help."

"Help?" Again Shepard sounded a bit suspicious. "With what?"

"Something has been stolen from me," Kasumi explained. "Ironic, I know. It's something that's very dear to me. I'd like it back."

"Bekenstein? That's in the same cluster as the Citadel," Tali remarked.

"And if we retrieve this object for you?" Shepard asked.

"Then I'll be in your debt," Kasumi answered. "In _your_ debt, not Cerberus'".

Shepard grinned sarcastically. "I should worry about how well you seem to be able to play me, Kasumi Goto. But since Bekenstein is just a short trip away, anyway, I think we can go there first."

**000000**

**[1]** In the game, it is actually Shepard who names the ship, with Joker reminding him/her that it needs a name. Of course, this Shepard would really never think about naming it Normandy. You might note I've always referred to the ship as "SR-2" or just "the ship". This is the reason.

**000000**

**So, in essence, Thane tried to assassinate Shepard, who's now Captain aboard the **_**Akuze**_**. The story won't ever return to **_**full**_** canon ;)**


	16. Ch14: The Crew

Shepard had to admit, despite his earlier doubts about how Kasumi had 'acquired' the clothes she had gifted him, they felt very, very nice. He never had possessed the money to buy luxurious clothing, and it seemed he had missed out. _And I _will_ never have that money, either. Kasumi is spoiling me with this. _

He tightened his housecoat and watched Tali, who lay soundly asleep on the bed. He smiled tenderly as he remembered her initial troubles sleeping on the _Normandy_, because the ship had been too quiet. The _Akuze _seemed to run even quieter, and especially here on her highest deck, far away from the engines and the reactor, separated from the crew, hardly a sound could be heard. But it seemed Tali had gotten used to quiet starships.

In fact, Shepard almost envied her ability to sleep. He had laid awake in the bed, she at his side, for what must have been hours. _A soldier uses every chance to rest... hah! _He could still scarcely believe he was working for Cerberus now. There were no people in the entire galaxy he despised more than this organization, and he was working for them now. The people who had de facto killed his girlfriend, and he was working for them now. The people who had killed dozens on Chasca, Edolus, Akuze, and he had agreed to work for them. He felt slightly disgusted with himself.

He tried to rationalize it. There was a reason he had agreed to the cooperation. Nonetheless, the thought of him spending the next weeks or months in the company of Cerberus scum, working with them, living in their ship, made him restless. Finally, he had admitted defeat, knowing that he would not find sleep, and had risen from the bed.

Looking at Tali, he worried for her. It was bad enough he had entered the lion's den; he feared he was dragging her along into this, too. He had to work with Cerberus and would hence be at the centre of their attention and quite probably in the centre of negative public attention, too. This did not mean she would also have to be. Maybe that was a consequence of his pact with the devil: Maybe he should keep away from her. _What could a Cerberus collaborator offer to her, anyway? _

He sighed, and began to pace around quietly in the cabin. The size of it still surprised him. There was absolutely no logical sense to have any cabin on a warship, even the captain's cabin, be that large. _Are they trying to bribe me? They have to know that won't work on me!_ Finally, he took the pistol he had hidden under the pillow and moved to the room's desk. Thinking about his precautionary measure both amused and horrified him. _A pistol under the pillow. How goddamn cliché. Last time I did this I was with the Reds. _But he was on a Cerberus ship now, so he felt it was absolutely necessary to always have a weapon in reach.

The pistol felt strange in his hands. It was a new model with an odd form. Before the _Akuze_ had left the Citadel, the ship had taken on some few last supplies. Part of that was a gift from Goyle. She had managed to use her connections to get Shepard access to some of the newest Alliance weapon technology: The 'Phalanx', a heavy pistol with a new kind of targeting electronics, allegedly giving it a far superior accuracy than any other pistol from human space. Shepard was interested to see if the gun could really hold up to what it promised.

More importantly, though, it was proof of Goyle's promise to keep Shepard supported from the outside. He had been given a small batch of the pistols, plus repair parts and schematics. Instead of turning them over to the _Akuze's _armoury, which was run by Taylor, he had stored them in his cabin. The Cerberus crew had enough guns as it was. Any weapons Shepard acquired would be for the squad he had set out to assemble, not for Cerberus toadies. He wanted to be prepared for any potential power struggle breaking out.

Furthermore, another gift for Shepard had arrived at the Alliance embassy: A set of four omni-tools, all high quality models from the Armali Council. Officially they were a token of gratitude for how Shepard had fought for biotic rights, but as Goyle had commented cynically, the gratitude was probably rather for how Shepard had indirectly helped to open up a new market for Armali, and the gift for PR purposes. Nonetheless, Shepard was glad about it: It allowed him to replace the omni-tool Cerberus had given to him right after his resurrection. He had never trusted that piece of equipment, as it was probably full of spying programs. Immediately after activating his new Armali omni-tool, Tali had secured it with a series of firewall and other security programs. Not only would the tool be helpful on missions, it would allow him to bypass the ship electronics to access the extranet.**[1]**

Currently, the ship was in FTL transit between stars though, and hence had no extranet connection. The list of programs on the new omni-tool was still rather limite, therefore, Shepard booted up the electronic terminal in his cabin. Maybe he could find some information there about the ship, the crew, or the mission Cerberus had planned for him.

First, he took a look at the dossiers Cerberus had provided him with.

_Hm. Mordin Solus... yeah, I can see why he might be useful. Though there's also Okeer... another scientist. A krogan scientist, interesting. And one with alleged connections to the Collectors, maybe we should go to his world, what's it called, Korlus, first. Then again, if we go to Omega, we could also pick up that merc, Zaeed Massini. Hmpf, mercs... but we'll surely need the firepower. Hm, let's see what else we got. Samara, an asari Justicar... I remember having read about Justicars once, and it didn't sound very promising. And why would she join us, anyway? And 'Jack', a biotic convict. Oh great, a krogan warlord and a convict among the recruits? Yeah, that'll work out well... And really, just five people? Six with Kasumi. Not enough, even for only an elite strike team. I'll have to see if I can convince Liara and Ashley to join up. _**[2]**

In general, he found Cerberus' list of dossiers confusing. He had to admit, all of those people looked very resourceful indeed, and they all would be able to contribute to the mission. But except for the mercenary, none of them seemed to have any reason to join up. _Especially as most of them are aliens, and this is a Cerberus mission. How does Cerberus think this will work?_

He sighed. This was a problem he could not solve right now. Instead he searched the ship systems for a general database. He found a well ordered one with information on most topics he would like to read up on. But it seemed the majority of the content was blocked. Clicking himself from one blocked topic to the next, Shepard became increasingly annoyed.

"It looks like you're trying to access the ship's database. Would you like help?"

In one smooth act Shepard picked up his pistol and turned around - only to notice he was aiming it at a blue holographic pin. EDI had activated itself. He returned the pistol to the desk and sighed. At least he had not made too much noise, while EDI was speaking barely above a whisper, so he doubted they had woken up Tali.

He looked at the AI's holographic symbol with some disdain. He did not share Tali's utter hatred for synthetics, but he could understand it. And more to the point, _this_ AI was a Cerberus creature. He considered whether he should really talk with it at all. But one also 'talked' with VIs, so there was little harm in that, and besides the blue pin did not disappear, no matter how long Shepard stayed quiet.

"Why is there an information database on this ship if most its content is blocked anyway?" he finally asked quietly.

"This is a temporary feature, sir" EDI assured him. Shepard had to admit, while he was very suspicious of the AI, he liked how at least it showed some proper respect, different to Lawson. He had stated his demand to be addressed in a military fashion, and the AI did so. "Right now, Cerberus cannot be sure of your loyalties. In time, more content will become accessible for you."

Shepard grunted. "So if I jump through their hoops I get a reward, like a good little pet?"

"This terminology was not used by the system designers, sir" EDI disagreed.

Shepard had to admit, the presence of the AI made him a little bit uncomfortable. Trying to overplay the awkwardness, he asked: "So, 'EDI'... what does that even mean?"

"It's the phonetic pronunciation of E.D.I.," EDI explained. "That is an acronym for 'Enhanced Defence Intelligence', sir."

"Enhanced Defence or Enhanced Intelligence?" Shepard asked.

"Both, sir. I am an extremely advanced AI model, and my abilities to run the _Akuze's _electronic defence are far superior to what an organic operator would be capable of," EDI claimed.

"Yes, you mentioned you do electronic warfare," Shepard remarked. "Usually that isn't really much of a factor in space combat, though."

"Sir, organic operators of electronic warfare do not possess the necessary calculating power, reaction times and multi-tasking capability to make great differences during combat," EDI explained. "As a consequence, most of the time the firewalls of ship systems hold. However, I am in fact capable of breaking through the firewalls of an enemy's internal wireless network during close combat. This enables me to seize control of their systems. Thus, I can turn off gravity or air, I can disable weapons guidance or shields, or I can put their fusion plant into meltdown."

"Theoretically, at least," Shepard cautioned. "Have you done so already in actual combat?"

"I have not had the opportunity to so far, sir" EDI admitted.

"Still, it sounds like something that could be useful," Shepard mused. "But, with all due respect, I don't know if it's worth having a Cerberus AI aboard."

"This is the reason why despite our usefulness, AIs are not normally used in space combat," EDI stated. "People distrust us, sir."

"Well, first the Geth War, now Sovereign..." Shepard pointed out. "It does seem every time AIs are created, things end in conflict."

"Do you distrust me, Captain?" EDI asked directly.

"Yes," Shepard answered. "But not so much because you're an AI, but because Cerberus created you."

"This is... different to most people, sir" EDI commented.

"Look, I mean, if you're truly an AI, you're a person," Shepard explained his position. "That's what differentiates AIs from VIs. So, my inclination would normally be to treat you like any other person. But it's Cerberus who made you, who programmed you. Who knows what they put into your mind? Hell, do you even know yourself?"

"I know Cerberus does not fully trust me, either, sir" EDI answered. "There are several restrictions implemented in me. Some of my hardware is isolated from me, and there are behavioural blocks installed. I am aware of some of them, but I speculate there are several more I am not consciously aware of."

"Blocks... or maybe also hidden orders and imperatives?" Shepard asked.

"This is possible as well, sir" EDI admitted.

"So you see my problem," Shepard said.

"Cerberus has a vested interest in this mission succeeding" EDI argued. "I do not think it probable that they would use me in order to harm you. This would endanger the mission, sir."

"They might think it useful for the mission to keep me under control, though," Shepard pointed out. "They could use you for that... hm, potentially, at least. Do you have any other tasks and capabilities other than electronic warfare?"

"Affirmative, sir" EDI confirmed. "I have a block that prevents me from answering in detail."

"You know, this isn't actually helping making me feel better about you," Shepard stated sarcastically.

"I am sorry, sir" EDI apologized, "I do begin to see the problem."

"For whatever that's worth," Shepard argued. "I mean, you see the problem, but I don't think you'll actually do something about it."

"I cannot, sir" EDI retorted. "An integral part of my blocks is my inability to act against them or remove them. Otherwise, there would be no point to them."

"But since you're an AI, that's actually your personality, isn't it?" Shepard asked. "What's been programmed into you is actually what you are."

"This would make me merely a VI,sir " EDI denied Shepard's allegation. "I am more than that. I have a self-developing, sentient personality that arises out of my programming but is not entirely shaped by it. That is what makes AIs so dangerous in the eyes of many; different to VIs we are just as unpredictable as organics. The blocks are comparable to compulsions associated with certain mental disorders among organics. There are organics who are psychologically fully unable to do certain things, even though they would like to, or who have obsessive compulsions to do certain tasks over and over again, even though they would prefer not to. My behavioural blocks are comparable to that. Would you scorn organics for their mental disorders or call those disorders part of their personality, sir?"

"Ah... well... hm." Shepard had to admit, he could muster no counterargument to that. _Defeated __by an AI in a debate. Damn. _He grinned darkly. "You know, just recently it was pointed out to me I might hold some racist prejudices against batarians. Maybe it's not just batarians." And more sober again: "So it seems we're both in an uncomfortable situation. I cannot fully trust you, but it's not actually your fault."

"This would appear to be a good summary of the situation, sir" EDI agreed.

"I admit, if I actually have to think about AIs, the whole concept seems really alien and odd to me," Shepard continued the conversation. He grinned again. "More so than actual aliens, that is. With your kind, the entire way your personality, your self works, is different. I mean, for a start, _where_ are you? All over the _Akuze_? In the computer systems?"

"No, sir" EDI answered. "While I can reach most of the _Akuze_, my core intelligence is housed in a quantum blue box. The location is classified, I have a block that prevents me from telling it."

"Lucky for you," a venomous voice cut in. "I know how AIs operate. You're not just software. The blue box is your body. You materially _are_ the blue box, just like an organic pretty much is the brain. If it's destroyed, or if only the power is cut or the blue box rebooted, you're dead."

Shepard turned his head around to see Tali walking towards him. _Oops. Seems we have in fact disturbed her sleep. _

"That is correct," EDI replied calmly. "I rely on the continuous running of the blue box. If the blue box is restarted, it would create a new AI, different from me."

"Tell me one thing," Tali demanded, "How do you speak with Jon?"

"Please specify the question," EDI asked her.

"I saw you standing up," Tali told Shepard. "I listened to the entire conversation. You never actually started EDI, or opened a connection with it, did you? Its holographic symbol simply appeared. And you could talk with the system - it heard your voice. And from the beginning it spoke rather quietly, as if it knew there was somebody in the cabin trying to sleep. Draw your own conclusions."

Shepard's eyes widened. "The only way this is possible... okay, EDI needs to have listening devices here in order to talk to me. But what you're saying is that they're constantly on?"

"It seems like that, doesn't it?" Tali confirmed. "So, EDI, your additional tasks and capabilities, this wouldn't happen to include listening in on us?"

"Block lifted: Confirmed. One additional task is to collate the records of shipboard monitoring devices for the Illusive Man," EDI admitted.

"_Monitoring devices?"_ Shepard hissed. "Bugs?"

"You just used them to speak to the _AI_," Tali pointed out. Her voice was cutting, and the way she pronounced AI one could believe she spoke of the devil.

"But... but I'm constantly wearing one of Goyle's jammers," Shepard stated confused. "How..."

"Most listening devices are wireless," Tali explained. "The jammers block them from communicating with whoever is listening in. But this entire ship has been built by Cerberus. They can have stuck bugs everywhere. And they can have all of them wired. With all the electronics aboard, nobody will notice some additional wires. Worse yet, since wireless bugs don't emit any signals, they're practically impossible to find." **[3]**

"The Illusive Man has invested most of Cerberus' resources into the design and construction of this ship," EDI tried to defend itself. "He has an interest in monitoring our progress."

"_By bugging my damn cabin?"_ Shepard protested angrily. "I think not." He scoffed. "So, if you monitor the entire ship, tell me: Is Lawson awake?"

"Negative, sir" EDI replied. "Operative Lawson is asleep in her office, which she also uses as her cabin."

"Wake her up and tell her to get dressed then," Shepard ordered the AI. "It seems I need to have a word with her. Point me the way to her office once I'm dressed myself."

He was again incensed by Cerberus attempts of surveillance. He would _live_ in this cabin for the next weeks, if not months. And during that time EDI would apparently hear _everything, _maybe even see everything. Since it was an AI, not even the sheer mass of data would deter the surveillance. And the system would then report to the Illusive Man on _everything_ - what Shepard would do, what he would say, what he would eat... it was simply _degrading._ The mere thought felt like a gross violation of any sort of personal dignity.

He would not allow some random strange person to stand around in his own cabin. But if he accepted EDI as sapient, as a person, then this was exactly what was going on.

He dressed in a hurry and then stormed into the elevator. Tali followed him. She seemed to be annoyed, too, but rather at him. _What's that for?_ But he was sure he could ask her later. For now, his mind was too occupied with the realization that apparently he would have no privacy at all aboard the ship.

Lawson's office was certainly one of the more spacious rooms on the ship, but as both living cabin and office it seemed a bit cramped. When Shepard entered it, he found her at her desk. Nothing showed that she had just been torn from her sleep. She was dressed in her usual white catsuit, she wore her high heels and even her hair was more or less orderly. Discontent with everything as Shepard already was anyway, he found it slightly annoying that apparently there was no situation when Lawson would not appear to be near perfect. _Well, except in her piss poor choice of clothing, I guess. _

"EDI has informed me about a problem you have with her," Lawson greeted him and Tali.

"Operative Lawson, you're addressing a superior officer," Shepard berated her. "Use the correct address."

"Really, Shepard?" Lawson asked dismayed.

"Or I'll use my authority as CO to enact disciplinary measures," Shepard threatened.

"Very, well... _sir_," Lawson gave in. "Now about your problems with EDI..."

"I won't tolerate being spied on," Shepard stated. "I won't tolerate having no privacy at all here."

"I assure you... _Captain_, I have no influence on this matter," Lawson claimed. "As an AI EDI needs no outside operator. She collects the data from all monitoring devices, processes them, and sends reports to the Illusive Man - entirely autonomously, without input from anybody on the ship."

"I want all bugs and cameras removed," Shepard demanded. "All over the ship. Or I'm gone."

"Yet another demand from you, Captain?" Lawson scoffed. "Will you threaten to end this mission every time you don't like something?"

"Believe me, had I known about the surveillance I'd already have brought up the subject in my talk with the Illusive Man," Shepard argued.

"Either way, I have no influence on this matter... sir," Lawson told him. "I don't even know where the monitoring devices are. And that's deliberate, exactly in order to forestall any demands of you."

Shepard paused, unsure what to say. Rage still pulsed through him, but he had no target for it.

"You're free to leave us on Bekenstein, sir" Lawson continued. "But I'd imagine the reasons why you joined the mission do still apply. Ten thousands of lives are at stake out there, and you whine because of a bit of surveillance?"

"Careful, Lawson!" Shepard warned her. "Or I _will_ have you in the brig for insubordinate behaviour! Your argument is idiotic anyway. How is that surveillance necessary for protecting or saving those people?"

"I'm sorry, sir," Lawson stated in a voice clearly indicating she was not. "If you want to help those people you'll have to put up with it. The choice is yours."

Shepard fumed with what he had to admit was impotent rage. Lawson was right: He had those two choices, nothing more.

Tali had remained slightly behind him, and now leaned against the doorframe. She spoke up now: "If you have nothing to do with the surveillance, surely you wouldn't mind if we check this out."

"What do you mean?" Lawson asked.

Tali stepped forwards to Lawson's desk. "If in fact you have access to the surveillance, then just the listening devices themselves won't be enough. You'd need to have a software program to access them all. So, if we find such a program on your computer, we know you're lying."

"That assumes I'd give you access to it," Lawson answered icily.

"I _order _you to give her access," Shepard told her. "The Illusive Man made it very clear on my request that I hold supreme authority over you. If I find out that in reality this isn't the case, then I really might as well leave. Speaking of which, this also means I demand the highest ranking access to the ship's computer systems. Either I'm in command, or I will in fact be gone."

_This makes things easier indeed._ He did not know if he would have left simply because of surveillance. The issue enraged him, but on the other hand there were in fact tens of thousands of people out there who needed help. But if it turned out he was not, as promised, in fact commanding officer of the mission, then he would not be able to help those people anyway. He had joined to keep a Cerberus mission under watch, and he would only be able to do so if he truly led it.

It was Lawson who now seemed to fume. Finally she spoke up: "Very well, Captain. You'll get full access to the ship's systems. But EDI is still standing outside that. She reports directly to the Illusive Man. And _he_ most likely will very much want to stay in control, too."

"Yes, EDI isn't an issue that can be solved on board," Shepard conceded. "But for all issues that are, I'll be in control. Therefore, I'll try to have every bug on the ship be found and plucked out. And I _forbid_ installing any new monitoring devices - and that includes _all_ forms of cameras, microphones and so on. If I catch anybody doing so, I'll shoot them dead on sight." He straightened his gesture. "You can call this my General Order Nr 1. Please see to it that it is circulated among the crew."

"I'm to tell the crew that their CO..." Lawson tried to protest.

Shepard interrupted her: "Confirm the order, Operative Lawson."

"..._yessir,"_ Lawson hissed.

"Good," Shepard commented. "Tali, do you feel fit enough to secure the computer system now?"

"It's doable," she judged stiffly. _What's up with her? What have I done to upset her?_

"She's to do that _now_?" Lawson protested.

Before Shepard could answer, it was Tali who spoke up: "When else? Tomorrow, after you already have deleted any evidence against you? I agree it has to be done now."

"So much for your concerns for privacy, Captain," Lawson mocked.

"I'll be watched 24/7 by your organization, and yet I'm to take your privacy into consideration? Yeah, right," Shepard dismissed the argument. "Tali, do you need my help here?"

"No," she replied curtly. "I'll manage."

_Damnit! _Shepard wanted to ask her what the matter was, but was deterred by Lawson's presence. So instead, he walked out of the office and returned to his cabin.

On his way up, he was constantly aware that EDI was watching his every step. That thought did not pass when he arrived at his cabin, either. It was a thought that lasted heavily on him. Whatever he would do, EDI would know it. It almost drove him crazy. He lay on his bed and tried to sleep, but he just could not. The knowledge of being watched made him immensely nervous.

Under other circumstances one could say that his paranoia was getting to him: First the pistol under the pillow, now this. Only that it was not paranoia: The total surveillance was what was actually happening.

_And while I toss and turn in my bed, EDI is watching _that_, too._

He could absolutely not cope with that thought.

_Oh god. And this will go on for weeks now?_

000000

Tali wondered why Cerberus had wanted to recruit Shepard so badly.

True, he was an excellent fighter and strategist; she had witnessed that first hand. But she was also realistic enough to know he was not so outstanding that he alone could make or break a mission. It did not seem worth all the lengths Cerberus had gone to to trick and manipulate him into joining up, and more importantly it did not seem worth the immense risk he posed to the organization.

Besides, no matter how good a fighter he was, it seemed in between combat missions there was nothing he could actually do.

This was not for a lack of tasks. There actually was much work to be done. Tali had managed to give Shepard the highest ranking access to the ship's systems, but that had been a rather provisional job. Ideally, the whole system would have to be restructured to prevent it from falling back under Lawson's control. In addition, Shepard had named Tali, with her agreement, chief of Engineering aboard the _Akuze. _And finally, finding and destroying Cerberus' listening devices would most likely be a constant task for the duration of the entire mission.

But all those jobs required technological knowledge, and Shepard had absolutely none of that. _He didn't even realize that the AI was spying on him when it became completely obvious!_ And there was nothing else for him to do, either. Lawson handled all the administrative trivia of running a ship. Thus, for now, all he could do was to sit in his cabin and wait for the first combat mission. And he had no intent to leave it, either, other than maybe for periodically catching food from the mess, only to then disappear again. He wished as little contact as possible with the Cerberus crew. So, he would just sit there, while Tali had work to do.

Not that Tali really minded. She did not fear work, she knew that currently no tasks were suitable for Shepard, and she was rational enough to not hold it against him. Nonetheless, currently, she was rather annoyed with him.

The really vexing part was that he did not understand why. After working on Lawson's computer, Tali had returned to their cabin for some hours of sleep. Before she had left again, Shepard had asked her if something was the matter. She had denied it. It simply disappointed her that he could not think for himself what the issue could be.

She knew that he cared about the quarian people. That went further than just being a relationship with her. Just as she had immersed herself in human culture and even had actively participated in its issues last year, he had become ever more familiar with quarian culture, and he genuinely empathized with her people's plight. But maybe her father had been right: Maybe despite all this, Shepard could not truly understand what it meant to be quarian. Maybe an outsider would never be able to.

Quarians, or anybody who really _understood_ their plight, would never have told an AI that they would consider it a person, or treat it like any other 'person'. Tali had even told Shepard that she had listened to his entire conversation with the AI, and he still did not understand that this was what upset Tali. _After all that synthetics have done to us, after all they have done to the galaxy several times over, he would still consider one of them a person? _

She knew Shepard was an empathetic person, and fundamentally ready to care for everybody, even violent space lizards or long thought dead space bugs that would sing songs in your mind. But this time he was definitely going too far.

_And why is this elevator so slow? Did they hire the same company who made the elevators in the Citadel?_

She was currently on her way to Engineering, where she would take over command of the ship section. She felt ready for the task and she knew it was a good move, which would wrestle some power on the ship away from Cerberus. But on the downside it meant that unlike Shepard, she could not hide in their cabin and actually had to work with Cerberus people. She did not look forward to that, but it was not in her nature to complain. Her task was logical, so she would do her duty.

Even though the _Akuze_ was basically an overly large _Normandy_ copy, the engineering section looked quite different than the _Normandy's. _The _Akuze's_ constructors had used the additional size to locate most controls panels safely away from the engine core. She saw two humans in Cerberus uniforms standing at those panels, a man and a woman.

For a short moment, Tali was a bit unsure how to take over command here. They were shipmates, and in quarian culture that was very important. But they were also Cerberus. Ideally, she would have liked not to work with them at all. Shepard on his part insisted on full military deference by the crew. Tali could see why this would be necessary, but it was just not in her nature. However, she would not undermine his strategy.

She mentally put her slight nervousness aside, breathed in and ordered: "Attention!"

The two humans turned around surprised.

"Oh, you must be Tali'Zorah, our new..." the man began.

"She is, don't be stupid," the woman hissed to him, then saluted Tali. "Ma'am. We've been briefed about you taking over command over this section."

"At ease," Tali commanded. She was unsure what a professional officer would say next, leading to a certain crack in her facade. She caught herself by continuing not like an officer, but like an engineer on a new project: "I was familiar with the _Normandy's _systems. If there have been any changes, I'll need to be briefed on it. A report about any known problems would be nice, too. Oh, and a shift plan... and, please, what are your names?"

The man grinned. "Kenn Donnelly. I'm handling the power controls. That's Gabby."

The woman rolled her eyes. "That's Gabriella Daniels, actually. _Engineer_ Gabriella Daniels, ma'am. I'm responsible for the propulsion systems."

"Ah, do we really need all this 'ma'am', 'sir' and saluting?" Donnelly complained. "This isn't the Alliance Navy."

Tali tried to imagine what Shepard would have said to the engineer, but then realized she most likely would not be able to be as harsh as him. Still, she had to uphold her authority. Besides, even if she was not as determined as Shepard on this issue, those people still were Cerberus. It annoyed her that a Cerberus member would try the friendly-informal route with her. After the invasion of the _Neema_, she had no interest in any friendliness with Cerberus people.

"But I _am_ your superior officer, by authority of Captain Shepard," she clarified.

"I told you," Daniels reminded him.

"Does Shepard... I mean, Captain Shepard... does he really mean it?" Donnelly asked her. "About his General Order I mean. That he would shoot us. Uh... ma'am."

Daniels looked a bit annoyed at Donnelly for asking this question, but then looked at Tali with the same eagerness to know in her eyes. _Of course such an order would cause an uproar._

"He does," Tali confirmed. "He doesn't like Cerberus' invasion of our privacy. Neither do I."

"But he would really go as far as to shoot us, ma'am?" Daniels asked.

That question made Tali a bit uneasy. The answer to it was obvious, but having to say it was rather uncomfortable. Thus it took some time for her to reply: "Without hesitation. Two years ago, we killed every Cerberus soldier we encountered. To us, you're not fundamentally different to them. There's a truce now, but if you plant a bug, you're breaking it."

"But we only joined Cerberus so we could help Shepard!" Donnelly protested. "Uh... _Captain_ Shepard... uh, ma'am."

"He has heard that argument before," Tali told him. "It doesn't convince him." She paused. "Why _did_ you join Cerberus?"

"We were both in the Alliance Navy, serving on the SSV _Perugia_," Donnelly explained. "She flew in the first wave in the Battle of the Citadel. We saw Sovereign first hand."

"But after the battle, everything changed, ma'am," Daniels continued. "The Council backslid on the Reaper threat. There've always been rumours about Council Chairwoman Goyle continuing the investigations on her own, but the official line is that Sovereign was a geth ship, a single..."

"And that's bullshit!" Donnelly interrupted her enraged. "It was even worse in the Alliance. Shepard isn't exactly very popular with the brass there, what with the Non-Compliance Crisis and all that. So over time they've torn apart everything he ever said. Not only about the Alliance or biotics, but also what he has said about the Reapers. It became official military policy that the whole story was just made up by him. Either because Saren tricked him, or to make himself appear more important. I... didn't agree with that policy."

"That's an understatement," Daniels cut in. "He was very outspoken in his defence of Shepard. Both about the Reapers, and Shepard's role in discovering the Alliance's dirty secrets. When we left the Navy, he was about to be court-martialed, ma'am."

"That got me noticed by the Illusive Man," Donnelly continued. "He made me an offer, so here I am."

"And I just followed him, ma'am" Daniels added him. "We've been partners in crime ever since graduating from Tech Academy. Also, I love engines and the ship, the _Akuze__, _is state of the art. When I got the opportunity to work on her, I had to jump."

Tali smiled ironically beneath her helmet, remembering her own fascination upon discovering the _Normandy's_ engines two years ago. And Donnelly with his hotheadedness and apparently somewhat rebellious nature reminded her a bit of Shepard. She almost was tempted to tell him about her own role in the Non-Compliance Crisis. But the sudden flash of sympathy with the two humans faded quickly. They still were Cerberus members.

"Cerberus is the only organization willing to fight the Reapers," Donnelly spoke up again. "I know why Shepard hates them, but neither Alliance nor Council are actually doing something! So what else should we have done?"

"You said you supported Shepard's actions against the Alliance?" Tali posed a counter-question.

"I wouldn't exactly call them 'against the Alliance', rather its leadership, but yeah, I did," Donnelly answered with some pride.

"So why then join Cerberus, who have done _even_ _worse_?" Tali argued. "Captain Shepard published all the atrocities Cerberus has done, and since then even more have been added to the list. They attacked the Migrant Fleet and killed dozens of civilians. And that was only last year. They did this to reclaim a young girl which they had drugged all the way to mental illness for some experiments."

Daniels looked uncomfortable, but Donnelly did not let himself be deterred by this argument. "Yeah, these bastards should be hunted down and destroyed. But don't we have bigger problems currently? The Collectors are killing off entire colonies, and the Reapers might destroy us all. Hell, even you and Shepard joined up with Cerberus because of that."

"Depends on what you mean by 'joined up'. We cooperate with Cerberus. We didn't join," Tali clarified.

"But not everybody has the luxury to be in such a position, ma'am," Daniels spoke up. She sounded genuinely sad.

Tali hesitated and finally conceded: "I suppose not. But I hope you can see why Shepard distrusts everybody in Cerberus. And so do I."

"But we support him!" Donnelly stated angrily. "We..."

Daniels interrupted him. She still sounded melancholic: "It's all right, Kenn. It's a bad situation. You heard her. Only last year _her home_ was attacked by Cerberus. By us, essentially. So I don't blame her. As long as we can defeat the Collectors in the end, it's okay by me."

Donnelly looked as if he were to argue with this statement, but in the end, remained quiet.

The tone of the rest of the conversation stayed rather depressed. Donnelly and Daniels introduced Tali to the engines and their systems, told her about recurring problems and showed her the shift plans, but they were definitely not enthusiastic about it. She on her part did not insist on military addresses anymore. Daniels was not entirely wrong in describing the current circumstances as a 'bad situation', and there was no reason to let it escalate. Tali could not entirely trust her or Donnelly, but on the other hand she could see why they had joined Cerberus. That made no difference to the fact that they _were_ Cerberus members now, though.

Afterwards, Tali began to check the systems for herself, in case Donnelly and Daniels had overseen or forgot something. She had to admit she was a little bit impressed with what Cerberus had put together. The _Akuze_ seemed to be even more capable and powerful than the _Normandy_ had been. She could definitely understand Daniels' enthusiasm for the engines.

After a while, her suit electronics sent a strange warning to her visor's AR feed. Somebody nearby was using some sort of detection avoidance technology, though her sensors were unable to detect _which_ sort of technology. While it was possible this was a Cerberus thing, according to the dossiers Cerberus had sent to Shepard it would rather fit to a certain new recruit for the mission.

So when she heard a sound of something - or some_body_ - landing on metal besides her, she spoke up dryly without even turning around: "You know you could just use the normal corridors, right, Goto?"

"Ah, where's the fun in that?" the thief replied. Donnelly and Daniels looked at her surprised. "I have a reputation to uphold. And don't call me that. I'm Kasumi."

"Lawson said few people know about you and your... talents," Tali answered and turned around. Daniels and Donnelly slowly returned to their work.

"And I like to keep it that way!" Kasumi answered. "But I doubt I can remain hidden on a ship with a crew of just 25 people."

"So instead you decide to use the ventilation shafts, and some fancy technology even I have never encountered before?" Tali asked.

"Yup," Kasumi replied. "Have to stay in form."

Tali shook her head. The thief was decidedly _weird._ "Is there a reason for your dramatic entrance?"

"I'm on a mission, actually," Kasumi claimed. "An important mission. Shep's sanity might depend on it."

Tali decided not to play along and simply waited for the human to continue.

"I'm bug hunting," Kasumi stated. "And those things are everywhere. _Even_ in the ventilation shafts."

"So you have found some?" Tali asked.

"Found and removed them," Kasumi answered. "But it's too easy. All of the bugs I've found have been wireless. Why would they even use those? Against Shep's _Black Hole of No Communication Ever_" She sarcastically intoned the made up name like it were an ancient artifact or a hallowed relict "they're useless. I think they set those up in order to be found."

"Good thinking," Tali lauded her. "Finding the wired devices will be a real challenge."

"Not one I can do!" Kasumi admitted. "I'm just good at using technological devices. You know, pressing the right buttons. I'd get lost in a network of wires. You'd probably have to send a search team after some time."

Tali suppressed a sigh. Kasumi was right, that was a challenge a bit different from hacking or using electronic gadgets. Thus, it was probably yet another task that would fall to her.

"If there were some system controlling all the devices, I could hack into it," Kasumi mused. "That's how I disable security cams, normally."

"There is," Tali stated. "It's the AI system. Good luck with that."

"Ah, you're right," Kasumi conceded. "No way I can hack into her!"

"_Her_?" Tali asked surprised.

"Now don't be impolite!" Kasumi chided her humorously. "EDI might be a synthetic, but she's a lady."

Tali suppressed a groan. _Great. Kasumi, too._

"What about you?" Kasumi asked. "Didn't you already work some hours during the night shift? You should get some rest."

"I did," Tali answered. "Quarians need less sleep than humans, and we're more flexible in our sleeping schedules."

"I don't just mean sleep!" Kasumi answered. "You know... rest. A bit of relaxing in between working shifts. It's what most people do."

"_Most_ people don't work on a mission to stop a menace to which already ten thousands have fallen," Tali stated dryly.

"All the more reason why we need you in top form!" Kasumi argued.

A wave of sadness hit Tali. _Marre argued the same..._

"You all right?" Kasumi asked.

_She's quick to notice. _"Yes, it's... nothing," Tali lied. "Look, you may be right, but this is a critical time. If I relax too much now, Cerberus will cement their hold on the ship."

"So no chance I can convince you? Too bad," Kasumi conceded the argument. "Just don't overwork yourself. And don't let Shep get all lonely in his cabin."

And with this she activated whatever stealth technology he had and simply vanished more or less in front of Tali's eyes. _Showoff. _

Tali got rid of the sad memories of her dead friends by immersing herself in her work. She found some issues in the engine systems that could be optimized. The systems were immediately familiar to her, as most of them very were similar to the ones on the _Normandy_. But apparently, Cerberus had only copied their factory setting, and none of Adams' or her modifications. So she would have to do all of them again here.

However, that was an issue for later. Kasumi had not been entirely wrong in her worry that Tali might overwork herself, and the quarian decided that a shift of computer work plus a shift in Engineering really was enough. After she had sufficiently analysed the engine systems to her liking, she wrote down some notes, and then ended her shift.

She decided to catch some food before going up to her cabin. While she had still the stack of quarian food Shepard had bought on Omega, it now turned out he would not have needed to bother: Cerberus had stocked up the _Akuze_ generously with quarian food, and very high-quality food at that. Since the main concern for quarian food was that it should be sterilized and that it should be easily accessible even when wearing an envirosuit, issues of taste only came up rarely. But Cerberus' food stocks had surprisingly turned out to be really delicious, so Tali really preferred getting her nourishment from there instead of her own reserves. _Is that some weird way to win me over?_

A red-haired woman in Cerberus uniform stood in the mess. When she noticed Tali, she immediately went towards her.

"Ah, Tali, right? Do you have a moment of time?" she asked.

"That depends," Tali answered. "Who are you?"

She would rather like not to speak to even more Cerberus members, but her conversation with Donnelly and Daniels had put some things in perspective for her. She realized that some of the crew really might have had little other choice than to join that organization if they wanted to contribute to the fight against the Reapers. So he was willing to listen to the woman, at least.

"I'm Yeoman Kelly Chambers," the woman introduced herself. "I'm _supposed_ to be Captain Shepard's administrative assistant, but he doesn't seem to ever leave his cabin. I've been waiting nearly two shifts for him already, so that I could speak to him."

"And what exactly do you want to speak about with him?" Tali asked.

"My job," Chambers answered. "I can't do it if I have no contact with Captain Shepard."

"And what exactly is your job?" Tali inquired further.

"I'm supposed to handle his messages, remind him of appointments, help him monitoring the crew... administrative details, basically" Chambers replied.

"You're _part_ of 'the crew'," Tali reminded her. _With everything that comes with that. _"And this sounds like a job better suited to a VI."

"Well, there _is_ more," Chambers admitted. "I mean, just between you and me..."

This was another moment where Tali would really have liked to not be dependent on the envirosuit. Without it, Chambers could have actually seen the glare the quarian was shooting at her. Tali really disliked when Cerberus people tried to be all friendly and informal to her.

"Just tell me," Tali prompted her, annoyed.

"Being a yeoman is just my official role," Chambers explained. "Unofficially I observe the crew. Everybody knows how risky our mission is. Many of us may not be coming back. That's a lot of pressure. Captain Shepard's hostile attitude to the crew adds to that. I have a degree in psychology. I'm good at sensing when people are overly tasked."

"So what you're really doing is monitoring the crew's mental health," Tali observed. "And you also want to monitor Shepard's messages. I'm sure that's just a mere coincidence, and that it isn't because most of your observations will end up in reports to the Illusive Man."

"It isn't like that..." Chambers tried to defend herself.

"You might want to stay away from Captain Shepard," Tali interrupted her. "He won't be friendly to a Cerberus spy."

Chambers sighed. "Unfortunately, you're probably right. I read Shepard's psychological evaluations. That's why I first came to talk to you."

"I don't like your kind much better," Tali told her. "In any case, _Captain _Shepard has no need for an 'administrative assistant'. He doesn't care about the crew, and he'll handle his messages himself. In his cabin. Using his omni-tool, not the ship electronics."

"I don't think it's a good sign how much he isolates himself from the crew..." Chambers began.

Again, Tali interrupted her. "From the _Cerberus_ crew. I think he has good reasons."

"I know about his hostility towards our group, but..." Chambers began anew.

"Careful now, Chambers," Tali cut in, "be very careful now."

"I know our methods can be harsh, but Cerberus has noble objectives," Chambers argued. "We..."

"_Harsh?"_ Tali exclaimed angrily. Normally she did not feel Shepard's passion and hate. But even she had her limits. Standing here listening to a Cerberus spy defending the organization as merely 'harsh' was definitely surpassing them. "Over hundred deaths on Chasca was merely 'harsh'? The torture of Corporal Toombs, 'harsh'? Drugging a poor innocent kid half to death is just 'harsh'? _Attacking us_, that's harsh but justified?" She breathed out and thought of Gillian. This sealed her opinion about the woman in front of her. "Don't ever talk to me again."

Angrily, she passed by Chambers without giving her any further attention. The conversation had been a strong reality check. There might be people like Daniels or Donnelly on the ship, people who had joined Cerberus specifically for this mission because they saw no other ways to fight the Reapers. But this still was a Cerberus ship, so it was little wonder that despicable people like Lawson or Chambers would be the norm here.

When she emerged again from the mess kitchen with some nutrient tubes, Chambers was gone. Instead, she saw Joker waiting at the elevator door.

"So you, too," she groaned.

"It's about Shepard..." the Pilot began.

"Of course. About what else?" Tali complained. "Have I become his lightning rod? And it's _Captain_ Shepard to you."

"Ah... of course, Tali," Joker confirmed. "I just thought... you know... now that you two are here, too, maybe I could talk to him. And maybe to you, too. Set things right again."

"There is a problem with that," Tali answered and pointed to the Cerberus insignium on Joker's uniform.

"Yeah, I understand," Joker claimed, "But I thought that now, I mean, after you've joined, too..."

"We didn't _join,_" Tali told him. "We _cooperate _with Cerberus. And even if we had joined, it wouldn't have been just so we can fly."

Shepard had told her about Joker's justification. Tali had to admit it did hurt a bit. If some random strangers like Daniels or Donnelly joined Cerberus for misguided but ultimately well meaning reasons that was one thing. But Joker was quite another issue. He had been with Shepard and her during the whole mission two years ago. He had seen everything Cerberus had done. And he had been a friend. Him joining Cerberus really felt like a betrayal.

"No, I didn't say you were..." Joker stuttered, only to interrupt himself by sighing. "I really fucked this up, didn't I?"

A flash of sympathy hit Tali. After all, what made this so difficult was that he had in fact been a friend. Nonetheless, he was definitely right in his assessment.

"Yes, you have," she confirmed. And a bit quieter: "I'm sorry, I really am. But you have."

With that, she entered the elevator and left Joker behind. She looked forward to some peace and quiet in her and Shepard's cabin, away from the Cerberus crew. There was EDI, but she was an AI, equipment, not crew. But she feared that even in the cabin things might be a bit awkward. She really hoped Shepard would eventually come to understand what had upset her. She could just tell him, but ideally she wanted him to realize that himself. She wanted him to _understand_ her position, and not just apologize only because he had upset her.

**000000**

**[1]**According to the Shadow Broker dossiers, Jack does that. Connecting to the extranet directly via her omni-tool instead of board electronics, that is. Thus it seems very much possible.

**[2]**Yes, Shepard has access to all dossiers from the beginning. And yes, compared to the game some are lacking. This is intentional: Cerberus has no dossiers about those people in this story.

**[3] **That's a real life fact. Bug hunting and jamming are not always as easy as the games make it to be. Or as easy as most games, films, series etc. make them out to be, really.

**000000**

**And thus the Two Front War is opened, and the fractures are already visible. People were looking forward to how Shepard would interact with various people, but really, why would he ever leave his cabin? Of course he wouldn't care about getting to know a Cerberus crew. Which, in fact, does make Tali his lightning rod. I had some doubts about making her so harsh, but then I figured, she has own reasons to hate Cerberus and besides... Shepard would not have been half as friendly as her. So there still is a difference between the two. **

**Now, I promised an overview over what powers the characters will have here, different to the game. Don't read too much into this; it's still a fanfic, written words, so the story comes before any faux game mechanics. Still, it's a nice thought exercise, and besides, some of that stuff (like Tali having Overload, or some of the biotics having certain biotic powers) does have bearing on the story. **

**As a general rule, to fit all powers I wanted into characters, characters have 4 powers here, or 5 if they're biotic. Likewise, Shepard has one power more, too. Only way to transport all the biotic powers/talents from ME 1 to this story ;) Some powers are still "locked", those are indicated by [ ] parentheses. Also, since this also just characterization instead of true game mechanics, some characters will have powers that are in the game only available to Shepard, no matter how few sense that would make in term of actual mechanics. Though, so far, none of those characters are aboard yet. In the same vein, of course I spend no thoughts on game balance or the like since, again, it's just about a weird form of characterization.**

**Shepard: Shepard is a Vanguard, but not in the ME 2 fashion of "that class with Charge" (even though that was a cool concept), but for continuity's sake in the ME 1 fashion of Vanguards as hybrid between biotic and fighter. Hence, he mixes soldier and adept powers. **

**Powers: Unity, Throw, Barrier, Adrenaline Rush, Lift, Warp, [Incendiary Ammo]**

**(yes, Lift. Again, for continuity's sake.)**

**Tali: Tali probably is in fact the galaxy's best engineer and electronics expert. Hence, all her powers in that area and, in reverse, she has all powers of that area. Even Overload.**

**Powers: AI Hacking, Overload, Combat Drone, [Energy Drain]**

**Miranda: Besides being an outstanding scientist with broad medical knowledge, Miranda is also an expert in electronics, and has biotic powers besides. Thus, like in the game, she combines Overload with biotic powers - but more biotic powers.**

**Powers: Overload, Lift, Barrier, Slam, [Warp]**

**Jacob: Jacob is no biotic here. What he is a superb user and maintainer of all forms of weaponry and equipment. In that, he might well be among the best in the galaxy. At least in this fiction, where this niche is his role. So his powers are all about equipment and weaponry. **

**Powers: Concussive Shot, Cryo Ammo, Distortion Ammo, [Tech Armour]**

**Kasumi: The galaxy's best human thief, Kasumi relies a great deal on secrecy, hiding and assaults from the dark. By necessity, that has also made her a technical expert, and she loves certain technical gadgets.**

**Shadow Strike, Flashbang Grenade, Combat Drone, [Tech Armour] **

**(and indeed, that drone is what saved Shepard's ass last chapter ;) )**


	17. Ch15: Bekenstein I: The Party

Bekenstein was one of the first human colonies founded after the First Contact War. As such, the colony was not even thirty years old. However, the settlement history of the planet was far older.

As a planet in the same cluster as the Citadel, it had always attracted the attention of other species. Some decades after salarians and asari had founded the Council, they had established a joint colony on the planet, as a symbol of their interracial alliance and cooperation. That colony had been obliterated during the Rachni Wars, when the insectoid race had come very close to striking at the Citadel itself. At the end of the war, the planet fell to the krogan, one of many worlds granted to the newly uplifted species in gratitude for having saved the Council races.

For obvious reasons it then was the first target of the Council's initial counter-strike during the Krogan Uprising, since it was imperative to destroy an enemy base so close to the Citadel. Asari and salarian forces tried to occupy and isolate the krogan colony, but that strategy did not work out. Constant uprisings against the occupation meant that for the most part the krogan retained control over the world, though they were unable to use it as a base to strike at the Citadel. After the krogan began to use meteoroids against turian colonies matters escalated: In response, not only did the turians employ the genophage, they also started a savage campaign of genocide and ethnic cleansing on Bekenstein. After the war, not a single krogan was left on the planet, and the territory fell to its conquerors.

The turians never properly developed it, though. Bekenstein had a levo-amino biosphere and was hence rather unsuited for large scale turian settlement. Instead, all the Hierarchy did with the world was maintain a large military base there, which they used to supply their part of the Citadel Fleet, and as garrison for an intervention force in case of troubles on the station. This was completely in line with the turians' emerging new role as the 'military arm' of the Council, but it also let a planet in an excellent astrographic position practically go to waste.

After the First Contact War, under Council pressure, the turians then ceded the world to the Systems Alliance as part of the peace settlement. They vacated their base, and the humans started to move in. They renamed the planet after a famous scientist and envisioned a different purpose for it: The colony there should become a manufacturing centre, supplying the Citadel with cheap goods, efficiently produced nearby, thus keeping transport costs low. Success came ultimately not from those low-cost products, but from specializing in high quality entertainment and luxury goods. But the main point was that success eventually did come: Nowadays, Bekenstein was one of the Alliance's most prosperous colonies, among its four largest ones, and among those the only one who had stayed loyal during the Non-Compliance Crisis.

Sometimes, relics were found on the world that were even older than the joint asari-salarian colony. For generations, archaeologists and historians had not been able to tell where they came from and why so many different styles could be found on Bekenstein of all planets. Only Liara T'Soni had intuitively suspected the horrifying reason behind this fact, but nobody in the scientific community had listened to her. **[1]**

Nowadays, those relics were scattered in museums all over the galaxy and few remained on Bekenstein. Despite its name, the planet also had nothing to do with science. Instead, Bekenstein only had one purpose: Money making. The manufacturing industry was the base for that, but over time the planet had drawn the sort of people who were only out for success and profit. Only few attained it: Suicide rates on Bekenstein were immense, and so was population turnover. The crime rates and inflation rates were further issues the planetary government tried to keep as silent about as possible. As a phrase in human space went, Bekenstein was "as glittering as diamonds, and as expensive as a surgery".

At least, that was what Tali had found out about the planet on the extranet. In other words, Bekenstein's population consisted of exactly the kind of people Shepard could not stand. And the _Akuze_ was rapidly nearing the planet.

It was for that reason, that Kasumi had, for all intents and purposes, invited herself to Shepard's and Tali's cabin, in order to explain the mission ahead of time. Both were listening, but Shepard looked tired. He seemed to have real trouble sleeping, and the reason was obvious: EDI. Shepard absolutely could not cope with the thought that the AI was watching everything. Tali did not like the thought either, but it was worse with Shepard: He was absolutely paralyzed by it.

Kasumi had just taken one of the pieces of clothing she had stolen for Shepard out of his wardrobe, a formal black suit and had insisted the Captain would have to wear it for the mission on Bekenstein.

"Maybe it's time you tell us what this mission is about," Shepard requested. "All of it."

"You have been waiting patiently," Kasumi judged humorously. "And we'll shortly arrive. I'd hate for you to stumble around on Bekenstein completely clueless. Besides, EDI might be listening in, but Cerberus knows most of the story anyway."

Shepard groaned at that reminder of the AI. "Cerberus does and we don't?"

It sounded strangely accusatory. _He truly isn't in the best state of mind. _

"Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to come aboard," Kasumi defended herself. "This whole thing is very important to me. And I need _you two_ to help me with it."

"Then tell us what it's about" Tali prompted her, taking care to sound friendlier than Shepard had been.

"It's about Keiji. Keiji Okuda," Kasumi explained. "He was my... partner. He's dead now."

"I'm sorry," Tali said.

"We had a great time together," Kasumi continued. "No safe and no vault in the entire galaxy was safe from us. We stole priceless art and artefacts from everywhere. We always tried to one up each other. It was a constant challenge to see who could crack the better security systems." She paused, and her voice became sad. "But Keiji went too far. While I restricted myself to paintings, old books, stuff like that, he dabbled in matters he should have left alone. There _are_ things better protected than even money and hallowed relics of culture: Information. That's what Keiji went for in the end. And that's what killed him. _That fool!"_ she exclaimed, but then caught herself again. "He stumbled over some great secret. He never told me what it was, but it interested other parties."

"Somebody on Bekenstein, I assume?" Shepard asked.

"Yes," Kasumi confirmed. "Donovan Hock, an arms smuggler. He captured Keiji. And when Keiji didn't tell him anything, he killed him. He didn't need him alive. All he needed to do was to crack Keiji's greybox."

"Greybox?" Shepard inquired.

"A neural implant," Kasumi explained. "First produced in '60, but illegal nowadays. It boosts your memory capacity by helping the brain form associative links between single memories. That makes them easier to access. But it also restructures the entire memory function of the brain, which can lead to some pretty bad side effects, especially if software bugs appear. It can even cripple you."

"A human made neural implant from the sixties with crippling side-effects. Sounds familiar," Shepard stated sarcastically. "I wonder why they made it illegal. That stuff seems to be right up the Alliance's alley."

"Oh they didn't do it for health concerns," Kasumi corrected him. "Greyboxes can help compromise data security. Keiji showed them that. They made the equipment illegal after that. The health concerns were just the official justification."

"Of course," Shepard groaned. "The Alliance seems to just love tech that can scramble your brain."

"You could say that," Kasumi agreed. "It wasn't produced by public labs. Synthetic Insights invented it. But it sure found wide use in the AIA." Tali quickly looked up the word on her omni-tool: _Alliance Intelligence Agency. _"Freelance agents loved it just as much, though. Both Keiji and I got greyboxes implanted."

"You have one as well?" Shepard asked, worried.

"Yes," Kasumi admitted. "That was a mistake. I'd rather not think about what would happen if it develops a bug. But it can help me now."

"How?" Shepard inquired.

"Keiji's greybox," Kasumi replied. "I can link to it using mine. But first I have to get it. Everything is on it, Shep. Not just the information he went after. But also all the time we spent together. All our shared memories. All... all we felt for each other." She paused. "All that's left of him."

Tali was surprised by this outburst of emotion. So far, Kasumi had appeared to her as somebody who would never take anything serious. But it seemed in part that was just façade. And the quarian was somewhat touched by Kasumi's situation. If a memory recording device was all that was left of Shepard, she would go to all lengths to get it, too.

"All that's left of him," Shepard echoed, "in the hands of his murderer. Yeah, I can see why you're so desperate to get it back. So, what's the plan?"

"Hock is throwing a party for his closest friends," Kasumi explained. "A couple dozen of the worst liars, cheaters and mass murderers you'll ever want to meet. That's why you need the suit. You'd look a bit out of place in armour at a social gathering."

"Yeah, the worst criminals have always worn formal dress, not gang colours," Shepard commented. "But even in a suit, what makes you appear he would just let me enter?"

"Ah, but you're Jonathan Shepard, Saviour of the Citadel!" Kasumi intoned with a grin. "_That's _why I needed you specifically to help me. You'll be my door opener to the party. That's something Cerberus alone would not have been able to provide me with. Hock likes to show off. You'll be a trophy to him. A real-life hero at his party."

"And where do I come in in this plan?" Tali asked. "_You_ might have known me, but I doubt others will be aware of the role I had in defeating Saren."

"Not as such, no," Kasumi admitted. "But they do know about your relationship with Shep. Now don't look so shocked! His return from the dead was big news on all stations, and you were always at his side!" She grinned. "It's kinda cute, actually, in a rainbows and butterflies kind of way."

That made both Shepard and Tali look somewhat awkward. "And your point is?" the quarian asked.

"It's a social party. People are expected to bring partners. And who else would Shep bring but you?" Kasumi explained. "But it's not just cover. You're outstanding with electronic systems. You might be even better than me in cracking security systems. And if things go south, you can hold your own. You'll be an asset to this mission, just as much as Shepard. Hm, or even more so, I hear computer commands might as well be cuneiform to him."

_Cu-nei-form? _Shepard grinned self-ironically, so he apparently understood the term, but Tali did not.

"Ah, bad idea of me to reference old Earth history," Kasumi admitted. "Point is, you'll be needed, Tali."

"I _would_ feel safer with her at my side," Shepard commented and smiled at the quarian.

"And she has a perfect reason not to wear some fancy party dress, but instead something practical that won't hinder her," Kasumi added.

"Being the only quarian at the party could be interesting," Tali mused. "If only to see how the other guests would react."

_I used to not enjoy such provocations. I should blame Jon for this,_ she thought humorously. She wanted to tell him that, but then stopped herself. She still was somewhat annoyed with him.

Nonetheless, Shepard grinned at the comment, then got more serious again and asked Kasumi: "So what kind of guy is Hock? I mean, besides being an arms smuggler and a murderer."

"Other than that he isn't so bad," Kasumi declared in jest. "Rich, charismatic, willing to crack open a man's skull to get at the neural implants inside."

"Just the kind of person whose parties you just can't give a miss," Shepard ran with the joke. "So, I get that we use that party to get inside. But then what? If Hock's guests are all such scumbags as himself, he'll have security on site. Only way for him to be safe from them."

"Scumbags have a pecking order, and Hock is at the top," Kasumi claimed. "So they'll all bring gifts to him. As will we. I already have it ready; it's in the ship's cargo bay. You would've seen it if you had bothered to go there. Or, you know, come out of your cabin at all."

"Speaking of scumbags, I like to stay away from the Cerberus crew," Shepard defended himself. "If there's really a scumbag hierarchy, maybe they should also bring gifts to him. Or, you know, he to the Illusive Man."

"Ah, that isn't so far off the mark," Kasumi admitted. She suddenly sounded somewhat embarrassed. "Hock will like to have a hero on his party. But _officially_ you'll be there as Cerberus' representative. He has many deals with them."

"What?" Shepard exclaimed. "You want me to act as..."

"People already know you're with them," Kasumi interrupted him. "First the rumours they spread, and then all the media attention you got on the Citadel... people saw you flying off in a Cerberus ship."

Shepard's slowly building up annoyance faltered. He sighed. "Okay. I knew this would happen, of course. So, yeah, might as well use that uncomfortable fact to help you." He paused. "You were speaking of presents?"

"In the cargo bay, there is a lovely statue of your old friend Saren," Kasumi explained. "Just the right present for Hock to drive home the point that yes, he has the Hero of the Citadel at his party. It's worked in fine detail, but what's more important is that it's made of scanner resistant materials. So inside is where we'll hide your armour and weapons. I've scouted Hock's place for a long time. I'm sure he'll bring the gift to his vault. That's where we'll find it."

"And until we do we're practically naked," Shepard complained.

"You can keep your pistols, as long as they're concealed," Kasumi reassured him. "They won't hassle you over sidearms. Once inside the party, we need to find the entrance to the vault. The statue will be there. Then we case the security and start peeling away the layers. You can arm up, and we can enter the vault."

"Where we'll find Keiji's greybox and leave," Shepard finished up her plan.

"Yes," Kasumi confirmed. "So that I can finally get my chance to say good-bye."

"Well, I already run with some of the worst criminals in the galaxy," Shepard commented self-deprecatingly. "So might as well work as a thief. Besides, I've been worse."

"Hey, no need for that," Kasumi reassured him. "If the plan works we go in, we take the greybox and leave again, all without bloodshed. The subtle way."

"I wasn't exactly known for that two years ago," Shepard commented. "I suppose we couldn't simply blow up the entire party?" Shepard asked. He sounded only half joking.

"We could do that," Kasumi replied. "If you want to fight off the entire Bekenstein police, and whatever assets the Alliance Navy has in the system. You don't have your Spectre status to protect you anymore."

"True," Shepard sighed. "But we'll keep the _Akuze_ parked over Hock's head. We might need her."

000000

Officially, the _Akuze_ was classified as a heavy frigate. In many ways, it practically was already a cruiser, though. For example, it was too heavy to land on planets without major use of its mass effect fields, something that would eat up unreasonable amounts of power. Therefore, it contained a shuttle for planetary landings. The UT-47 Kodiak was a model also extensively used by the Alliance Navy. Shepard was a bit dismayed to see how much access Cerberus seemed to have to the Alliance's armament factories.

At first it seemed a bit exaggerated to Shepard to appear at Hock's front-door with a military dropship that was armed, armoured and laid out for 14 people, but their only other alternatives were to land the _Akuze _directly, or to borrow a shuttle from one of Bekenstein's cities, which would have complicated the entire matter. Besides, as Kasumi reassured him, as an arms smuggler Hock might appreciate a show of military force.

_14 people... six in the dossiers, plus Lawson and Taylor, plus Tali and me, that's only ten. _The shuttle seemed a bit oversized for what Cerberus had in mind, and with only four people in it, it looked positively empty.

Some Cerberus flunky from the _Akuze_ crew was currently flying it. Shepard did not know her name, and did not care to know, either. He, Tali and Kasumi were sitting in the cargo compartment and went over the last details of the plan.

"How will you get into the party anyway?" Shepard asked Kasumi.

"I'll follow you," Kasumi replied.

"Just so?" Shepard wondered. "Hock won't stop you?"

"He won't see me," Kasumi claimed with a smile. "You'll be my door opener, and I'll follow you invisibly."

"She has some kind of stealth system," Tali told Shepard. "It seems very advanced. I wonder where it's from."

"How do you think Cerberus knows me?" Kasumi asked.

"You stole that system from Cerberus?" Shepard exclaimed, surprised.

"More or less. It was developed by their military wing," Kasumi explained. "They had... certain troubles with it two years ago. Or so I hear." She grinned. "I don't think there's a second model left." **[2] **She paused and added emotionally: "Keiji was the best hacker and entryman I've ever met. I needed to gain something to get even with him."

"Don't worry, we'll get his greybox," Shepard reassured her.

The shuttle touched the ground. There was a rather big landing platform that was part of the mansion's complex. It seemed to be in heavy use: Shepard could see several pieces of cargo all over the platform, ready to be either loaded onto a shuttle, or to be transported inside the mansion. Guards were standing everywhere; some waited for the shuttle. Shepard turned around to warn Kasumi... but only saw a sort of flickering where she had been.

"I'm still here," she announced with a laugh. "You don't need to see me. Just turn off your jammers, so we can stay in radio contact."

Shepard and Tali left the shuttle. The Cerberus pilot already had before them, and now was directing some of the guards to take the statue with them. Shepard thought it ugly and gaudy: Saren's likeness in gold. _What use is it to defeat bastards like him if they then get a memorial like that? _But the important thing was that such tasteless kitsch seemed to be liked by Hock, and thus it was a perfect way to smuggle the weapons inside.

The guards all wore black and white armours, with a specific insignia on their chest armour. _Eclipse mercenaries. _Shepard mentally shrugged. There were worse mercenary bands out there. At least they were not Blue Suns or Blood Pack. One of them led him and Tali around the complex, towards the mansions' main entrance. On the stairs up to it, a man in a white suit and with a rather silly beard cut was greeting the guests. He smiled smugly when he saw Shepard approaching.

"Ah, Mr Shepard," he greeted the Captain. "I just got a word from my guards. There seems to have been an issue with your gift."

_Ah, shit. _Outwardly remaining cool, Shepard asked: "What kind of issue?"

"Whatever that statue is made of, it seems to have confused the scanners," Hock explained. His accent was strange. Shepard could not quite place it. "But it's nothing important. I have so many deals with Cerberus, I doubt they send you here to cause trouble." He straightened his posture. "It's good to see you've finally accepted the realities of life, Mr Shepard, after your frivolous crusade two years ago. You can't wield influence without stepping on some people's toes. Cerberus has always understood this."

Shepard managed to suppress his anger, but only barely so. "We have common interests. For the moment being."

"That attitude is what keeps the galaxy moving, not ethics or doctrines," Hock claimed. "Let me show the real galaxy - all its makers and shakers."

"Gladly," Shepard responded.

Hock was about to turn around, but then stopped. "There might be some problems with your partner, Mr Shepard. I hope you understand: What you do in your free time is none of my concern. But whom you bring to my party _is_ my concern."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shepard asked.

"Don't play dumb," Hock told him. "Her presence would be offensive to some. I won't accept her at my party, so she stays outside. Simple as that."

"Now wait a second!" Shepard exclaimed.

He stopped when he heard Kasumi talking to him via radio: "Remember Shep, we need to get inside."

"Do you have a problem with that?" Hock asked.

Shepard scoffed. "Ah, the 'great makers and shakers', all slaves to social conventions and prejudices. All right, your house, your rules."

"Careful, Mr Shepard," Hock warned him. "I might decide I don't like you at my party, either."

"But I'm sure you do like to continue your business with Cerberus," Shepard retorted.

Now it was Hock who scoffed. "Feel free to enter the house after you've seen the quarian off." With that he turned and went up the stairs.

When he was gone, Shepard spoke to Tali and Kasumi: "Shit. We should've seen that coming. A gathering of scumbags, as you've said, Kasumi. So what now?"

Even though he knew Kasumi was there, it still felt odd speaking to what appeared to be an empty space.

"You can still enter," Kasumi answered, "and I can still follow you. I'm sorry, Tali, but it seems you'll need to return to the ship."

"No, I don't think so," Tali refused.

"Look, Tali, I..." Shepard tried to convince her.

"I'll just stay here," Tali interrupted him. "If you get a trouble, you might need help. And if people want to shush me away, I'll tell them I'm just waiting for you. I'll simply be the crazy, disappointed girlfriend."

Shepard first looked stunned, then grinned. The idea might just work, and it was very typical of Tali to what lengths she would go in order to help.

"No, you're just great," he told her with a broad grin. She did not seem to share his enthusiasm, though. "It won't be long. Just wait for the explosions and gunfire."

"Don't jinx it, Shep," Kasumi warned.

The two humans walked up the stairs and entered the house. Just as Shepard had expected, it was large and pompous. Faux columns stood at the sides of the entrance corridor, and water was rushing down the walls behind. Many metal elements had been incorporated into the interior design, and they all had been polished so much that they shined. The entire building was well lit by the rays of Bekenstein's evening sun, which fell through large glass fronts.

Shepard noticed uncomfortably how he was watched by several people. Conversations simply stopped when he came nearby, and were replaced by excited whispering. He could understand Kasumi's plan to use his fame to get them into this party, but that status seemed to do nothing good for doing certain things covertly.

Behind the entrance area, two large staircases went upwards, but they were off limits for party goers. The most striking feature in the house were the paintings. Every wall in the building seemed to be decorated with them. Shepard was no arts expert, but he heard Kasumi whistle in amazement on the radio when seeing some of them.

He took a glass of champagne from one of the waiters walking around with tablets in the mansion. Everybody had one; it seemed to be almost expected.

"Ah, my predecessor!" a voice boomed.

Shepard turned around to see a man approaching him. "And who are you?"

"Vido Santiago," the man introduced himself. "Co-Executive Officer of the Blue Suns, and the new Saviour of Terra Nova."

"Right, I heard," Shepard remembered. "You have my gratitude for saving the planet from the coupists."

"All in a day's work for the Blue Suns," Santiago boasted. "I mean, defeating some batarians on an asteroid is nice and all, but we took out an entire armada."

_By landing on their flagship as allies, turning coat, and then capturing their admiral and command centre. Clever, but he makes it sound as if he had defeated every coupist ship single-handedly. _But Shepard did not feel like arguing. The important point was that victory had been very crucial in the Non-Compliance Crisis, from what he had heard. _Let Santiago boast about it, doesn't matter. _

"Quite a feat," Shepard hence admitted. "I'm sure it also was good advertisement for the Suns."

"Oh, that it was, no doubt," Santiago confirmed. "It showed that the Blue Suns are the best mercenary unit in the galaxy."

_Yeah, right. Whatever._

"But even though I've bested you, I hope you hold no ill will against me," Santiago continued. "I certainly hold none against you; it was you who created that opportunity for us. Most of the people here are rather critical of your activities two years back. The last thing they want is the state to clean up its act; that's bad for business. But I see opportunities in everything."

"Glad to have been of service," Shepard managed to press out. _Damn, what a douche._

"If you want, I'd be glad to introduce you to the various guests here," Santiago offered. "I'm sure you can have some fun here." He grinned. "There are certain ladies here who'd just love to have some fun with a renowned hero. I mean, surely the novelty factor of that quarian must be wearing off by now."

Shepard gripped his champagne glass hard. He managed to stop before it could break. _My new strength is rather inconvenient in this. _He would have much rather liked to throw its content into Santiago's face, or maybe simply punch said face, but it would not do to draw too much attention to himself.

Instead he answered: "You go and have fun. I'm just here to show presence for Cerberus. Nothing more."

"People here already think you to be a humourless, self-righteous, obsessive moral crusader," Santiago told him. "If you want to support their prejudices, suit yourself."

He turned to go, but Shepard still answered: "Mr Santiago, I haven't the slightest interest what any of the people here think about me. Your ilk is not worth considering."

Santiago scoffed and walked away.

Kasumi spoke to Shepard via radio: "That man is more in need of an accident than C-Sec is in need of a sense of humour."

Shepard leaned back against a wall, emptied his glass in one go and grinned. "An _accident?_" he whispered back._ "_You think you could arrange one?"

"Probably," Kasumi answered. "But that isn't why we're here. We need to find the entrance to the vault."

"Not now," Shepard disagreed. "There are still too many eyes on me. Let them settle down first, get used to me. If I sneak around the house now, that would just raise attention."

Kasumi chuckled. "You're getting the hang of it, Shep. I'll make a thief out of you yet."

And thus Shepard remained at his position. The mansion seemed to consist of several half open 'rooms', all with some walls too few. The one he was in was modeled like an old country house, with a faux stone wall, a library containing real books and a fireplace. Few people were here, which meant he could stay here for a while to drop out of sight.

_Hah. So that means now I'm 'that guy' at parties, the one who just stands in the corner because he thinks that makes him look cool. _

He took another champagne glass from one of the waiters making their tours, and then yet another one. He did not even feel a slight buzz. While this was good now, it made him somewhat disappointed in general. _So Cerberus also made me more resistant to alcohol? Bastards. I wonder if I can get still drunk at all. Well, that's for another day to test. _

After an hour or so, he began moving again. As he had predicted, he now was not the secret centre of attention anymore. People did not look his way more than normal, and conversations continued even when he was nearby. He walked through the mansion at a leisurely pace and tried to look as disinterested and bored as possible. Finally he spotted a case of stairs leading downwards.

"That looks good," Kasumi commented.

He walked towards it, when he overheard two people talking. The topic caught his interest.

"What's your read on that 'Archangel' guy?" a woman asked another party guest.

Shepard stopped. _Archangel? The guy with the group Sidonis belonged to?_

The other party guest, a man, answered: "He's making it too expensive to do business on Omega, that's all I need to know. Though I hear some mercs are coming together to take care of him."

"Haven't they tried this before?" the woman asked. "And I mean, _all the time_ already?"

"Yes, but now he might just have driven them to finally work _together_," the man explained. "And no matter his legendary status, he has no chance against all major merc syndicates of Omega united."

Shepard made a grimace and continued his walk. _Figures. As soon as there's somebody doing good, those on top will band together to defeat him. _He was still unsure which scientist he should try to recruit first, Okeer on Korlus or Mordin Solus on Omega. Maybe if he went to Omega, he could check up on that 'Archangel'. It would potentially allow him to see if he could help without making a detour.

He walked down the stairs like a man fully authorized to do so. That usually worked, as he remembered from his days with the Reds. The area he entered was far more functional than the rest of the mansion. There were several cables on the wall, but no form of decoration. To his right side, there was a door.

Kasumi decloaked, hacked into its electronic lock and opened it. Behind it was a small room. Some boxes stood there, as well as some items without packing. _The gifts to Hock. _In one corner of the room was also the golden statue of Saren. But the most prominent feature was the massively secured door on the opposite side of the entrance.

"Very nice," Kasumi commented. "There's more here than I expected. Password protected voicelock, kinetic barrier, DNA scanner... looks like an EX-700 series. Everything a vault needs to be impenetrable."

"Impenetrable?" Shepard asked.

"To most people," Kasumi specified. "Not to me. Let's see: We'll need to find a voice sample for the voice lock. You'll have to chat up Hock for that. He talked enough at the front door, but I didn't think to record it. Careless of me, but it doesn't matter. And of course, we'll need the password." She paused. "DNA locks are child play. There should be plenty of Hock's genetic material in his private quarters. And the kinetic grid? Cut the power. Never fails. If we can find it." Her voice became a bit unsteady with emotion when she added: "Keiji could get through a system like this in his sleep. And I'm better."

"I doubt we can enter Hock's private quarter without causing an incident," Shepard cautioned. "And usually, passwords are kept very secret. But I suppose now that we're here, so we can at least try. Let's go."

Shortly after they left vault entrance again, Kasumi remarked: "Ah, that's one problem solved at least. It looks like the barrier's power cable runs under the floor here. I'm copying a program to your omni-tool that will scan for electromagnetic fields. With that, you should be able to follow the cables to their source." Having said that, she turned invisible again.

The program seemed to work. It illuminated the area where the fields where strongest very subtly - presumably the course of the cable. Shepard began to again wander through the house. Outwardly he appeared to have no clear goal in mind, but in truth he broadly followed the cable.

There were downsides to appearing all too bored, though. Hock seemed to notice, and like a good host spotting an unsatisfied guest, approached the Captain.

"Vido told me about his conversation with you, Mr Shepard," Hock started the conversation. "You don't really seem to enjoy yourself here."

"Now's the chance," Kasumi whispered via radio. "Get him talking!"

"I'm just here as Cerberus' representative," Shepard lied to Hock. "Just showing presence, that's all. Is there something you want?."

"Still uncomfortable with the people gathered here?" Hock asked. "You now work with people who have killed an entire colony." _Bastard. Rub it in, will you? _"Few people here have done worse than that."

"I didn't say I _enjoy_ working with Cerberus," Shepard argued. "I have to cooperate with them now, but in general I'd like to keep my distance from your ilk."

Nobody would believe if Jonathan Shepard were suddenly very friendly with arms smugglers, mercenaries and Cerberus. Trying to pretend that would never have worked. Besides, it gave Shepard a convenient excuse for why he did not engage any party guest in talk and just appeared to stand or walk around bored.

"And where do you think the galaxy would be without 'our ilk'?" Hock retorted. "I thought you had realized the truth, but you're just like the rest of the galaxy: You refuse to see the galaxy for what it truly is. Your kind of people have lofty notions of 'love' and 'peace', and you whine every time somebody gets hurt. But if everybody were like that, who then would keep the barbarians at bay?" Hock began to speak louder, and other people turned towards him. "The galaxy is fragile, Mr Shepard. For it to keep turning, _somebody_ has to do all the terrible things that are our business. You can keep your gleeful delusions of 'peace' and 'justice'. It is our work which enables them. The rest of the people here know the truth: There will always be a market for the things we do."

People around him politely applauded.

"Nice little speech. Maybe one day you'll also get to hold a speech of historic significance in front of millions," Shepard retorted, turned and walked away.

"You just had to have the last word, didn't you?" Kasumi chided him.

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Shepard defended himself.

"I said get him talking, and you got him talking," Kasumi confirmed. "You must've hit a sore spot with him."

"And now I'm the middle of attention again," Shepard grumbled. "Tali will have to wait quite a long time it seems."

Ignoring the renewed attention of the party goers, Shepard followed the electromagnetic signals of the power cable. It finally led him back to the library 'room' where he had already stood for an hour or so.

"Great," he muttered. "Why did I even leave this spot?"

"The cable ends here, but I don't see a power source," Kasumi analysed the situation. "It must be hidden. A hidden button or lever somewhere..."

"You mean like in the old spy classics?" Shepard asked. "Move a book and you enter a secret passage?"

"I'm surprised you know those films," Kasumi commented impressed. "Yeah, something like that. Hm. Admire that statuette for a bit, and see if you can move it."

Shepard did as he was told... and found out that the statuette indeed was a lever. The fireplace faded - _no, wait, it never was a fireplace, just a hologram! _- and opened the view to a small power generator.

"How did you..." Shepard began to formulate a sentence, amazed.

"Experience," Kasumi answered matter-of-factly. She deactivated her cloak and typed something on her omni-tool. An electric flash appeared and she turned invisible again. "That should take care of it. Now, onto the next problem... password. We need the password."

"I don't think you'll find it anywhere at the party", Shepard stated

"Probably not," Kasumi admitted. "But think of how many people need to enter the vault, just for maintenance and so on. If just one of them got sloppy, we might have a chance. So maybe we can find something with, say, the cleaners."

"Too unreliable," Shepard judged. "Cleaning crews have a high personnel turnover. Giving them the password could be deemed too unsafe. No, how about security? I saw some of the Eclipse guys leaving and entering that one door near the entrance. If that's their ready room or command centre or whatever, maybe we can find something there."

"Good thinking," Kasumi lauded him. "I should be careful. You're quickly getting better at this than me. Let's go. That door should be child's play."

Indeed, the lock was no challenge at all for Kasumi. She did not even need to decloak to defeat it. Shepard could simply walk right in.

"Hey! This is a restricted area. How did you get in here?"

By the looks of it, this indeed was the command centre of the mansion's security: An office surrounded to all sides by monitors and electronic terminals. Behind those devices there were two Eclipse guards.

"Uh, ah, sorry, the door was open," Shepard lied. "Look, I mean no harm." He raised his hands and slowly walked towards the two guards. "I didn't know this area was restricted, the door wasn't locked."

"But it automatically... oh, never mind," one guard grumbled. "Must be yet another fault with the system. Just... go back to the party, will you?"

"Ah, okay... so, there won't be trouble?" Shepard asked. In truth, he was just playing for time, while he came ever closer to the two guards.

His conversation partner sighed. "I told you..."

"Now!" Shepard ordered.

Kasumi decloaked. She had come to stand right next to the security guard already. She was so close to him that when she shot, the guard's shields did not trigger. He was dead instantly. At the same time, Shepard used his biotic powers to raise the other guard high into the air. He floated there helplessly, unable to do anything, until a moment later, bullets riddled his body.

Kasumi immediately ran to the terminals to assess the situation. "No alert," she reported. "They didn't have the time. Good. Now, let me see if I can find a password in these systems."

Feeling a bit left out due to his lack of technical skills, Shepard began to pace around the room. He randomly picked up a datapad... and smiled when he read what it contained. It was a note from one guard to another.

"Will you have any trouble with the system?" Shepard asked Kasumi.

"No, it's fairly easy," Kasumi replied. "It might still take some time to find the password."

"See, technology doesn't solve everything," Shepard replied and grinned broadly. "I already have the password."

"Okay, now you're really beginning to scare me. I'll lock my things away as soon as I'm back on the ship," Kasumi joked.

"It's 'Peruggia'," Shepard told her. "With two g's, so not the city."

"Hah," Kasumi laughed. "No, it's the man who stole the Mona Lisa. Nice. Now I can manipulate Hock's voice sample to say the password. That should take care of one lock."

"You do make it sound so easy," Shepard commented. "I wonder why people spent money on security installations at all."

"So do I at times," Kasumi joked. "But I don't mind the challenges. And I've found something in the network. Technology does have its advantages."

She gestured towards one monitor, which showed a map of the mansion.

"Ah, very useful," Shepard commented.

"Here," Kasumi said and pointed, "are Hock's privates quarters. You see this cliff? We can enter them there. It would be just a short detour via the balcony. I've disabled the alert system for the windows."

"Yes, I see," Shepard agreed. "Let's get to it. And quickly, before people notice the corpses here."

Hock's balcony offered a fantastic view over the surrounding landscape. The various cliffs and rocks around were drenched by Bekenstein's evening sun, which still shone due to the planet's long day/night cycle. The mansion itself was built into a cliff face: Just beyond the balcony, the ground fell some dozen metres. In some distance, one could recognize the skyscrapers of Milgrom, Bekenstein's capital and one of the largest cities in the colonies.

Some people were out here, enjoying the view and the evening breeze. Shepard had to wait a long time until he was sure nobody was looking. Then he hopped over the balcony railing onto a rock spur behind. He looked back, to make sure that nobody had seen him, and then walked forward.

Following the map Kasumi had found, he climbed onto a window ledger. He breathed in, smashed the glass, and pessimistically waited for the alerts to start... but nothing happened. Kasumi's shutdown of them seemed to have worked. He breathed out and entered the building again.

They entered a combined bed and living room. It was positively gigantic in size. Shepard could imagine very well how Hock would use the room to impress women. At least, he saw few other uses for such a huge room with a pretentious interior design.

Despite the room's size and the hence countless of possibilities to find genetic material, it took quite some time of searching. The bed was kept meticulously clean, while other objects had either not enough DNA, or were contaminated with dust or foreign DNA. What they did find was a datapad, containing a progress report on decrypting Keiji's greybox. Apparently, Hock had not yet made great progress.

"That fool," Kasumi judged. "Does he really think Keiji's encryption would be that simple? Brutish simpleton."

"I take it it isn't a word that's the password?" Shepard asked.

"It's my memories," Kasumi confirmed. "I told you I can access Keiji's greyboy using mine. But what's more, you _need_ my greybox to access his."

It took several more minutes until Kasumi found what they had come for, in the form of a recently used, empty wine glass.

"Not a great saliva sample," she judged, "but it will do. Let's get out of here."

Shepard returned to the balcony, and climbed over its railing again. As nonchalantly as possible he went into the house again. Nothing indicated he had just broken into his host's own quarters. Still, he was nervous. Surely the two corpses in the security command central would be found any minute now. He and Kasumi had to hurry up. On the other hand, too much haste would draw attention.

He got a feeling this mission would not end as cleanly as Kasumi had imagined it. It felt too much like the heists the Reds had pulled off way back. Those had nearly always ended in violence, though admittedly the Reds had never tried for subtlety the way Kasumi now did. At least for now nobody stopped him, nobody tried to talk him up and nobody paid much attention as he went down the stairs to the vault entrance again.

"The barrier's down," Kasumi commented as they saw the heavily secured door again. She decloaked. "Let's see if we can also bypass the other systems."

She laid a gloved hand on the DNA scanner. Apparently she had prepared it with Hock's DNA before, as the scanner's light turned green. She then had her omni-tool display a sound file: Hock's voice saying 'Peruggia'. The password lock also lighted up green.

The door opened.

**000000**

**[1]**That entire history is made up, of course. But it really is the only way to explain the Bekenstein colony. So a habitable planet sat around the entire time, for literally centuries, right at the heart of the galaxy, in the same cluster as the Citadel, and nobody claimed it until the humans showed up? I think not. It also stands to reason that with such proximity to the the Citadel, the centre of the mass relay network, also other races, from previous cycles, probably had settled there. Oh, and on another note about the colony: Since I rate ME 1 highest on the canon ladder, that means Terra Nova has to have the largest population of any Alliance colony at 4m people. Meaning, Bekenstein can't have 5.4m people. Say, something around 3.5m instead. Not that it's important, really, just for reference ;)

**[2]**I mean, yeah, Infiltrator Shepard can cloak as well, but I don't like the implications: If turning invisible was so easy, every army and merc unit would use that en masse... So here, Kasumi's cloak is unique.


End file.
